I recently watched an interview with Oprah where Dr. Brene Brown asked her this question. “Where are you the most vulnerable in your life?” She was honest and said, “It’s my weight.” I can understand her feeling vulnerable because she cannot hide her years of struggle with gaining and losing weight.
This made me think about where I am the most vulnerable in my life. How honest was I willing to be with you about my vulnerabilities and struggles, especially what is hidden and can’t be seen? Did I even want to be vulnerable? Would it help me to be honest for my own healing and let it all hang out? Would it help you to know you are not alone? Was Spirit calling me to be vulnerable with you?
Dr. Brene Brown writes, “Being vulnerable means letting your guard down, and it means risk. By completely exposing yourself and expressing your thoughts and feelings, you risk being hurt, you risk being rejected, and being seen. Vulnerability is about “showing up and being seen.” When we’re fueled by the fear of what other people think or that gremlin that’s constantly whispering “You’re not good enough” in your ear, it’s tough to show up. People who feel shame are more likely to avoid vulnerability out of the fear of not being understood, or disliked, and therefore distance themselves from other people. If you are constantly hiding these aspects of yourself, you may never truly connect with another person.”
I am “showing up” to share my struggle and compulsive habit of comparing myself to others, especially when others appear to be getting more attention than I am. When I compare myself to others, I either feel “better than” or” less than.” Even though I know it is my ego-wounded self who has the false belief that my worth is about my looks and performance that is acting out and wanting attention and it’s not real, the struggle to compare and compete continued, no matter what I did.
“Comparison is an act of violence against the self.” Iyanla Vanzant
To be honest, I hated this part of myself that compared myself to others when I thought I wasn’t getting enough attention. It felt terrible inside and I didn’t feel good about myself. I have been struggling with this for as long as I can remember – having to be the best and it’s futile and exhausting. I knew it came from my family of origin, but It didn’t matter where, why or how it came from, what mattered is that I wanted to be healed of this need to compare. I trusted that this was coming into the light to be healed and transformed.
I want to be free and not look outside for validation and approval anymore. I realized that what I needed the most was my OWN ATTENTION and love. It is my belief that what other people do, say or think of me is none of my business. What matters is that I know who I am as a child of God and I know my intrinsic value. The truth is: I am love, I am trusting, I am sincere, I am surrendered, I am compassionate, I am faithful, I am courageous, I am kind, I am patient, I am trustworthy, I am generous, I am truthful, I am forgiving. I am compassionate. I am creative, I am open, I am intuitive, I am caring, I am spunky and fun.
I have been on the spiritual path for over 40 years and have experienced deep healing and transformation. I have learned to love and appreciate myself and yet I still struggled with comparing myself to others, whether it be my appearance, what I do in the world, my gifts, how much money I have, etc. There have been times when I didn’t even know I was comparing myself because it is so insidious. I just knew that I didn’t feel good inside or felt good enough. The truth is that when I compare myself, I am not accepting “what is” in my life because I am wanting something different.
“Acceptance is the answer to all of my problems. When I cannot accept every person, place and thing exactly as it is, I will not have peace. “AA big book
Here is the message I received from Holy Spirit:
“Be still and know that I am God. God is all there is. Love is all there is. NOTHING ELSE MATTERS. This truth is setting you free to live the life you want to live-free of comparing yourself and judging yourself for your behaviors. It is your own approval you are seeking and craving. You have the power to give it to yourself as much as you want every day. Everything is in perfect and right order, even if it doesn’t look like that. Remember, you are navigating your life and REMEMBERING WHO YOU ARE. There is no shame in bringing this into the light what has been hidden to be healed and transformed. Keep bringing it to the light and I will show you how ego robs your soul of your peace. You have everything you need inside of you.”
Today and every day, I give myself what I need. I strive to no longer look outside for approval and validation. I am being transformed NOW by the light of God, which is Love, as I remember that I am ONE WITH GOD.
Where are you vulnerable and need healing and transformation? “Show up” and be vulnerable and trust the light of God is freeing you to become the person you are meant to be.
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