The word CHANGE keeps coming into my consciousness lately. Are you able to go with the flow when something changes in your life or do you resist and feel frustrated and angry when things don’t go your way? Of course, it depends on what the change is and whether it is something that you initiated and wanted.
Every day we experience some kind of change or loss; our bodies change, our emotions change, relationships change and our perspectives can change. We may experience an unexpected death of a loved one, a health crisis, divorce, a loss of job or home.
I believe change is good, although sometimes painful and hard. Do I always like change? NO. Do I sometimes complain and resist change? YES. When I resist change, I may feel angry and frustrated and try to control the outcome. It is because I’m attached to what I want and think I know what’s best for my life. That never works and I dig a hole for myself and cause more suffering. A Buddist principle states that pain is inevitable, suffering is optional. We cause suffering when we don’t allow ourselves to feel our feelings and our pain.
When I ACCEPT change, I feel peaceful, relaxed and free. It is like I am saying to the Universe, “I trust that whatever is happening is for my highest good, thank you God.” When I’m open to change, I am saying YES to life and all the opportunities and experiences available to me, even though I may not see them. Acceptance is the answer to all of my problems. When I cannot accept every person, place or thing as exactly as it is, I will not have peace.
Sometimes it takes time to accept changes in my life and I must allow myself, however long it takes, to feel and process my feelings. I must be patient, compassionate and loving toward myself. For many years, I pushed my feelings down, especially anger. I wasn’t encouraged or taught to feel and value my feelings. Shutting our emotions down makes us emotionally, spiritually and physically sick. Today I know that feelings are a gift from God and to feel is to heal.
I’ve experienced changes this past year in a relationship with a soul sister that has been painful and difficult. I thought we were forever heart-friends. She didn’t want to be friends anymore because I had changed to much. I understand that there are seasons and not every relationship is forever because our needs and desires change.
I allowed myself to process all of my feelings; sadness, grief, hurt, disappointment and anger with the loss of my friend. I chose to take responsibility for my part in the relationship and not blame her or hold a resentment. It took courage and trust to believe it wasn’t good or bad. I didn’t take it personally or blame myself for what happened.
With the grace of God, and my willingness to forgive, I was able to move beyond the pain and hurt and send her love. I am choosing to love her unconditionally. I pray for her daily and continue to hold her close in my heart. The value of suffering is to WAKE US UP so we can choose LOVE. I am choosing LOVE because Love is all there is.
How about you? What are you choosing today? Are you in resistance to some change in your life or are you able to accept “what is” and trust the Divine has a plan for your life? Choose LOVE. It is your birthright.
As my birthday approached this week, I promised myself that I would not let anything or anyone rob me of my joy and peace, like I have done in the past in regards to my birthday. Being forgotten on my birthday by a family member year after year left a lasting memory. I reminded myself that was the past and this was the present.
I wanted to celebrate my birth and have a great birthday, and I did. My mantra was “I am open to receive (without judgment) whatever and whoever wants to give to me on my birthday.”
It was overwhelming and humbling when I received so many happy birthday wishes from Facebook friends, especially friends that I graduated high school with 50 years ago. My beloved, Larry, who calls me his QUEEN made me feel very special. We had a glorious day celebrating my birthday with dinner and a show. He bought me a beautiful topaz ring that I love and sent me 2 cards with poems that he wrote for me. How much better does it get than this? It is true, good things come to those who wait.
My friends and family called to wish me a happy birthday and sent cards and gifts and I truly felt loved. My women’s’ WOW group (Women of Wisdom) had a birthday cake for me and my friend, Kati, took me out to lunch and brought me lovely gifts and 2 roses.
What I have learned is that I can ask for what I want, but that doesn’t mean the other party will deliver, especially family members. I know that if I ask, there is at least a chance that I will be heard and get what I want as I have shared in past blogs.
When I am not heard and don’t get what I want, I have several choices: I can speak up & share my disappointment, I can shut up & detach, I can be grateful for “what is”, I can let go & accept, I can focus on what I do have, I can hold a resentment and feel like a victim, or I can live in my joy no matter what anyone does or doesn’t do. You see, I am not responsible for the actions of others- what they do or don’t do, what they say or don’t say. I am only responsible for my own actions and reactions and that is plenty enough to take care of.
In the past, when I didn’t know any better, I tried to guilt family members to do what I wanted them to do. They may have done what I wanted them to do once to get me off their back, but it was only temporary. People will do what they want to do and that is really what I want, because it will come from their heart. Today I know that if someone does something or gives me something, it is because they want to and not because they should or out of guilt.
I have learned to do what I want to do because it feels good and it is the loving thing to do. I don’t do what I don’t want to do (if it is not hurting another). I resist if I sense that someone is trying to guilt me into doing something that I don’t want to do. That once worked, but it doesn’t anymore.
I have had a history of taking things personally and thinking it was all about me when a loved one didn’t do what I wanted them to do. I know today that it usually has nothing to do with me. What a relief and blessing it is to know this for myself and for the people who love me and I love. I caused myself undue stress and pain for many years because I thought I wasn’t loved or deserving because someone didn’t do what I asked and wanted them to do. I needed to change my thinking and realize not everyone has the same love language as me.
Of course, it is wonderful to be loved and to love another person. That is what makes the world go around and I am very grateful for the love in my life. I have learned that when I look to another to fill up my tank because it is empty, I give my power away and feel like a victim when I don’t get what I want.
Nobody can give to me what I can give to myself. The love that I want and deserve is my own love and God’s love. When I don’t get what I want from another, I don’t have to wait around because I can give it to myself. For example, I buy myself flowers, cards or something special just for me. I take myself out for dinner or lunch when I want to.
The spiritual journey is about knowing what is mine and what is not mine. It is about knowing what I can and cannot control. I cannot control what another person does or doesn’t do no matter how hard I try. Trying to control another person is futile and disrespectful and it just doesn’t work.
The good news is that I know what I can control and change and that is me: my actions, my thoughts, my reactions and my attitudes. Today, I take responsibility for all of my choices, actions and trust the process of life, knowing that I attract everything and every situation into my life for my highest good.
My daughter Mary called and invited me to her two night Herbal class at her shop “Farmacy Herbs.” Mom, “I think you will want to attend because the women who are coming are spiritual.” “Hmm, spiritual women – that’s my kind of women,” I thought. I had been wanting to attend one of Mary’s classes for a long time & agreed to attend. Mary invited me to share my story and book after the workshop. A woman named Diane bought two of my books. “I am going to give one of the books to my 84 year old woman,” she said.
The next night Diane brought her mother to the workshop. Jeanne (Diane’s mom) came up to me immediately and said “I have to tell you what happened to me last night. I was at my rosary group and I had a vision of angels all around me. It was very powerful. When the meeting was over, my daughter gave me your book. I was so excited because of the angel on the cover –it was a confirmation of my experience. I also read 12 pages of your book and I have already learned something. Your 1st chapter on yard sales made me realize that I don’t ask God for what I want and I don’t expect an answer.” I thanked her and asked her to please let me know when she finished the book.
Jeanne called a week later and said, “Pat, your book is amazing – how you receive from God! You have so much courage and so much trust to follow God and your dreams. When I went into prayer this morning, God said, “Everyone who reads Pat’s book will receive love.” Your heart is pure and full of love. You are very close to God and God has blessed you with many gifts.
Last night at the rosary group, I shared your book with the women. I just opened to a page and read from it. The rest of the night all we talked about was God’s love. This is new for me to trust my inner voice and step out. Since reading your book, I am learning to trust myself and what God is saying to me – and not worry about what others think of me or if I look stupid. I made a resolution to listen to my inner voice and follow it.” Thank you Pat
The message – it’s never to late to change. Do you trust and listen to God’s voice, your intuition or are you afraid of what others will think of you? Trust yourself that you are a spark of the Divine and God in action.
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