God certainly knows how to get my attention, especially when I am not aligned with Spirit and fear is present. For example, when I woke up this morning, I felt fear in the pit of my stomach. It really surprised me because as I had shared in last week’s blog, our cruise was magnificent as I EXPANDED my heart to receive more of God’s love. My relationship with Larry had deepened and EXPANDED and our love for one another was stronger than ever. I asked myself, “Why would I be feeling fear now and where is it coming from?” I said a prayer and asked for help. I was determined to not let fear rob me of my joy like I did for so many years and the love that was being offered to me through Larry.
A couple of minutes later when I was about to check my emails, the thought popped into my head that I would love to receive a response from Karen about last week’s blog post “Walls come crashing down.” Karen lives on the East Coast and Karen has never responded to one of our blogs, nor have I had any communication with her in a few years. I had no idea why she popped into my head (other than Spirit answering my prayer and wanting me to pay attention).
I was shocked when I saw Karen’s name in my email box a couple of minutes later. I opened her email and it read “Pat this is beautiful and I am so happy to read about your journey of love. I especially love this part: “I heard the still, small voice of God say to me, “You just have to BE and let go of wanting to control the process and knowing what will happen next. You have surrendered your life to me so now you can sit back, relax and enjoy the ride. Smile because Love is all there is and you are safe.”
Since this was in my face, I clearly needed to be reminded of the message Spirit gave me last week. “You need to let go of wanting to control the process and what will happen next.” The fear that I experienced when I woke up was about wanting to be in control. One of the big hurdles in life is when we are stepping into the unknown and not knowing what’s next. We are invited to take a leap of faith and trust.
Author Kute Blackson writes, “The root of misery is control. Control is the master addiction, the hardest one to give up. Control is an illusion, as there is so much in life that we cannot control. When you try to control what you cannot, then suffering is your guaranteed result.”
EXPANSION is about being in the flow and surrendering. Control is about constriction and contraction. I wrote in the blog last week that I was sure that my EXPANSION would be fun and maybe scary. Last week was fun, now the scary part was here and I needed to embrace and love the fearful part of me too. I also knew that FEAR is False Evidence Appearing Real.
I was willing to do whatever I needed to do and use all the tools I had to move through this and not put up my walls again. I didn’t eat over it or stay busy over the fear, but instead allowed myself to go into the pain and feel it all. I breathed through it and allowed what needed to come to come up.
I spent the day in prayer and reflection uncovering and releasing beliefs that no longer served me. I recently read that 95% of our beliefs are in our subconscious and we are only conscious of 5% of our beliefs. Because of my history of sexual abuse starting at 10 years old with several abusers, I really needed to be still and listen to what my body needed next. As a young girl, I was robbed of my innocence and was now reclaiming it. Through the grace of God, I knew I was EXPANDING into the woman I was created to be and that I wanted to be.
It has been my experience that when we are close to a break-through or about to manifest something big in our lives, our fears will come up and sometimes with a vengeance. It means we are getting closer to what we really want. We cannot give up before the miracle and I wasn’t willing to give up before the miracle.
I asked Spirit what I needed to do and here is what I heard, “Keep doing what you are doing by acknowledging your fear, sharing it with Larry and letting it go. By sharing it with Larry you are bringing it to the light to be healed and transformed. You are being held and healed. Just like a mother holds her baby tenderly and lovingly and assures it that it is safe, you are doing that for your wounded child inside of you. Larry is my gift to you for your expansion and healing and you are a gift for his healing.”
Right before I was to send this out, I received this in my email box from Abraham:
“The hypocrisy around the subject of sexuality is huge. Early on, there were others who were a lot more interested in you satisfying what made them feel good than in satisfying what made you feel good. There were so many things that you felt inclined to go this way, that you were forced to go that way, that at an early age, you made a conscious decision that if it felt good, it was wrong. And if it felt wrong, it was probably right.”
Today, I am surrendering and letting go of my addiction to control. I am sitting back, relaxing and enjoying the ride. I am smiling because Love is all there is and I am safe.
“Be willing to follow wherever I lead. Follow me wholeheartedly, with glad anticipation quickening your pace. Though you don’t know what lies ahead, I know; and that is enough. Some of my richest blessings are just around the bend: out of sight, but nonetheless very real. To receive these gifts, you must walk by faith-not by sight.” Jesus Calling
How about you? Are you willing to surrender and walk by faith to receive the gifts that are waiting for you? Don’t let fear rob you and don’t give up before the miracle.
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