Rushing was my addiction
My son, Brian, called and said, “Mom, you are living the dream and I’m so happy for you.” I smiled and said, “Yes I am and I’m living my purpose.” As I reflected on his words, I thought about where I’ve come from, where I’m at today and how I got here.
It is through contrast that I was able to see what my life was like for so many years. Contrast helps me appreciate my growth, transformation and how my consciousness has evolved. Here is what happened:
For many years, my daily intention was to be peaceful. The opposite of peace is stress, fear, worrying and obsessing. I woke up one morning this week and I noticed some anxiety and that my mind was racing with all that I needed and wanted to do.
It felt like the old energy of “rushing” was activated and rearing its head. I recognized this energy immediately that ran my life for so many years and it didn’t feel good. Underneath the rushing was fear – I won’t get it all done, I’ll miss out on something, and what if I don’t do it right? Can you relate?
Rushing was my addiction and I constantly rushed around with everything. If I rushed and stayed busy, I didn’t have to go within and feel my feelings. I didn’t have to feel the self-hatred, low self-esteem, fear, doubt, sadness or anger.
I felt energized when I rushed and there was the illusion of control. I felt powerful when I multi-tasked. I always pushed myself to do more and be more. Whatever I did was not enough and I compared myself to others and either felt better than or less than.
Rushing is abusive and a death wish. It’s a death wish because when I rush all the time, I disconnect from myself and the divine energy of God within. When I’m always rushing, I’m not respecting myself or the God within.
In the book, Seven Whispers, the author writes “Coping with speed has become the heroic journey that consumes the lifetime of the common man and woman. It is our greatest killer. Rushing puts you into an adrenaline overload and drenches the body in epinephrine – a hormone stimulated by stress, anger or fear.”
I’m grateful that I pay attention to what’s going on inside and that I have the tools to release the old energy of “rushing” that no longer serves me and has never served me.
Today my life is about BEING. It’s about being in the present moment. It’s about asking Spirit for what I need, listening, allowing, accepting, resting, surrendering and trusting. It’s knowing my good is constantly coming to me so I can relax and enjoy.
I am living the dream because I “showed up’ and was willing to do the deep inner work of identifying old beliefs of not feeling deserving, good enough, unworthy and releasing them. There were many layers of trauma and pain that had to be healed for me to be living the dream.
- Forgiveness was a big part of my journey.
- I forgave myself and those who sexually abused me.
- I learned to love myself and give myself what I needed.
- I learned to trust myself, God and my intuition.
- I learned to follow the “divine breadcrumbs” and God’s divine plan.
- I learned to step out in faith when I was afraid and follow my heart.
- I learned to listen to the voice of my heart rather than the egoic voice.
Most of all, I’m remembering the truth of who I am. I am Love. I came from Love and will return to Love when I leave this form. I am ONE with God and we are all connected.
Yes, Brian, I am Living the Dream and my heart is full of gratitude.
“May the God of the present moment be with me slowing me down, revealing to me the sacred gift hidden in each moment of my day. May I develop a reflective heart, able to be present to life, a heart that can take time to move beyond the visible to touch the precious mystery of life and living.”
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