I shared a few weeks ago that the sale of my condo in Rhode Island fell through 4 days before settlement. Of course, I was disappointed and shocked, but I accepted “what is” and put the condo back on the market.
In last week’s blog I shared I had another offer on the condo. It was not what I had expected (several thousand dollars less), but I was grateful I had an offer. We signed the agreement and the inspection was set for this week. I felt peaceful and envisioned everything moving with peace, ease and grace.
I received a call from my real estate agent the morning of the inspection and I could tell in her voice that she didn’t have good news. She said, “Pat, I’m sorry to tell you this but the woman backed out of sale and cancelled the inspection. We will have to start all over and put the house back on the market.” I was in SHOCK and felt very weary.
I got off the phone and cried in Larry’s arms because I felt so disappointed and devastated. I couldn’t believe what was happening because it was the third offer that fell through and the condo has been empty since July.
It felt like I was hit by a truck and I spent the day going within and loving myself; two- hour nap, journaling my feelings, praying, crying, forgiving, remembering, hot bath, breathing and letting go of expectations and what I wanted.
I needed to allow myself to BE and feel my feelings and not do a spiritual bypass, even though it felt awful. I know my feelings are messages from my soul and I needed to pay attention. Fear quickly came to the surface as I “future tripped” on what could happen if I didn’t sell my condo. I wondered if I was doing something wrong?” Has that ever happened to you when something doesn’t turn out the way you envisioned or wanted?
I asked Spirit for a message because I didn’t understand what was going on. Here is what I received.
“This is not your fault. You haven’t done anything wrong. You cannot see the whole picture in this moment. Accept what is and TRUST. Let go of your expectations and what you want. Most of all, love yourself and don’t beat up on yourself. You are not alone. I am providing for you. You need to relax and rest in me. Feel your feelings and then let them go.”
When I woke up the next morning, I felt hopeful, peaceful, renewed and like something had shifted deep inside of me. Spirit guided me to read a book that I bought forty- three years ago when I was going through a difficult time and needed God’s guidance. It’s called “How God Guides us” by Don Basham.
My spiritual life has been based on the wisdom from this small book that cost $1.00. God guides us through open and closed doors. When I’m not sure what direction to go, my prayer is always “God open the door if it is for my highest good and close the door if it is not.” It has always worked, but it is not always easy when the door is closed in your face, especially when it is closed 3 times as it has been with my condo. Basham writes:
* Closed doors are a vital part of guidance. Don’t be afraid of closed doors.
* When God closes a door, it’s because His/Her plan involves something else.
If a door is closed, another door will open.
* The door of His/Her choice will open further down the line.
* Faith grows between that time when you think God has to answer and that time
when he finally does.
I wrote a book called Simply a Woman of Faith and have been on the faith journey for many years. My faith muscles are growing stronger and stronger every day. I only want to be aligned with God’s will and I trust I am being guided through open and closed doors.
We are all invited to make a commitment to TRUST Spirit, God, Love and the Universe even more deeply and to remember everything is already planned in the mind of God and we are always being guided to our highest and best good.
Basham writes in his book, “Living by faith is like living in the midst of a miracle on the edge of a disaster. IF God doesn’t come through, you go UNDER.”
I am “awakening” daily to the truth of who I AM; I AM Love and the presence of God/Divine/Source/Essence in the world. I am a Divine being that comes from Love and is made out of Love. Wow, isn’t that amazing and when I really embrace it and live it, miracles occur everywhere and every day. Do you know that you are Love and the presence of God in the world or do you think you are unworthy, not perfect or not good enough to even consider that?
As I awaken to the Spirit within, I am being shown more clearly how I have lived most of my life believing that I am separate from God and God is outside of me, up in the sky somewhere. I had to be a good girl, be perfect to be loved and get to heaven.
I am being shown how and where my ego has been playing in my life, in spite of wanting to live my life for God and to do God’s will. The ego wants to distract me from knowing the truth of the God within and myself as a child of God. It wants to rob me of my peace. Every thought that is not of God is of the ego. The ego is fear in every form. What I am learning is that the ego is not real and it is an illusion. All that is real is LOVE.
Do you recognize how your ego shows up on a daily basis? Here are some of the behaviors and feelings that I have discovered within myself when my ego is running the show. Ego is often sneaky and doesn’t want to be recognized. It loses its power when we identify it.
When I am or feel:
*Comparing myself to others
*Competing with others
*Unable to ask for help and receive
*Unable to accept “what is”
*Blaming others for my problems
*Wanting to be right and have the last word in a conversation
*Wanting to be perfect and look good
*Wanting to do everything perfectly
*Wanting to intimidate or manipulate others
*Wanting to judge others
*Wanting to be the BEST
*Wanting to fix others & f eel responsible for other’s happiness and well-being
*Wanting to control others
*Wanting to run the show
*Wanting to be somewhere else rather than where I am
*Feeling less than or better than
*Feeling not good enough, unworthy and not deserving
*Feeling fearful, guilty or shame
*Feeling like a victim
*Being unable to forgive and holding a grudge
*Drama in my life
*Addicted to a substance or a process like work, busyness, shopping or gambling
*Taking things personally, being overly sensitive and feelings easily hurt
*Worrying and obsessing about a person or situation
Recently, I felt jealous about something and I didn’t like it at all. It had been a long time since jealousy had reared its head. I started to beat up on myself and felt shameful and embarrassed because it seemed so ridiculous to me that I was feeling jealous. When I brought it to my prayer and asked Spirit what was going on, this is what I heard from Spirit.
“You must not make a big deal out of this. Love is all there is and all that is real. The more you know that love is all there is, the less bothered you will be when the ego thought system shows up in your life. Learn to smile at it when you recognize it and it will mean nothing because it’s only a dream and not real. LOVE EVERYTHING. You always have a CHOICE to choose love or fear. Choose LOVE. As you identify the ego and its patterns in your life and you release it and choose love, your light shines brighter in the world.
Beating up on yourself and feeling guilty or shameful is being unloving toward yourself. Your ego wants to rob you of your peace and knows exactly how to do it and where to go. I want you to befriend your ego rather than trying to beat it out of you. I want you to love all of you because you are love and as you learn to love yourself, you are loving your brother and loving me because we are all One.”
How do you get the ego out of the way and create miracles in your own life? Know that the ego is not you. You are that which is observing your ego. Don’t fight against the ego and the emotions you are feeling. Experience them. Let them run their course.
Many years ago, I learned to invite jealousy and all my feelings in for a cup of tea. I need to remember to do that again. How about you? Are you choosing Love and loving yourself? Are you experiencing miracles in your life?
The longer I travel this journey of life, the more I’m finding out about myself. In the past, I’ve shared how difficult it is for me to accept compliments and positive attention from others. The other day Pat and I were talking about reasons why it’s difficult to receive compliments and positive attention.
The thought occurred to me that when I receive a compliment or receive positive feedback from another. I act like a turtle. You know how a turtle often presents itself dozing on a rock near a pond or around a shoreline with it’s head out enjoying the sun. Then as you approach the turtle it immediately pulls its head in for protection. I’m becoming aware that is what I do when someone offers me a compliment or responds to something I’ve done in a positive manner.
I pull back to protect myself because I’m afraid you will discover the real me, not the one you admire. I often think that if you understood what I deal with to try to become that person that you admire, you would have never offered me a compliment. If you could see the weak person that I think I am and my struggle with my ego and fear, you wouldn’t be giving me compliments.
Then the ego tries to convince me that the person giving me a compliment really didn’t mean what they said. They are just trying to be nice or perhaps they want something from me.
You know that I talk and write a lot about love, kindness and forgiveness and people have said to me “That’s easy for you to do.” I look at them in astonishment, smile and slowly shake my head. Why would it be easier for me to do?
It seems my mindset in the past has been that I have to say it, write it, and practice it perfectly before I can take credit for it. LOVE (Spirit) is showing me that this is ridiculous. Trying to be perfect is an old belief that no longer serves me and never has. When a person gives me a compliment, I am choosing to believe it’s because I have touched them in some way that they appreciate and they want me to know that.
So I hear LOVE saying “Don’t pull your head back in turtle, accept the gift and compliment, live in the moment and enjoy the experience.” Well, I’m trying and learning to do that, I hope you are too. Thanks for reading our sharing.
I needed a “Pat Day” and time to be alone to “go within” to meditate and pray. I drove to the ocean and parked my car along the road. I sat on the rocks and allowed the sound of the ocean waves to wash over me. I could feel the tears bubbling up and wasn’t even sure why I was crying. When I finished meditating, I prayed and asked God for clarity and truth about what was coming up and what I needed to release or change. I asked myself, “Was the pain about the present or something from my past?” Pain is an indication (especially emotional pain) that something needs my attention.
As I’ve shared in past blogs, being in a relationship is great (and I wouldn’t trade it for anything), but it does bring up my “stuff” and where I need to change and grow. It not only brings up my “stuff” that needs changing, it brings up how I’ve grown and changed. I like this much better.
Today I’m celebrating my growth and the courage to “go within.” I am committed to my spiritual journey and allowing whatever needs to come up to come up to be transformed. I no longer medicate my feelings, but allow myself to feel everything. I know to feel is to deal and to heal; and feelings are a gift from God.
Writing is one of the spiritual tools I use to help me get clear on what’s going on in my life. I just keep writing and writing until I get clarity and get to the bottom of my pain. Before I started to journal, I was able to identify some positive behaviors that I have changed over the years.
Spirit brought to mind an experience that I had with one of my sons about 10 years ago. I confronted him and shared my feelings about something he had done that hurt me. Clearly he didn’t hear me and no matter how I tried to explain it, he wasn’t buying it. I was frustrated because it was important for me to know he heard me (and change his behavior). After going around and around and trying every communication technique I knew, I finally got it and the light bulb went off. I was trying to control him and trying to make him see it my way. When this realization came to the light, I apologized for my controlling behaviors, of wanting to be right and was able to let it go!
Here is what happened and where my growth was: I confronted Larry about something that happened the night before when we had company. He listened, but didn’t have the same perspective that I had. In fact, it was just the opposite. The good news is that I didn’t argue with him, try to control him and get him to see it my way. I trusted my perception and didn’t have to make Larry wrong and me right. This was definitely growth. I knew it wasn’t resolved yet and we needed further discussion, but that would be after my time alone with God.
In past relationships, it may have taken me a week or a month or a year to share my feelings. Because I was afraid to share my feelings, resentment would build up and it would often come out sideways. I also would tend to minimize or deny things because I didn’t want to rock the boat. There were times that I didn’t even know what I was feeling. I often asked friends, “Would you feel this way if this happened to you?”
The growth for me is that I trusted myself, my feelings, Larry and the strength of our relationship to be honest and share my perception, even though it was different from his.
After Larry and I discussed the previous evening, I knew I needed to spend time alone with me. We had lunch plans with a friend. In the past (because of my people pleasing tendencies), I would have pushed myself to go to lunch because I thought someone else’s needs were more important than mine. I had to make a choice to love me and take care of my needs or to be there for another person. I chose to love me. I have learned the importance of loving myself first and filling up my tank before I can truly love another.
I spent 3 hours praying, writing and asking for clarity. I know my answers are within and if I ask, I will receive. What was revealed to me is that I am responsible:
- For myself, my perceptions and my feelings
- To give myself the attention and time that I need when I need it
- To communicate what I want and don’t want
- To set boundaries about what I will and won’t do
- To change what I can change
- To follow my heart, trust myself and change my mind when I want to
When I returned home, I shared with Larry all that happened in my prayer and meditation. I was clear, straight forward and non-judgmental. We had a great conversation and I felt loved and heard. Thank you God for answering my prayer for clarity & truth. Thank you for my awakening and the gifts that await me daily.
Alan Cohen writes, “When something painful happens, it isn’t the end of the story. It’s simply another chapter in the book. Hang in there until the end of the tale and you’ll find value and meaning in everything that happened and you’ll recognize its role in your awakening. A setback is really a setup and behind every tragedy awaits a gift. If you open it, it will be revealed.”
I had been reading the daily devotional “Until Today” by Iyanla Vanzant for many years. I put it on the bookshelf when I moved to Maui over a year ago, until yesterday. While in prayer yesterday, something nudged me to dust it off and start reading it again. I think Spirit knew I was going to need the message today.
Here is what I read:
Today I am devoted to living without judgements! I am devoted to letting things be! (March 4)
“From where you sit, it may seem that certain people should know better, they should be better and they know they should be doing better. The truth is that every time you should someone, you make a judgment. Your judgement reflects your belief in right and wrong based on what you know or may not know. Your judgement reveals your attitude of superiority that says you have the right to determine what must be done, how it must be done and who must do it. Your judgement shows that you resist accepting things the way they are. A judgement is a means of control. It is an attempt to get people to do what you need and want them to do in order to feel better about yourself. A judgement is a sign of fear. Most important of all, a judgement is the way you set yourself up to be judged by others.”
I received a text from my brother when I woke up this morning informing me that my 95 year old step-mother had a bad fall 2 weeks ago and had to go and live with her sister. Of course, I called her immediately and told her that I hadn’t called because no one had told me about the accident. I left a message on her phone just yesterday and planned on calling again today. She explained to me what happened and reassured me that she was getting better. I felt upset and angry with my brother for not letting me know sooner.
I knew God was speaking to me loud and clear through the reading because I had just finished journaling and writing about my feelings about not being informed that she had the accident. I was “shoulding” on my brother. Many years ago, I put this statement on my phone “I will not should on myself” to remind me not to should on myself, which I did quite a bit at that time.
What I realized is that feelings are not right or wrong. Of course, I would feel angry that I wasn’t informed about it and left out of the loop. I needed to give myself permission to feel the anger and hurt for as long as I needed to feel it. So often, we want to JUMP OVER or deny the feelings because we don’t think it is spiritual to feel these feelings. If I don’t allow myself to feel all of my feelings and try to deny them by whatever I do over them (eat, shop, drink, stay busy, work, gamble) they will often come out sideways and at an innocent bystander or a loved one.
I allowed myself to feel my feelings and then I chose to let them go and not judge my brother. I will speak kindly to him and ask him to let me know in the future when something happens.
Prior to this incident, I was thinking about what God wanted me to write about for the weekly blog. I was working on my “right or wrong” and black and white kind of thinking that I grew up with. Either I was blaming someone for something I didn’t like or I was blaming myself for doing something wrong. Whenever I blame someone for something, I put myself into victim mentality.
I choose not to believe this kind of” right or wrong” thinking anymore because I know I am a perfect divine expression of God and I am always at the perfect and right place in my life. I also believe God’s timing is in perfect and in right order. As divine beings we can really do no wrong. We make choices. Choices have consequences. The only way wrong gets in is when we put it on the path, when we judge ourselves or others. Life always offers us the opportunity to do it over until we receive the desired results of our hearts.
I am grateful when God shines His light into my heart and shows me the truth about myself. As I have written before, it is the desire of my heart to meet my soul mate in Maui. I believe God has put that desire in my heart and it will be fulfilled in God’s time, not mine. For the most part, I am patient and focus on loving myself, having fun and living my life to the fullest. I know like attracts like and l will attract a man who also loves himself and is living his life to the fullest.
I was surprised when I uncovered this false belief about myself this week that needed to be changed and transformed. Have you ever wondered why you can manifest things so easily sometimes and other times, it seems like it takes forever? Perhaps that is God’s way of letting me know I AM NOT IN CONTROL. Have you ever asked yourself, “What’s wrong with me that I cannot manifest this in my life or thought that I must be blocking my good because it hasn’t happened yet?” Yes, there may be blocks that need to be released so I can receive my highest good. But, it may simply be not God’s timing! Acceptance and surrender is the answer here.
This is what I experienced when I went to the weekly dance and noticed 2 women with new boyfriends. The desire for a man in my life was activated and the thought popped into my head “What’s wrong with you that you haven’t manifested your man yet?” Thank God, I recognized this false belief immediately and knew that wasn’t the truth at all.
Whenever I focus on what I “perceive” to be wrong or what’s missing in my life, I lower my vibration and frequency. Whenever my mind takes me into fear or doubt, I need to affirm the truth and call in love and light. My affirmation is “Everything I need is streaming toward me, I open my hands to receive and everything is unfolding according to a divine plan and in the perfect timing.”
There is nothing wrong with you or me, we are God’s perfect expression in this world and we are made in Gods’ image and likeness. That doesn’t mean that we don’t need to change because life is about change and we are constantly evolving and growing into the person God intended us to be.
I am learning to trust the process of life and the lessons that show up for my highest good on a daily basis. I trust God to lead me and show me the way because I only want God’s will in my life. I ask for what I need on a daily basis and am open to receiving all the good that is mine. I know that whatever I need, whenever I need it, wherever I need it, for as long as I need it, will always be there for me. I have read that the perfect prayer is to ask for the highest and best for my life.
I am attuned to my divine nature – Daily Word March/April pg. 49
Because I am made in the image of likeness of God, my essence is divine. In prayer, I affirm my higher nature and invite clarity on how to more fully express it in my thoughts, words and actions. Settling into the silence, I quiet my mind and heart. I become aware of my soul-essence and of God’s gentle presence. This presence is always within me; my spiritual practice simply brings it into focus. I rest in the Presence for a time of meditation. I continue my spiritual practice as I bring my awareness back to the activities of the day. I remain attuned to the present moment. Deeply connected to my divine nature, I shine God’s presence into the world.
Recently I had a delightful day with my friend Ellen, who invited me to a holiday pops concert at the Maui Arts and Cultural Center. I had started my morning in prayer and had written a hundred things I was grateful for, so after such a lovely experience, I didn’t expect to end my day in tears.
Even though I have wonderful friends here in Maui that love me and who I enjoy spending time with, that night, I went to bed feeling a deep sense of loneliness and sadness. These feelings seemed to come out of nowhere. I felt like the energy was drained from me and I cried as I drifted off to sleep. I couldn’t remember my dream but when I woke up, it felt like I was hit by a big wave. As I got out of bed, I heard the words, “Pat, practice what you preach and don’t give up before the miracle.”
That morning I was scheduled for my weekly online conference call with 3 other women. I called my friend Kati to tell her I didn’t want to be on the call because I felt like I had been hit by a wave and was crying. I didn’t want to be vulnerable with the other women who I had just met a few weeks ago. Kati listened and encouraged me to participate in the call and said, “We are not meant to walk alone” but she also gave me permission to do what my heart needed to do. I didn’t want to be a part of the call but I also didn’t want to deny myself love from the other women. She encouraged me to “be grateful and welcome the wave because there would be a release that would be very powerful.”
I decided to “show up” and reluctantly called into the conference number a few minutes later. What is interesting is that the other 2 women were not able to be on the call that morning, and it was only Kati and I. Kati shared that this is an intense time on our planet and what was happening to me (releasing old karma, beliefs and wounds) is happening world- wide. There is an intense global purification and everything is coming up to be purified. We are a part of a global shift and we are all feeling the effects of it in different ways.
There is more light being ushered into our solar system than ever before because the sun has changed polarities. This affects our physical bodies very powerfully as well as our nervous system and brain. The transformation to the “golden age” is happening on our planet right now, and it is tapping our cellular memory and bringing to light any memories that have been tucked away for many years. They are coming up for us to look at them, feel any old emotions that have been repressed or stuck, so that we can release them and heal completely.
We must clear out of our system what no longer serves us by releasing and surrendering it back into the light. This is a time of healing our wounds, the grief, trauma, sadness and the separation from spirit and thinking we are alone. We are invited to allow the sadness, grief to flow through us, so we will be restored to feeling love and knowing our perfection.
After speaking with Kati, I spent the day alone loving myself and doing whatever I needed to do to release these intense feelings that were surfacing. I trusted that this was coming up so it could be released and healed. I didn’t have to know why (or where) these feelings were coming from, I just had to allow myself to feel them and let them run through me. It was very uncomfortable and I didn’t know what to do with myself at times. I slept, cried, prayed and wrote about what I was experiencing. By that evening, the feelings were gone and I felt renewed again.
That night, I picked up a book called, “Finding your way home” by Melody Beattie and was surprised to read a chapter on Healing Emotions that confirmed my experience that day. Here is what she wrote, “Sometimes we go numb for survival’s sake and stop bothering to feel. That may have worked then, but no more. Now, our soul wants to survive. To do that, we need to feel. And feel. And feel. We don’t want our feelings to control us. But they do, until we feel them. Feeling our feelings means we bow to them, we acknowledge them. Stay with it until you can feel the emotional charge, until it resonates within you and your body tells you it is so. Then release the energy. Breathe it out. Let it move through your entire system. Get it out of your field. Be done with it. You may experience unexpected, yet powerful emotions that quickly dissolve. You may experience purging on physical and emotional levels. Try to ride the wave of these changes and remain clear. Trust the process and you will experience an accelerated rhythm of cleansing and purification. After you clear each obstacle, you will be open to new levels of energy and must assimilate and integrate them.”
Stepping into the “Golden Age” on Earth means we are leaving behind old beliefs and feelings that no longer serve us. This cycle is about co-creating on the planet with Mother Earth and each other. This is what we have been waiting for- seeing unity in all things. This is a time to be the light and to hold this vision of light in ourselves and others. Sometimes, it is easy for me to see the light in other people, but not always easy to see the light in me. If I can see the light in another person then I believe that is a reflection of the same light in me, so I must embrace it and claim it as mine.
Today, I am feeling grateful for the wave of energy that brought healing and love to me, enabling me to release old emotions so that I can receive and radiate more light into my life and into the world.
Have you been hit by a wave lately? It may have hit you in your personal relationships, business, health or finances. Don’t be afraid because all is well and in divine order. We must remember this is a time of purification, letting go, surrendering and trusting. It is a time to deepen our relationship with Spirit.
A couple of weeks ago, I received a beautiful plaque from my friend Mary that said, “This Little Light of Mine I’m going to let it shine”. As we approach the special season of Christmas, let us prepare our hearts and minds to receive more of God’s light. Let us all shine our light for the world to see because we are the hands and feet of God and the world needs us now, more than ever.
As I was about to send this out, I received an email that read, “Catch the wave of love, light and unity and then turn around and spread it around.” I am spreading the wave of love, light and unity to you.
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- I had the Surprise of my Life
- Larry’s reaction when I shared I have feelings for you
- The Divine Pause
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Simply A Woman of Faith
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