“I felt a cloud over my head as the tears flowed down my face”

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Oct
8

I woke up this morning and said to God, “It’s the end of the week and I don’t have anything to share in my blog. I heard God say, “Have I ever let you down?” I said, “No God, you haven’t.”

I invited Angela to my home for coffee that afternoon. I sat there with my mouth open as she shared her powerful stories of how God has provided for her over the years. Five years ago, she moved to Maui with her 2 daughters, who were one and fourteen years old. She didn’t know anyone or didn’t have a place to live when she arrived. But, God provided miraculously for her and her children as soon as she got off of the plane. When we started to talk she said, “I think everyone has a book in them and I have been thinking about writing my story.” After listening to her share her stories, I felt excited and knew what I needed to do. I looked her in the eyes and said, “I will help you write your book, I will be your coach.” She smiled and said, “Thank you, I would like that and I will pray about it tonight.”

I met Angela 2 weeks ago when she attended, “Fall in Love with Your Inner Goddess.” She called me the day before the retreat to see if there was still room for her to attend. She said,” I went to the gym today and saw your flyer. I have never done anything like this before.” We still had space for her and she agreed to come.

I know it took a lot of courage for Angela to attend the retreat because she didn’t know me or any of the other women at the retreat. She was quiet, but had a beautiful smile that lit up her whole face. She said she loved the retreat.

I received an email from Angela a few days after the retreat. She wrote, “Pat, I just wanted to share something really awesome. When I saw your books on the table at the retreat, I thought to myself, “This book looks familiar and I wonder if I have it at home?” So after our women’s retreat, I went to my book case and there it was. I am not exactly sure how I got it, however, I have it and I’m reading it. I just think that even before we met we were connecting.

During our time together at my home, Angela remembered where she got my book from. She said, “A week before the retreat, I went to the library and at the front of the library they have books for sale. Your book jumped out at me and I bought it. I don’t always read the books I buy right away, but know that when I do read them, it is what I need to read. I put your book on my book shelf.” She also shared she had a gym membership, but hadn’t used it until the day she saw the flyer. She said, “Something told me I needed to be there because I want to learn how to love myself.” She managed to find a babysitter for her daughter at the last minute. She prayed about it and is excited about me helping her move forward in telling her story of God’s love.

I shared in last week’s blog about the “house swap” to Hana next week. The day after I sent out my blog, I received a call from Carol telling me her landlord was upset about her having friends stay at her place and she was unable to “swap houses.” I felt disappointed, but trusted that God had a better plan and stayed grateful. I remember reading “Disappointments are God’s appointments.”

Kati and I decided to rent a place for two days in Hana. Then, Kati’s landlord asked her to watch their dogs while they were away and would take $200 off her rent. It was the days we were planning on going away. This clearly was a closed door to go to Hana for my birthday. That same day, two other things fell through that I was disappointed about. All of a sudden, it felt like a cloud over my head, my energy was low and I wanted to cry. I knew this was not just about what was going on in my life today. I couldn’t figure out why because I know things happen for a reason and it always works out for my good. As I was driving my car to a breath work session that night, the tears started to flow down my cheeks and it hit me why I felt so low and what this “disappointment” was triggering in me.

For many years of my married life, I didn’t look forward to my birthday because I was often forgotten by my ex-husband. I felt disappointed year after year and it would be the same scenario of tears, hurt, anger and an apology and promise that it wouldn’t happen again. I had forgiven my ex-husband years ago so I was surprised this was coming up now.

What I realized is that I gave my power away for so many years because I expected someone else to make me happy. I didn’t know any better. I didn’t know that I make myself happy and I can be as happy as I want to be. Of course, when others do something nice for me, I appreciate it and it makes me feel loved.

I knew that my breath work session was going to be powerful and I was ready to feel my feelings and release whatever needed to be released so I could live in the present moment and enjoy all the gifts God was giving me. I didn’t want to live in the past and have buried feelings anymore. As I did my breath work, deep sadness came up that I allowed myself to stay in a place where I wasn’t respected and remembered. I needed to forgive myself for giving my power away and expecting others to make me happy.

During the breath work session, I felt God’s love and presence in a deep, profound way. It felt like something was being lifted from my heart. The next day, I felt loved, free, and playful and I knew there was a huge release. As I was walking to my car from the ocean, a woman in a silver convertible car passed me. I said, “I love your car.” Then I noticed her license plate that read, “Happiness.” I said, “I love your license place too.” She yelled to me, “My name is Happy.” Wow, I knew God was speaking to me.

The purpose of our lives is to be HAPPY. I know I am going to have a very HAPPY BIRTHDAY and I look forward to sharing it with you next week. When God closes a door, another one is opened. I can’t wait to see how this birthday is going to unfold and I am very excited about it.

“Disappointments are the hooks upon which God hangs his victories.

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Apr
8

“Disappointments are the hooks upon which God hangs his victories. There is a way to deal with disappointments that can make you a winner.  Remove the D and replace it with H. Thus, disappointment becomes “HISAPPOINTMENT.” In other words, remove the incident from the projections of your expectations and imagine that God has caused the situation to turn out this way because He has a bigger and better plan than the one you formulated. Our idea of the way things should be pales in the face of God’s vision for how good it can and will be.”  Dare to Be Yourself – Alan Cohen pg. 179

We’ve all had experiences of being disappointed when things don’t go the way we thought they were going to go.  We need to know how to work through the disappointment and not “stay stuck” or resentful because things didn’t go the way we wanted or expected them to go. It is an opportunity to trust God that whatever is happening is for our good.  I must admit that much of my disappointments have come from “I want what I want and I want it now” attitude. Can you relate?

I love HISAPPOINTMENT because whenever I’m not sure of what is the best path for me, I pray and ask God to either open or close the door. When God closes the door, I trust that there is something bigger and better for me. I have experienced closed doors at the very last minute, and it has always been for my good. This spoke to me because I was feeling very disappointed over something that happened during the week. While I was at church a few weeks ago, I spotted a very nice looking man sitting by himself in the back of the church. I wondered if he was new because I had never seen him before. As we were all walking out, I turned around and he was behind me. I introduced myself and we began talking. He just moved here from the Big Island and he said, “It is my second time here and it was suggested that I come to Unity because I am looking for this GOD THING.” That was all I needed to hear and blurted out, “Would you like to go for coffee or a walk sometime?” His face lit up and he said, “Yes, I would love to do that.” I laughed and said, “I am not usually this forward.”  I gave him my business card with my phone number on it. He said he would call me.

I was really excited and later shared with my girlfriends what happened. I described the feeling that I had when we smiled at one another. I actually had a physical sensation and felt a strong connection with him.  I felt the disappointment as the week went on that I hadn’t heard from him. I worked on letting go and trusting that it was a closed door. I wondered if he was threatened by my profession as a coach and author or worse yet, I thought perhaps he thought I wanted to get together so I could be his life coach.  Good lesson for me to learn for the future. I will not give a man my card that I am interested in!

I looked for him this past Sunday at church, but he wasn’t there. What happened next is really amazing because I received a “God wink.” I stopped to talk to one of the women before going into church. She said, “Pat, I have to tell you what happened when I worked at the new bookstore in the mall on Monday. A man came in and asked for Pat Hastings’ book, “Simply a Woman of Faith”. I said, Oh, I know Pat Hastings, but I don’t think we have her book. I was stunned and asked her, “Was his name John?” She said, “Yes, it was.”

What are the chances of me finding out that the day after we met that he went to the bookstore to find my book?  I felt grateful that I didn’t make up “this connection”  in my head and that perhaps he felt the same connection. I don’t know the reason why God closed the door (that he didn’t call) and I don’t need to know. Perhaps he found the book in another bookstore and the book will help him find this “GOD THING.” I know for sure that I am to pray for him that he finds what he is searching for. I have let go and trust that if we are meant to talk in the future, we will.

There is another opportunity in my life that I am praying about and asking God to open or close the door. I only want God’s will and it is not clear to me yet what that is.  All I know is that it is new territory for me, and that can be scary. But I am trusting divine love and guidance. It seems like God is inviting me to “receive” something that I have wanted for a long time and on a “silver platter.” It almost feels like it is too good to be true, but I know that everything that is good is true. Do I feel deserving and worthy to receive this gift from God? YES, I DO, and if God opens the door, I am going for it with gusto! I will share with you when the door is opened or closed.

I just learned a name for a behavior I once practiced in my life through reading Alan Cohen’s book, “Dare to be Yourself.” It is called a “Planaholic.” It states “our culture is obsessed with planning and much of it is inspired by fear. Heavy scheduling is a way to avoid intimacy. If we are constantly busy, we don’t have to face our feelings and deal with issues in relationships. If you are busy doing, doing, doing out of fear of being, you will never release that magnificent person who is calling to live and breathe and bring unique and precious gifts to the world.”

I am happy to say I am a recovering “Planaholic” and am so grateful for this wonderful shift in consciousness. It is amazing because today I prefer to live my day without plans. It feels so good to be in the flow, spontaneous and follow my intuition all through my day. I wake up and say, “thank you God for the miracles and surprises that will come my way today.” Course in Miracles  states,“The healed mind does not plan.” I lived in my head for such a long time and didn’t trust my intuition. Today, I trust my heart and intuition because I believe God speaks to us through our intuition. If I listened to my head and not my heart, I would not be on this sacred journey to Maui.  When I meet people and they ask me, “What brought you to Maui, I say, MY HEART.”

Since I no longer “do, do, do” and am learning to BE and feel, I am discovering more of myself and living the life of my dreams. It is truly the greatest adventure of my life since I followed my heart and moved to Maui. I am discovering the real me and finding the beauty and magnificence within. God is calling us all to walk this sacred journey of finding the love within. A Course in Miracles states “We are here to discover the blocks to our awareness of love’s presence, so we can release this and let our true loving nature shine forth in full splendor.”