When Larry asked me to marry him 8 weeks ago, he quietly whispered to me, “We don’t have to do it right away.” Doesn’t he know who he is dealing with? After waiting for him to pop the question for almost 3 years of our relationship, I was ready and willing and didn’t want to wait. I have to admit waiting is not my strongest asset! We don’t like stress in our lives and we made an intention that everything would flow with peace, ease and grace. And it has so far! Everything is almost done and it is only February.
I am very happy to say that we are getting married on May 13, 2017. I wanted to be married in May because the month of May has been a very powerful spiritual month for me for many years. May is the month of Mary, the divine feminine. I didn’t know it at the time but May 13th is the 100th anniversary of Our Lady of Fatima’s appearance to the children and it is also Mother’s Day weekend.
We are getting married in a beautiful little Hawaiian church called Keawala’a Congregational Church. It was founded in 1832 and it overlooks the ocean. The pink and white Pulmeria trees that surround the church will be in full bloom to grace the beginning of our life as a married couple. We met with the minister for 2 ½ hours and shared many personal things about our lives and story of how we met. It will be interesting what he shares on the day of our wedding. I have a feeling we may get a few chuckles from the congregation.
When I shared with my daughter, Mary, how excited I was about getting married on Mother’s Day weekend, she said, “I want to come and I will bring Herbie if I can get a cheap flight, we will come.” She immediately opened her computer and, of course, found a great price for the both of them. She booked the flight right then. Can you imagine my joy that my daughter will be walking me down the aisle (tears in my eyes now) and, Herbie, my grandson will be the ring bearer. God is good.
Larry and I are going to Rhode Island to celebrate our marriage with our family and friends on the East Coast in July. It is an expensive and long trip for our families to come here so we will go there. My son, Tim, will officiate a special service at Mary and Glen’s farm as we renew our vows with our family and friends. Mary wants to have a square dance band because she knows how much we love to dance.
Since I don’t have any family members here to help with the wedding plans, my girlfriends have stepped up to the plate and offered all kinds of support and help. Believe me, I am taking them up on their offers. My plan is to make the flower arrangements for the reception to be held at the Dunes Golf Course after the ceremony. Several of my friends are creative and offered to help with the flowers both making them and delivering them on the day of the wedding.
I was surprised when my girlfriend, Kat, asked me, “Would you like a bridal shower? It’s been 50 years since my first marriage so I hadn’t even thought about a shower. At first I said, “No, I don’t want a shower.” She told me her idea and then said, “Think about it, you are getting married… in love…for the rest of your life here on earth. Your journey, your womanhood has brought you to this place in time. It might be an extraordinary sacred ceremony to surround yourself with loving Goddess love and energy. The women you love know much about love, perhaps it would bless you to let us encircle you with wisdom, prayer and love as you prepare to enter into and publicly declare your marriage with your beloved Larry. We could each bring you a pearl (symbol of the Maui sea) of prayer – each prayer linked and knotted to the next leaving your enriched with an exquisite strand of spiritual pearls. Of course, after that explanation I happily said, “Yes, I would love to have a celebration like this.”
If you are inspired to send a prayer to me for our marriage, I would be delighted to receive it and will not read it until the shower when I read the others. My address is 621 Laniolu Pl. Kihei. Hi 96753. The shower is April 7th.
Here is the song Larry and I chose to dance to for our first dance as a married couple:
When You Tell Me That You Love Me – Albert Hammond/John Bettis sung by Uluewhi Guerrero
“I want to call the stars down from the sky. I want to live a day that never dies. I want to change the world only for you. All the impossible, I want to do. I want to hold you close under the sun. I want to kiss your smile and feel the pain. I know what’s beautiful, looking at you. In a world of lies, you are the truth.
Chorus: And my love, every time you touch me I become a hero. I will make you safe, no matter where you are. And bring you everything you ask for, nothing is above me. I am shining like a candle in the dark when you tell me that you love me.
I want to make you see just what I was, show you the loneliness and what it does You walked into my life to stop my tears. Everything is easy now, I have you near. In a world without you, I will always hunger. All I need is your love to make me stronger.
I don’t think either one of us will make it through in one piece. But it will be beautiful as we waltz around the floor together.
I want to thank all of you who wrote and shared your responses to Larry’s thoughts and feelings about our love relationship. It touched us both very deeply and we are so grateful that our relationship gives you hope to see the possibilities of what God wants and intends for you in a committed relationship.
Many of you have shared how you appreciate my honesty and authenticity in writing my weekly blogs. It truly is my desire to share the good, the bad and the ugly, although I don’t believe any more there is the bad or the ugly. Of course, there are always challenges or problems in our lives. But, I choose to see everything that happens to me as an opportunity rather than a problem because I believe that I attract everything into my life for my highest good and for my soul to grow.
Did I want to share what happened this week that was very personal and felt shameful? No, I didn’t but I know that shame is healed when it is brought into the light. I also heard Spirit say, “I want you to share this in your blog.” I choose to share it because I want to be true to myself and authentic to all of you.
Last Thursday, a few days before Easter, I felt a shooting pain in my whole lower back when I got up to get a drink of water. I remembered what my back felt like a few years ago when I could hardly walk and had to be on my back for a few weeks. So, for 3 days I really “gave into” taking care of myself and rested and stayed quiet. I read books and iced and put heat on my back all day long. I prayed, meditated and did the Emotion Code to release trapped emotions. I believe that our body often wants to get our attention and speaks to us through our pain. Our body remembers everything that has ever happened to us and there may be emotions or false beliefs that need to be released.
It was revealed to me in prayer that I had an old belief that no longer served me. The belief was that it is wrong and bad to “waste time on myself” and to do nothing, even if it is very pleasurable. I loved lying in my bed and reading for hours. Because my back was hurting, I gave myself permission to rest and I didn’t feel guilty. Because of this false belief about “wasting time on myself”, I don’t think I would have given myself the luxury of reading all day without feeling some guilt.
Granted, there was a time in my life while I worked and raised a family that I didn’t think I had a choice to “waste time on myself.” I became a “busyaholic” because there was a lot to do, but also to medicate my feelings. I didn’t want to feel the pain that was deep inside of me, so I stayed busy. There is nothing wrong with being busy and responsible, but it must be balanced with taking time for ourselves and doing things that give us pleasure – and that may be doing nothing and reading a book all day long – without feeling guilty.
It’s important to know what gives you pleasure. During my quiet time, I wrote a list of all the things and activities that bring me pleasure and there were a lot of things on the list from dancing, walking on the beach to spending time with family and friends. I liked it when it popped into my mind that I am now a practicing “pleasuraholic.” A pleasuraholic means I live in the present moment, I feel all of my feelings, I believe I’m deserving of pleasure, I trust the process of life, I enjoy pleasure, I surrender and accept “what is.”
I was surprised when I received an email the next day that read, “Are you a pleasure anorexic? Do you unconsciously or habitually deprive yourself of pleasure? I immediately said, “No.” I have this one covered and that’s not me. After all, I had just written my list of all the ways that I give myself pleasure. I enjoy giving and receiving pleasure from those I love. Then, Spirit shined its light into my heart and showed me some truths that I was in denial about and didn’t want to see about myself.
I’ve shared in past blogs that I was sexually abused as a young girl by a family member, a priest and a teacher. I was robbed of my innocence and suffered many years because of the abuse. It has been a long journey of healing, forgiving and transformation. I am very grateful to God for my healing. What I know about the spiritual journey is that there is always MORE uncovering and healing to be done, especially if there has been any kind of physical, emotional, spiritual abuse or trauma in our lives.
It may be uncomfortable and I may not like it when something comes into the light that needs attention and healing, but I know it’s for my highest good. I felt sad and then angry when I realized that I was still suffering from the “aftermath” of the abuse and needed healing from the sexual abuse that occurred over 60 years ago.
Nothing changes when I stay in denial. When I come out of denial, I will not only have to face myself and the truth, but I will have the opportunity to change, with God’s grace. Even though I knew that change is for my good & necessary, I still felt some fear because it was unfamiliar territory where I didn’t have control. Feeling like you are in control is very important to someone who has experienced abuse.
I was able to admit to myself, that even though I had grown enormously in healing my sexuality, there were still some areas where I needed to heal and grow because I didn’t allow myself to RECEIVE all of the pleasure that I was entitled to and deserved to receive.
I know in my heart that Larry is God’s instrument in my life to heal my unhealed wounds. His love, kindness and patience give me courage to move forward and receive all the gifts God wants to give me, including enjoying my sexuality 100%.
Are you able to give and receive pleasure in your life or do you sometimes feel guilty doing things that are pleasurable and fun? You are worth it and deserve to experience the riches God wants you to receive. Start today and do one good thing for yourself every day and see how that feels.
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Author, Inspirational Speaker, Spiritual Coach, Retreat Leader & Radio Talk Show Host
Simply A Woman of Faith
621 Laniolu Place Kihei, HI 96753