By the time you receive this, I will be landing in Boston for our yearly family reunion at my daughter, Mary’s farm. I feel excited to see my family and friends and be reunited once again. I look forward to the “Woman of Faith” dinner & presentation and visiting with old friends & meeting new ones. My friend, Betty, from college that I haven’t seen in almost 50 years is attending. What a blessing and honor it is for me to be invited to share my story of manifesting my dream.
It is my belief that everything I attract into my life is for my highest good and an opportunity (not a problem) to live my best life and to be the best me I can be. It may not feel like an opportunity at first and I may not like it and I may even complain, but my faith experiences has shown me otherwise. Often when I “perceive” it to be a difficult situation, it is an opportunity for me to trust God more or to let go of my control (which is an illusion) or to reveal to me an area of my life that is still unhealed or wounded and needs to be released and transformed. I had the opportunity this week to love myself when Spirit revealed to me where I had some old patterns and beliefs to let go of.
I had just sent finished writing my blog “Feelings are a gift from God” and knew I needed to practice what I preach. I wrote in my journal, “What’s brewing God? I feel a “shift” and dip in my energy.” As I thought about it, I realized I started to feel the shift after I read something about a woman I know on Facebook who had received 1,000 likes from her post. Clearly, I felt jealous because I was comparing myself to her and feeling “less than” because I never had 1,000 likes. I knew my ego was at work and pride was rearing its head. Although I remembered feelings are not right or wrong, feeling jealous just didn’t feel “right.”
I knew it was important to not judge my feelings and beat up on myself like I had done for so many years. Instead it was a call from Spirit to be gentle, compassionate and give love to myself. I needed to love the unhealed, wounded part of me that was surfacing even more than I had been. I realized that the “old” patterns of comparing, competition and not being good enough will “pop up” from time to time, but it’s happening less frequently and that’s the good news.
It takes vigilance and awareness to identify the “old” feelings, behaviors and patterns. It takes practice to see the truth of who I am as divine being of Love. I know I have the power to overcome feelings of separation and lack because love fills my heart and soul. We have to be awake and aware and WILLING to allow whatever needs to come up to be healed and transformed.
There was a time in my life that I “hated” that part of me that felt jealous and compared myself to others. I then learned to welcome in all feelings, including jealousy. Today, I am choosing to love that part of me and not judge her. I asked myself, “How can I love myself in this moment?” I could take a nap, take a hot bath, call a friend or paint. I decided to paint and it felt so good. It was exactly what my soul needed.
I then asked myself, “What is the gift or lesson that I need to learn from this”? As I was meditating, this phrase came into my consciousness. It was, “Bloom where you are planted.” I hadn’t heard this in probably 40 years when my ex-husband and I made a Marriage Encounter. I am planted in Maui. My kids are planted far away in other states. I’m not going to bloom where I am not meant to be and God doesn’t want me to be and neither are they. How easy it is to judge someone when we don’t understand their path or journey because we wouldn’t do it that way. That was the first lesson that I learned. We all have to follow our heart and not judge where another is planted.
For flowers to grow beautifully and to their potential they need to be pruned and the dead flowers need to be cut off so the new buds can come forth. Like the flowers, I am being pruned so new growth can happen. I am being pruned of feelings of separation & lack which includes not having or doing enough, behaviors and patterns of competition and comparing. This is a life-long process, not an overnight one.
I asked myself, “How do I know if where I’m planted is God’s will for my life and where I’m supposed to be? All I could think about was that I will be “blooming” if I am where I am meant to be. I know I am “blooming” here in Maui because I feel more love than I have ever felt and I’m loving more than I have ever loved. I know that I am ONE with the God within. I feel peaceful, contented, grateful, creative and happy. I see flowers all around me and I see myself as a “flower” blooming. That doesn’t mean that everything is always perfect because it is not.
After 30 years of marriage, I knew I wasn’t “Blooming where I was planted” because I wasn’t happy and felt unfulfilled. We had grown apart over the years and we weren’t aligned spiritually which was very important to me. I knew deep in my heart that I wasn’t living my life to the fullest and I needed God’s grace and courage to make a change and move forward in my life. It was one of the best decisions I have made in my life.
I encourage you to look inside and ask yourself, “Am I planted where God wants me to be and am I blooming there?” If you are not “flowering” where you are planted and feel discontent, unhappy or depressed, it may be time to take responsibility for your life and ask God guidance and direction. Whether it be a job or a relationship or a marriage, you deserve to be happy and fulfilled. If not now, when?
I had been reading the daily devotional “Until Today” by Iyanla Vanzant for many years. I put it on the bookshelf when I moved to Maui over a year ago, until yesterday. While in prayer yesterday, something nudged me to dust it off and start reading it again. I think Spirit knew I was going to need the message today.
Here is what I read:
Today I am devoted to living without judgements! I am devoted to letting things be! (March 4)
“From where you sit, it may seem that certain people should know better, they should be better and they know they should be doing better. The truth is that every time you should someone, you make a judgment. Your judgement reflects your belief in right and wrong based on what you know or may not know. Your judgement reveals your attitude of superiority that says you have the right to determine what must be done, how it must be done and who must do it. Your judgement shows that you resist accepting things the way they are. A judgement is a means of control. It is an attempt to get people to do what you need and want them to do in order to feel better about yourself. A judgement is a sign of fear. Most important of all, a judgement is the way you set yourself up to be judged by others.”
I received a text from my brother when I woke up this morning informing me that my 95 year old step-mother had a bad fall 2 weeks ago and had to go and live with her sister. Of course, I called her immediately and told her that I hadn’t called because no one had told me about the accident. I left a message on her phone just yesterday and planned on calling again today. She explained to me what happened and reassured me that she was getting better. I felt upset and angry with my brother for not letting me know sooner.
I knew God was speaking to me loud and clear through the reading because I had just finished journaling and writing about my feelings about not being informed that she had the accident. I was “shoulding” on my brother. Many years ago, I put this statement on my phone “I will not should on myself” to remind me not to should on myself, which I did quite a bit at that time.
What I realized is that feelings are not right or wrong. Of course, I would feel angry that I wasn’t informed about it and left out of the loop. I needed to give myself permission to feel the anger and hurt for as long as I needed to feel it. So often, we want to JUMP OVER or deny the feelings because we don’t think it is spiritual to feel these feelings. If I don’t allow myself to feel all of my feelings and try to deny them by whatever I do over them (eat, shop, drink, stay busy, work, gamble) they will often come out sideways and at an innocent bystander or a loved one.
I allowed myself to feel my feelings and then I chose to let them go and not judge my brother. I will speak kindly to him and ask him to let me know in the future when something happens.
Prior to this incident, I was thinking about what God wanted me to write about for the weekly blog. I was working on my “right or wrong” and black and white kind of thinking that I grew up with. Either I was blaming someone for something I didn’t like or I was blaming myself for doing something wrong. Whenever I blame someone for something, I put myself into victim mentality.
I choose not to believe this kind of” right or wrong” thinking anymore because I know I am a perfect divine expression of God and I am always at the perfect and right place in my life. I also believe God’s timing is in perfect and in right order. As divine beings we can really do no wrong. We make choices. Choices have consequences. The only way wrong gets in is when we put it on the path, when we judge ourselves or others. Life always offers us the opportunity to do it over until we receive the desired results of our hearts.
I am grateful when God shines His light into my heart and shows me the truth about myself. As I have written before, it is the desire of my heart to meet my soul mate in Maui. I believe God has put that desire in my heart and it will be fulfilled in God’s time, not mine. For the most part, I am patient and focus on loving myself, having fun and living my life to the fullest. I know like attracts like and l will attract a man who also loves himself and is living his life to the fullest.
I was surprised when I uncovered this false belief about myself this week that needed to be changed and transformed. Have you ever wondered why you can manifest things so easily sometimes and other times, it seems like it takes forever? Perhaps that is God’s way of letting me know I AM NOT IN CONTROL. Have you ever asked yourself, “What’s wrong with me that I cannot manifest this in my life or thought that I must be blocking my good because it hasn’t happened yet?” Yes, there may be blocks that need to be released so I can receive my highest good. But, it may simply be not God’s timing! Acceptance and surrender is the answer here.
This is what I experienced when I went to the weekly dance and noticed 2 women with new boyfriends. The desire for a man in my life was activated and the thought popped into my head “What’s wrong with you that you haven’t manifested your man yet?” Thank God, I recognized this false belief immediately and knew that wasn’t the truth at all.
Whenever I focus on what I “perceive” to be wrong or what’s missing in my life, I lower my vibration and frequency. Whenever my mind takes me into fear or doubt, I need to affirm the truth and call in love and light. My affirmation is “Everything I need is streaming toward me, I open my hands to receive and everything is unfolding according to a divine plan and in the perfect timing.”
There is nothing wrong with you or me, we are God’s perfect expression in this world and we are made in Gods’ image and likeness. That doesn’t mean that we don’t need to change because life is about change and we are constantly evolving and growing into the person God intended us to be.
I am learning to trust the process of life and the lessons that show up for my highest good on a daily basis. I trust God to lead me and show me the way because I only want God’s will in my life. I ask for what I need on a daily basis and am open to receiving all the good that is mine. I know that whatever I need, whenever I need it, wherever I need it, for as long as I need it, will always be there for me. I have read that the perfect prayer is to ask for the highest and best for my life.
I am attuned to my divine nature – Daily Word March/April pg. 49
Because I am made in the image of likeness of God, my essence is divine. In prayer, I affirm my higher nature and invite clarity on how to more fully express it in my thoughts, words and actions. Settling into the silence, I quiet my mind and heart. I become aware of my soul-essence and of God’s gentle presence. This presence is always within me; my spiritual practice simply brings it into focus. I rest in the Presence for a time of meditation. I continue my spiritual practice as I bring my awareness back to the activities of the day. I remain attuned to the present moment. Deeply connected to my divine nature, I shine God’s presence into the world.
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