Is there someone in your life who “pushes” your buttons? Is there someone who challenges your peace of mind when you are in their company? Is it easier to see their faults and shortcomings (rather than your own) and consequently you blame and condemn them? There may not be anyone in your life at this moment, (yea) but I am sure there has been a time when you had someone like this in your life.
I recently read in a Science of Mind magazine (pg.50) entitled Our Greatest Teachers. Here is what it said, “This person is here to teach me a great lesson. They are reflecting back to me some place within myself that is still unhealed. They are calling me into a place of deeper love and honoring myself in spite of my flaws. I give thanks for every person who challenges me. I send blessings and ask for the gifts they bring to be revealed with ease and grace. Our true spirituality is tested when people come into our life that push our buttons.”
It is my belief that I attract every person and everything into my life for my highest good. I must be willing to ask myself some important questions, “What did I do to create this opportunity to grow? Am I willing to see the gift that is being offered to me, especially when it doesn’t feel good? What needs to be healed in me? Am I willing to take responsibility for my life and stop looking outside and blaming others for my unhappiness?” Is there some action I need to take (or not take) to take care of myself? Is there something I need to do to heal the relationship i.e. forgive, pray for them or let go of resentment?
I would like to share the lesson and opportunity that I attracted into my life this week. As many of you know through reading my blogs, it is my passion to dance. I love to dance and have been dancing since I was in 7th grade. My mother and father were great dancers and I often danced with my father whenever I could. So, I know I am a good dancer and have been told I am a great follower.
This Saturday, I attended the weekly ballroom dance that I have been attending since I moved to Maui. There are group dance lessons each week to help us learn new steps and improve our dancing. The teacher is a great dancer and dedicated to teaching us to dance. He often asks the women to dance when the lesson is over and during the dance.
He asked me to dance on Saturday night and I was delighted – until I made my first mistake! When we began the dance, I stepped backward with my foot instead of forward. I thought I recovered quickly and began following him. He asked me, “Are you just learning this dance? I answered, “No, I have been doing it for a while. He then said, “If you were to dance with a man and do this, he wouldn’t ask you to dance again.” I was shocked and didn’t say anything because sometimes it takes me a while to process things. At the end of the dance he said, “You’re really not a bad dancer.”
I walked away and could feel the angry rising up inside of me. I thought to myself, “How dare you speak to me that way. Don’t you know that I won a dance contest when I was in 7th grade, was one of the dance teachers for swing dance lessons at the VA hospital and was voted best dancer in high school?” Clearly, my pride was hurt. I wanted to call him and tell him where to go and thought to myself, “Somebody has to tell him the truth about how he speaks to women because others have shared with me how he has spoken to them too.” He means well but his delivery sometimes isn’t the best. I wanted to call him to express my feelings, but I knew it wasn’t time to call because I needed to process it and deal with my anger first.
I asked myself, “Why did I attract this person into my life? What is the gift? Is it my pride that needs to be healed and transformed? Is he reflecting back to me some place within myself that is still unhealed? Am I being called into a place of deeper love of honoring myself in spite of my pride and flaws? Was this an invitation to believe in myself (that I am a good dancer) and not feel insecure despite what the “dance teacher” said? For much of my life, I looked outside for validation and approval and didn’t know that the approval I needed was inside of me all the time.
After I worked through my anger, I prayed and asked for guidance and discernment about what I needed to do next for myself. Holding onto resentment was not an option because that would only hurt me and block my spiritual progress. I knew I was not a victim and had choices. I could speak up, I could detach and not take things personally, or I could simply not attend the dances and be in his presence.
I am reading a best-selling book called “Zero Limits” (The Secret Hawaiian System for Wealth, Health, Peace & more) by Joe Vitale. I have been practicing the principles in the book on a daily basis. In his book, he explains the ancient Hawaiian Ho’oponopono system. He writes, “Ho’oponopono is a profound gift that allows one to develop a working relationship with the Divinity within and learn to ask in each moment, our errors in thought, word, deed or act be cleansed. The process is essentially about freedom, complete freedom from the past.” It is a story about Dr. Hew Len, a psychiatrist who helped heal an entire ward of mentally ill criminals – without ever seeing any of them face to face. He used an unusual healing method from Hawaii. When he read the chart of each patient, he simply said, “I love you,”” I’m sorry,” “Please forgive me,” and “Thank you.”
Whenever the dance teacher came into my mind, instead of replaying what happened and feeling angry, I began to send him love and repeat, “I love you, I’m sorry, Please forgive me and Thank you.”
Prior to this incident, I had signed up for dance lessons at the teacher’s studio in his home. I prayed about what I wanted to do and decided that I would attend the classes and see how I felt. Last night was the first class and I felt nervous at first, but then relaxed into the moment and kept sending love and dancing.
During the dance lesson, the light bulb went off and Spirit showed me the truth about myself. I felt embarrassed at first because of my prideful-better than attitude. I didn’t think I needed to take lessons because I was such a good follower and dancer. YUCK. The truth is that I need to take dance lessons if I want to be a better dancer – just like everyone else.
I am truly grateful to Spirit for the truth – for the truth shall set me free. I celebrate myself today that I didn’t walk away and take it personally, that I chose to love, and that I trusted that there was a gift and lesson to learn. What an opportunity to love myself (and the dance teacher) instead of beating up on myself for making a mistake, and for my shortcomings, as I did for so many years. And I get to be a better dancer- how cool is that?
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