“I felt a cloud over my head as the tears flowed down my face”
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I woke up this morning and said to God, “It’s the end of the week and I don’t have anything to share in my blog. I heard God say, “Have I ever let you down?” I said, “No God, you haven’t.”
I invited Angela to my home for coffee that afternoon. I sat there with my mouth open as she shared her powerful stories of how God has provided for her over the years. Five years ago, she moved to Maui with her 2 daughters, who were one and fourteen years old. She didn’t know anyone or didn’t have a place to live when she arrived. But, God provided miraculously for her and her children as soon as she got off of the plane. When we started to talk she said, “I think everyone has a book in them and I have been thinking about writing my story.” After listening to her share her stories, I felt excited and knew what I needed to do. I looked her in the eyes and said, “I will help you write your book, I will be your coach.” She smiled and said, “Thank you, I would like that and I will pray about it tonight.”
I met Angela 2 weeks ago when she attended, “Fall in Love with Your Inner Goddess.” She called me the day before the retreat to see if there was still room for her to attend. She said,” I went to the gym today and saw your flyer. I have never done anything like this before.” We still had space for her and she agreed to come.
I know it took a lot of courage for Angela to attend the retreat because she didn’t know me or any of the other women at the retreat. She was quiet, but had a beautiful smile that lit up her whole face. She said she loved the retreat.
I received an email from Angela a few days after the retreat. She wrote, “Pat, I just wanted to share something really awesome. When I saw your books on the table at the retreat, I thought to myself, “This book looks familiar and I wonder if I have it at home?” So after our women’s retreat, I went to my book case and there it was. I am not exactly sure how I got it, however, I have it and I’m reading it. I just think that even before we met we were connecting.
During our time together at my home, Angela remembered where she got my book from. She said, “A week before the retreat, I went to the library and at the front of the library they have books for sale. Your book jumped out at me and I bought it. I don’t always read the books I buy right away, but know that when I do read them, it is what I need to read. I put your book on my book shelf.” She also shared she had a gym membership, but hadn’t used it until the day she saw the flyer. She said, “Something told me I needed to be there because I want to learn how to love myself.” She managed to find a babysitter for her daughter at the last minute. She prayed about it and is excited about me helping her move forward in telling her story of God’s love.
I shared in last week’s blog about the “house swap” to Hana next week. The day after I sent out my blog, I received a call from Carol telling me her landlord was upset about her having friends stay at her place and she was unable to “swap houses.” I felt disappointed, but trusted that God had a better plan and stayed grateful. I remember reading “Disappointments are God’s appointments.”
Kati and I decided to rent a place for two days in Hana. Then, Kati’s landlord asked her to watch their dogs while they were away and would take $200 off her rent. It was the days we were planning on going away. This clearly was a closed door to go to Hana for my birthday. That same day, two other things fell through that I was disappointed about. All of a sudden, it felt like a cloud over my head, my energy was low and I wanted to cry. I knew this was not just about what was going on in my life today. I couldn’t figure out why because I know things happen for a reason and it always works out for my good. As I was driving my car to a breath work session that night, the tears started to flow down my cheeks and it hit me why I felt so low and what this “disappointment” was triggering in me.
For many years of my married life, I didn’t look forward to my birthday because I was often forgotten by my ex-husband. I felt disappointed year after year and it would be the same scenario of tears, hurt, anger and an apology and promise that it wouldn’t happen again. I had forgiven my ex-husband years ago so I was surprised this was coming up now.
What I realized is that I gave my power away for so many years because I expected someone else to make me happy. I didn’t know any better. I didn’t know that I make myself happy and I can be as happy as I want to be. Of course, when others do something nice for me, I appreciate it and it makes me feel loved.
I knew that my breath work session was going to be powerful and I was ready to feel my feelings and release whatever needed to be released so I could live in the present moment and enjoy all the gifts God was giving me. I didn’t want to live in the past and have buried feelings anymore. As I did my breath work, deep sadness came up that I allowed myself to stay in a place where I wasn’t respected and remembered. I needed to forgive myself for giving my power away and expecting others to make me happy.
During the breath work session, I felt God’s love and presence in a deep, profound way. It felt like something was being lifted from my heart. The next day, I felt loved, free, and playful and I knew there was a huge release. As I was walking to my car from the ocean, a woman in a silver convertible car passed me. I said, “I love your car.” Then I noticed her license plate that read, “Happiness.” I said, “I love your license place too.” She yelled to me, “My name is Happy.” Wow, I knew God was speaking to me.
The purpose of our lives is to be HAPPY. I know I am going to have a very HAPPY BIRTHDAY and I look forward to sharing it with you next week. When God closes a door, another one is opened. I can’t wait to see how this birthday is going to unfold and I am very excited about it.
“I gave myself a “pep talk” and said, You are a big girl now”
I opened to this passage in prayer this morning from Alan Cohen’s book, “Wisdom of the Heart.” It really spoke to me and I have been thinking about how I have learned to love myself and give myself what I need. I loved the part that said, IT IS MY OWN LOVE THAT I WANT. How many of us have spent years looking outside of ourselves for love?
“Your relationships are your mirrors: The love you receive – or don’t receive – from others is a reflection of how much you love yourself. When you truly love yourself, you can never be abused. But when you don’t love yourself, nobody on the planet will be able to save you.
If you feel sad or frustrated that you are not getting the love, appreciation, and acknowledgement that you crave from someone else, GIVE IT TO YOURSELF. IT’S YOUR OWN LOVE YOU WANT, so why confuse yourself by seeking it from another? When you honor and nurture yourself, your happiness will proceed from within you, and you won’t have to depend on another for it. As you give yourself more love, your relationships will change to reflect your self-honoring. Another person isn’t a source of your love – YOU ARE. True love is an inside job.” Wisdom of the Heart, Alan Cohen
How do you give yourself love? Do you look to another hoping they will fill the emptiness and hole inside of you? Do you try to please others, often at the expense of yourself, so they will eventually love you more? Do you have a hard time saying no because you think you will be rejected, not liked, abandoned or someone will be angry with you? I know what it is like because I did it all.
There are many ways that I have learned to love myself and I would like to share a few of the ways I loved myself this past week.
I will start with feelings – I have learned to invite all of my feelings in, to embrace and accept them, to honor and not judge them. Most of all, I have learned to trust my feelings and give myself the time to process my feelings and allow them to move through me. When I first started my spiritual journey several decades ago, I didn’t know what my feelings were, never mind, trust them. I would often ask others, “Would you feel this way if this happened to you?” I looked outside for permission to feel my feelings. No more.
For example, this week a friend of mine sent me an email and wanted to introduce me to a new healing modality that he had been gifted with. I said yes without giving it much thought. But, then I started to feel uncomfortable and I didn’t know why. I didn’t want to disappoint him and back out, but I have learned to trust and honor my feelings and I wasn’t willing to discount my feelings, even though I didn’t have clarity about why I felt uncomfortable. In the past, I would have said yes to please him and not disappoint him. In other words, I would have been more interested in his feelings than my own. After all, I would be helping him practice this new healing modality that he had been gifted with and he was offering this to me as a gift. When we spoke on the phone, I was honest with him and told him that I felt uncomfortable and had chosen not to do it. I explained that it had nothing to do with him.
I accept gifts graciously – when it feels right and comfortable. For example, I was sitting at the pool reading when a woman passed by and said, “I see your bag, are you from Rhode Island?” I said, “Yes, I am, are you from Rhode Island?” She said, “No, but I went to college in Boston.” That is how our conversation began and we talked for quite a while. When the waitress walked by and announced, “Happy Hour” she ordered a Mau Tai and said, “I would like to buy a drink for Pat too.” I said, “Thank you, I would love a Mai Tai with you.” I told her when the drinks came that she would be on my “gratitude list” the next day. That opened a whole conversation about the importance of gratitude and focusing on what we do have, rather than what is missing. We just never know when or where we can share universal truths that may help someone.
Another way I have learned to love myself is by speaking up and asking for what I want, even though I might feel nervous. For example, my landlord, who lives in Canada 6 months out of the year, returned unexpectedly yesterday and informed me that there was going to be some construction going on the property this week. He said, “I don’t think it will be much of a problem for you.” Well, it was a big problem. I had to cancel a coaching client because the construction was right outside my window and very loud. I needed to speak to the owner and tell him I would have to leave for the week. After I ate my dark chocolate (to give me courage) and gave myself a little “pep talk” that I am a big girl now, I walked outside and said, “Doug, I cannot stay here this week with this construction going on and we need to come up with another plan.” He apologized for the inconvenience and asked me to come up with a suitable plan, which I did.
I had just spoken to my friend, Kati, on the phone and explained that I had to leave for a few days. She invited me to stay in her ohana because she just “happened” to be going out of town. She has a lovely home in walking distance to the ocean. I took her up on her offer, and off I went.
I believe I attract EVERYTHING into my life for my highest good. My brilliant and magnificent soul knows what it needs to attract and when it needs to attract it. I can choose to see what comes into my life as a challenge or a blessing and opportunity to learn, grow and heal. I chose to see this situation as an opportunity and gift rather than a problem to complain about.
While I was at Kati’s home, I was taking my “prayer walk” on the beach the first morning I arrived. I felt so blessed and was “high” on gratitude. I noticed this woman about my age approaching me with a hat on and thought, “Another hat lady on the beach.” As she got closer, it looked like she recognized me and wanted to stop and talk. I didn’t recognize her so I took off my sunglasses to see her better. She came right up to me and enthusiastically said, “I have to share something with you.” I got excited and thought, “She has a message from God for me.” I so enjoy when God gives me a message for someone and I love to receive them for myself.
She then opened her hand to show me a beautiful multi- colored blue shell and said, “I am so excited because I just found this at my feet and it is a confirmation for me.” Being the curious and interested woman that I am, I said, “A confirmation about what?” She said, “It is a confirmation TO BE MYSELF AND TO LET GO because I was just standing here looking in the ocean and dancing and thinking about this. I said, “You mean to not worry about what others think” and she said, “Yes, exactly.” Her name was Heidi and we chatted for a little while longer and she told me she lived in Hawaii for 26 years and raised 4 children here.
She could tell “I was getting what she said” and then took my hand and put it on the shell. She looked me in the eyes and gently said, “This is a message for you too.” I thanked her for sharing her gift with me, as we parted. I asked myself, “Is it that easy TO BE MYSELF AND TO LET GO?” It has certainly been my life long journey to know and be myself and to love myself. Was she an angel giving me a simple, but profound message? I think so.
As I continued my walk on the beach, I asked Spirit for a “confirmation” and started looking for a shell like the one she had found. I heard Spirit gently say to me, “You don’t have to look for your good, it will come to you and you will know when it comes.” Yes, that is the truth and I will stop looking and just be open to whatever good you bring into my life. I will continue to “Show up” for life and be grateful for all of my blessings.
Thank you Spirit for taking care of me this week; for Kati opening her home for me to stay, for loving myself and speaking up for what I needed, for meeting my “Angel Heidi” on the beach and receiving the message, TO BE MYSELF AND LET GO. Thank you that my landlord will be taking off $250 from my rent this month and I had the opportunity to PLAY at the ocean. Could it get any better than this?
“Who do you think you are going away by yourself?”
I was still in prayer and thought about writing my blog. I said to God, “I don’t know what I am going to write about this week, please give me something inspirational to write about.” I know now that it always comes at the perfect and right time, so I wasn’t stressing.
I had just finished my prayer when the phone rang. It was my friend Donna from Massachusetts. We chatted for a while catching up and sharing our lives with one another. We were about to get off the phone when she said, “Oh, my daughter and her boyfriend broke up right before Easter and guess why they broke up?” I had no idea and said, “Why?” Donna said, “He wants to be a priest, so it is bitter sweet. Of course, she is heartbroken, but handling it the best she can. Then Donna said, “Here is the miracle. My daughter went back to college and someone knocked on her door and asked if she would be a part of the committee for the Catholic group at the college. My daughter said, “But I am Protestant.” They said, “That is ok, we want you.” She thought about it and said, “Yes, I will do it.” After that, they invited her to a 4 – day conference in San Diego, all expenses paid.Right after the breakup, Donna told her daughter, “If not this, then something better.” She said, “I never thought God would work so quickly!” While her daughter’s heart had a crack in it, God was helping to heal it nicely.I was so happy for her daughter and how God provided this opportunity for her, especially in her time of need.
As I took my walk along the ocean that afternoon, I thought about Donna’s daughter and how that opportunity just “CAME TO HER.” I love it when things come to me and I know they are from Spirit. I have had many opportunities, both big and small come to me out of nowhere. I have an example of what happened this morning when I went “yard sailing” I had an unexpected guest stay over for two nights and she slept on the couch. I found the sheets that I had bought a while ago tucked away in a suitcase. The only problem was that I only had a bottom sheet – no top sheet or pillow case. Of course, she didn’t care and we made do with what I had. Next week, I invited a friend to stay over for a couple of nights before and after her conference in Maui.
I often go “yard sailing” on Saturday mornings, but when I woke up this Saturday morning, I didn’t feel like going and decided to have a quiet morning with a walk and swim in the ocean. As I drove to the ocean later in the day, I spotted a yard sale on the way and decided to stop. I spotted the pillow case immediately and bought it for $.25 -and it was the exact same color as the bottom sheet I had at home.Thank you God, you provide for all of my needs. I went to the beach and on my way home; I stopped at another yard sale right on my street. Guess what I bought for one dollar? A top sheet and it was also the same green color as the bottom sheet and pillow case. This is a small example of how God knows our needs and provides at the perfect and right time – when we trust and believe.
I’d like to share a story from my book, “Simply a Woman of Faith” that happened about 20 years ago. God provided the exact amount of money for me to go on a vacation to Bermuda and it came to me,quite unexpectedly and miraculously.
The chapter is “God is my Travel Agent.” With the stress of my husband being unemployed and my own personal problems dealing with sexual abuse that I was working through, my body screamed out for attention. I experienced one sleepless night after another, and constant tension headaches during the day. I desperately needed peace and tranquility. I felt headed for a nervous breakdown and knew I needed to just do something for myself, away from my family responsibilities.
God speaks to me through my dreams and several times a week during that time, I dreamt about going to Bermuda. I pay attention when I have recurring dreams because God uses them to get my attention. “Okay, God, I’ll go to a travel agency and at least check it out.” I went to the travel agency and said, “I want a safe place for a woman to travel alone.” I had never gone away by myself, especially out of the country. “Yes, Bermuda is the place to go,” she answered. “In fact, we have some great deals that I would be glad to show you. I’ve traveled there myself several times and it’s safe. I have the perfect hotel for you.” I instantly fell in love with Angel’s Grotto. The picture on the brochure said it all – overlooking a pristine stretch of pink sand and Turquoise Ocean. It looked like the perfect getaway.
I thought to myself. I’ll never be able to afford this. What am I doing God? I haven’t even told my husband about it. He’s going to think I’m out of my mind, especially since his unemployment runs out and he doesn’t have a job yet. I reluctantly asked, “What does this all cost?” “Only $1,200, everything included. You can’t beat a price like that. Shall I book it?” “Well, yes,” I stammered. “But I have to check with my husband first and see if he’s okay with it. I’ll call you tomorrow.” It seemed like a good deal, but I didn’t have $1200. I didn’t even have $100. As I began to mull it over, the guilt set in and my inner critic attacked relentlessly. “Who do you think you are even thinking about going away? You’re selfish and self- centered. You don’t deserve this. You’re only thinking about yourself.”
I prayed and asked God to guide me. I asked Him to shut the door if this wasn’t His will and open it if it was. Slowly and deliberately, I changed my thinking. “I am deserving and there’s nothing to be guilty about. God is the source of everything and will provide.” When I went home, I said to my husband, “I’m thinking about going to Bermuda on vacation – by myself.” “Oh! Where are you going to get the money?”, he asked. I said, “I’m praying in the money and if God wants me to go, He/She will open the door and provide the money and if not, I won’t go.”
I prayed, waited and watched the money come in. I jumped at it when I received a $50 check from the telephone company inviting me to change carriers. I put an ad in the newspaper for a white fur coat I no longer wore. I only received one phone call inquiring about the coat. When she came and tried it on, she thought it was a bargain for $50.
A few weeks later, I ran into a neighbor while taking a walk. It surprised the heck out of me when she asked, “Pat, do you know of anyone who can help me with my ninety year old mother who just came home from the hospital? I don’t want her to be alone at night. I’m with her in the day and will prepare her evening meal.” “What exactly does the person need to do?” I asked, “I need someone to come over at five o’clock and sit with her while she has her dinner. They would help her to bed right after supper, and stay with her four hours a night during the week.” “I’m interested.” I thought I would jump out of my skin with excitement. “I can pay ten bucks an hour. Does that work for you?” “Yes, I’d be glad to help your mother. When do I start?” “Next week would be great.” The money I made quickly added up and I achieved my $1,200 goal in no time. God opened the door and provided all the money I needed to go to Bermuda.
We have a God that loves us so much and knows all of our needs, even before we know what we need. Sometimes, we ask, like I did for the money for Bermuda and other times, we are provided for without even asking. I didn’t ask for the pillow case and sheet, even though I needed them. I love the concept of open and closed doors as a way of praying and being guided. I trust if the door is closed, it was not meant to be and is for my highest good. If the door opens, I walk through with peace, ease and grace knowing I am in God’s divine will.
My stuff came up & I am transformed by the renewal of my mind
When my friend, Ellen, invited me to Maui for 2 weeks in November, 2010, I had no idea I would be living in Paradise 2 years later. God had a plan and I just kept saying YES to the invitation – not having any idea what it would look like or how it would happen. Step by step, I faced my fears and moved into the mystery and the unknown.
I see today that My “PLAN” was not God’s plan and I am grateful that I had the grace to surrender, let go and allow God to lead and guide me (not without struggle, at times). Before I moved to Maui for 6 months in January 2012, while I was in Maui in November, 2011, I spoke at 2 churches and presented a workshop for women at the Senior Center. So of course, I thought when I moved to Maui in January 2012, I would continue to do this. My “PLAN” was to continue my work as an inspirational speaker, retreat leader and spiritual coach. I realize today that God needed to do “some work” in me and I needed to do some “letting go” before I moved forward in this way. It was not God’s timing or God’s plan.
Before I moved to Maui I was warned that all of my “stuff” would come up. I felt a little smug and thought I had worked for so many years on my stuff already, I was safe. Silly me, I should have known better because whenever we are being called to a higher level of consciousness or some big change is occurring in our lives, our stuff comes up. If I am honest, even though I don’t like it at first, I welcome my “stuff” coming up because I want to be the best I can be, so I can serve and be a vessel for God in the purest way. My stuff has come up (as I have shared in my weekly blogs) and with the grace of God, I have been transformed. I read in one of my spiritual books, “While you wait in my presence, I do my best work within you to transform you by the renewal of your mind.”
I wrote in my blog of Jan. 24, 2012 – Waiting has not been my favorite thing to do, but I have learned over the years that it is essential to my spiritual health and well-being to wait on God. I arrived in Maui 5 days ago and it is beyond words how grateful I feel for this opportunity and adventure. In prayer this morning, I became aware of “old behaviors” creeping in and robbing me of my peace. Rather than resting in the energy of BEING and trusting in the divine plan to unfold in its own time and own way, I felt tempted to control and make things happen. I thanked God for this awareness and strengthened my resolve to live in the moment and trust the divine plan. “By waiting and by calm, I shall be saved, in quiet and trust lies my strength.”
When I arrived in Maui in January 2012, I was surprised when I had “no desire” to call the churches, do workshops or coach others. “What was going on”, I wondered. As I shared earlier, I struggled with this because this was not MY PLAN.
I wrote in my blog of March 6, 2012, I FINALLY GOT IT and I am so grateful! It will be seven weeks since I have been in paradise and it has been quite a ride! I am happy to report that, not only am I living in Paradise but I have found Paradise inside of me. I had a major shift in my consciousness while in prayer this week. Deep within my soul, I knew the reason I was here was to receive God’s love. It seemed so simple and yet profound. I said, “God, do you mean I don’t have to do anything?” “Yes, I want you to experience my unconditional love without having to do anything. How will you be able to receive the love from your soul mate that I have planned for you if you are unable to experience my love completely and unconditionally?” Wow, I knew God was speaking to my heart. It’s been over two weeks since I received this message and I feel an incredible freedom to enjoy the present moment, to be in the flow of the Spirit and to trust each moment and experience to unfold perfectly. I am invited to play in God’s playground and enjoy every moment. This is a gift from God with no strings attached. I don’t have to do anything to earn it.
During this time of waiting, I read a book called “Faith” by A.C. Ping. Here is what it said: “One of the most frustrating times along the spiritual path occurs when NOTHING seems to be happening. Not only do we have lots of time to think, but at the same time people keep asking you “What’s happening?” On the surface nothing seems to be happening, but underneath a great shift is occurring. Instead of feeling frustrated, it may be that life is giving you a safe place to rest and gather your energy for the journey ahead. You may not be able to see which way to go, but if you sit patiently, have faith that life has meaning and wait until the mist clears, you may find that one day you wake up to a bright blue sky that reveals a clear path leading to an even more beautiful mountain than the one you just climbed. The temptation will be to run around in the mist searching for guidance. But this will wear you out and until you stop and rest, no further path will be revealed to you until you have the energy to attempt the next climb. Trust that although nothing seems to be happening on the surface, a whole lot is happening below the surface.”
As I write this blog, it is hard to believe that it has been 15 months since I have been living and playing in paradise. I have listened to my intuition and not attempted to further my career in any way. I have trusted that although nothing seemed to be happening on the surface, a whole lot was happening below the surface.”
A couple of months ago, I attended a talk with my friend, Jodene, and after the talk I said, “You know, something is stirring in me because I miss speaking and doing workshops. I will pray about it and ask God to open the door and bring to me what it is that I am to do – if anything.” I let it go and felt peaceful.
I met, Kati, a year ago when we were on a retreat together. I was drawn to her – she was a shining light and I loved her energy. We exchanged emails but it wasn’t time for us YET! She lived on the other side of the island and we didn’t get together until I moved here this past September. I had the opportunity to house- sit in Makawa, Maui before I moved into my home in Kihei. Kati lived 2 minutes away and was friends with the women I house- sat for. Kati and I reconnected and spent time together having fun and playing.
A couple of months ago, as Kati and I shared our spiritual journey with one another, we both felt that God was calling us to do something together. We didn’t know what it was, but we agreed to pray about it. A few weeks ago, Kati invited me to come and paint with her at her new home on the ocean and I was really excited to paint with her. I am not sure how it happened but before we knew it, we were planning a day of healing together. It just flowed from both of us easily and effortlessly. There was no struggle, only ease and grace. Kati painted the flyer as I painted the ocean.
I am amazed and grateful how this has unfolded so easily. We are on fire and so excited to share our gifts with women. The title is “This is What I am Here For.” Celebration of your Divine Feminine Mother Earth. Discover inner clarity about “This is what I am here for” as Divine Feminine grounded in the arms of Mother Earth. Join in Celebration, Meditation, Revelation, Forgiveness, Healing, Visioning, Dancing, Ritual and Laughter as your gift to Self.It will be held on May, 11, 2013.
WATCH OUT MAUI BECAUSE KATI AND I ARE COMING OUT
I had totally forgotten about this until recently. My daughter, Mary, gave me the gift of an astrology reading for Christmas. I was really surprised when he said, “Something significant would happen in my career in the month of May.” I had given up “my career” and I didn’t understand. I wasn’t interested in my career any more; I wanted to know when I was going to meet my soul mate – more waiting on this one! God does have a sense of humor. I don’t know what’s ahead, not even sure I want a “career” and that is okay. I will trust God’s will and timing.
Gods timing is perfect. “My good is revealed in diving timing. I choose not to struggle with or force circumstances in my life. I know the time will be right when I feel a nudge from Spirit to move in the right direction. I pay attention to my intuition, knowing that inner wisdom and divine understanding direct me.”
“Do I deserve to receive a 12- day all expense cruise?”
I would like to share with you what Spirit revealed to me in prayer yesterday. I picked an angel card and it was the angel of TRUST. This is what it said, “You are about to experience an accelerated period of spiritual growth and breakthrough in which your definitions of love will change. You are encouraged to maintain your trust and belief in yourself as a worthy and effective vehicle of positive action. Whatever your fears, insecurities, the angels are working with you to bring you into greater clarity with the nature of love. Love is the capacity to allow all other living things to grow into the fullest expression of self. The love that you are learning to give is the same that you long to receive: without judgment, acceptance of differences, kind and forgiving, hopeful and courageous. TRUST holds love in place in your life.
I believe this message is not only for me, but for you who are reading this. Love is all there is. We all want to be loved and to love. It is who we are and where we came from. God is love, we are love. We are called to love our neighbor as ourselves. Many ask, what is my purpose in life? I believe that my purpose in life is to love. First and foremost, I must love myself. Can I really love another if I don’t love myself? I don’t know all the answers, but I don’t think so. Since God and I are ONE can I love God if I don’t love myself?
Learning to love myself has been a lifelong process and will be until I leave this earth. I have shared in other blogs that there was a time that I didn’t love myself or believe in myself. I compared myself to others and beat up on myself when I didn’t measure up or I made a mistake. I have an example that happened this morning that I could see my growth. I woke up early because I had to go to the lab and get blood tests. I found the paper I needed to bring with me and put it on the kitchen table. I got dressed and off I went to the lab. I arrived at the lab and was about to get out of the car when I spotted a man walking in with a piece of paper in his hands. I said out loud, “Oh, I left the paper on the kitchen table.” I immediately started thanking God (because it is my belief that all things happen for my good) and turned my car around and drove home to get the paper. I didn’t say one disparaging remark to myself about forgetting the paper. What would you have said to yourself? Be honest!
Another thought just came to me. If I don’t love myself, can I truly allow another to love me? I don’t know. I have to ask myself, “Do I feel deserving and worthy of love?” How many times have we blocked our good and what God wants to give us because we didn’t feel worthy and deserving? I remember when my friend Ellen invited me to stay in her condo in Maui (while she was away) for a month in 2011. I was feeling “unsettled and guilty” the week before the trip and as I prayed about it, Spirit showed me on a deeper level that I was feeling unworthy and undeserving. Thankfully, I recognized this distorted belief and quickly changed it to the truth of who I am as a child of God. Today, I am living and loving in Maui. I shudder to think that I could have blocked my good and receiving this gift to live in Maui because I didn’t feel deserving and worthy (which sometimes masked itself as guilt).
I read in Alan Cohen’s book, “Enough Already.” “I do not worry about what will happen in the future or “someday.” Deep in my soul, I AM READY to be a full expression of God’s spirit right now. I give thanks for the opportunity to fulfill my heart’s desires. Aligning my thoughts with Spirit, I proclaim what is true about me and for me. Align your thoughts, feelings, words and actions with a success attitude and positive events will follow. People who have an abundance mentality keep attracting more of what they want and need. Those with a lack mentality keep attracting something missing.”
For a long time it has been my heart’s desire to travel. I was a speaker on the Norwegian Cruise Ship to Mexico In January, 2012. I had a fabulous time and since then, I have wanted to go on another cruise. Every time I see the Norwegian cruise ship in the Kahului Harbor, I say to myself or to whoever I am driving with, “I really want to go on another cruise.” I even have a picture of a cruise ship on my kitchen cabinet.
A couple of weeks ago, my friend, Larry, invited me to go with him on a 12- day cruise to Denmark, Norway, Sweden, German and Scotland – all expenses paid! We will fly into London and spend 3 days there and then go on the cruise. I have never been to Europe nor have I ever traveled with a man other than my husband or finance. I know friends of the opposite sex travel together all the time, but this is new territory for me, for sure. I asked myself some questions:
*Did I attract this gift into my life by aligning my thoughts and feelings to what Spirit wanted for me?
*Could I accept this trip as a gift from God?
*Did I feel deserving and worthy?
*Could I trust myself and my intuition that this was right for me?
*Was I willing to take a risk and travel with someone of the opposite sex (without any strings attached?)
*Was I ready to be a full expression of God’s spirit and fulfill my heart’s desires?
Of course, I felt excited about the prospect of going to Europe on a cruise. I told Larry, “I will pray about it and let you know.” I can hear some of you who are reading this-pray about it, are you nuts? Well, I did pray about it and went inside to see how it felt. I felt peaceful and excited. I have learned to trust my inner guidance and intuition as God’s voice within.
I am happy to say that the answer is YES to Larry’s invitation to go on a cruise with him. I say yes to God and to all the good that God wants to give me. I am deserving and worthy to give and receive more love in my life. I realize that I have received more than I asked for because the universe had a bigger idea for me than I had for myself. TRUST holds love in place in my life.
The Wind Star (name of ship we will be sailing on) is a sleek, four-masted sailing yacht accommodating 148 guests. With four decks and a gross tonnage of 5,350, the Wind Star feels like your own private yacht. Wind Star features wide open, teak decks—quite unusual for small ships. With over 10,000 square feet of open deck space, guests will find hidden nooks for private moments giving them a feeling of being on their own private verandah.
I just received an email from a friend and this is what she wrote: When you surrender to the wind…you can FLY!! And that is exactly what I find myself doing. Without controlling the how, why, and where…great blessings are appearing…and offering me the opportunity to SOAR!! Life has lifted me from the stagnant waters of hesitation…and placed me smack dab in the center of experiential BLISS!!
YOU DON’T HAVE TO KNOW HOW TO GET WHAT YOU WANT; ALL YOU NEED TO KNOW IS WHAT YOU WANT
This is a subtle but paramountly important and exciting key to personal success. It means that there is much more to the universe than we have believed, and if we really expect to realize our dreams, we must allow God to deliver our blessings to us in ways deeper than we can plan and understand. There is an old saying that “The Lord moves in mysterious ways.” God is like the driver of a universal Greyhound bus. Once we have decided where we want to go, we can “sit back and leave the driving to Him.” If we would just choose a nice window sear and relax, we would find ourselves as our destination in no time. Instead, we make it hard for ourselves because first of all we are not sure which bus to get on; we vacillate at the ticket counter, mulling indecisively over a number of possible destinations. The agent can’t sell us a ticket if we don’t tell him where we want to go. Then once we’ve made our decision and we’ve stepped aboard the Greyhound to God, we immediately try to wrestle the wheel away from the Driver, insisting we know a better way. Then, even after we have surrendered the wheel and we arrive, we have a tendency to want to hide in the back of the bus, wondering if this is really where we want to go. And maybe we should turn back. Alan Cohen – Rising in Love pg 75
I would like to end with my favorite scripture. “For I know the plans I have in mind for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and plans to give you hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29-13
“Disappointments are the hooks upon which God hangs his victories.
“Disappointments are the hooks upon which God hangs his victories. There is a way to deal with disappointments that can make you a winner. Remove the D and replace it with H. Thus, disappointment becomes “HISAPPOINTMENT.” In other words, remove the incident from the projections of your expectations and imagine that God has caused the situation to turn out this way because He has a bigger and better plan than the one you formulated. Our idea of the way things should be pales in the face of God’s vision for how good it can and will be.” Dare to Be Yourself – Alan Cohen pg. 179
We’ve all had experiences of being disappointed when things don’t go the way we thought they were going to go. We need to know how to work through the disappointment and not “stay stuck” or resentful because things didn’t go the way we wanted or expected them to go. It is an opportunity to trust God that whatever is happening is for our good. I must admit that much of my disappointments have come from “I want what I want and I want it now” attitude. Can you relate?
I love HISAPPOINTMENT because whenever I’m not sure of what is the best path for me, I pray and ask God to either open or close the door. When God closes the door, I trust that there is something bigger and better for me. I have experienced closed doors at the very last minute, and it has always been for my good. This spoke to me because I was feeling very disappointed over something that happened during the week. While I was at church a few weeks ago, I spotted a very nice looking man sitting by himself in the back of the church. I wondered if he was new because I had never seen him before. As we were all walking out, I turned around and he was behind me. I introduced myself and we began talking. He just moved here from the Big Island and he said, “It is my second time here and it was suggested that I come to Unity because I am looking for this GOD THING.” That was all I needed to hear and blurted out, “Would you like to go for coffee or a walk sometime?” His face lit up and he said, “Yes, I would love to do that.” I laughed and said, “I am not usually this forward.” I gave him my business card with my phone number on it. He said he would call me.
I was really excited and later shared with my girlfriends what happened. I described the feeling that I had when we smiled at one another. I actually had a physical sensation and felt a strong connection with him. I felt the disappointment as the week went on that I hadn’t heard from him. I worked on letting go and trusting that it was a closed door. I wondered if he was threatened by my profession as a coach and author or worse yet, I thought perhaps he thought I wanted to get together so I could be his life coach. Good lesson for me to learn for the future. I will not give a man my card that I am interested in!
I looked for him this past Sunday at church, but he wasn’t there. What happened next is really amazing because I received a “God wink.” I stopped to talk to one of the women before going into church. She said, “Pat, I have to tell you what happened when I worked at the new bookstore in the mall on Monday. A man came in and asked for Pat Hastings’ book, “Simply a Woman of Faith”. I said, Oh, I know Pat Hastings, but I don’t think we have her book. I was stunned and asked her, “Was his name John?” She said, “Yes, it was.”
What are the chances of me finding out that the day after we met that he went to the bookstore to find my book? I felt grateful that I didn’t make up “this connection” in my head and that perhaps he felt the same connection. I don’t know the reason why God closed the door (that he didn’t call) and I don’t need to know. Perhaps he found the book in another bookstore and the book will help him find this “GOD THING.” I know for sure that I am to pray for him that he finds what he is searching for. I have let go and trust that if we are meant to talk in the future, we will.
There is another opportunity in my life that I am praying about and asking God to open or close the door. I only want God’s will and it is not clear to me yet what that is. All I know is that it is new territory for me, and that can be scary. But I am trusting divine love and guidance. It seems like God is inviting me to “receive” something that I have wanted for a long time and on a “silver platter.” It almost feels like it is too good to be true, but I know that everything that is good is true. Do I feel deserving and worthy to receive this gift from God? YES, I DO, and if God opens the door, I am going for it with gusto! I will share with you when the door is opened or closed.
I just learned a name for a behavior I once practiced in my life through reading Alan Cohen’s book, “Dare to be Yourself.” It is called a “Planaholic.” It states “our culture is obsessed with planning and much of it is inspired by fear. Heavy scheduling is a way to avoid intimacy. If we are constantly busy, we don’t have to face our feelings and deal with issues in relationships. If you are busy doing, doing, doing out of fear of being, you will never release that magnificent person who is calling to live and breathe and bring unique and precious gifts to the world.”
I am happy to say I am a recovering “Planaholic” and am so grateful for this wonderful shift in consciousness. It is amazing because today I prefer to live my day without plans. It feels so good to be in the flow, spontaneous and follow my intuition all through my day. I wake up and say, “thank you God for the miracles and surprises that will come my way today.” Course in Miracles states,“The healed mind does not plan.” I lived in my head for such a long time and didn’t trust my intuition. Today, I trust my heart and intuition because I believe God speaks to us through our intuition. If I listened to my head and not my heart, I would not be on this sacred journey to Maui. When I meet people and they ask me, “What brought you to Maui, I say, MY HEART.”
Since I no longer “do, do, do” and am learning to BE and feel, I am discovering more of myself and living the life of my dreams. It is truly the greatest adventure of my life since I followed my heart and moved to Maui. I am discovering the real me and finding the beauty and magnificence within. God is calling us all to walk this sacred journey of finding the love within. A Course in Miracles states “We are here to discover the blocks to our awareness of love’s presence, so we can release this and let our true loving nature shine forth in full splendor.”
“This is to personal God, I am not sharing it”
“I open my heart and mind to be aware that I have allowed what others believe about me to become what I believe about myself. If you fail to take the time to question why you do what you do, you can become convinced that you cannot do anything else. Other people will help you feel convinced. People are in the habit of telling other people who they are. They tell you who they expect you to be, who they need you to be and who they want you to be.” Until Today – Iyanla Vanzant – March 18
It is much easier to write about something in my life that I have changed and that has been transformed by the grace of God. It’s more difficult and vulnerable to write about something that is in the process of being transformed and healed because there is the fear of being judged or misunderstood. It has been my intention each week to be as honest and authentic as I can be because I want to do God’s will and be a pure instrument of love. I know that openness breeds openness.
In last week’s blog, I wrote about the importance of celebrating our growth and acknowledging where we have come from. I think it is equally important to honor and love those parts of ourselves that still need God’s healing touch and grace. This week I will share with you a struggle that I have had for many, many years.
About a month ago, I worked with a recurring dream that was very significant. After writing in my journal, I said to God, “I am not sharing this in a blog. You really don’t want me to share this, do you? This is too personal.” Today, I heard Spirit say, “Yes, I want you to write about this in your blog today.” As I thought and prayed about it, I realized that if I am struggling with it, there may be others out there who could also be struggling with it. I share this part of my life with you in humility and faith, trusting that God is healing me and will heal you if this is your struggle.
It has been my experience and my belief that God speaks to us through our dreams. I dreamt that my first boyfriend Steve left me. I know that every part of the dream is about me. In working with past dreams with Steve in them, I know that he represents my animus (which is the male part of me.) There is a technique that I use where I dialogue with the object in the dream to get clarity on the wisdom of the dream. This is what was revealed to me.
I dialogued with Steve and asked him, “Why are you in my dream and what is your gift?” I was surprised when he said, “I am here to teach you about love.” I answered, “What do you mean?” He replied, “Loving yourself is the most important relationship you have.” I was confused because I thought I was loving myself and wrote, “I am loving myself more than I have ever loved myself. Do I leave myself and if I do, how do I do it?”
I sat quietly for a few seconds and then it came bubbling up to the surface. “Oh, my body image, is that it, God? Do I not love, honor and cherish my body?” I felt deep within that this is what I needed to look at and where I needed healing. I then began to write a letter of forgiveness to myself forgiving myself for the years of “beating up” on myself, for judging my body for not being good enough, for feeling fat and not skinny enough. I wrote, “I want it to STOP NOW. It will STOP NOW! I want to love, treasure and honor the body you have given me. I ask for your help God, I need your grace.” I know that if I don’t love my body, I will not be open to a man loving my body. It all starts with me.
I became honest with myself and admitted that I have obsessed about my weight and how I look all of my life. I ate cottage cheese and peaches for a week so I could fit into the dress for the wedding that was too tight. I have probably been on every kind of diet there was at one time or another; the grapefruit diet, soup diet, Atkins diet and “Weight Watchers.” I know there are more, but I can’t remember them now.
YUCK, embarrassing and not easy to admit, but I also know that the truth will set me free. I choose to bring to the light what has been hidden so that God’s love will heal me. For those of you who know me personally and because of the pictures I send each week, you might think, “She’s crazy and I wish I had her body.” You may wish you had my body, but being obsessed about weight and body image is not something you want. This is distorted thinking and crazy!
God brought to mind that it started when I was very young. When I was 12 years old, my mother, who was on a diet, took me to a doctor to get diet pills. I was not overweight! As an adult, whenever my father visited me, he would comment, “You gained weight or you lost weight and you look too thin.” I recognized that my unconscious belief has been, “I must be the perfect weight and look perfect to be loved.” My parents always told me I was pretty, so I believed that I was pretty. As the opening reading said, “I have allowed what others believe about me to become what I believe about myself. If you tell yourself something long enough, you will believe it- the good and the bad.”
I felt a deep sadness and loss when it sank in that for over 50 years I have lived with this belief. I went to the ocean and asked Mother Maui to heal and restore me as the tears rolled down my cheeks. This month I have focused on loving and cherishing my body. My prayer has been “Divine Love, heal my distorted body image.” Every morning when I get out of bed, I look in the mirror and love all parts of my body and I am listening to Oprah and Deepak 21 day meditation series on loving the body.
With God’s grace and my willingness to change, I have stopped beating up on myself that I am too fat. I am giving myself loving kind messages. I know this is a process and will not change overnight, but I know I am on the right track since it has come to the light and I am willing to do what I need to do to heal this distorted image.
Do you love your body or do you beat up on yourself? You may think you are too short or too tall, or you don’t like your hips, or you have too many wrinkles or you are losing your hair. What don’t you like about your body? Isn’t it time to begin to love and honor the body you are living in?
My body is the temple of the Holy Spirit and God wants me to love and care for my body. I will see myself through God’s eyes – a beautiful creation of love and light. I will love, treasure and honor the body God has given me. I am grateful that I continue to blossom and grow into the woman God intended me to be.
When I look back on all the other limiting beliefs that God has healed and enabled me to transform, I know that I am using the same processes with healing the limiting beliefs about my body. I allowed myself to pay attention to the inner messages that were coming up in a dream, I brought the uncomfortable feeling and beliefs into the light and asked for healing, and I became wiling to change what I think and say to myself about who I am, (which is more than the body I am in). I am starting to feel more and more peaceful and my affirmations are becoming stronger and more natural to me as I practice them on a daily basis. This is how I have healed everything else in my life and I know that my faith in a loving God and my faith in the power of this inner work will guide me to a place of genuine love and appreciation for the beautiful temple my spirit resides in.
Heart Steps – Julia Cameron pg. 59
There is no separation between body and soul, spirit and matter. One essence, one unity, runs through all of life. This essence, the God-force is completely pure, completely perfect. I claim for myself the health and perfection of this divine force. My body is beautiful, sacred and beloved. Spirit infuses my body with radiant goodness. I experience vitality, enthusiasm, energy and power. My physical nature and my spiritual nature are one and the same. My body’s needs and urges are divine in origin.
Currently, 80 percent of women in the U.S. are dissatisfied with their appearance. And more than 10 million are suffering from eating disorders. Why women hate their bodies
http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2012/06/02/why-do-women-hate-their-bodies/
Walk up to the lion & he will disappear, run away & he runs after you
I write my weekly blog on Fridays so when I went to bed last night I said, “God, I have nothing to share, what do you want me to write about this week?” Silly me! God heard that prayer because when I opened my eyes this morning, some strong feelings came to the surface. I’m still waiting for the repairs on my car to be finished, and without a car to get around, I was feeling trapped and alone in my ohana. My landlords are also doing construction on the house I am living in, so I knew it would be loud and noisy and I didn’t want to stay home alone. Not having wheels to get around and having to ask for help on a daily basis has definitely been challenging. Over the years, I have been codependent, independent and now I am learning the meaning of being interdependent. This is a good thing!
During my prayer, I was led to pick up a book (that I hadn’t read in years) and read a chapter from “The Wisdom of Florence Scovel-Shinn.” God really spoke to me through reading this chapter. She writes, “Man has so long separated himself from his good and his supply, through thoughts of separation and lack, that sometimes it takes dynamite to dislodge these false ideas from the subconscious, and the dynamite is a big situation. How can I get rid of fear? By walking up to the thing you are afraid of. The lion takes its fierceness from your fear. Walk up to the lion, and he will disappear; run away and he runs after you. Scovel-Shinn write about how the lion of lack disappeared when an individual spent money fearlessly; showing faith that God was his supply and therefore, unfailing. There is no peace or happiness for man, until he has erased all fear from his consciousness.” I knew in my spirit that God was inviting me to fearlessly face my lion of lack and trust, and act in faith, knowing that all of my needs were being supplied. I reminded myself that money is energy and that God is my source.
After my prayer, I called my friend Trudy to ask her if she wanted to drive with me to a special Sound Healing ceremony on the eve of the new moon, which was being held at another friend’s house that night. She said, “I would love to do that.” When I asked her what she was doing, she replied, “I am still in bed and reading your book. It’s the chapter about courage.” I said, “I could sure use some courage now.” I then proceeded to tell her what I was experiencing. When I was done, she asked if she could read me something from my book. Of course, I said,”Yes.” She told me later that day that she just opened the book randomly and read what she opened up to. Here is what she read to me.
several years ago and decided to sell them a few months earlier. I received a check for twenty two hundred dollars from the credit union which enabled me to catch up on my bills. A month after I sold the stocks and received my money, I received another statement stating I had two thousand three hundred dollars in my account. There must be a mistake, I thought. I called the credit union the next day and asked what my balance was. “Mrs. Hastings, you have a balance of two thousand three hundred dollars.” I asked, “Are you sure?” She said, “Yes, is there a problem?” “No, No problem at all.” I don’t know how that happened, but it did. God works mysteriously. The money was there all the time, but I never saw it and didn’t know it was there. For whatever reason, it wasn’t on the monthly statement that I received each month (or I didn’t see it because I probably would have spent it.) The money came when I stepped out in faith, trusting God would provide.”
A few minutes after we hung up, Trudy called me back to remind me,”Pat, the reason I was able to talk to you on the phone and read the chapter from your book was because you lent me money yesterday so I could buy a phone card. Clearly, we were helping one another in a big way!
I then remembered what many people have shared with me about being
called to live in Maui. “You will be tested the first year you are living there and Mother Maui will spit you out if you are not meant to be there.” I am being tested and my faith in God continues to grow and deepen as I let go and trust. I am being mindful of Florence Scovel Shinn’s wise words, and I am walking up to the thing I am afraid of. Remember that the lion takes its fierceness from your fear. Walk up to the lion, and he will disappear; run away and he runs after you.
Science of Mind pg.49
“No matter what happened in the past, have faith and trust that you are always guided, always directed. Increasing your ability to trust is an ongoing process. The more you trust and have faith, the more you see the results that you are intending to see. Inner peace comes from having trust that everything is happening in divine order and divine right timing. It takes courage to surrender. It is an ongoing process that happens everyday as the egoic mind attempts to direct life from a place of separation, fear and doubt. In this surrender, we find joy, grace and peace. We will find that all the things we were looking for somehow miraculously appear. Surrender to the power that breathes your breath, and know that every good thing will be added unto you”
“Pat, You need a new engine”
As I sat down to write this, I lit a candle and asked God to speak through me clearly because I knew the learning and healing I experienced this week was profound. For most of my life, it was my belief that I had to be strong, perfect and “together” for me to be loved. I am learning that when I am weak, God is strong in me. I am also coming to believe that being vulnerable is a “strength” (rather than a weakness) because it allows me to be cared for by God and others in ways that are nurturing and healing. I am not only learning to trust and depend on God in a deeper way, but I am learning to ask others for help and to trust they will be there for me when I need them. I am on a spiritual journey of profound reliance on God. It is a faith walk that I take one step at a time, leaning on God and others as much as I need to.
I woke up this morning with a sharp pain in my neck and filled with anxiety. I kept repeating to myself, “I let go, I let go, I trust you God.” A few hours later when my friend Trudy came over to give me a ride to the bank, she could see the pain on my face. I burst into tears and said, “I am feeling very vulnerable, afraid and needy.” Feeling vulnerable, needy and powerless is not a place I like to be; I like to be in control and know that I can take care of myself at all times. When I told her what was going on, she was so compassionate, loving and happy to hold a space for me. She said, “When I was in so much pain last month, you called me every day to check on me and I can’t tell you how much that meant to me. I am happy to be here for you today.” She prayed with me while gently rubbing my back. We thanked God together for already answering my prayers. When she finished, we both cried as we knew on a deep level that God had brought us together to help and support one another in our time of vulnerability and need.
Here is what was going on: I let my friend borrow my “Maui Cruiser” car when I went back to Rhode Island for Christmas. A few days later she called and said, “Pat, I am afraid to drive your car because it is making a lot of noises. I cannot pick you up at the airport because I don’t think it will make it.” My car was working great when I left. I called my friend Steve who knows a lot about cars and helped me buy my car in September. He offered to go to my friend’s house and take a look at it for me. After he checked it out he said, “I think we should have it towed to my mechanic to make sure it is ok.” I agreed and called AAA in Hawaii and they were able to coordinate the towing to the garage. I was very grateful for Steve’s willingness to assist me with my car.
I was in Rhode Island and there was nothing I could do about it so I chose to stay in peace and trusted that the problem with my car was something minor and would be fixed. Of course, when I returned to Maui, I didn’t have a car and had to ask friends for rides to get around. Trudy has also offered to be my taxi cab driver while I am without a car. I wasn’t prepared when Steve called to give me the prognosis about my car. He said, “Pat, it needs a new engine. I have been looking on Craig’s list for a used engine and I found one in Lahaina and it costs $500. I will need the cash to bring to the mechanic so he can use his truck to pick up the engine.” I got off the phone in tears. I prayed and asked God who I could call to cash a check for me. My bank is out of state and I hadn’t opened a Hawaii bank account yet. Immediately, another friend came into my mind and I called and asked him for help. He was happy to assist me and agreed to meet me at his bank the next morning. I was filled with gratitude for his willingness to help me.
I realized that my feelings of vulnerability came from being alone here without family and not knowing anything about cars and engines and what I should do. I was choosing to trust Steve to guide me in my decision making. I prayed and asked God to open the door if I was to move forward and buy this “used engine” and close the door if it wasn’t a good engine. The story will be continued as it unfolds.
While this car business was going on which was stressful enough, I received a call from my new tenant in Rhode Island telling me she had several problems that needed to be addressed immediately; one of them being a leak in the dining room ceiling. My son gave me the name of someone who worked for him when he owned property. I called Walter and he agreed to go over the next day and address all of the problems. He contacted me afterward and told me what was needed to rectify the problems. Being 5000 miles away from my condo left me feeling quite vulnerable. I am sure that he could sense my stress with my quivering voice because as we were getting off the phone, he said, “I have it covered Pat, don’t worry.” It felt like God was saying to me, “I have it covered Pat, trust me and don’t worry. I have everything under control.”
The same day, I found out that one of my emails was hacked into and Delta Dental was dropping me because they hadn’t received my payment. Thank God both of these situations were taken care of and I didn’t lose my dental insurance.
I am learning to trust God by relinquishing my control and letting go and letting God. I am learning to ask others for help and trusting they will be there for me when I need them. I am learning to thank God in advance for how my prayers are being answered because an attitude of gratitude keeps me focused on God’s presence and power.
It is my belief that everything happens for a reason and that it is through problems and failures, weakness and neediness that I learn to rely more and more on God. Each problem or failure is followed by a growth spurt. I must have had a gigantic growth spurt this week. Whee…….. I am glad I got through it and can write about it. I know it’s all good and it’s all God.
DAILY WORD – LET GO LET GOD Jan/Feb pg.23
As I let go and let God, I am in the divine flow of life. Chores, tasks, commitments – I always have plenty to do. At times, I may even let my to-do list manage me, rather than the other way around. So today, I take a different approach: I let go. I let go of rushing, resentment, perfectionism and any feelings of insufficiency. Whatever I choose to do, I focus on it with gratitude, aware of the presence of God in this moment and in this work. I let God direct me through each activity with grace and ease, and I experience the joy of giving. When I finish, I bless what I have done and move on to my next task. I work in this way throughout the day, letting go and letting God steer me from one activity to the next. I am in the divine flow, and I am grateful
“More Stuff Keeps Coming up”
As this year comes to an end and a new year begins, I want to thank all of you who have supported and loved me this past year. It has certainly been a year of adventure, stepping out in faith and living my dreams. I have loved sharing it with you and inspiring you to live your dreams as well. Many of you have written to me sharing your dreams as well as your struggles and how your faith in God has been tested and strengthened. For many of us, it has been a year of “letting go and letting God.”
When you receive this blog, I will be on my way back to Maui from my visit with family and friends in New England. I so look forward to being back in paradise and the warm weather and the whales that are coming back. It was great seeing everyone and spending time together. We all stayed with my daughter Mary and she did a fantastic job of cooking delicious meals for all of us.
We even had snow on Christmas day and 8 inches of snow 3 days later. I was prepared with my heavy coat, boots and gloves as we took a walk through the woods. My son Jimmy and his girlfriend Lara had a beautiful Christmas tree (that he cut down himself) that filled the room and reached the ceiling. We celebrated the Winter Solstice at my
daughter’s farm with singing and a big bonfire, where we were invited to write down what we wanted to let go of and what we wanted to bring in for the new year. Five year old Cielea said, “I want to let go of crying and I want to bring in flowers and a healthy new baby (Her mom is due to give birth any day.)
Even though I had a wonderful time being with my family, “my stuff” came up (which never feels very good.) I think being with family (especially ex’s) triggers old behaviors, patterns and feelings that still need healing. I prayed for a dream, asking for clarity on what needed to be changed in me. God answered that prayer when I woke up from a sound sleep in the middle of the night with a dream that headlights from a car were shining in the room. Spirit revealed to me how I give my power away by looking to others to give me what I need to give to myself. Something shifted inside of me after the dream and I was able to feel peace and get back to sleep. So I am grateful for more opportunities to see what’s inside that needs to be changed; whether it be to detach with love, let go, forgive, or just to focus on the positive, instead of complaining.
I had a pleasant surprise when I returned to my condo for the first time since I left in September. Almost all of my furniture was out of my condo except a small table and lamp in my bedroom. When I put the lamp on, I noticed a ladybug sitting on the table! As I have shared in other blogs, ladybugs are one of my signs of God’s unconditional
love for me. I then looked on the floor and spotted another one. It looked like a mother and baby. I was delighted to received this wonderful gift of love. Then, a couple of days later at Christmas, I received a beautiful bracelet from my son and future daughter-in-law that had a ladybug on it. It came with a wonderful description about the meaning of the ladybug.
“Legend has it that the ladybug was named for the Virgin Mary who assisted farmers once they prayed to her. Keeping fields safe from harm, the ladybug evokes the energy of harmony. A ladybug’s life is short. It teaches us to release worries and to enjoy experiences to the fullest. A messenger of promise, when the ladybug appears in our lives it is telling us to “Let go and let God.”
Not only do I think this message of “letting go” confirms my lessons for 2012, but it will be the theme for 2013.
This is what I read today in “Effortless Prosperity” by Bijan
“As we were growing up, we were taught the importance of being in control; the more control that we had, the happier we would be. The truth is that the more we surrender control to Spirit (taking it away from ego), the more we will be guided in the right direction. It is like jumping into the river while wearing a life jacket. As we float downstream near the rocks, we can try to push ourselves away, but we will usually
crash into them. However, if we just let go and let the water carry us through, it will naturally take us around the rocks. If we just give up control, with little intention of going anywhere other than where the current leads us, we will be carried where we are supposed to go and where it will be best for us.”
More and more I find that I am able to surrender my plans to God and allow myself to be carried where I am supposed to be, in the way that is best for me (even though it may be painful.) I surrendered the sale of my home in Rhode Island to God and I am happy to report that I found a wonderful new tenant. I signed my lease to rent my condo (yea) on January 2 and leaving for Maui on January 3rd. Yes, God came through at the 11th hour and at the perfect and right time!
My prayer and wish for you for this coming year is that you know that you are ONE with God and that you experience God’s love and peace in all that you do.
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