Browsing all articles tagged with faith

I can ask for what I want, but I don’t always get it

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Oct
9

As my birthday approached this week, I promised myself that I would not let anything or anyone rob me of my joy and peace, like I have done in the past in regards to my birthday.  Being forgotten on my birthday by a family member year after year left a lasting memory.  I reminded myself that was the past and this was the present.

I wanted to celebrate my birth and have a great birthday, and I did.  My mantra was “I am open to receive (without judgment) whatever and whoever wants to give to me on my birthday.”

It was overwhelming and humbling when I received so many happy birthday wishes from Facebook friends, especially friends that I graduated high school with 50 years ago.  My beloved, Larry, who calls me his QUEEN made me feel very special.  We had a glorious day celebrating my birthday with dinner and a show. He bought me a beautiful topaz ring that I love and sent me 2 cards with poems that he wrote for me.  How much better does it get than this? It is true, good things come to those who wait.

My friends and family called to wish me a happy birthday and sent cards and gifts and I truly felt loved.  My women’s’ WOW group (Women of Wisdom) had a birthday cake for me and my friend, Kati, took me out to lunch and brought me lovely gifts and 2 roses.

What I have learned is that I can ask for what I want, but that doesn’t mean the other party will deliver, especially family members.  I know that if I ask, there is at least a chance that I will be heard and get what I want as I have shared in past blogs.

When I am not heard and don’t get what I want, I have several choices:  I can speak up & share my disappointment, I can shut up & detach, I can be grateful for “what is”, I can let go & accept, I can focus on what I do have, I can hold a resentment and feel like a victim, or I can live in my joy no matter what anyone does or doesn’t do.  You see, I am not responsible for the actions of others- what they do or don’t do, what they say or don’t say.  I am only responsible for my own actions and reactions and that is plenty enough to take care of.

In the past, when I didn’t know any better, I tried to guilt family members to do what I wanted them to do. They may have done what I wanted them to do once to get me off their back, but it was only temporary.  People will do what they want to do and that is really what I want, because it will come from their heart.  Today I know that if someone does something or gives me something, it is because they want to and not because they should or out of guilt.

I have learned to do what I want to do because it feels good and it is the loving thing to do. I don’t do what I don’t want to do (if it is not hurting another).  I resist if I sense that someone is trying to guilt me into doing something that I don’t want to do. That once worked, but it doesn’t anymore.

I have had a history of taking things personally and thinking it was all about me when a loved one didn’t do what I wanted them to do. I know today that it usually has nothing to do with me.  What a relief and blessing it is to know this for myself and for the people who love me and I love.  I caused myself undue stress and pain for many years because I thought I wasn’t loved or deserving because someone didn’t do what I asked and wanted them to do. I needed to change my thinking and realize not everyone has the same love language as me.

Of course, it is wonderful to be loved and to love another person.  That is what makes the world go around and I am very grateful for the love in my life.  I have learned that when I look to another to fill up my tank because it is empty, I give my power away and feel like a victim when I don’t get what I want.

Nobody can give to me what I can give to myself. The love that I want and deserve is my own love and God’s love. When I don’t get what I want from another, I don’t have to wait around because I can give it to myself.  For example, I buy myself flowers, cards or something special just for me. I take myself out for dinner or lunch when I want to.

The spiritual journey is about knowing what is mine and what is not mine. It is about knowing what I can and cannot control.  I cannot control what another person does or doesn’t do no matter how hard I try. Trying to control another person is futile and disrespectful and it just doesn’t work.

The good news is that I know what I can control and change and that is me:  my actions, my thoughts, my reactions and my attitudes.  Today, I take responsibility for all of my choices, actions and trust the process of life, knowing that I attract everything and every situation into my life for my highest good.

 

Happiness is a choice

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Sep
25

As I prepare for my workshop “Loving Yourself is the Key to True Happiness” this month in Maui, I have been thinking and talking about happiness and what makes me happy. Is it possible to be happy all the time? I believe that happiness is an inside job and it doesn’t depend upon outside circumstances i.e. how much money I make, my job, how I look, where I live, how other people treat me, etc.  Of course, being out of work or not having enough money to pay the rent or buy food, or suffering from depression or a chronic illness will make it more difficult to feel happy.

Happiness is a choice that I choose to make for myself every day.  I have a picture in my living room that says “The purpose of life is to be happy.” It is a false belief to think that when things change, (a new job, relationship, more money), I will be happy. The truth is that when I am happy, things will change. I asked myself, “Am I only happy when things are going my way and I am getting what I want in life? Can I be happy when things aren’t going my way and there is a lot on my plate?”

 

I believe the answer is yes if I stay in an attitude of gratitude, knowing that whatever I am experiencing is for my highest good and soul’s growth. It is not easy but it is a daily decision to live in the moment, to let go, trust God, not complain, worry, and live in fear. I have read that we are as happy as we want to be. I don’t know about you, but I want to be as happy as I can be.

I can truly say that I have never been happier in my life. I do believe that is partly because I have learned to love myself and give myself what I need. I have learned to not depend on others to make me happy. Sure, I am living my dream and manifested my soul mate and am living in a beautiful home on the ocean. That certainly makes me very happy – and that took 15 years to manifest.  But if I am honest, before I manifested this, I was happy and grateful for my life as it was.  Is that the key – to be grateful, content and happy where I am, and with what I have, and still be open to receive more abundance, new possibilities and new horizons in my life?

There are many activities that contribute to my happiness such as spending time and connecting with family and friends, using my gifts in the world, just BEING, seeing a beautiful sunset, playing at the ocean, relaxing, taking a hot bath, sipping a glass of wine over dinner, dancing, getting a massage, writing, praying and meditating, laughing and having fun, reading a good book, swimming in the hotel pools in Maui, eating dark chocolate or a delicious dinner, to name a few.

I recently had an opportunity to practice an attitude of gratitude, even though I didn’t like what was happening and I wasn’t happy about it. I had a mammogram and wasn’t expecting to hear that they found something and I needed to return for another mammogram and a sonogram. At first, I tried to jump over my feelings and went directly to trust. I didn’t want to feel my feelings, but within a short time, the fear, disappointment and anger surfaced and I was able to process my feelings in a safe and loving place. It was distressing because I had a pre-cancerous lump in my breast 20 years ago and I didn’t know if something new had developed.

Once I allowed myself to feel my feelings and to process and release them, I was able to let go, trust and feel happy again. Even though I didn’t know what the results would be, especially since the tests weren’t scheduled for 6 weeks later, I felt peaceful. I could have worried and been sick about it if I had not chosen to let go and trust. Worrying is a form of disbelief and it is not loving myself when I worry and obsess about something.

I had the mammogram and sonogram yesterday and after being on the table for ½ hour was delighted when the radiologist said, “This is good news, we cannot see anything.”  During the procedure, I just kept repeating, “Thank you God, thank you God over and over again.

My primary relationship is with myself.  Self-love is the baseline of happiness. When we live from a space of self-love, we are able to develop healthy, loving relationships, because our internal feelings of abundance will reflect back to us in the form of beautiful relationships, purpose-driven work and financial freedom. Self- love puts us on the fast track to healing. Our work is to clear out false beliefs about ourselves and shift them back to a loving perspective on life, which reveals our perfection and wholeness.

I believe that the more I love myself, and truly embrace myself as the perfect, whole and creative being that I am – others will return that love. Everyone in my life is a mirror of my consciousness. They can only be as loving, respectful and good to me as I am to myself. When I learn to love myself, I will receive the love and appreciation that I desire from others.

When I am committed to loving myself, living my truth and knowing what I want, I will be happy and attract others with equal commitment. When we truly love ourselves and give ourselves the love we need, we will be so full that when we give to another, we will give from our hearts true love, pure joy and compassion.

I asked for what I wanted and was heard

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Sep
15

YOUR LIFE IS A SACRED JOURNEY

It is about change, growth, discovery, movement, transformation, continuously expanding your vision of what is possible, stretching your soul, learning to see clearly and deeply, listening to your intuition, taking courageous risks, embracing challenges at every step along the way.

YOU ARE ON THE PATH

exactly where you are meant to be right now. And from here, you can go forward, shaping your life story into a magnificent tale of triumph, of healing, of courage, beauty, wisdom, power, dignity and love.”  Caroline Joy Adams

As Larry twirled me around the room dancing, my eyes fell upon the plaque that hung on my living room wall and I knew I was meant to start my blog with these beautiful words.

Yes, it is a sacred journey and we are all on the path, exactly where we need to be to grow and expand. Sometimes where we are is very scary because change is on the way and we don’t know what lies ahead.

Last week I shared that I was in the wings or the hallway – waiting, trusting and surrendering the sale of my condo to the God within. I am excited to share that it worked out perfectly because God is faithful and the timing was perfect. When it felt right to put my condo on the market a few months ago, I didn’t know if it would sell, but I knew that it was my next right step. Since my journey of faith has been to trust God to open or close the door, I knew I was safe and that whatever happened would be for my good.

I received a text message from my son, Brian, to contact him ASAP. I am so grateful to Brian because he has handled all of the transactions with my condo in Rhode Island. I knew something was up and called him immediately. He said, “Mom, there is someone who wants to rent your condo.” When he told me what they were willing to rent it for, I almost screamed. It was $425 more a month than what I was getting from my last tenant. I added it up in my head and it was over $5000 a year more. The extra money each month will help me breathe easier as it will go toward my rent in that doubled when I moved into my new home on the ocean. I was concerned that I wouldn’t get rent for the month of September (since my former tenants moved out on September 1) to pay my monthly mortgage. I am happy to say my new tenants will move in on September 22.

I am seldom “absolutely” sure of the next right step to take on my journey. Here is where I have learned to trust myself and the God within to step out in faith.  It is always about stepping out BEFORE I know the outcome. It would be easy if I knew HOW it would work out or what would happen. I stepped out in faith before I knew where the money was going to come from when I moved into my home on the ocean here in Maui. I prayed, turned over my will and trusted my heart. God has been faithful and continues to surprise me each month with how the money comes in. Of course, it is always perfect timing.

On another note, I would like to share an experience I had this week. Being in a loving relationship with Larry gives me the opportunity to ask for what I want which means to stretch, be courageous, listen to my intuition and to take a risk.

I have learned to focus on “what is good” and not what’s missing in my relationship. My relationship with Larry is very good so I wasn’t sure if I even wanted to bring this subject up. I didn’t want to make a big deal out of it, but it was something I wanted him to do for me. I gently and lovingly broached the subject, which we had talked about before. It didn’t seem like he was that receptive at first as he explained his thinking and behaviors to me. But as we talked and he listened from his heart, something appeared to shift inside of him and he heard me.

 

The next day when I asked him about our conversation about asking for what I wanted he said, “I love you. The way you asked me was loving and I would be crazy not to listen to what you needed from me in our relationship.”  My heart melted because I felt acknowledged and heard. This is not what I experienced in my marriage of 30 years – I guess that’s why we are not together any more.

There are many reasons why we fear asking for what we want; we may not want to appear weak, selfish, self centered, needy or incompetent. We may not want to inconvenience or bother someone with our needs. We may not think our needs are important and we don’t want to rock the boat, especially if things are going well in a relationship.

There is also the fear of what someone is going to ask us in return or the fear of being rejected or judged for what is important to us. We may have felt humiliated or rejected for asking for what we wanted in the past so we fear doing it in the future.

I wasn’t taught how to be assertive, direct and ask for what I want. The silent treatment was very familiar to me and I expected others to read my mind and then was angry and resentful when my needs weren’t met. I sometimes used guilt, sarcasm, coercion and dropped hints.

Some of us believe that our needs or desires are inferior to, or less important than, the needs of others.  Believing that asking for what you want is “selfish” is a distortion often born out of a lack of respect for yourself and others. A lack of self respect can make you feel unworthy or less important than others and cause you to subordinate your own needs and “not ask.”

If you don’t know what you want, you’ll have trouble getting it and experience a life-long feeling of deprivation, disappointment, scarcity, and resentment. When you don’t know what you want, you won’t realize if you achieve it.

I am so grateful that I have learned (and am still learning) to ask for what I want in a loving and non-threatening way. THIS DOES NOT MEAN THAT I GET EVERYTHING THAT I WANT. It does mean that I get some things I want and that I deserve to ask and be heard.

Do you know what you want and do you have the courage to ask for it?

 

I had to let go of my control and RELAX

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Sep
12

When I got my divorce 15 years ago, I found a plaque that spoke to my heart and it said RELAX. I still have it hanging in my living room in Maui to remind me to RELAX.

I have been seeing the word RELAX all over the place lately. Today, I noticed it written on a man’s  shirt, I see it in store fronts, on license plates, on a beach umbrella and I hear it in songs on the radio. I asked myself, “What does it mean to relax and why was this word  “showing up” in my life now?’

The dictionary says: to make looser, or less firm or tense: to relax one’s grip, to make less strict or severe; soften: to relax discipline, to abate; reduce; slacken: to relax one’s efforts, to release from intense concentration, hard work, worry, etc.; give rest to: to relax the mind.

My mind isn’t RELAXED when I obsess, worry, want to control or try to figure things out. Sometimes I am invited just to ACCEPT “what is” and trust. Here is where my faith grows when I don’t know what’s going on and I just have to let go of the outcome or what I think it should be like. Like the definition says –  to relax one’s efforts.

To RELAX is to know and believe that God is in control of EVERYTHING because I have turned my life and my will over to the God within. To RELAX means to be at peace knowing all is well and that God has my back covered. It is to know and trust that God’s timing is perfect and I have nothing to worry about. Worry is an illusion and it is also a choice. I can choose to worry and live in fear or I can choose to love and be at peace.  I am choosing love, instead of fear.

I’ve shared that I put my condo up for sale in Rhode Island a few months ago. It has been an “emotional roller coaster ride” and I have had to let go of my control and trust God’s plan and timing. It has not been easy knowing that I will now have to pay two rents since my tenant moved out on September 1 and I don’t know how long it will take to sell. Yikes, money issues or coming from a lack consciousness could make me crazy – if I let it.

I thought there was a buyer and was informed that an offer was going to be made the next day. When it fell through and I didn’t hear anything, I decided to try to rent it again since there were no buyers showing up. Three weeks later, the first person who I thought was going to make an offer came back with his contractor and I was told that he was going to make an offer the next day  Talk about having your hopes up. I have no idea what happened, but I never heard a thing from him. Clearly the door was shut in my face! Not the first time.

So right now, I am in the wings or the hallway waiting, trusting, surrendering and letting go. I am not sure what is best for me at this point – whether to rent or sell, so I have asked for guidance. I have done everything I know possible; prayer, visualization, gratitude and hiring a rental agent. I am so blessed that I have so many opportunities to practice what I preach; to choose love instead of fear, to let go, to relax and allow my faith muscles to get stronger. 

The temptation for me and for most of us is to doubt our decision in the first place and think we made a mistake. It would be so easy to judge myself because it hasn’t turned out the way I thought it would. Instead of judging or doubting myself that I made a mistake by trying to sell it, I am choosing to TRUST the God within that I am being divinely guided and all is well. I cannot see the results in the middle of this, but I know I will and there will be a story.

I would like to share how God has guided me through the concept of open and closed doors for the past 40 years on my spiritual path.

When I don’t know if something is God’s will or my will, I pray, “God open or close the door.” It hurts when the door is slammed in my face and I’m left wandering in the hallway until the next door opens.

“Closed doors are a valid part of guidance. When God closes a door, it’s because there is another plan, a better plan. If He closes one door, He’ll open another – according to His timing, not mine.  I keep moving in faith, even in the face of closed doors.” (Basham, 1975)

I may be guided to do one thing and then when I get there, God has something else in mind.  He doesn’t tell me His full plan ahead of time, which is probably good. That’s His way.  Mine is to love, trust and follow.

Guidance comes when I move in faith, not when I sit in doubt. I step out in faith, trusting that if I make a mistake, God will correct it and get me back on the right path for my life. I’ve made plenty of mistakes along the way, but have always been protected and led back to where I need to be.

There seems like there will always be something in our lives to cause us to expand and grow and to trust. I love my journey and I love to share the miracles of how things work out. So, stay tuned because I know God is trustworthy and has my back covered.

“For I know well the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you. Plans to give you hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11.  As I trust God’s plans to prosper me and give me hope and a future, I will RELAX and enjoy the present moment.

 

 

 

 

I choose not to obsess about wrongdoing done to me

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May
27

As I sat down to the blank piece of paper in front of me, I didn’t know what I was going to write about. I prayed and asked God, “Please guide me and help me share what I need to share.”  

Last night while sitting on the lanai, with Larry, I turned to him and said, “You are amazing.”  He is the most loving, kind, caring, gentle, patient and compassionate man I know.  It is clear to me how much he cares and goes out of his way to love and help others. I think this is one of the reasons I fell in love with him.

He turned to me, looked deeply into my eyes and said, “It takes one to know one.” Of course, I’ve heard this before many times, but for some reason, it went straight to my heart and kind of shook me up. Could I really accept that the qualities I see so clearly in him were also in me?  Was that why he fell in love with me?  

Could I be that loving, kind, caring, gentle, patient and compassionate?  It is one thing to think maybe I had these qualities in my head, but to accept them with my heart and embrace and CLAIM them as my own was something very different. I felt excited because I was allowing this truth to penetrate my being and soul.  I asked myself, “If I continue to love Larry and see his good qualities, would I continue to love myself and see my good qualities?” That felt really good and I knew that I had received a gift that I wanted to cherish and deepen. If I believed this about myself, my actions and reactions would naturally demonstrate that.  

I have heard that what I see in others is also in me, both the light and dark side of ourselves. We truly are mirrors for one another.  For most of us, it is easier to see the dark side and the things we don’t like about ourselves than it is to see the light and our magnificence.

I had just finished writing this part of the blog when God didn’t waste any time and gave me the opportunity to see and embrace the dark side of me. This is the human or unhealed part of me that wants to judge, be right, gossip and defend myself.

This didn’t feel quite as good as seeing me as loving, kind and compassionate. But I knew it was a gift and invitation to love all parts of me and ask God to heal me.

The details of what happened don’t matter, what matters is how I moved through it and the tools I used to free myself.  First of all, I needed to allow myself to feel my anger at what I “perceived” as wrong doing to me.  For much of my life, being a people pleaser, I was out of touch with my anger and just pushed it down, ate over it, or stayed busy over it.

I allowed myself to feel my anger and write about everything I was angry about. I didn’t hold back because I knew it was necessary for my process and transformation.  When it felt complete that I had released all of the anger inside of me, I then gave it to God and used a powerful forgiveness tool that I’ve used for years.

I prayed and affirmed, “I have attracted this into my life for my highest good. She is not wrong and I am not right.” There is always some resistance at first when I say this because I want to make someone else wrong that I believe has hurt, disrespected or wronged me. I may have to do it several times until it becomes a part of me and I believe it.  I know that whenever I make someone else wrong, (and me right,) I am a victim. I don’t want to live my life as a victim with unforgiveness and resentment in my heart. So it is a choice that I make to free myself and it has never failed me.

I then prayed, “I release judgment and send light and love whenever the thought came up about what was said or done to me.”  This is a powerful affirmation and works instantly. I cannot give myself the luxury of ruminating or obsessing about this because it hurts me and keeps me in bondage. It says in scripture. “Be transformed by the renewal of your mind.”

It is amazing how “free” I felt after I did this spiritual work and cleansing. The truth is that, “What other people think about me is none of my business.”  My business is to love; to love God first, and myself and others to the best of my ability.

I want my light to shine and to live my life being a loving, kind and compassionate person. I want to accept, love and embrace the light and dark parts of me because if I love myself this way, I am able to love others in the same way.

“FEAR NOT Pat, I am with you”

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Apr
15

“If ever I fear I don’t have enough, I remember the story of the prophet Elisha and the poor widow. Elisha advised the widow to FEAR NOT, but to recognize what she had. He blessed the small amount of oil in her home and had her gather more vessels in PREPARATION FOR ITS INCREASE.  Oil flowed, every available vessel was filled, and the widow was able to provide for her family. Prosperity was demonstrated through the widow’s GRATITUDE, FAITH AND ACTION; THE GOOD SHE PREPARED FOR CAME TO HER. I demonstrate prosperity as I bless and appreciate all I have and MAKE ROOM FOR MORE. All I need flows freely to me. As I receive with faith the riches of God’s kingdom, abundance is mine.”  Daily Word

 

Today, I feel like the widow in the scripture. Like her, I am practicing gratitude, faith and action. God says, “FEAR NOT PAT. You have stepped out in faith and I am blessing you. You prepared for good and it will come to you. You have made room for more and it will come.”

 

I received a gift from my friend, Mary, this week. It was a beautiful cross with FAITH on it. We walk by Faith, not by sight. Mary didn’t know that I was inspired to name my new home “Faith House.” It is a confirmation that this house is God’s gift to me and to all who enter it. My intention is that everyone who enters this sacred, holy space feels energy, presence and power of God’s love and peace.

 

I have learned that whenever I go higher or deeper with God, climb a bigger mountain than I ever did before, jump off a bigger cliff than I ever did before, old fears, behaviors and beliefs rear their ugly head. It can be damn right scary and terrifying at times.

 

“The truth is when you are out there taking a big step,you will find that you fall down even more regularly than you did before. Each time you fall, you will be faced with a choice – either turn back, or gather new strength, renew your faith in yourself, and get back on track.” Faith – A.C. Ping

 

I am walking by Faith, not by sight. I’ve jumped off the biggest cliff I’ve ever jumped off. I have EXPANDED my faith like I’ve never done before and it feels like I’m getting my doctorate degree in faith.  I doubled my rent and tripled my living space. WOW.

 

I know I followed God’s will and God opened the door. I am living in the mystery and don’t know yet all the details of HOW my abundance will flow in.  All the “WHAT IF’S and HOW’S came flashing into my mind as I am in the “Free Fall” on the cliff. I’m choosing to TRUST, KEEP MY EYES ON GOD and enjoy the ride, knowing I am safe and in God’s loving protection.

 

I have a choice to live in fear or in love. I am choosing LOVE and trusting God because God has NEVER let me down before when I’ve followed my heart and stepped out in faith. I wouldn’t be living in Maui if I hadn’t followed my heart and said YES to God’s plan.

 

I could have said NO to my dream home on the ocean (God’s gift to me) and stayed in my “boat of comfortableness” because of fear or because I didn’t know how it would happen. But that is not what faith is all about. I stepped out of the boat and trusted God was leading and guiding me BEFORE I had all the answers.

 

Although most of us don’t like change, it is often when we are most uncomfortable that we have the opportunity to find the strength and courage to fulfill our dreams. You may wonder how I knew it was God leading me and not just what I wanted. I knew it was Spirit because of the deep peace I felt inside my heart. By the grace of God, I became willing to risk, take action and jump.

 

Faith allows us to move beyond what the past tells us is possible. Without faith, we would never create anything bold, grand, or seemingly impossible. Without faith we undermine our own ability to really get onto our life path and BE and DO what we want to DO. Instead, we put ourselves in a situation where our own fears and doubts consume our passions and kill our dreams.” Faith – A.C. Ping

 

If you are ready to step up to the plate, take a leap of faith and take responsibility for your life and dreams, I can help you change your internal story and embrace your divine nature. Are you ready?

 

 

“Why it’s difficult to say NO and set boundaries

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Mar
27

 “I am guided by the wisdom of God in everything I THINK, SAY OR DO. I know how to plan my life and direct my path because God is doing this FOR ME by doing it THROUGH ME. There is no uncertainty or confusion. The divine Spirit always knows what to do and how to do it.” Creative Ideas, Ernest Holmes

Thank you all for writing and thanking me for my “list” of how I kept myself peaceful in last week’s blog. I have followed it and its working. I would like to add a few more things that I have practiced and learned this week. One of them is that I have the right to change my mind – and not feel guilty or apologetic. I am not responsible for another person’s reactions or feelings. I have to do what is right for me by going within and getting in touch with my feelings. My feelings are a gift from God and they will guide me to the next right thing for me to do or be.

I was sharing with my friend, Kati, what I learned about asking for what I wanted and being willing to accept a NO or a YES from the person I asked to do something for me. She immediately said, “Please share what you wrote to me when I said no to your request because it felt so good.” She sent me a text saying, “Apologies for not jumping in today loved one. Needed an unwind day for body, mind and spirit. I will be there with bells on toes for the yard sale. Thanks for understanding.” I knew that she felt badly that she couldn’t help me so here is what I wrote back to her. “Sweetheart, no apologies necessary. Saying YES to yourself is just as important, perhaps more important, than saying YES to me. I respect your NO.”

A NO uttered from deepest conviction is better and greater than a YES uttered to please, or what is worse, to avoid trouble.” Gandhi

There was a time in my life that I didn’t know how to say NO to others because I wanted to be loved and wanted to please others. I didn’t know how to ask for what I wanted – because I didn’t know what I wanted or what my feelings were. I was passive and expected others to read my mind and know what I wanted. And then I was resentful and angry when they didn’t do what I wanted them to do. I often said YES to a request when I really wanted to say NO because I was afraid of hurting other people’s feelings.

Over the years, I have learned and now teach others how to be assertive and the positive goals of saying no and to say no in a way that doesn’t destroy a relationship. By saying no to demands for your time and energy and inappropriate behaviors, you create the space to the YESES in your life that really matter. You cannot truly say YES until you can truly say NO and stand in your power. Saying NO is saying YES to yourself and protecting what is important to you.

Here are some reasons why it is hard to say NO, speak up, set boundaries and say YES to what really matters:

Fear of not being liked or loved.

Fear of retaliation – if I don’t do this for you, you won’t help me.

Easier to just go along and pretend nothing is wrong.

Don’t want to offend someone or hurt someone.

Don’t want someone to be angry with you.

Don’t want to rock the boat and stir things up – peace at any price (at the expense of your own needs).

You don’t know what you want– fear of facing self and the truth.

You are more comfortable with others making decisions.

You don’t trust yourself that it’s ok to have wants and needs.

You never learned the skills of how to say no.

You are afraid of standing up for yourself.

You are unconsciously attached to being the martyr or victim.

It is easier to stay in denial about a problem because then you won’t have to take responsibility for yourself and what you want.

You don’t want to feel guilty and look selfish.

You don’t deserve to say no. You tell yourself “I should be more loving, available…”

You imagine in advance their reaction, so you say nothing.

Things are good enough as they are and you feel a measure of security in the relationship.

You don’t deserve any better.

The security of the relationship is more important than your own personal fulfillment.

You may feel responsible or made to feel responsible for the failure or unhappiness of others.

Communication is essential to healthy relationships, whether that be with a partner, spouse, child, friend or employer. We need to know how to ask for what we want, how to receive, how to speak up, say no and set appropriate boundaries. Saying YES to ourselves is healthy and self-caring. We not only help ourselves, but we teach others, especially our children how to do this.

If you are struggling with any of the above, don’t know what you want, don’t know how to be assertive and ask for what you want and want help to say YES to what is important in your life, I can help you.

I am offering a complimentary 30-minute coaching session. Call me and we will discuss the special package I am offering this month. As a Spiritual Life Coach, I have assisted people deal with issues regarding addictions, grief, transitions, relationships and trauma.

Is it time for you to say YES to yourself and move forward in your life? If not now, when?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I woke up at 3 a.m. in a panic

Posted Posted by admin in Blog (Weekly), Blogs     Comments No comments
Mar
18

I woke up at 3 a.m. and thought about all that was on my plate at the same time and said out loud, “Holy SH…   It felt like the perfect storm was coming together at the same time. I got up and grabbed my journal to write it all down (instead of keeping it all in my head.) I felt better after I did this and eventually went back to sleep because I thought I had a plan.

I needed to pack and get ready to move out of my friend, Jodene’s,  home in two days so I could move in with my friends, Patrick and Nicole, for the next two weeks until my new home was ready to rent.  This meant deciding what I wanted to bring with me (food, clothing, important papers, etc.) and what I wanted to put in my friend, Barbara’s, second bedroom.

 My girlfriend, Joni, was getting married on Friday (two days from now) and I am her “wedding planner” which means I am in charge of the decorations and making sure everything runs smoothly for the wedding and the reception. I spent several hours last week designing nine flower arrangements for the tables at the reception, which I loved doing. This is my first real job in my new business “Beauty in Bloom Florals.”

My friend, Dr.Gina Kim, and I are planning to do a retreat together “FREE TO BE ME” on March 29th and we will be getting together next week to prepare for that.

I needed to get car insurance for my new car and it needed to be registered so a trip to the Department of Motor Vehicles was in order.  We know how stressful that can be.

My new home is already beautifully furnished so I will be having a yard sale to get rid of much of my stuff.  I have my boxes piled high in Barbara’s second bedroom, which meant I had to pull the boxes out and go through them to see what I wanted to sell and what I wanted to bring with me.

I wondered why I had so much on my plate at the same time and how I was going to handle it all. Of course, I had no idea I would be moving at this time and the wedding date was planned 6 months ago.

What was most important for me was to stay peaceful and I knew that was a choice. I reminded myself that moving was high on the list for stressors so I had to be vigilant with my thinking and I needed to stay close to God.

In prayer the next morning, I wrote out a list of what was important and what I wanted to do:

1.       Pray about everything and ask for guidance

2.       Choose to live in peace  by making it a priority

3.       Ask for help when I needed it

4.       Let go of things that weren’t important and I could put off until I was settled.

5.       Do the next right thing

6.       Focus on Love

7.       Stay in the present moment

8.       See the beauty all around me

9.       Rest and take naps

10.   Do one good thing for myself  and someone else each day

11.   Trust the process

12.   See the signs all around me that the Universe is always supporting me

13.   Simplify and have a plan

14.   Be open to receive from others

15.   Affirm that “I have all the time I need and it will flow with peace, ease and grace”

16.   Choose to be ok with “being in between” and not knowing how the future will unfold

17.   Be patient

As I shared in last week’s blog from the Daily Word, “I surrender to the wisdom of God within, even when I don’t know where that might lead. Like the skydiver who surrenders bravely to a free fall, as I trust God, I am assured my parachute will open. I know there may be a free fall – a period of uncertainty – but as I LET GO AND LET GOD, I LAND SAFELY IN NEW TERRITORY.”

During prayer one day, I was led to go back over my journal for the past month and reflect on my own inner growth and shift. I knew something major had shifted inside of me and I wanted to recognize it, embrace it and honor it.

On March 1, 2014 I wrote, “I am BESIDE MYSELF with excitement and joy for what is happening in my life and what I have co-created with God.  I then asked myself, “What did it mean to be BESIDE MYSELF?” It meant that God and I are ONE and that God is strapped in behind me, the parachute is the Spirit that will carry me higher and higher (just like the paragliding that I did a few weeks ago.)  It meant that I am my own counselor, cheerleader, advocate, Higher Power, friend, lover and I can be trusted, for the wisdom of God is within.

For much of my life, I looked outside of myself for my answers and I thought that everyone else knew what was best for me.  In reality, I gave my power away to every Tom, Dick and Harry that came along.  I am not beating up on myself, because I didn’t know any other way. I didn’t know how to trust myself because I wasn’t taught how to trust myself.

Today, I trust myself, go within for wisdom and I teach others how to do that.  For the first time in my life, I went INSIDE for my answers in regard to the decisions around renting my new home. It was a huge step in faith and a “knowing” that I was being led every step of the way. It was a QUANTUM leap of faith (double my rent) and the name of the house will be the HOUSE OF FAITH.” I plan on leading individual/ group retreats/vacation and workshops that will be dedicated to God’s healing and transformation.

Let me know if you would like to come to beautiful Maui and do a guided/individualized retreat with me.  How awesome would that be waking up every morning and seeing the ocean?  How much better could it get that this?

My “Maui Cruiser” makes a screeching noise

Posted Posted by admin in Blog (Weekly), Blogs     Comments No comments
Mar
11

I love how God works in my life, especially when I look back and see how I am being guided.  When I moved to Maui, I bought a “Maui Cruiser.” I am grateful for my green 1997 Toyota because it allowed me to get around town and where I wanted to go.  Although I was grateful for the car, it never felt quite right because it looked old and dilapidated. For example, I couldn’t get the passenger seat window to open because the motor broke. A few weeks ago, I was driving home at night and my window wouldn’t go up. It appeared that the motor was broken and I had to cover it at night with a green garbage bag so the rain wouldn’t get in.  It certainly didn’t feel like the “abundance” attitude that I felt inside of me.

I thought about selling the car rather than paying $250 to get the window fixed. I went back and forth and then decided I had too much on my plate with moving and not knowing where I was going to live. I decided to get the window fixed and wait until I moved to look for a new “used” car to buy.

About a week ago, I was driving with my friend, Jodene, and all of a sudden there was a very loud screeching noise when I turned the wheel. It was very disturbing because it seemed like the power steering was on the way out.  I knew that would be expensive to fix and I certainly didn’t want to put any more money in my “Maui Cruiser” that appeared to be dying.  I mentioned it to another friend that day and she suggested that I check with my mechanic, Andy, (whom I trusted) to see if I could trade my car in for a newer model.

I called Andy to tell him about the “screeching” noise and the problem I was having with the steering. He told me to bring the car in the next day and he would check it out. The next morning when I got in my car to bring it to Andy’s garage, the car was completely fine and no screeching. Just like when you go to your doctor and get there and the symptoms are gone.

Andy wasn’t sure what the problem was because the screeching noise was now gone. I asked him, “Andy, are you interested in buying my car or trading it in for something you have on your lot?” He said, “Yes, I will give you $1200 right now.” He just happened to be working in his garage on a 2002 Honda Civic that looked pretty nice. He then offered me $1500 to trade in my car, which seemed like a real deal. It was the fastest deal I have ever made. I picked up the car today and it definitely feels like I am moving up in the world.

Today is the anniversary of my grandmother’s death 35 years ago. I was very close to my grandmother and she nicknamed me her angel. I prayed in the morning and asked that I would feel her presence. When I got in my new car, I was led to check to see if there was anything in the CD player. I opened it, and sure enough, there was a CD in it. The first song was ANGEL and the second song was WITH YOU.  I felt such gratitude as I felt my grandmother’s presence and love as I drove away in my new car.  As I looked at the other titles, I realized that this CD was not a spiritual CD. In fact, one of the other songs was YOU DON’T HAVE TO LET GO.  I sure do need to let go because my life is about “Letting Go and Letting God.” The license plate is MHW 118. I love to play with letters and I wanted to name the car. What came to mind was MAGNIFICENT HIGHER-POWERED WOMAN. I was talking to my friend, Kari, that night about the name and she came up with MAUI’S HOT WOMAN. Hmmm……. What do you like?

When I went to bed that night and pulled down the covers, I found a beautiful angel with LOVE written on it. Jodene had put it under my pillow. Another touch of love from heaven.

I have another funny story about my “old car.” I came out one morning and found a dollar bill folded up under the windshield wiper. Jodene and I just looked at one other wondering who put it there. Was someone feeling bad for me with my “Maui Cruiser and wanted to help out?  Or was this manna from heaven? I liked manna from heaven better.  A few days later, my neighbor passed by and said, “Did you find the dollar bill that I put under your windshield? I found it right outside your car door.” I am going to put that dollar in a place where I can SEE IT to remind me of manna from heaven that God is pouring out on me.  

An update on my living situation: I am staying with my friend, Jodene, until March 14th and then going to another friend’s house until the end of the month. I will be moving into my new home on April 1. I found out today that my new street name which is Laniolu means HEAVENLY COMFORT.

As I was filling out the lease agreement on my computer, Jodene walked by and noticed the name on the right side of the computer.  She said, “Oh my God, I think I know that person.” I answered, “What, are you kidding me?” She quickly looked in her “Maui file” and sure enough she had the name and phone number of my new landlord who lives is Rhode Island.

Jodene explained that she met my new landlord last year while sitting at Tommy Bahamas for happy hour. My landlord was only here for a few days to rent her home to my friends. Jodene immediately called her and told her that she not only knew me, but I was staying with her.  What are the chances of this happening?  Another synchronicity, God wink or God-Incident, that I refer to in my book, “Simply a Woman of Faith.”       

Daily Word – I bravely surrender to God’s will in my life

“Bravery can mean acting boldly and fearlessly, but it can also mean trusting God’s will in my life even when I don’t know where that might lead. Like the skydiver who surrenders bravely to a free fall, as I trust in God, I am assured my parachute will open. If I feel inner resistance, I am not discouraged. I meditate on the truth of God’s love and have faith. Releasing my concern, I remember all the times I resisted a situation that later yielded good results. I audaciously surrender to the wisdom of God within. I know there may be a free-fall – a period of uncertainty – but as I let go and let God, I land safely in new territory.”

 

Manna from Heaven pours down

Posted Posted by admin in Blog (Weekly), Blogs     Comments No comments
Mar
10

 

I love how God works in my life, especially when I look back and see how I am being guided. When I moved to Maui, I bought a “Maui Cruiser.” I am grateful for my green 1997 Toyota because it allowed me to get around town and where I wanted to go. Although I was grateful for the car, it never felt quite right because it looked old and dilapidated. For example, I couldn’t get the passenger seat window to open because the motor broke. A few weeks ago, I was driving home at night and my window wouldn’t go up. It appeared that the motor was broken and I had to cover it at night with a green garbage bag so the rain wouldn’t get in. It certainly didn’t feel like the “abundance” attitude that I felt inside of me.

 

I thought about selling the car rather than paying $250 to get the window fixed. I went back and forth and then decided I had too much on my plate with moving and not knowing where I was going to live. I decided to get the window fixed and wait until I moved to look for a new “used” car to buy.

 

 

About a week ago, I was driving with my friend, Jodene, and all of a sudden there was a very loud screeching noise when I turned the wheel. It was very disturbing because it seemed like the power steering was on the way out. I knew that would be expensive to fix and I certainly didn’t want to put any more money in my “Maui Cruiser” that appeared to be dying. I mentioned it to another friend that day and she suggested that I check with my mechanic, Andy, (whom I trusted) to see if I could trade my car in for a newer model.

 

I called Andy to tell him about the “screeching” noise and the problem I was having with the steering. He told me to bring the car in the next day and he would check it out. The next morning when I got in my car to bring it to Andy’s garage, the car was completely fine and no screeching. Just like when you go to your doctor and get there and the symptoms are gone.

 

Andy wasn’t sure what the problem was because the screeching noise was now gone. I asked him, “Andy, are you interested in buying my car or trading it in for something you have on your lot?” He said, “Yes, I will give you $1200 right now.” He just happened to be working in his garage on a 2002 Honda Civic that looked pretty nice. He then offered me $1500 to trade in my car, which seemed like a real deal. It was the fastest deal I have ever made. I picked up the car today and it definitely feels like I am moving up in the world.

 

Today is the anniversary of my grandmother’s death 35 years ago. I was very close to my grandmother and she nicknamed me her angel. I prayed in the morning and asked that I would feel her presence. When I got in my new car, I was led to check to see if there was anything in the CD player. I opened it, and sure enough, there was a CD in it. The first song was ANGEL and the second song was WITH YOU. I felt such gratitude as I felt my grandmother’s presence and love as I drove away in my new car. As I looked at the other titles, I realized that this CD was not a spiritual CD. In fact, one of the other songs was YOU DON’T HAVE TO LET GO. I sure do need to let go because my life is about “Letting Go and Letting God.” The license plate is MHW 118. I love to play with letters and I wanted to name the car. What came to mind was MAGNIFICENT HIGHER-POWERED WOMAN. I was talking to my friend, Kati, that night about the name and she came up with MIGHTY HOT WOMAN. Hmmm……. What do you like?

 

When I went to bed that night and pulled down the covers, I found a beautiful angel with LOVE written on it. Jodene had put it under my pillow. Another touch of love from heaven.

 

I have another funny story about my “old car.” I came out one morning and found a dollar bill folded up under the windshield wiper. Jodene and I just looked at one another wondering who put it there. Was someone feeling bad for me with my “Maui Cruiser and wanted to help out? Or was this manna from heaven? I liked manna from heaven better. A few days later, my neighbor passed by and said, “Did you find the dollar bill that I put under your windshield? I found it right outside your car door.” I am going to put that dollar in a place where I can SEE IT to remind me of manna from heaven that God is pouring out on me.

 

An update on my living situation: I am staying with my friend, Jodene, until March 14th and then going to another friend’s house until the end of the month. I will be moving into my new home on April 1. I found out today that my new street name which is Laniolu means HEAVENLY COMFORT.

 

As I was filling out the lease agreement on my computer, Jodene walked by and noticed the name on the right side of the computer. She said, “Oh my God, I think I know that person.” I answered, “What, are you kidding me?” She quickly looked in her “Maui file” and sure enough she had the name and phone number of my new landlord who lives is Rhode Island.

 

Jodene explained that she met my new landlord last year while sitting at Tommy Bahamas for happy hour. My landlord was only here for a few days to rent her home to my friends. Jodene immediately called her and told her that she not only knew me, but I was staying with her. What are the chances of this happening? Another synchronicity, God wink or God-Incident, that I refer to in my book, “Simply a Woman of Faith.”

 

 

Daily Word – I bravely surrender to God’s will in my life

 

“Bravery can mean acting boldly and fearlessly, but it can also mean trusting God’s will in my life even when I don’t know where that might lead. Like the skydiver who surrenders bravely to a free fall, as I trust in God, I am assured my parachute will open. If I feel inner resistance, I am not discouraged. I meditate on the truth of God’s love and have faith. Releasing my concern, I remember all the times I resisted a situation that later yielded good results. I audaciously surrender to the wisdom of God within. I know there may be a free-fall – a period of uncertainty – but as I let go and let God, I land safely in new territory.”

 

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Pat Hastings

Author, Inspirational Speaker, Spiritual Coach, Retreat Leader & Radio Talk Show Host

Simply A Woman of Faith
621 Laniolu Place Kihei, HI 96753
pat@simplyawomanoffaith.com
401-862-8859