Our relationship didn’t feel like enough
Larry and I celebrated our two- year anniversary this week. I remember so clearly when he proposed to me 3 years ago at Christmas. He got on his knees (in front of my girlfriends) and said, “You are my queen and I am your king; would you like to make it legal?” Of course, I said, “YES” and the rest is history.
We celebrated by going to one of our favorite restaurants for lunch and driving up country to see the beautiful Jacaranda trees blooming. It was a delightful day of just being together and enjoying one another’s company. Larry surprised me with 18 red roses and a beautiful anniversary card and gift. He has certainly made up for all the years of being forgotten on my birthday and anniversaries. I am grateful and blessed and the wait was worth it.
I am noticing that whenever I know the truth of who I am as a magnificent, beautiful, loving, light being, my ego acts up (and sometimes viciously) because it doesn’t want me to know the truth of who I am. It wants me to believe that I am separate from Source and alone. The Course in Miracles states “Rise above the battleground and learn to laugh at the ego thought system because it is not real and it is an illusion.” Truly the battle is in the mind.
This week Spirit revealed to me how the “not good enough” belief still infiltrates my thoughts sometimes and brings me into fear. I believe it is a universal core belief that needs to come to the light to be released and healed because it is not TRUE. It is insidious and shows up where I’m vulnerable and when I’m least expecting it. I was surprised when it “showed up” in my relationship with my husband, especially after feeling so loved for our anniversary. Here is what happened:
Larry and I had a busy day and didn’t spend much time sharing with one another, as we usually do. I woke up the next morning with a “fearful” uneasy feeling in my gut. I didn’t know what it was until I sat and meditated, prayed and journaled.
I felt fear that our relationship “wasn’t good enough” because we hadn’t spent much time together the day before. As I sat with it, I realized how absurd and crazy the “story” I was making up was. Was this a way of sabotaging myself and making me lose my peace?
Spirit guided me to write down the truth and what I love about our relationship and I humbly share it with you.
*Free of drama and stress
*Attitude of gratitude
*Spacious, as we give each other freedom to be and do what we want
*Flexibility and spontaneity
*Playful, fun and lots of laughter
*Open and honest communication
*Peaceful, pleasurable and loving
To sum it up; I feel heard, seen, trusted, protected, supported, cared for, nurtured, accepted, understood, respected and loved.
AND THAT IS MORE THAN ENOUGH
This “story” about our relationship not being enough is kind of embarrassing to share with you because it is so crazy and false. I share it with you to help you recognize where your ego may be robbing you of your peace by telling you that you are not enough, you don’t have enough or you don’t do enough. It’s a LIE!
Thank you Spirit for showing me the truth that I am enough right where I am. Everything is unfolding in the right and perfect way. I can relax, laugh at the ego and live in the moment. God has my back and the story is unfolding the way it is supposed to, and for this I am grateful. The truth shall set us free.
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