I had an experience this week with someone that triggered me and brought up some uncomfortable feelings. Allowing myself to feel my feelings takes energy and a commitment to myself to deal with everything that comes up. To feel is to deal and is to heal. As I allowed myself to feel my feelings without judging them and then releasing them, I was then able to identify what had triggered me in the first place and what I needed to change in me. I know that if I “spot it” in another person, I “got it” too. I didn’t see it at first but as I sat with it and meditated, I was able to see how I had done the same behavior in my own life. I forgave myself for my actions and felt compassion for myself, which enabled me to have compassion on what happened with the person in the first place.
I also used the Emotion Code to release trapped emotions. I identified 2 feelings one of them that had been trapped when I was 11 years old. I knew exactly how and when it got trapped. The other feeling that was trapped was when I was 55 years old. I was able to release both feelings.
On the subject of feelings, I would like to share an article that I wrote for Aspire Magazine several years ago. I hope you find it helpful in dealing with your feelings.
FEELINGS ARE A GIFT FROM GOD
When feelings come up, instead of denying, minimizing or judging them:
- I welcome them in and befriend them
- I ask what gift they are bringing me
- I allow myself to feel one feeling at a time and for as long as I need to
- I process the feeling and then let it go
- I change my thinking when I need to
- I spend time alone and trust what I need to do for myself in each moment
- I journal my feelings and share them with a trusted friend
Feelings are gifts from God and we need to take time to listen to them. It’s essential that we claim our true birthright: the freedom and courage to be ourselves, to feel and express our feelings. Feelings are the gateway to who we are. They are there to help us do what we need to do next. They give us clues if something is wrong, to help us protect ourselves and keep ourselves safe. They are part of the human condition and we all have them.
It’s our resistance to feelings that cause more problems than the feelings themselves. Feelings are part of being alive and resisting them means resisting life. Feelings are energy, always in motion. Unstuck energy lives in the body when we resist our feelings. They get stuck in the body and may appear as a lump in the throat, heaviness in the throat or tightness in the stomach.
Feelings live in our bodies and may come out as headaches, stomachaches, backaches and colitis if we don’t deal with them. Repressed feelings tend to lodge in the body in the form of hidden tensions, unhealthy habits and stress-induced chemical changes. Often, illness is an expression of feelings repressed. When terminally ill cancer patients were able to express their feelings of guilt, rage, fear their cancer often went into remission or at least symptoms became less acute. Not all illness is emotionally induced. Be gentle with yourself. If you discover that you’re using illness as an escape, or pushing yourself until you get sick, learn to change that behavior. Honor your body, rest, relax and enjoy.
Feelings are meant to pass quickly, they are like clouds in the sky and it’s the nature of them to move on. I cannot live in the moment and enjoy the present when my feelings are stuck inside, whether that is resentment, anger, fear, jealously or not being able to forgive. To move on, we need to allow our feelings to come to the surface in order to let go and heal. We need to learn to give thanks for the opportunities that life provides for the surfacing of our fears.
When you push away parts of yourself, you fall deeper into isolation, feelings of unworthiness, self-hatred and depression. Depression is the classic disease of women. If we don’t express what we’re feeling – what’s bugging us in a constructive healing manner, very often the result is depression. Depression is like a fog that settles over us, limiting our ability to see what we are really feeling. Feeling depressed when we have had a loss is normal and healthy in the grieving process. Depression can be a sign we are hiding from something or avoiding action. Often it is hidden anger. Depression is inverted anger.
We may have a problem with judging our feelings and making them wrong. We might say to ourselves “I shouldn’t feel this way, after all I have a good husband, home or I’m spiritual and shouldn’t feel fear because it means I’m not trusting God.” Many of us have learned to control our feelings, to keep them hidden away, to stuff them and smile. The message I received was “I will give you something to cry about.” I felt ashamed when I cried or had any feelings at all. For many years, I was totally out of touch with my feelings. We are used to distancing ourselves from emotional pain and cover our feelings with self judgement. When you push away parts of yourself, you fall deeper into isolation, feelings of unworthiness, self-hatred and depression.
Feelings are not right or wrong, they just are. Messages from society are that feelings are bad or dangerous and we try to avoid them at any cost. We need to accept and feel our feelings in order to move through them. If someone cuts me off in traffic and almost causes an accident, I will feel angry which is a normal emotion. If I have road rage, and follow them, it’s the action that’s wrong, not the feelings.
We often confuse our feelings. We think we’re hurt, but we’re really angry or we feel angry to avoid the hurt and fear underneath it. It was easy for me to feel the hurt first and difficult to feel the anger because my anger was blocked for many years. I felt self-righteous and prided myself that I never got angry. I was taught at a young age that sweet little girls don’t get angry. Through therapy, I realized that being a people pleaser, I was filled with anger. I stayed very busy to avoid my feelings, always having to accomplish something, to prove to myself and others that I was worth it. I had to be strong and couldn’t relax and just be. I believed that to feel fear, depression or loneliness was to be less than. It felt shameful, vulnerable and embarrassing to allow those feelings to surface.
There are many ways to avoid feelings and stuff them. We may eat over them, drink or drug over them. We may shop, overwork, stay busy, gamble or be in a codependent relationship where our focus is on taking care of others and always at the expense of ourselves. When we stuff our feelings, especially anger and resentment, an innocent bystander may get the brunt of our anger and then we look like the crazy one when we explode over nothing. Or we may be passive aggressive and get back or get even at the right time at the person we are upset with. We are not being emotionally
honest when we hide our feelings and stuff them. Feelings are like a pressure cooker and if you don’t allow the release of some steam, they will explode.
Ignored feelings can be a cause of projection and color our view of the world. If we are angry, the whole world looks angry. If we are fearful, never trusting anyone or taking risks, the whole world looks fearful. When we suppress or repress an emotion, we lose control over how we express it, even though we will express it, often destructively.
When we are aware of what we are feeling, we can choose how to express it constructively. God wants us to identify our feelings and then be compassionate and loving with ourselves. We need to ask ourselves “What am I feeling, when did it start and where does my body hold it in the form of tension”?
Wherever you are on your spiritual journey and whatever you are feeling today, trust that you are right where you need to be for your highest good and to move forward in your life. Remember, feelings are a gift from God and they give us clues what we need to do next in our lives.
YOUR LIFE IS A SACRED JOURNEY
It is about change, growth, discovery, movement, transformation, continuously expanding your vision of what is possible, stretching your soul, learning to see clearly and deeply, listening to your intuition, taking courageous risks, embracing challenges at every step along the way.
YOU ARE ON THE PATH
exactly where you are meant to be right now. And from here, you can go forward, shaping your life story into a magnificent tale of triumph, of healing, of courage, beauty, wisdom, power, dignity and love.” Caroline Joy Adams
As Larry twirled me around the room dancing, my eyes fell upon the plaque that hung on my living room wall and I knew I was meant to start my blog with these beautiful words.
Yes, it is a sacred journey and we are all on the path, exactly where we need to be to grow and expand. Sometimes where we are is very scary because change is on the way and we don’t know what lies ahead.
Last week I shared that I was in the wings or the hallway – waiting, trusting and surrendering the sale of my condo to the God within. I am excited to share that it worked out perfectly because God is faithful and the timing was perfect. When it felt right to put my condo on the market a few months ago, I didn’t know if it would sell, but I knew that it was my next right step. Since my journey of faith has been to trust God to open or close the door, I knew I was safe and that whatever happened would be for my good.
I received a text message from my son, Brian, to contact him ASAP. I am so grateful to Brian because he has handled all of the transactions with my condo in Rhode Island. I knew something was up and called him immediately. He said, “Mom, there is someone who wants to rent your condo.” When he told me what they were willing to rent it for, I almost screamed. It was $425 more a month than what I was getting from my last tenant. I added it up in my head and it was over $5000 a year more. The extra money each month will help me breathe easier as it will go toward my rent in that doubled when I moved into my new home on the ocean. I was concerned that I wouldn’t get rent for the month of September (since my former tenants moved out on September 1) to pay my monthly mortgage. I am happy to say my new tenants will move in on September 22.
I am seldom “absolutely” sure of the next right step to take on my journey. Here is where I have learned to trust myself and the God within to step out in faith. It is always about stepping out BEFORE I know the outcome. It would be easy if I knew HOW it would work out or what would happen. I stepped out in faith before I knew where the money was going to come from when I moved into my home on the ocean here in Maui. I prayed, turned over my will and trusted my heart. God has been faithful and continues to surprise me each month with how the money comes in. Of course, it is always perfect timing.
On another note, I would like to share an experience I had this week. Being in a loving relationship with Larry gives me the opportunity to ask for what I want which means to stretch, be courageous, listen to my intuition and to take a risk.
I have learned to focus on “what is good” and not what’s missing in my relationship. My relationship with Larry is very good so I wasn’t sure if I even wanted to bring this subject up. I didn’t want to make a big deal out of it, but it was something I wanted him to do for me. I gently and lovingly broached the subject, which we had talked about before. It didn’t seem like he was that receptive at first as he explained his thinking and behaviors to me. But as we talked and he listened from his heart, something appeared to shift inside of him and he heard me.
The next day when I asked him about our conversation about asking for what I wanted he said, “I love you. The way you asked me was loving and I would be crazy not to listen to what you needed from me in our relationship.” My heart melted because I felt acknowledged and heard. This is not what I experienced in my marriage of 30 years – I guess that’s why we are not together any more.
There are many reasons why we fear asking for what we want; we may not want to appear weak, selfish, self centered, needy or incompetent. We may not want to inconvenience or bother someone with our needs. We may not think our needs are important and we don’t want to rock the boat, especially if things are going well in a relationship.
There is also the fear of what someone is going to ask us in return or the fear of being rejected or judged for what is important to us. We may have felt humiliated or rejected for asking for what we wanted in the past so we fear doing it in the future.
I wasn’t taught how to be assertive, direct and ask for what I want. The silent treatment was very familiar to me and I expected others to read my mind and then was angry and resentful when my needs weren’t met. I sometimes used guilt, sarcasm, coercion and dropped hints.
Some of us believe that our needs or desires are inferior to, or less important than, the needs of others. Believing that asking for what you want is “selfish” is a distortion often born out of a lack of respect for yourself and others. A lack of self respect can make you feel unworthy or less important than others and cause you to subordinate your own needs and “not ask.”
If you don’t know what you want, you’ll have trouble getting it and experience a life-long feeling of deprivation, disappointment, scarcity, and resentment. When you don’t know what you want, you won’t realize if you achieve it.
I am so grateful that I have learned (and am still learning) to ask for what I want in a loving and non-threatening way. THIS DOES NOT MEAN THAT I GET EVERYTHING THAT I WANT. It does mean that I get some things I want and that I deserve to ask and be heard.
Do you know what you want and do you have the courage to ask for it?
Spirit must laugh at me because I have to laugh at myself when I look at some of my thoughts and feelings when change is taking place in my life. I pray for something and when I get it, I feel afraid. Hmm… Thank God, I am learning to love myself and take myself lightly. I said in my last email that it is my goal to be the happiest person I know. Am I always happy and peaceful? Hell, no, but it is my goal! It is in the journey of letting go, trusting, learning to love myself and being in the present moment that I feel the happiest and most peaceful.
I wish I could say that I’m always living in the present moment, because I’m not. I lose my peace when my thoughts are in the past or I’m worried about the future. I lose my peace when I am HERE and want to be THERE. When my consciousness is in the future and I feel “out of control” and don’t know what’s going on or what I’m doing, I feel fear. What helps me move forward is to just do the next right thing, despite the fear. I will get THERE if I am patient with the process and accept “what is.” In other words, I have to stop thinking and start thanking that I am exactly where I need to be and that God is with me every step of the way. How easy it is to forget that I am one with the Divine and there is no separation.
Recently, I kept coming across the word RESISTANCE and I asked myself, “Am I resisting change?” My peace seemed to be weaning and I was feeling uneasy. I said I wanted God’s will in my life and was open to receive whatever “new adventure” God had planned for me. I shared the “New Life Angel” card in my last email and felt excited when I received it.
I didn’t feel the excitement this week, but instead felt stressed and pressured to “do more” to get myself “out there.” Through journaling, I got in touch with anger because I liked my life the way it was and didn’t want it to change and lose my peace. I knew I didn’t want to do my business the way I had done it for so many years (with pushing and making things happen.) I reminded myself that I didn’t have to do it that way anymore because living in Maui and experiencing God’s deep abiding love had changed me and I had learned “TO BE.” I could DO with peace, ease and grace and it would be different if I wanted it to be and chose it to be. I could allow things to come to me and stay peaceful and relaxed.
I meditated and prayed about what was happening and what needed to be healed in me. This is what I read in Daily Word.
“While change is inevitable, my response or reaction to change is up to me. How can I best prepare myself for change, and how can I make the most of it? Change is a transition from one thing, one place, one state of mind to another. I AM EVOLVING FROM WHAT WAS TO WHAT IS. I AM BECOMING MORE THAN I WAS BEFORE. Just as my view changed as I transitioned from childhood to adulthood, I now see that I am gaining a new perspective during this transition. I may be stepping into unfamiliar territory, but this step is an opportunity to grow in spiritual awareness. With each shift or change in my life, I am moving forward.”
When I took my walk in the afternoon, I noticed that something “felt stuck in my chest.” I sat down on the lounge chair at the Marriott Hotel and prayed. I asked Spirit to show me what was stuck inside that needed to be released. It became clear to me that not only was I RESISTING CHANGE, but I was RESISTING my feelings. I didn’t want to feel the disappointment and sadness that was bubbling up within because I was still alone. I allowed myself to really feel the sadness as the tears rolled down my cheeks. Not only did I allow myself to feel my feelings, but when I met with my friend Kati later that day, I shared my feelings with her. Her loving presence, acceptance and love healed me deeply. I allowed my feelings to come up and move through me. Feelings are meant to pass quickly, they are like clouds in the sky and it’s the nature of them to move on.
It’s our RESISTANCE to feelings that cause more problems than the feelings hemselves. Feelings are part of being alive and resisting them means resisting life. Feelings are energy, always in motion. Unstuck energy lives in the body when we resist our feelings. They get stuck in the body and may appear as a lump in the throat, heaviness in the throat or tightness in the stomach. Feelings live in our bodies and may come out as headaches, stomachaches, backaches and colitis if we don’t deal with them.
I cannot live in the present moment when my feelings are stuck inside, whether that be resentment, anger, fear, jealously, sadness or unforgiveness. To move on, I need to allow my feelings to come to the surface in order to let go and heal. I need to learn to give thanks for the opportunities that life provides for the surfacing of my fears.
We need to take time to listen to our feelings and not dismiss or avoid them. We may avoid our feelings by staying busy, working, eating, drinking, gambling, shopping, or cleaning. It takes courage to be ourselves, to feel and express our feelings. Feelings are the gateway to who we are. They are there to help us know ourselves and know what we need to do next. They give us clues if something is wrong, to help us protect ourselves and keep ourselves safe. They are part of the human condition and we all have them.
Repressed feelings tend to lodge in the body in the form of hidden tensions, unhealthy habits and stress-induced chemical changes. Often, illness is an expression of feelings repressed.
Do you have a problem with judging your feelings and making them wrong? You might say to yourself, “I shouldn’t feel this way, after all I have a good husband, home or I’m a Christian and shouldn’t feel fear because it means I’m not trusting God.” Many of us have learned to control our feelings, to keep them hidden away, to stuff them and smile. The message I received as a child was “I will give you something to cry about.” I felt ashamed when I cried or had any feelings at all. For many years, I was totally out of touch with my feelings, especially anger. We are used to distancing ourselves from emotional pain and often cover our feelings with self-judgment. When we push away parts of ourselves, we fall deeper into isolation, feelings of unworthiness, self- hatred and depression. We often beat up on ourselves and never feel good enough.
Depression is the classic disease of women. If we don’t express what we’re feeling -what’s bugging us in a constructive healing manner, very often the result is depression. Depression is like a fog that settles over us, limiting our ability to see what we are really feeling. Often when we are depressed, there’s something we need to do and we are afraid to do it. Feeling depressed when we have had a loss is normal and healthy in the grieving process. Depression can be a sign we are hiding from something or avoiding action. Often it is hidden and inverted anger.
Feelings are not right or wrong, they just are. Messages from society are that feelings are bad or dangerous and we try to avoid them at any cost. We need to accept and feel our feelings in order to move through them. We need to embrace and honor our feelings.
What I know about life is that change is inevitable. As the reading in Daily Word said, “it is my response or reaction to change that is up to me.” You and I may be stepping into unfamiliar territory and don’t know what the next adventure is, but this step is an opportunity to grow in spiritual awareness. With each shift or change in our lives, we are moving forward.
Spirit calls me and you to expansion, inviting us to step out in faith and act courageously. I pray, listen to my inner guidance, and then put feet under my prayers. The positive action I take sends a clear message to Spirit. I am saying “Yes” to my increase and expansion right now. I fully trust that God goes with me wherever I go, showing me the way through any challenge. I am faith-filled, strong and courageous, living a life of adventure.
Something happened this week that reminded me of how I processed conflicting feelings at the same time. It felt like a “flashback” of a very difficult time in my life with one of my children 16 years ago. This is what happened: I woke up startled in the middle of the night with banging on the front door. I quickly grabbed my robe and ran down the stairs. A parent’s worst nightmare was about to happen. A policeman was standing at the door and I can still remember the terror I felt as if it were yesterday. “Mrs. Hastings, your son was in a very bad accident and he is in Rhode Island hospital.” I blurted out, “What happened, is he okay?” “I am sorry, but we cannot give you any information. We have been trying to call you, but your phone has been busy. I found out later that it was accidentally off the hook.
I ran upstairs and woke my husband up to tell him the news. I threw on something and we were in the car racing to the hospital, following the police car. We didn’t say a word to one another and of course my mind raced to the worst scenario. When we arrived at the emergency room, the nurse escorted us into the room my son was in. I will never forget the pain in my heart to see my 16 year old son wounded and crying out in pain. A short time later, I just about fainted and couldn’t breathe. I had never had a panic attack before, but I had one that night and I was put on a stretcher outside my son’s room. My husband went back and forth between my son and me.
My son has rods in his leg and arm that are permanent from the car accident. When I saw the pictures of the car, I realized they should not be alive and I was so grateful that they were all alive. Shortly after that, I found out that they had been to a club and had smoked pot that night. I was so angry. I remember having the same feelings at the same time – gratitude and anger.
I had the “flashback” because of a similar experience of having conflicting feelings at the same time this week. I asked myself, “How am I to process this and hold the energy of these conflicting feelings?” This is what happened. A close friend of mine shared something wonderful that happened to her and I was so excited for her. A couple of hours later, another close friend shared something that was devastating to him. I was experiencing the same thing, both the gratitude and the devastation at the same time. I asked myself, “Could I be present for both of them at the same time”? With God’s grace, I was able to be present for both of my friends.
We never know what life is going to give us, do we? One minute we are high on life and everything is going smoothly. The next minute we are experiencing a great loss and may feel devastated or betrayed. All I know for sure is that whatever is happening in my life will work out for the good because of my faith and trust in God. Everything that is happening in your life is for a reason and ultimately to grow your soul.
That same day, I received an email from my friend Karen and it put things into perspective for me and reminded me to rise above “victimhood and poor me attitude” when things don’t go the way I want them to go or when a loved one is struggling and in pain. This is the email she sent:
“You have chosen to walk this journey with many other souls. Each and every one of them is in your life for a reason, an experience, or to share in your life lessons and spiritual growth. What I believe is, before we even came into this lifetime we chose each and every player in this game called life. Imagine this visual. You are sitting with a council of spiritual guides and you’re talking about your life plan including what you would like to heal, experience, and create in this lifetime. Then you meet with each soul that will support you in this plan and you decide on the roles they will play in your life experience. Together you discuss and agree upon a soul’s plan that will support all involved in their life’s intentions. Every decision and choice is made from unconditional love. This includes the players in the game that agree to play the difficult roles in order to achieve the desired intentions.”
If you can see it from a higher perspective, that it is for your spiritual growth and that you have chosen this before you even came to the earth, would it be easier to go through? We all have our lessons to learn for our soul to grow. We have chosen these lessons.
People always come into your life for a reason, a season and a lifetime.
When you figure out which it is, you know exactly what to do.
When someone is in your life for a REASON,
it is usually to meet a need you have expressed.
They have come to assist you through a difficulty;
to provide you with guidance and support;
to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually.
They may seem like a godsend, and they are.
They are there for the reason you need them to be.
Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand. What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled; their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on.
Some people come into your life for a SEASON,
because your turn has come to share, grow or learn.
They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh.
They may teach you something you have never done.
They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy.
Believe it. It is real. But only for a season.
LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons;
things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person,
and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life. It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.
No relationship or experience is ever a waste of time. If it did not bring you what you want, it taught you what you don’t want. The greatest gift we can give anyone is our presence and love. When you need encouragement, remember these things. You are stronger than you realize. Life’s inevitable adversities call forth courage and the growth of our souls. You have everything you need inside of you, including wisdom. God’s plan will unfold with perfect timing and in the perfect way. Being vulnerable and allowing other players to nurture and be present for us allows our hearts to connect in a very special way for a reason, a season or a lifetime.
I had a wonderful week “showing up for life” playing and being in God’s presence and grace. I danced, swam in the ocean, painted, prayed, meditated, did yoga, walked on the beach, had ice cream, kayaked, went out to lunch with friends, watched the whales jumping out of the water, went to a luau and a ukulele concert with world renowned Jake Shimabukuro. I enjoyed fresh herbs , oranges, limes, tomatoes, strawberries and asparagus from the garden where I am now living. WOW, I am so blessed and grateful for the grace to say “YES” knowing that I deserve to receive all that is mine by divine right. I know that the more grateful I am, I more I will attract things into my life to be grateful for. I can truly say that I don’t know anyone who is more grateful than I am. I asked myself, “Could having a grateful attitude be the reason I am living in Maui?” We all have the choice to live in gratitude, no matter where we live or what is happening in our lives.
I attended the Unity service on Sunday with guest speaker and past minister, Mary Omwake. Her message was “Happiness, “It’s a Practice.” She shared her 21 days to a happier life” 7 steps you can take to ensure increased wellbeing. Here they are:
- Smile with your heart several times a day.
- Laugh out loud, at least twice a day – for one minute or more.
- Be consciously grateful at least 3 times a day, really grateful – feel it, share it, write about it.
- Do something for someone else, anonymously if possible, or just because you can).
- Notice something you did right, review the steps in your mind at least once a day for 2 minutes.
- Every day do something you love for 15 minutes (that is physical.)
- Connect with at least one person who had blessed or enriched your life every day, by phone, email or letter.
These 7 steps are not “new” concepts and I know you are practicing some of them in your daily life, as I am. I have decided to incorporate the “laughing out loud” and connecting with one person through email, letter or call who has blessed my life every day. I have read that it takes 21 days for something to become a habit so every time I get in my car and start it up; I begin laughing out loud for at least one minute. It really feels good. Try it, you might like it (and let me know how you feel). In my morning prayer, I ask Spirit to guide me to whom I am to connect with and thank them for blessing me. You might be the next person that I am thanking.
A few weeks ago, I shared a story in my blog about my friends, Jodene and Trudy, and their experience of asking and receiving and instant manifestation. Here is what happened: After the Unity service a few weeks ago while walking out together, Jodene said, “I really want that picture hanging on the wall” and Trudy responded, “I have a signed copy of it at home and I would be happy to give it to you.”
During the service this past Sunday, I spotted Lee Shapiro in the back of the room, the artist who painted the picture and couldn’t wait to tell him the story of Jodene and Trudy’s manifestation. Of course, Jodene and Trudy were very excited to meet him also. He lives in Maui and invited us to come to his home and see his studio. We didn’t waste any time and took him up on his offer. The next day, 4 of my girlfriends and I piled in the car and visited Lee at his home. What a treat to be in his home and see his beautiful paintings. We found out that Lee Shapiro is a nationally renowned watercolorist who has exhibited in over 40 galleries across the U.S. Not only is Lee a famous watercolorist, but he has a passion for life that is very inspiring.
He showed us his new book, “Living in Passion” and we each bought a book to remember the day. He has beautiful paintings and a poem that he wrote that resonated in my heart and soul. Here it is:
Living in Passion by Lee Shapiro
“I want to live my life full out, without fear or protection totally present in the moment. I want to love with infinite passion holding back nothing, unafraid of intimacy, unafraid of truth. Let love wash over me and through me as the mighty seas crash over the rocks on the shore, sending exuberant sprays of foamy waters skyward in ecstatic celebration. Do you want to dance with me, to throw caution to the wind? To lose our false sense of self and in doing, find our true selves. Let the wings of a glorious eagle carry us to heights unimagined. We might fall, but what an exhilarating ride we would have. Even the free-fall would be moments of rapture as we feel the wind rushing through our souls. Death is not the worst thing, NOT LIVING IS! When death comes, I will go unafraid, joyous in knowing that I played full out, that I did not hold back – that I felt love, sadness, fear, joy – all of it! That my life was a full-bodied symphony of feelings and experiences, played with fervor and fire, gentleness and softness. The notes will resonate in the heart of spirit, in this moment and for all time.”
These words touch my heart so deeply and it is how I am choosing to live my life. I want to love with infinite passion holding back nothing, unafraid of intimacy, unafraid of truth. I want to dance and throw caution to the wind. I want to lose my false self so I can find my true self. I want to live a life full-bodied symphony of feelings and experiences, played with fervor and fire, gentleness and softness.
Have I always lived passionately and in the moment? Absolutely not! I often pushed to make things happen. I was filled with fear and didn’t believe in myself. I looked outside for my answers. It is so important for us to see how we have grown and celebrate who we are and how far we have come. Spirit showed me how I have grown when I read the message on March 11 in “Until Today” by Iyanla Vanzant. It talked about being “obsessive doers” working so hard and always having to have something to do. This is how I lived my life for many years. Here is what it said:
“One reason we work so hard is that we are afraid. Few people will admit it, but most of us live in fear that we are not going to achieve our goals, receive the results we expect or fulfill our heartfelt desires. It is this fear that causes us to engage in a power struggle with God. If we really believe that you have to do it all, what do you think God is doing or can do for you? Strain, struggle, frustration, tension, anxiety, compulsion, obsession and fear are the results you get when you are pushing too hard. God, the creative force of the universe, the power over all life, doesn’t have to push to get you to what you want. As a matter of fact, if you would just ease up a bit, you might be surprised by what God will do on your behalf. Relax, sit back and give God a chance to do something for you.”
What a blessing for me to see my growth and how much better my life is now that I am not pushing and trying to make things happen. Today, I ALLOW things to happen, rather than trying to control everything, as I did for so many years because I didn’t know any better and needed healing from childhood abuse. I trust God and my intuition to guide me on a daily basis. It never fails me and I am living my life from the inside out and living in joy. Where have you grown and what do you need to celebrate about yourself today?
I encourage you to “ease up” a bit because you might be surprised by what God will do on your behalf. Relax, sit back and give God a chance to do something for you.
As I sat down to write this, I lit a candle and asked God to speak through me clearly because I knew the learning and healing I experienced this week was profound. For most of my life, it was my belief that I had to be strong, perfect and “together” for me to be loved. I am learning that when I am weak, God is strong in me. I am also coming to believe that being vulnerable is a “strength” (rather than a weakness) because it allows me to be cared for by God and others in ways that are nurturing and healing. I am not only learning to trust and depend on God in a deeper way, but I am learning to ask others for help and to trust they will be there for me when I need them. I am on a spiritual journey of profound reliance on God. It is a faith walk that I take one step at a time, leaning on God and others as much as I need to.
I woke up this morning with a sharp pain in my neck and filled with anxiety. I kept repeating to myself, “I let go, I let go, I trust you God.” A few hours later when my friend Trudy came over to give me a ride to the bank, she could see the pain on my face. I burst into tears and said, “I am feeling very vulnerable, afraid and needy.” Feeling vulnerable, needy and powerless is not a place I like to be; I like to be in control and know that I can take care of myself at all times. When I told her what was going on, she was so compassionate, loving and happy to hold a space for me. She said, “When I was in so much pain last month, you called me every day to check on me and I can’t tell you how much that meant to me. I am happy to be here for you today.” She prayed with me while gently rubbing my back. We thanked God together for already answering my prayers. When she finished, we both cried as we knew on a deep level that God had brought us together to help and support one another in our time of vulnerability and need.
Here is what was going on: I let my friend borrow my “Maui Cruiser” car when I went back to Rhode Island for Christmas. A few days later she called and said, “Pat, I am afraid to drive your car because it is making a lot of noises. I cannot pick you up at the airport because I don’t think it will make it.” My car was working great when I left. I called my friend Steve who knows a lot about cars and helped me buy my car in September. He offered to go to my friend’s house and take a look at it for me. After he checked it out he said, “I think we should have it towed to my mechanic to make sure it is ok.” I agreed and called AAA in Hawaii and they were able to coordinate the towing to the garage. I was very grateful for Steve’s willingness to assist me with my car.
I was in Rhode Island and there was nothing I could do about it so I chose to stay in peace and trusted that the problem with my car was something minor and would be fixed. Of course, when I returned to Maui, I didn’t have a car and had to ask friends for rides to get around. Trudy has also offered to be my taxi cab driver while I am without a car. I wasn’t prepared when Steve called to give me the prognosis about my car. He said, “Pat, it needs a new engine. I have been looking on Craig’s list for a used engine and I found one in Lahaina and it costs $500. I will need the cash to bring to the mechanic so he can use his truck to pick up the engine.” I got off the phone in tears. I prayed and asked God who I could call to cash a check for me. My bank is out of state and I hadn’t opened a Hawaii bank account yet. Immediately, another friend came into my mind and I called and asked him for help. He was happy to assist me and agreed to meet me at his bank the next morning. I was filled with gratitude for his willingness to help me.
I realized that my feelings of vulnerability came from being alone here without family and not knowing anything about cars and engines and what I should do. I was choosing to trust Steve to guide me in my decision making. I prayed and asked God to open the door if I was to move forward and buy this “used engine” and close the door if it wasn’t a good engine. The story will be continued as it unfolds.
While this car business was going on which was stressful enough, I received a call from my new tenant in Rhode Island telling me she had several problems that needed to be addressed immediately; one of them being a leak in the dining room ceiling. My son gave me the name of someone who worked for him when he owned property. I called Walter and he agreed to go over the next day and address all of the problems. He contacted me afterward and told me what was needed to rectify the problems. Being 5000 miles away from my condo left me feeling quite vulnerable. I am sure that he could sense my stress with my quivering voice because as we were getting off the phone, he said, “I have it covered Pat, don’t worry.” It felt like God was saying to me, “I have it covered Pat, trust me and don’t worry. I have everything under control.”
The same day, I found out that one of my emails was hacked into and Delta Dental was dropping me because they hadn’t received my payment. Thank God both of these situations were taken care of and I didn’t lose my dental insurance.
I am learning to trust God by relinquishing my control and letting go and letting God. I am learning to ask others for help and trusting they will be there for me when I need them. I am learning to thank God in advance for how my prayers are being answered because an attitude of gratitude keeps me focused on God’s presence and power.
It is my belief that everything happens for a reason and that it is through problems and failures, weakness and neediness that I learn to rely more and more on God. Each problem or failure is followed by a growth spurt. I must have had a gigantic growth spurt this week. Whee…….. I am glad I got through it and can write about it. I know it’s all good and it’s all God.
DAILY WORD – LET GO LET GOD Jan/Feb pg.23
As I let go and let God, I am in the divine flow of life. Chores, tasks, commitments – I always have plenty to do. At times, I may even let my to-do list manage me, rather than the other way around. So today, I take a different approach: I let go. I let go of rushing, resentment, perfectionism and any feelings of insufficiency. Whatever I choose to do, I focus on it with gratitude, aware of the presence of God in this moment and in this work. I let God direct me through each activity with grace and ease, and I experience the joy of giving. When I finish, I bless what I have done and move on to my next task. I work in this way throughout the day, letting go and letting God steer me from one activity to the next. I am in the divine flow, and I am grateful
As I was pulling out of the restaurant parking lot last Sunday, I could hardly believe my eyes when I saw a sign on the back bumper of the car parked next to me. It read, Relax – God is in control. I beeped for my friend Glenn to get out of his car so he could also see the sign. I said, Holy S…… He said, “Are you kidding me? It is the exact words we just talked about as we walked out of the restaurant.” He was speechless other than a softly uttered “thank you” because we knew this was GOD speaking to us both. He took a picture of the car and put it as a screen saver on his phone to help him remember the message! He said, “This is a message I can’t afford to ignore, a message clearly given out of Love and felt in my Soul.” We left the restaurant in awe of the power of God and the love we both felt. It truly was a “Divine Connection.”
I almost missed this “Divine Connection” of God speaking to us through the bumper sticker because I was coming from a place of lack and scarcity. Let me explain. I met Glenn at the church we both attended, and after the service he asked me, “Would you like to go to lunch?” I hesitated at first because I didn’t want to spend the money. I had been out to lunch with friends several times that week and I didn’t feel comfortable spending any more money. I said, “Thank you for the invitation, but I will have to pass for today.”
After he left the church, I quickly realized I was coming from lack and scarcity because I did have the money. I ran out after him and called his name. “Glenn, I changed my mind and I would be happy to go to lunch with you.” I was honest and said, “I was coming from a place of lack and scarcity and I no longer choose to live in a state of lack.” He told me a few days later what he heard after he left the church to go to his car.. “Glenn, walk slow, she might change her mind” and then “listen, in case she calls your name” right before I called his name. I am so grateful that we were both listening to our “inner voice” and God (which I believe are the same.)
While driving to the restaurant, I heard God say, “I want you to pay for his lunch too.” When I hear God, I listen. When the bill came, I grabbed for it and told him, “I am buying.” He looked uncomfortable and said, “This is killing me.” I asked why and he said, “I have to learn to receive and not always be giving.” He was learning to receive and I was practicing not to live in lack and scarcity.
We sat in the restaurant for two hours and the conversation about life and spirituality just flowed. We talked about the importance of not “reacting” and making decisions out of fear and lack . His parting words to me were, “I think I need to put the brakes on in my life.” I then told him about my sign RELAX that I purchased several years ago when I was rushing and trying to make things happen and it wasn’t working. I desperately needed to learn to RELAX. He described himself as an ACTION person and that he had tried everything in his life to be happy. He admitted that he was hitting walls and didn’t know what to do next. I shared how I have learned to trust and accept that I am right where I need to be and that “Not Knowing what was next” was okay.
Glenn sent me an email after our “Divine Connection” and said, “Pat, before I attended church that morning, I asked myself, What are you going to do about your life? A numb feeling of distress filled me as I held back the true fear that was rushing through me. I was struggling and in need of help, help to learn how to care for myself as I did for others. I was trapped in my own mind-set surrounded by my personal weaknesses and feeling overwhelmed.”
He shared with me, “As I soaked in every word you said at lunch, I finally felt the connection to my Creator push forward from where I had buried it. My hope began to come back, my sense of calm re-appeared and the confidence in my spiritual path and a better tomorrow over-took me. Thank You God for the message I needed. Thank you Pat for pointing it out. Thank you for the lunch that led me back to the path that I cherish and has brought me so much peace and happiness since its inception that I have to pinch myself to know it’s not a wonderful dream.”
I am grateful that I listened to my intuition and acted “quickly” and that I was able to be honest with Glenn. I am grateful that Glenn was open and asked for what he needed. I am grateful to God for His love, for speaking to us both so powerfully and allowing me to serve him that day.
I thought about the bumper sticker all week and how it applied to my life. My house was on the market for one week and I was feeling some impatience (can you imagine that) that no one had looked at my house yet. When I went to bed that night, I prayed for a dream and asked God if I should lower the price of my house. All I remembered about the dream in the morning was that I was rushing. It felt like God was reassuring me not to rush that everything was under control.
As I took my walk the next day, God impressed on my heart exactly what I needed to do: rather than worrying, being fearful, living in the “what ifs” and the HOW and WHEN my house will sell, I needed to up the ante with my affirmation of gratitude “Thank you God for the right and perfect person to buy my house for the right price and right timing.” So it became my mantra whenever I thought about the house and it brought me peace and serenity.
On another note, I opened my email a few days ago and there was an email from my son Tim. He commented on my last blog and said, “When I looked at the picture that read KEEP ON PATH, what I saw was KEEP ON PAT H – KEEP ON! I loved it. So I will leave you with KEEP ON, KEEP ON!
After living in Maui since January, I can hardly believe that I will be returning to Rhode Island in 2 weeks (and selling everything so I can move back here to live full time.) I am so excited to see my family and friends that I am counting the days until I get back there. It has been an amazing journey of transformation, love, surrendering, letting go and healing. I have learned so much about myself, my beliefs and what needed to change inside of me in order to be the woman God created me to be and for me to receive more good in my life.
As I walked home from my walk today, the two words that popped out for me were “No push, no rush.” Hmm…..that’s interesting, I thought. That was my way of being. I was always pushing myself to do and be more and rushing through life like I would miss something if I didn’t rush. In fact, I called myself a “Rushaholic” and it exhausted me. I realize now that these behaviors came from the belief that “I am not good enough and not worthy and deserving of good things.” Over the years, I have worked hard at changing these beliefs that no longer serve me through prayer, meditation, journaling, visualizations and affirmations. Every once in awhile, I catch myself rushing or racing, but much much less than it has ever been. Today, I truly enjoy going with the flow and following my intuition.
God’s timing is perfect and I have been reflecting on how perfectly everything has been orchestrated on my behalf with my housing both here in Maui and in Rhode Island. I am leaving this beautiful condo on the ocean that I am renting with Pat and Bob on June 26 to return to Rhode Island. Pat and Bob will be moving into the new condo they bought on June 30 and then my tenant, Carrie Ann in Rhode Island, is moving out of my condo and settling in her new condo on June 29! I could not have planned that any better. It is truly amazing what happens, when I let go and let God handle how things work out. I can’t wait to see what will happen when I return to Rhode Island to sell my house. I am already thanking God for the right and perfect person to buy my house and for the right and perfect price.
I plan to buy my return ticket back to Maui for September 5, 2012. My friend, Ellen, is going away for the month of September and has invited me to stay in her condo while I look for a place to rent. I am very excited to see how it will unfold and the beautiful place that is already mine in the mind of God. When I think about leaving this condo on the ocean, each morning when I look out, I say “This is something better, God.”
I would like to share another way I heard God speak to me this week. I encountered the woman who was staying in the condo right next to mine, and she turned and smiled as she walked back into her condo and said, “We just got here 4 hours ago. I can see you have been here awhile, YOU GOT IT GOING ON! ” I smiled and thought, wow, I do got it going on girl, but I didn’t know it was so obvious. I walked around all day with giddy excitement, saying to myself, “YES, I GOT IT GOING ON!” And guess what, YOU have it going on too! Just saying this out loud has really shifted my energy and I am now saying it to others and love to see their face light up and smile.
Can you picture that? Try saying it aloud and see how it feels. Other than feeling sassy and confident, I decided to answer the question “what does this mean to me?” It means that God, my essence and my God-self is shining out and radiating love to the world as I remember who I am and that I am ONE with God. My prayer was “Thank you God, I feel so blessed, loved and excited about the adventure of the future and all that you have planned for me. I say YES to your divine plan.”
Another thing I have learned about the Divine Plan is that it requires having faith that the right doors will open for me when necessary, and the right doors will close for me as well. This week I had an example of God closing the door in my face, and how it all worked out for the best. Ellen approached me with the news that her 94-year-old friend, Ester, was selling one of her cars. Her daughter had bought her a new car and had given Ester her 1999 Ford Escort. Ester was selling it for a great price and even though it was an old “Maui Cruiser,” it seemed to be in decent condition. I called the insurance company and the DMV and got all the information I needed. Believe me, this was not my plan to buy a car before I moved back here, but it seemed like the right thing to do since it came to me and I felt peaceful. My prayer was, “God, close the door if this is not your divine plan.” I was excited to think I would have a car all set when I moved back to Maui and it seemed like a confirmation that “I really am moving back here.” To my surprise, a few days later, Ester called and said, “I am really sorry but my daughter decided not to sell her car, after all.” I got off the phone a little stunned and disappointed, but very quickly said, “Thank you God for closing the door.”
Then my next thought was that “I will get a car for free.” I really liked that idea and it will be interesting to see how that manifests. I asked myself, “Did I only feel deserving of an old Maui Cruiser?” Perhaps God wants more for me and now I see myself driving a shiny convertible red car!
As I sat on the beach looking into the ocean and feeling very peaceful, I overheard a few words in a conversation behind me. All I heard was “RELAX, it will come to you.” I believe those words were meant for me. I have used this affirmation for years and it seems to apply here, “Everything I need is streaming toward me, I open my hands and receive.” I believe my soul mate will come to me, the car will come to me, the right place to live when I move back to Maui will come to me, and the right person to buy my house in Rhode Island will come to me. My job is to “show up” do my part and leave the HOW up to God. It works every time.
Daily Word Magazine
I am part of and immersed in the order of life. My breathing is orderly and rhythmic, as is my heartbeat; neither requires my control or direction. I relax into the flow of divine order and allow God to express in and through me, guiding my unfolding. As each new day begins, divine order manifests in all I think and do. Divine order is established in my life, and I am grateful.
Like the eagle, I am meant to soar. I am meant to let go of fear and limitations, to apply the strength and abilities God has given me. I place my faith in God and my spirit soars.
When my friend Pat asked me if I wanted to attend the 3 day sacred retreat in Maui two months ago, I immediately said, “Yes.” After I read the description, I knew in my spirit that I was being called to attend this retreat. This is how it was described: We would be embarking on a pilgrimage into the power and complexity of sacred space in the magical land of Hawaii. There would be time for chanting, meditating, releasing, aligning, dancing, enlightenment, awakening and exploring the nature of the power of the two most important energy vortexes in Hawaii. This pilgrimage to the energy vortexes would help us understand how we could tap into this power source and be a part of the awakening that is taking place in 2012. It sounded awesome and I knew I wanted to be there.
I am so grateful that I listened to my intuition and went on this pilgrimage because it was an experience of a lifetime and I will never be the same. There were many personal messages and healings that I will be integrating into my life over the next few weeks. I met powerful women who have also been called to Maui and are seeking to create community. The high point of the weekend for me was driving up through the clouds to Mt. Haleakala, which is the largest dormant volcano in the world. Haleakala means “house of the sun” and when we reached the top, the sun was very bright and strong. Mt. Haleakala is 10,023 feet above sea level and overlooks all of Maui and we could actually see the Big Island from there.
When we were chanting and standing in a circle at the top of the mountain, the energy was so intense and strong that at one point, I almost fell backward as the energy swirled around me. It was very powerful to kneel in prayer and raise my arms to the heavens, knowing deeply that I am loved and ONE with God. I thought about the disciples and how they must have felt when they were on the mountain top with Jesus and didn’t want to leave the place. I didn’t want to leave either and felt like I was being transformed. Because of this journey, more than ever, I know I am being called to BE here in Maui. Maui has been described as one of the most powerful energy places in the world and my heart expands in humble gratitude that I am here.
Every aspect of this weekend illuminated the power of God and the importance of trusting in divine providence and divine timing in all things. When we arrived at the bed and breakfast on Thursday night, the owner, Sandy, informed us that we didn’t have any reservations. There was a miscommunication and the place was booked for the weekend. Pat and Ellen and I looked at each other knowing that God was in control and trusting it would work out for our highest good. We reminded ourselves to BREATHE! And it did work out for our highest good in more than we could have ever imagined. Sandy graciously called her friends Roslyn and Barry who had a bed and breakfast a short distance away and asked if they had rooms to rent. Yes, they did!
With bags in hand, off we went to our next destination. Our eyes opened wide as we pulled into the circular driveway and sprawling house in the middle of this lush beautiful land. We knew we were being taken care of and that all was well. The house was gorgeous with beautiful rooms, a pool and view of the ocean. Roslyn and Barry were so hospitable and told us that before they moved into the house, they had rented it to a spiritual leader and author Ram Dass for a few years. They also told us the Dali Lama stayed with Ram Dass when he came to Hawaii. Wow, to think I may have been sleeping in the same room as the Dali Lama slept was an awesome thought.
God’s timing is perfect. Two days prior to the retreat, I received an email from a colleague informing me she was going to reimburse me the $250 dollars that I lent her over a year ago for a business opportunity we were both involved in. I sent her several emails over the year requesting to be compensated, but due to her financial status she wasn’t able to pay me the money until now. I had already paid for the retreat when I signed up, but still had to pay for 3 nights for the bed and breakfast. The money came at the perfect and right time and “coincidentally” the bill for the 3 nights came to $260.
Here is another example of how God provides. Last month, I traveled to the Big Island to give a workshop. A couple of days before I went, I received a check in the amount of $332 from the IRS. I couldn’t believe it because it was a refund from 2010 stating that I overpaid them. I wonder how many times that happens. I had a great time touring the Big Island and when I returned, I realized that I had spent almost exactly what I received from the IRS. God is good.
I know that God is my source and provides in ordinary and sometimes miraculous ways. God’s timing is perfect. We are being called to trust our intuition, to go with the flow, live in the NOW, stand in faith and trust in God for everything. It is my belief that God goes before us to pave the way. Today, the world is being renewed, awakened and enlightened. We are blessed to be a part of the magnificent wave of healing and transformation that is taking place on the earth today.
F E A R Old meaning – False Evidence Appearing Real
F E A R New meaning – FEELING EXCITED AND READY
Do you ever feel crazy with people telling you what you should do in your life, whether it be how to find your soul mate, how to make 6 figures in your business or how to lose weight? Just recently I listened to a Calling in the one soulmate seminar on the internet. One speaker said throw away your list of what you want in a mate and the next speaker said be very clear about what you want. One speaker said do the inner work and allow him to come to you, another said hire a dating coach and join Match.com. It certainly made me crazy and I felt overwhelmed at first. Thankfully, I had done my inner work and knew what I needed to do for me.
I have come to the conclusion, neither answer is right nor wrong. It’s what’s right for me. Instead of looking outside for someone to tell me what’s right or what to do with my life (and I did that most of my life) I have learned to go within and see what feels right for me. I ask myself the question – does it make me feel peaceful or stressful? How do we discern what is right for ourselves? Our feelings are not right or wrong and they are clues to what we need to do next. Our feelings are our gifts from God and come to give us messages.
You are invited to trust yourself and your intuition. I believe that your answers are within. If you have been looking outside for your answers, it takes practice and a conscious decision to go within. I teach people the importance to spend time with themselves in quiet meditation and prayer. By going within you get in touch with what you want and desire- and what you don’t want.
There are so many outside distractions and information coming in that it is easy to feel overwhelmed. I am learning the importance of setting boundaries for myself so that I live in peace. I am learning to say no when it doesn’t feel right. It is my responsibility to keep myself in peace and to continually check in when I’m feeling overwhelmed, especially when I need to make a decision. If I am feeling pressured to make a decision or if I am asked to make a decision that I am not ready to make, I am learning to give myself the time I need to gain clarity and discern what is best for me. I may even give myself the time not to decide, until it feels right. In this space of quiet, I can go within and ask God for direction and guidance. When it feels right and there is peace in my heart, I trust myself and move forward.
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