I arrived home safely from my 2- week vacation with family. I love going away and I love coming home because there is no place like home. There were 18 red roses waiting for me when I walked into the house from my beloved. I think he missed me, as I missed his loving presence and love.
As I walked through the airport on my way home, I thought about the thousands of travelers who travel daily and get on planes. They ultimately feel safe and put their trust in the pilot to get them to their prospective destinations.
I then thought, “Do we trust a HIGHER POWER to take care of us and protect us as much as we trust a pilot to get us to where we want to go in life or do we obsess or worry and live in fear?
As I was sitting and waiting for the plane to board, right in front of me was a flashing ad with several sayings on the TV for Bank of America. The first ad said, “What would you like the POWER to do?” Of course, they weren’t referring to a HIGHER POWER or God or Source.
I asked myself, “What would I like the POWER to do?” I encourage you to ask, “What would you like the POWER to do?” If we don’t know what we want the POWER to do, we won’t ask and we won’t receive. We may be feeling frustrated with where we are in life, confused, stuck or unfulfilled in a relationship or job. The truth is we are not living our dream.
It is important to know what we want so we can ask the POWER greater than ourselves for assistance. I kept saying to my friend, Donna, while on vacation, “I don’t know what I want to do and I’m waiting for my next orders.” I wasn’t stressed about it, but felt peaceful that I would figure out what I wanted in time and that I didn’t have to push or make anything happen.
As I spent quiet time going within and meditating. I asked myself, “What do I want to do and what does Spirit want?” It became clear that Spirit was calling me to share my gifts as a Spiritual Life Coach again. I felt excited because I am living the life of my dreams (as many of you desire to do too) and want to help YOU to do the same.
I could hardly believe how things started to shift almost miraculously and organically as I became clear as to what I wanted to do. Within an hour, my prayer was answered as my first coaching client appeared and asked me to be her Spiritual Life Coach.
The next few ads that flashed on the TV screen about the POWER were:
“The POWER to know everything is OK”
“The POWER to live in the moment”
Here are a few of my own:
“The POWER to know everything is perfect and in divine timing”
“The POWER to experience self-care & self-love as a spiritual practice”
The POWER to awaken, expand and be inspired”
“The POWER to know we are all connected and ONE”
“The POWER to trust, surrender and let go”
“The POWER to know I AM ENOUGH and deserve my highest good”
“The POWER to know there is only LOVE”
We all have the same POWER within us to guide and protect us. We just need to consciously connect with our HIGHER POWER or Source on a daily basis.
If you need help connecting to the spiritual POWER within and you want to align with your soul’s purpose and make an impact in the world and you want to receive the abundance you deserve, I am here to serve you. If you’ve been on the spiritual and personal growth path for years and you want to move forward in your life, please contact me and we can discuss your needs.
I encourage you to ask yourself, “What is holding me back from having the intimate relationship I desire and the life I deserve?
Is it not TIME to know the truth of who you are and the POWER within? If not now, WHEN?
My son, Tim, has been on the self-improvement and spiritual path for 12 years and is a Life Coach from Boise, Idaho. He recently invited me to be a part of a powerful online group process called “Self-Love, Self-Acceptance and Self Appreciation.” He designed it to bring people together to share their power with one another for a greater cause other than their own individual use. What a delight it is for me to be a part of this group and witness my son’s teaching about self-love. There is no greater joy for a mother than to see her children live their lives fully and making a difference in the world. I am truly blessed and grateful for my children and who they have become and what they bring into the world.
I have been on this journey of self-love for many years and I believe it is the foundation for everything. When I love myself, I will know how to truly love others. It is important to me because I didn’t love myself growing up and wasn’t taught how to love myself. It was very confusing because I was told I was conceited as a young girl. Coming from an alcoholic home, I was starving for love and looked outside of myself and in all the wrong places for it. I didn’t know that the love I was so desperately craving was inside of me all the time. I looked to others for approval, to love me and tell me I was o.k.
I have heard that LIFE (and the people in our lives) is like a classroom and we are always learning lessons. I believe each lesson is like an “awakening” to see the truth and to set me free to live the life I am called to live as a child of God. It is like peeling an onion and we keep going deeper and deeper into ourselves to see the truth of who we are.
After years of practicing self-love, I wasn’t expecting to have such a powerful “awakening” after our first “Self-love, Self-acceptance and Self -Appreciation” call. Spirit didn’t waste any time because that night something “showed up” with Larry that I needed to process.
Larry and I love to dance and we have great chemistry together, for the most part! He has been learning some new difficult dance steps and was trying to teach them to me on the dance floor. Not a good idea because I had no idea what he was doing and tried to follow him to the best of my ability. I could see the look in his eyes and the frustration on his face when I screwed it up royally. I have always had pride in myself for being a great follower. But, I wasn’t following him and started to feel “inadequate” and judged myself to be “not good enough.” Needless to say, I wasn’t in a good mood when we left the dance.
I was quiet at first when we got in the car because I didn’t want to just dump on him. He knew something was up and turned to me and said, “I love you, Sparkle.” I then decided to share my feelings and communicate because being quiet was an “old behavior” and it didn’t feel very good.
After I shared my feelings of “inadequacy” about my dancing with him, he immediately apologized for being a “jerk” and took responsibility for his actions. He said, “It’s not you, it’s me and my ego. I am frustrated because I cannot remember the steps I have been learning so I haven’t been able to lead you. I know that is unfair to you and I am sorry.”
Wow, I wasn’t expecting that admission from him because I judged myself and thought it was my fault. We talked for quite a while in the car and I felt better when I left. The next day, while journaling and in prayer, some awareness came up for me about my lack of self-love and acceptance. I spent the day going within to process what happened and what I want and don’t want in our dancing experience. I wrote 7 pages in my journal and gained clarity about how I have internalized and allowed what others think of me and how they treat me to be the barometer of how I judge and treat myself. Larry was frustrated with himself (and me) because he couldn’t remember the steps he learned and I wasn’t following him. I took on his frustration and assumed it meant that I was inadequate and “not good enough.”
If my self-love and acceptance was at 100% (which no one’s is,) I would have realized in the moment that it was his frustration and that I didn’t need to buy into it & create and my own story. Feeling inadequate and “not good enough” are old core beliefs that reared their ugly head-again! I forgave myself and wrote a gratitude list.
The truth is it’s about me and how I treat and love myself. I cannot control how others treat me, but I can control how I love, accept and appreciate myself. Through this experience, I was able to give myself the love, acceptance and appreciation that I have craved from others. What a gift and opportunity to see the truth and to see how I have grown and learned to communicate and get my needs met. I felt so empowered after Larry and I discussed what I will and will not do on the dance floor! And the best part is we had a fantastic time on the dance floor this Saturday night.
After my daughter-in –law, Suzie, died 7 years ago, while still at her wake, my son handed me her pewter angel with the inscription, “Let Miracles Find You.” He said, “Mom, Suzie wants you to have this.” I often think about what it means to “Let Miracles Find Me.” It means that I trust God is with me and that I am never alone. It means that God will “show up” in the perfect and right timing and guide me with what to do next in my life. It means that I “show up” daily and watch for miracles to unfold. I wrote a story called “Let Miracles Find Me” about the miracles surrounding Suzie’s death, but never did anything with it until NOW.
Lately, I have been practicing letting miracles find me. Rather than the old behaviors of pushing and trying to make things happen, I am now allowing things to flow and come to me. It’s not that I sit in my house and do nothing; it’s more about an “attitude of calm knowingness” inside of me that all is well and what I have prayed for is on its way.
For example, my friend, Max, was leading a workshop on “Attracting Your Soul Mate” a few weeks ago and asked me if I was interested in hosting the workshop at my home. I said, “Yes.” A couple of days before the workshop a woman, who I had never met before, stopped by to give me a deposit. While she was at my house, she asked, “Would you be interested in hosting an event that I am sponsoring in a few weeks? “
I was curious and asked what the event was about. She said, “It’s called “Making Sense of Men.” Now that perked my interest, not that I need to learn more about men at my age! She told me it was a free workshop for women only, and there would be an opportunity for the women to register for “The Queen’s Code” Workshop at the end of the evening.
“The Queen’s Code Workshop” led by Allison Armstrong was a 2-day weekend workshop, held for the first time in Hawaii, on November 8 & 9. The price online was $849, but women would get a great discount by attending the event at my house. And, if I hosted the event, I would get a special discount.
What I found fascinating was that I had just heard about Allison Armstrong the week before at my WOW (Women of Wisdom) sharing group. My friend, Kati, had taken workshops with Allison and raved about what she had learned about men from the workshop. I had never heard of Allison Armstrong until last week.
“Was this a miracle finding me?” I wondered. I immediately said” yes” to hosting the workshop because I had nothing to lose and everything to gain. The event was a great success and I learned some things about men that I didn’t know. Twenty- three women packed into my living room and it was so much fun.
At the end of the evening, as women signed up for the 2 day workshop in November, Linda handed me a $400 certificate off the online price. It was a great price, but it was still almost $500 which I didn’t want to part with. I thanked her and told her I wasn’t sure if I would use it. Two days later, I received a call from Linda. She said, “Pat, you did so much work hosting the event that I was able to pull some strings and get you a free certificate to attend the “The Queen’s Code.” Would that work for you?” I said, “Thank you, that will work just fine.” I guess I needed it because it came to me! I am expecting to learn lots more about men. Larry already calls me the QUEEN and treats me like a queen. How much better can it get than this?
On another note, I received an email from my book coach, Lisa Tener a few weeks ago informing me of an opportunity to submit one of my inspirational stories to “Chicken Soup for the Soul: Hope & Miracles” 101 Inspirational Stories of Faith, Answered Prayers, and Divine Intervention.
“They were looking for: Powerful, amazing stories about miracles and hope — stories that make people say “wow” when you tell them — stories that will give our readers chills. If you have such a story we would love to publish it.”
After I prayed about it, I remembered the story I had written 7 years ago when Suzie died. It was called, “Let Miracles Find Me.” I asked myself, “Is this God’s timing?” It seemed perfect to send it in so I sent it in today. Who knows, perhaps my story will be chosen as one of the stories in Chicken Soup for the Soul.
Do you believe you get what you need when you need it and at the perfect and right timing? It may not be your timing, but it is always God’s perfect timing. I believe everything happens for a reason and it’s always for my highest good and the good of others. I’ve learned to expect God’s favor and miracles and to look for signs that I’m on the right track.
Have you ever noticed that when you are learning a new behaviorlike speaking up, saying no, learning a new skill, or learning how to dance, you can’t get enough of it and you want to do it all the time? What often happens is that the pendulum swings to one side and it goes out of balance. It takes time to come back into balance, to live in the present moment where there is peace and joy.
Not only does the pendulum swing out of balance, but old behaviors may rear their ugly head. No worries, this is normal. When you have a daily spiritual practice and are connected to Spirit and your higher self, you notice this doesn’t feel good and you need to change. Too much of a good thing is not healthy and it could drive you and your friends and family crazy.
Being in love and in a new relationship is wonderful and life-changing, but it doesn’t exempt me from going out of balance and losing my peace. And it doesn’t take long! Have you ever prayed for something and then when you get it, you feel afraid? God must laugh at us human beings. I am grateful that I can laugh at myself and am learning to take myself lightly. I have learned to feel my feelings and instead of denying or pushing them down, I share them so I can work through them. I am also willing and open to look at my “stinking thinking” and change my thinking when necessary. It is so easy to take things personally, future trip, or jump to conclusions and be negative.
Although I don’t like it, being in a new relationship brings up my STUFF; like fear, insecurity and control. How silly of me to think I was done with my STUFF because I don’t think we are ever done with our STUFF. I may say I don’t like it when my STUFF comes up, but I really do because it is a gift and opportunity to allow God’s grace and healing to occur. It is also an opportunity to focus on loving myself.
For much of my life I focused on others and put myself last. I thought I knew what was best for others and what they should do, but I didn’t have a clue or know what I wanted. Wasn’t that what we were taught to do? I thought if I loved you enough, you would love me back. I realize now that this is backwards because I need to love myself first before I can truly love another. I thought focusing on myself and my needs were selfish and felt guilty if I did put my needs first. I know today that it is self-caring and what God wants me to do. If I’m not loving myself, I cannot truly love others. What a gift to know this and teach others how to do it.
“I am totally and completely supported by the Universe.” I love how the Universe speaks to me and gets my attention. I knew “something” didn’t feel right inside of me, but I wasn’t clear what it was and what I needed to change until I had the dream.
God always speaks to me through my dreams. I know I dream every night, but I don’t always remember them unless God wants to get my attention and guide me through the dream. I have had a recurring dream for many years and hadn’t had the dream in a long time. When you have a recurring dream, it is almost always a lesson that needs to be learned or re-learned again.
In my dream, I was “rushing” to catch a plane because I thought I was going to be late. When I work with my dreams, I ask a lot of questions to help me get what the message is. The message was clear: I needed to RELAX, trust the process and know that all was well.
There is a chapter in my book called, “Slowliness is Godliness” and it is about rushing. Here is what I wrote:
“I constantly raced around, going from one thing to another. Rushing was my addiction and I never took my time with anything. If I rushed and stayed busy, I didn’t have time to feel my feelings and go within. It gave me energy when I rushed. I felt powerful when I multi-tasked and felt in control. Just like the alcoholic who uses alcohol to medicate painful feelings, I used rushing to medicate painful feelings from my childhood. I always pushed myself to do more and be more. I never felt good enough and didn’t know how to relax. A friend told me that rushing was abusive and a death wish. It’s a death wish because when I rush all the time, I disconnect from myself and from the divine energy of God within. When I rush, I’m not respecting myself or the God within.
Rushing became a way of life for me. Although on the outside, I may have looked peaceful, there was an “inner rushing” that was pervasive and intense. If I wanted peace in my life, I had to change. It only takes one person to change your life – you. I had to slow down, be conscious and learn to live in the moment. I asked God for the grace to slow down and relax.”
Thank you God for showing me the truth in what I need to change. I am back in balance, still in love, trusting God, loving myself, feeling my feelings and surrendering to “what is” showing up in my life, knowing it is all good and for my highest good.
It has been an interesting week of living in the “mystery” because for a couple of days all I could say to myself was, “I don’t know, I don’t know.” I realized how difficult and uncomfortable it is for me “not to know.” It’s scary “not to know” because I usually want to know right NOW! This is about wanting to control things and what’s going to happen next in my life. I saw something on Facebook this week that made me laugh. It said,” RELAX – nothing is under control.” Can you relate?
I shared something with my girlfriend, Kati, about a situation in my life that was unsettling and I didn’t know where it was going. She listened, laughed and then said, “I have never seen you squirm like this before.” She was right, I was squirming and I didn’t like it.
This is not living in the moment, where there is peace, love and joy. It is called “future tripping” and not a very good place to be in my head. I believe it is God’s invitation and opportunity for me to surrender more deeply and to practice what I preach and what I know works. This is “miracle living.”
In meditation one morning, I asked for clarity in what I wanted and didn’t want to do or have in my life. When I go within (my answers are within) and listen, I do know what I want and don’t want. Did I say “I don’t know” because I didn’t want to make a decision, make a mistake or take a risk and perhaps go in a direction that I hadn’t gone before?
It reminded me of when I was thinking about moving to Maui a few years ago. One day I said, “YES” I am moving to Maui and the next day, I said, “NO.” I drove myself crazy and it wasn’t until I got serious and ready that I finally went inside and asked myself the question, “WHAT DO I WANT?” How could God help me and go to work on my behalf if I wasn’t clear about what I wanted? I know sometimes it takes time to know what we really want and we need to be patient with the process. We will know when we are ready to know. It took me 67 years to manifest my dream of living on the ocean and I am so grateful for God’s grace that I had the courage to go within because if I hadn’t, I wouldn’t be living my dream today.
I am learning that it is ok “not to know” and to live in the mystery, trusting God is in control and the divine plan for my life is unfolding in the perfect and right timing. It is about being patient and willing to WAIT until I am ready. This feels so much better and I am at peace. I know my wanting to control came from living in a dysfunctional home where there was chaos and I never knew what was going to happen next. So control was a way of life to cover up the fear and pain inside. That doesn’t work anymore. Today, I am free, surrendered and can let go and let God.
I received a special gift this week. As I stretched on my bedroom floor, I noticed in the corner of the room some framed pictures that I hadn’t put up on the walls yet. I was led to read a poem that I received many years ago (and I hadn’t read in many years) when I really needed to receive it. It is called HONEY.
BEE BUSY Doing what you love to do
BEE TRUE To the dream’s God’s given you
BEE SURE To taste the sweetness of each day
BEE SILLY Giggle lots and take off to play
BEE BOLD Enough to trust your wings to fly
BEE-LIEVE The power of prayer will get you by
BEE HAPPY Keep your outlook bright and sunny
BEE YOURSELF BEE CAUSE YOU REALLY ARE A HONEY
My mother’s name was HONEY and she died on New Year’s Day when I was 21 years old. In 2005, on New Year’s Day, I asked to feel her presence. A few hours later, I opened my computer and this poem was there and I didn’t know who sent it. I knew my mom had “showed up” for me. She was showing up for me again today, when I needed her. As I read the poem, the words touched my heart deeply because it felt like she was affirming how I am living my life today.
I am doing what I love to do
I am being true to the dream God’s given me
I am tasting the sweetness of each day
I am giggling and playing
I am trusting my wings to fly
I am seeing the power of prayer
I have a bright and sunny outlook
I AM BEING MYSELF BECAUSE I REALLY AM A HONEY
God gives us what we need when we are open, ready and willing to receive. What do you want today? What is the desire of your heart? Your desire is God’s desire for you. Live in the mystery, trust and surrender to God’s plan in your life. You are worth it!
It’s hard to believe it is already the middle of December and we will be starting a new year in a few weeks. I don’t know about you, but time is going so fast and sometimes I can’t even remember what I did the day before. This time of the year can be stressful with all the added commitments and things that need to get done that we can lose our peace – if we allow it and let it. It is our choice. This season is about love and preparing our hearts to receive the Christ presence in a deeper way.
I remind myself what is important to me and that I am responsible for the peace and pace that I bring to my life. For me, it is about being aware and living consciously in every moment. It is about loving me and knowing what I need to do for myself. I am becoming more and more aware of where and who I spend my time with. For example, I am saying NO to others when they ask to get together or ask me to do something when it doesn’t feel right inside. It is not selfish, but self-care. There was a time in my life that I couldn’t do that because I felt guilty and responsible for others feelings and didn’t want to hurt them. I heard God say to me, “What about loving you and are you hurting yourself by saying yes?” My prayer for you is that you will go inside and live consciously in every moment. As we learn to truly love ourselves, we will know how to love others.
Sometimes my life feels like a “soap opera” with God. One of my readers told me how she looks forward to Wednesdays to receive my blog to see what miracles and adventures Pat had with God that week. God always “shows up” and so do I.
I spent quite a bit of time with my grandmother when I was growing up and loved it. I remember lying on the couch on Saturday nights (while she combed my hair) and watching “The Lawrence Welk Show.” She also watched the soap opera,“As the World Turns” every day at 1:00 p.m. and I sometimes watched that with her. All I can remember is the actress “Erica.” I am really dating myself and wonder how many of you remember these shows?
Stay tuned for this week’s soap opera with God. Here we go.
Last week one of the men at the dance community bought my book for his niece and said, “I think it will help her.” When I saw him this week at the dance, he came right up to me and said, “I read your book.” I said, “How did you like it?” He said, “I liked it.” “Hmmm, what did he like about it?” I wondered to myself. When I danced with him later in the evening, I was curious and couldn’t keep my mouth shut and said, “What did you get from my book?” He looked at me rather succinctly and said, “GOD.” That was it, no more, no less. Nobody has ever answered like that before. I chuckled to myself and thought “That was the best answer I could have ever received” because all there is, is GOD. He was right on target and a man of few words.
I shared several weeks ago how I hurt my back and all the good that had already come from it. I found a wonderful chiropractor to help me heal and I met his wife Dr. Kim, who is also a chiropractor and the author of, “The Power to Heal Yourself.” It was Dr. Kim who informed me that her patient invited her to a book signing and it was my book they were reading. The book club is this Sunday and I have been invited to join them.
I felt led to get to know Dr. Kim and asked her to go out for lunch. We have already been out twice and she is such a delight and woman of faith. In fact, we are planning to do a retreat together in April of next year. How much better can it get than this?
I was thrilled and honored when Dr. Kim wanted to buy 10 of my books as gifts for her friends and family. I brought the books with me when we met for lunch today. I was signing 3 of my books at the table while we waited for the food to come. It was a Korean-Chinese restaurant and the waitress and Dr. Kim spoke Korean. Of course, I couldn’t understand a word they were saying. The waitress asked Dr. Kim, “How come there are 3 books on the table?” Dr. Kim explained that I wrote the book and I was signing them for her friends and family. The waitress asked to look at one of the books. She looked through it quickly and said, “Can I buy one of the books?” Of course, I said yes and a couple of minutes later she was back with the money.
I love living and BEING in the flow. I am grateful for all the good and people who have showed up in my life. I never know what the day is going to bring, but my eyes and heart are open to miracles, adventure and whatever else “shows up.” I know that I attract everything into my life for my highest good and for my soul to grow. I also know that God has me covered!
Alan Cohen writes, “There are no accidents. Coincidences are just miracles to which God wishes to remain anonymous. Chance plays no part in God’s plan. Everything and everyone shows up in your life at the invitation of your thoughts and intentions. Cohen, Wisdom Heart, 2002Sometime
I want to wish you all peace and joy as you prepare your hearts this season for love.
“Pat, I am so thankful that you are LIVING YOUR DREAM and that I get to live it with you. So many people have dreams, but you are one of the few I know who actually live them. Maui is your true essence because I have watched you bloom just like the flowers in the photos you send. Maui is a true paradise and it feels like I’ve landed in heaven. Thank you, Linda.”
I am so excited that my friend, Linda, is my first guest to visit me from the mainland. I plan on taking her all over the island and doing fun things like going to a Hawaiian luau, visiting the Lavender Farm and snorkeling with the turtles. We saw our first whale of the season and it was very exciting. We saw the dolphins and were graced with a beautiful rainbow when we started our snorkeling boat ride on the Maui Magic. It is such a joy to share paradise with her. I am sure I will have many stories to share.
I have several stories this week that I would like to share with you where I saw God’s hand at work. I love how the Universe works and gives me “information” when I need it. I don’t call them coincidences; I call them “Godincidences.” For example, I had my last chiropractor appointment last Friday. After the treatment, I stopped at the desk to talk to Dr. Wilcox’s wife, Dr. Gina, who is also a chiropractor. When my friend, Sandy, drove me to my first appointment she spotted Gina’s book, “The Power to Heal Yourself” and purchased it that day. Sandy gave it to me to read when we left the office.
I commented to Dr. Gina about how much I loved her book and how I resonated with her faith walk. That opened up the conversation and we shared deeply about our love for God and doing God’s will. We plan on getting together for lunch and sharing our stories.
I was taken back when she said, “Pat, I have to tell you something. My patient, Andrea, invited me to their next book club study and they are reading your book, “Simply a Woman of Faith.” I stood there with my mouth open because I had no idea this was planned. I asked, “Do you know how that happened?” Dr. Gina said, “Andrea met you at a water aerobics class a few months ago and you told her you wrote a book. They chose your book for their book study next month.” I remember meeting a woman at the class in the ocean, but hadn’t seen her since that day.
If I hadn’t hurt my back and went to the chiropractor for treatment, I wouldn’t have met Dr. Gina and wouldn’t have known that my book was being read for their book club. I am hoping that I will be invited to join them. God is good.
That same day, after my chiropractor appointment, I met my friend, Joni, at Ben Franklin’s Craft Store in town. Joni is getting married in March and I am doing the flowers for her wedding. We chose beautiful colorful flowers for the centerpieces for the tables. Many years ago, I had my own flower business out of my home and I love to do flower arrangements. While we were there, we noticed floral arrangements that were already made up. I said to Joni, “I wonder who does these arrangements?”
While we were checking out at the register, I walked away for a moment. When I came back, Joni was talking to the woman and asking her if they needed anyone to do flower arrangements (but I hadn’t heard that.) I immediately said, “Are you hiring people to do flower arrangements?” The woman said, “Yes we are, can you send me a portfolio of your work?” I no longer had a portfolio, but told her I would take some pictures of arrangements that I had made in my home.
I had just mentioned to my friend, Kati, that I was open to the possibility of some kind of part-time work (but had no idea what.) I had been praying about it and said to God, “If I am to work, please bring something to me because I don’t want to go out and look for a job.” As I reflected back over the last 20 years regarding my jobs, I realized that all of my jobs just “came to me” almost miraculously.
The next day was Saturday – Yard Sale Day. I found all kind of flowers, vases, ribbons and baskets to play with, especially at one yard sale when the woman said, “I am moving back to the mainland and am closing my floral business.” It couldn’t have been more perfect and what a confirmation of the direction I want to play in.
I went home and made some arrangements so I could send the woman some pictures of my work. I don’t know if I want to work a part-time job or if I will hear from Ben Franklin’s, but I do know that I would love to do floral arrangements for special occasions and custom made arrangements. Kati and I even came up with a name for my business – “Beauty in Bloom Florals.”
After my last blog, my friend, Trudy, sent me an email and said, “Pat, I wished you had mentioned some of the things you do “do” on Maui. You lead women’s workshops and you are writing another book. You also do life coaching. You are one hot mama expressing in this world!” Another friend, Karen, wrote “But you are doing so much.You are inspiring and your words are healing and make me smile. Such joy and freedom of spirit. Thank you both for reminding me of what I am “doing” that delights my heart and soul.
My daily prayer is to be open to receive whatever the Universe wants to give me. Here is a funny story of something I received this week. I went to my favorite consignment store, “Rainbow Attic” to browse around. I was standing in the front of the store when a man walked in carrying a frozen turkey in one of his hands. I had to comment and say something funny about the turkey. He said, “I just got it free from Foodland because I had points and am bringing it home after this. We both went about our shopping and I was at the cash register when he came up to me and said, “I have another receipt for a free turkey, would you like it?” Of course, I said, “Yes, thank you.”
“I am not only a bountiful giver; I am also a willing receiver. When I receive with gratitude, I plan an important rold in the circulation of God’s good. I am open, worthy, and receptive to the gifts showered upon me from a generous and abundant Universe.” Daily Word Nov./Dec.
My heart is heavy as I begin this blog because I would much rather share a miracle or a synchronistic story of how God showed up in my life this week. But as I reflect upon this, I know that I am sharing a miracle because of what I have survived – and am thriving – and inspiring others to do the same. I have had several situations this month where I needed to speak my truth when there was emotional abuse.
I humbly share this part of my life with you, not for you to feel sorry for me or to blame someone, but to share what I have learned, how I set myself free and how you can set yourself free from abuse. I couldn’t set myself free until I recognized that I was being abused as an adult.
I was sexually abused by a Catholic priest at the age of 12 years old in New York. Fifty years later, I and several other women who were abused by this priest brought it out into the light to the newspaper and TV. At the time, he was the pastor of his church and denied at the pulpit that he even knew us and told the congregation that we were only out for the money. It was devastating and painful. Not only did he deny the abuse that went on for 2 years, but denied knowing us. It was like being doubly traumatized. It was not easy to stand up to the Catholic Church and be seen and heard.
With the grace of God and support from family, I sued the Catholic Church and WON. The abuse of children had to stop and the only way to do that was through the courts. The lies, denial and continuing abuse had to be brought out into the open. There were many years of meetings with bishops and lawyers for it to be settled. It took a tremendous amount of courage to bring it all up again and realize the life-long effects it had on my life.
When you are abused as a child, it sets you up for abuse in later years of your life. It is like you are a sitting duck and “abusers” smell your vulnerability. It may not be sexual abuse again, but could by emotional or psychological abuse in a relationship or job. This kind of abuse be me more harmful than physical abuse because it can undermine what you think about yourself. It can cripple all you are meant to be as you allow something untrue to define you. The abuser projects their words, attitudes or actions onto an unsuspecting victim usually because they themselves have not dealt with childhood wounds that are now causing them to harm others.
Some symptoms of emotional abuse are:
Humiliation, degradation, bullying, discounting, negating, judging, criticizing, domination, control, shame, accusing and blaming, trivial and unreasonable demands or expectations, denies own shortcomings, emotional distancing and the “silent treatment” islolation, emotional abandonment or neglect, codependence and enmeshment.
Here are some questions you might ask yourself:
Does anyone make fun of you or put you down in front of others? Do they tease you, use sarcasm as a way to put you down or degrade you? When you complain do they say that “it was just a joke” and that you are too sensitive? Do they tell you that your opinion or feelings are “wrong?” Does anyone regularly ridicule, dismiss, disregard your opinions, thoughts, suggestions, and feelings? Do you feel that the person treats you like a child? Do they constantly correct or chastise you because your behavior is “inappropriate? Do you feel you must “get permission” before going somewhere or before making even small decisions? Do they control your spending? Do they treat you as though you are inferior to them? Do they make you feel as though they are always right? Do they remind you of your shortcomings? Do they belittle your accomplishments, your aspirations, your plans or even who you are? Do they give disapproving, dismissive, contemptuous, or condescending looks, comments, and behavior? Do they accuse you of something contrived in their own minds when you know it isn’t true? Do they have trouble apologizing? Do they make excuses for their behavior or tend to blame others or circumstances for their mistakes? Do they call you names or label you? Do they blame you for their problems or unhappiness? Do they continually have “boundary violations” and disrespect your valid requests? Do they use pouting, withdrawal or withholding attention or affection?
As I look back over my life, I see clearly how emotional abuse continued for years because I didn’t recognize it as abuse because it was so familiar. It took me years to leave a marriage, a Christian community and a job that was abusive. Because of ignorance, fear and not believing in myself, I didn’t have a voice to speak my truth.
Today, I am happy to say that I have a voice and can spot abuse immediately and speak up to people who are abusive. I was determined to be healthy and do whatever I needed to do to heal from the abuse. I went into therapy, did energy work, attended support groups, left the church, forgave the abusers, and read books. You name it, I did it and it was worth it because I have been set free to be the woman God created me to be and to live my dream. Today, I help others to set themselves free.
It has taken me years, but I no longer accept unacceptable behaviors or stay in unhealthy relationships or jobs because I love myself enough and know that I deserve to be treated with respect and kindness, and so do you.
I recently came across a couple of quotes that spoke to my heart. “When all things align and power is at hand, your voice comes surely and strong. And you say what you mean, and the things that you say, are heard as your truth.” Author unknown
“Your soul has its own song. All of your life lessons help you get back in touch with the music of your soul. Authentic self-expression brings healing, release, and relief. Remember your song, and you will become magnetic and compelling. You will also find peace within yourself.” Alan Cohen – Wisdom of the Heart
It is good to see the TRUTH of who I am and who I have become. I am a strong, loving, spiritual woman of God who follows her heart and intuition. Today my voice is heard and I sing my song and the music of my soul. It is so empowering to speak up when I need to and stay away from toxic people.
I encourage you to see the truth of who you are and where you have come from.
I am so committed to my spiritual growth of transformation and seeing what needs to be changed in me that I had forgotten how strong I really am. I am wondering if that is true for you also.
Spirit must laugh at me because I have to laugh at myself when I look at some of my thoughts and feelings when change is taking place in my life. I pray for something and when I get it, I feel afraid. Hmm… Thank God, I am learning to love myself and take myself lightly. I said in my last email that it is my goal to be the happiest person I know. Am I always happy and peaceful? Hell, no, but it is my goal! It is in the journey of letting go, trusting, learning to love myself and being in the present moment that I feel the happiest and most peaceful.
I wish I could say that I’m always living in the present moment, because I’m not. I lose my peace when my thoughts are in the past or I’m worried about the future. I lose my peace when I am HERE and want to be THERE. When my consciousness is in the future and I feel “out of control” and don’t know what’s going on or what I’m doing, I feel fear. What helps me move forward is to just do the next right thing, despite the fear. I will get THERE if I am patient with the process and accept “what is.” In other words, I have to stop thinking and start thanking that I am exactly where I need to be and that God is with me every step of the way. How easy it is to forget that I am one with the Divine and there is no separation.
Recently, I kept coming across the word RESISTANCE and I asked myself, “Am I resisting change?” My peace seemed to be weaning and I was feeling uneasy. I said I wanted God’s will in my life and was open to receive whatever “new adventure” God had planned for me. I shared the “New Life Angel” card in my last email and felt excited when I received it.
I didn’t feel the excitement this week, but instead felt stressed and pressured to “do more” to get myself “out there.” Through journaling, I got in touch with anger because I liked my life the way it was and didn’t want it to change and lose my peace. I knew I didn’t want to do my business the way I had done it for so many years (with pushing and making things happen.) I reminded myself that I didn’t have to do it that way anymore because living in Maui and experiencing God’s deep abiding love had changed me and I had learned “TO BE.” I could DO with peace, ease and grace and it would be different if I wanted it to be and chose it to be. I could allow things to come to me and stay peaceful and relaxed.
I meditated and prayed about what was happening and what needed to be healed in me. This is what I read in Daily Word.
“While change is inevitable, my response or reaction to change is up to me. How can I best prepare myself for change, and how can I make the most of it? Change is a transition from one thing, one place, one state of mind to another. I AM EVOLVING FROM WHAT WAS TO WHAT IS. I AM BECOMING MORE THAN I WAS BEFORE. Just as my view changed as I transitioned from childhood to adulthood, I now see that I am gaining a new perspective during this transition. I may be stepping into unfamiliar territory, but this step is an opportunity to grow in spiritual awareness. With each shift or change in my life, I am moving forward.”
When I took my walk in the afternoon, I noticed that something “felt stuck in my chest.” I sat down on the lounge chair at the Marriott Hotel and prayed. I asked Spirit to show me what was stuck inside that needed to be released. It became clear to me that not only was I RESISTING CHANGE, but I was RESISTING my feelings. I didn’t want to feel the disappointment and sadness that was bubbling up within because I was still alone. I allowed myself to really feel the sadness as the tears rolled down my cheeks. Not only did I allow myself to feel my feelings, but when I met with my friend Kati later that day, I shared my feelings with her. Her loving presence, acceptance and love healed me deeply. I allowed my feelings to come up and move through me. Feelings are meant to pass quickly, they are like clouds in the sky and it’s the nature of them to move on.
It’s our RESISTANCE to feelings that cause more problems than the feelings hemselves. Feelings are part of being alive and resisting them means resisting life. Feelings are energy, always in motion. Unstuck energy lives in the body when we resist our feelings. They get stuck in the body and may appear as a lump in the throat, heaviness in the throat or tightness in the stomach. Feelings live in our bodies and may come out as headaches, stomachaches, backaches and colitis if we don’t deal with them.
I cannot live in the present moment when my feelings are stuck inside, whether that be resentment, anger, fear, jealously, sadness or unforgiveness. To move on, I need to allow my feelings to come to the surface in order to let go and heal. I need to learn to give thanks for the opportunities that life provides for the surfacing of my fears.
We need to take time to listen to our feelings and not dismiss or avoid them. We may avoid our feelings by staying busy, working, eating, drinking, gambling, shopping, or cleaning. It takes courage to be ourselves, to feel and express our feelings. Feelings are the gateway to who we are. They are there to help us know ourselves and know what we need to do next. They give us clues if something is wrong, to help us protect ourselves and keep ourselves safe. They are part of the human condition and we all have them.
Repressed feelings tend to lodge in the body in the form of hidden tensions, unhealthy habits and stress-induced chemical changes. Often, illness is an expression of feelings repressed.
Do you have a problem with judging your feelings and making them wrong? You might say to yourself, “I shouldn’t feel this way, after all I have a good husband, home or I’m a Christian and shouldn’t feel fear because it means I’m not trusting God.” Many of us have learned to control our feelings, to keep them hidden away, to stuff them and smile. The message I received as a child was “I will give you something to cry about.” I felt ashamed when I cried or had any feelings at all. For many years, I was totally out of touch with my feelings, especially anger. We are used to distancing ourselves from emotional pain and often cover our feelings with self-judgment. When we push away parts of ourselves, we fall deeper into isolation, feelings of unworthiness, self- hatred and depression. We often beat up on ourselves and never feel good enough.
Depression is the classic disease of women. If we don’t express what we’re feeling -what’s bugging us in a constructive healing manner, very often the result is depression. Depression is like a fog that settles over us, limiting our ability to see what we are really feeling. Often when we are depressed, there’s something we need to do and we are afraid to do it. Feeling depressed when we have had a loss is normal and healthy in the grieving process. Depression can be a sign we are hiding from something or avoiding action. Often it is hidden and inverted anger.
Feelings are not right or wrong, they just are. Messages from society are that feelings are bad or dangerous and we try to avoid them at any cost. We need to accept and feel our feelings in order to move through them. We need to embrace and honor our feelings.
What I know about life is that change is inevitable. As the reading in Daily Word said, “it is my response or reaction to change that is up to me.” You and I may be stepping into unfamiliar territory and don’t know what the next adventure is, but this step is an opportunity to grow in spiritual awareness. With each shift or change in our lives, we are moving forward.
Spirit calls me and you to expansion, inviting us to step out in faith and act courageously. I pray, listen to my inner guidance, and then put feet under my prayers. The positive action I take sends a clear message to Spirit. I am saying “Yes” to my increase and expansion right now. I fully trust that God goes with me wherever I go, showing me the way through any challenge. I am faith-filled, strong and courageous, living a life of adventure.
|I love how the Universe works. Since I moved to Maui a year and a half ago, I have learned how “TO BE” and to relax and enjoy the moment. I have been praying about what to DO next in my life in regards to using my gifts. It felt like it was time for me to do something and I asked Spirit “to bring it to me.” I trusted that whatever (person, place, or thing) was in my highest good, it would appear at the perfect and right time. It is also called the art of “allowing.” I no longer had to push and make things happen, as I did for so many years.
I stopped at a yard sale on my way to church on Sunday. My CD Walkman broke several years ago and I hadn’t replaced it. There on the corner of the table was a brand new Walkman still in the package for $5. I asked, “Will you take $3 and she immediately said, “Yes,” I walked away with a smile on my face and a brand new Walkman. I am going to Rhode Island for a month to visit family and friends and thought it would be a great idea to listen to some old CDs.
I opened the Walkman today to see how it worked. I have a box of CDs that I brought with me when I moved here to Maui and came across a 4 CD set called “Radical Manifestation” by Colin Tipping, I purchased the set of CDs several years ago and thought they would be great to listen to again. I put them aside and didn’t open them to see if all the CDs were there. I also found a brand new CD that was still in the package that I had purchased when I went on my cruise 2 years ago. It was called Steel Band – Music of the Caribbean. It sounded like fun so I opened the package to listen to it. When I put this CD into my CD player, I fully expected to hear Steel Band Caribbean music.
I was shocked when I heard Colin Tipping, author of Radical Manifestation speaking. I quickly opened the CD player to see what was going on. It was the first CD of the set of 4 from Radical Manifestation CDs. I couldn’t understand how it got in there and wondered where the Steel Band Caribbean CD went? It was gone! I am not kidding you; it was nowhere to be found. I then checked the CD set that I had set aside and sure enough the first CD was missing (the one that was now playing in my CD).
Either I was going crazy or Spirit was playing games and trying to get my attention. I have never experienced anything like this before. I thought, “I better pay attention to this because this is not normal stuff, God must be speaking and I better listen up!” Of course, I immediately started to listen to the Radical Manifestation CDs and then the inspiration came.
|Before I even finished listening to the first CD, I had the inspiration to create my own Radical Manifestation workshop. I certainly had enough “personal experience” to do a great workshop on manifestation. My friends in Rhode Island call me a “magical manifester.” When I finished listening to the first CD, I picked up the phone and called Kaunoa Senior Center where I had given workshops when I first came to Maui. I met with the activities director today and will be teaching Radical Manifestation October 3, 2013.
That same day, I received an email from my friend Ros, who owns a beautiful Bed and Breakfast in Maui. I met Ros last year when I attended a retreat and stayed at her B&B. I gave her my book when I left. She started her email with, “I just had a thought as I was reading your blog this morning. As you are a coach in assisting people find the right track for their lives – here is what I would like for you to consider. What do you think about offering individual one-on- one retreats for several days even a couple of weeks? It could be anything from one day sessions to a 3-to-10 day retreat. The majority of the food will be prepared utilizing local organic fruits and vegetables, and free range eggs, fish, chicken and lamb.” One of the other teachers she has invited to consider being a part of this is Ram Dass. Ram Dass is a well- known spiritual teacher living on Maui and just seeing my name on the same page made me excited.
I emailed Ros back and told her I was very interested and we have already started planning it. It is my passion to lead retreats and coach people to find the God within. God gave me a mantra several years ago that I repeat often. It is “I am a star that shines brightly to lead others to the God within.” God does answer prayer. I had asked God to show me what to do next and to bring it to me. Do you think my prayer was answered? I sure do. The next day, I was putting away the CD’s that were on my table and what shows up mysteriously but the Caribbean CD. I am still scratching my head over this one.
|I have learned to ask for what I want in all areas of my life.The first chapter in my book, Simply a Woman of Faith is about asking God for things I need at yard sales. Here are a couple of the stories.
“I started going to yard sales many years ago out of necessity. My husband was out of work for a year. There wasn’t enough money for the basics for the two of us and our four small children. I found my children’s clothes at my weekly yard sales. The clothes almost looked brand new after I brought them home and washed them. While they were young, the children never knew the clothes came from yard sales and I could get away with it. When they got older, I had to sneak the stuff into the house so they wouldn’t know where they came from. My faith was strengthened whenever God answered a prayer request and I found just what I was looking for.
God, Joe needs shoes for his job interview. You know we can’t afford $150 for a new pair of black wing tip shoes. I know this is not the usual request and it may take a while to find since he’s a size 12D. I trust you God.
God must look down and smile at some of my unique prayer requests. A size 12D man’s shoe was a tall order, even for God. This didn’t happen overnight, but I didn’t give up. I kept praying, asking and going to yard sales. One of these days, I’ll find them, I thought to myself.
I did a double take when I walked into the yard sale and spotted boxes of shoes stacked neatly on the table. I raced over to the table, my heart pounding loudly. I carefully opened all the boxes hoping to find size 12 D black wing tip shoes. It didn’t look like they had any large sizes and I was about to give up. With that, a man walked over to me and asked if I needed help. “You don’t have what I’m looking for,” I responded. “What do you need?” I kind of chuckled and said, “I need size 12D man’s shoes – preferably, black wing tips.” “Wait a minute, I think I have some larger sizes over here. Follow me.” I held my breath anticipating what we might find. He opened all the boxes searching for a 12D. “Yes, here we go. Is this what you are looking for?” He held up a shiny pair of black wing tip – 12D. “I could hardly get the words out of my mouth. “Are you sure they’re a size 12D?” “Yes, lady. The size is right here. Look size 12D.” He pointed to the size marking on the inner leather. “How much?” He thought about it for a moment and then said, “Twenty-five dollars will do.” “It’s a deal, I’ll take them.”
God’s love and care never cease to amaze me and I wanted to shout it from the housetops. I couldn’t hold back and blurted out, “I’m so happy I came here today. My husband is out of work and has a job interview next week. He didn’t have any dress shoes and he couldn’t afford to buy new ones. I’ve been praying to find new shoes at a yard sale. I knew God would answer my prayers.”
He looked at me kindly and said, “I sold my shoe store a year ago. These shoes were leftovers. They weren’t doing me any good in the basement and I just wanted to get rid of them. Glad you found what you were looking for.” I paid for the shoes and thanked him. I couldn’t wait to get home and have my husband try them on. I ran into the house and shouted, “Joe, guess what? I found new shoes for you at a yard sale – and they’re wing tips.” He looked a bit apprehensive at first, but smiled and sat down to try them on. I held my breath as I watched him slip his foot into the shoe. Just like Cinderella, the shoe fit like a glove. God is faithful. He wants to provide for His children. We need to only ask and believe.
My daughter Mary called me and said, “Mom, I broke my foot last night.” “What happened? Are you okay?” I asked anxiously. “I fell down the cellar stairs, but I’m okay.” “Did you get an x- ray?” “No, I’ll be all right mom. Don’t worry. “Can you get me a walking cast at the hospital?” “They don’t have them there.” I replied. “I’ll go to the hospital supply store tomorrow after I go “yard sailing” and buy you one.” “Thanks mom. See you tomorrow.”
I sure wish she’d get an x-ray, but she’s thirty years old and is going to do it her way,I reminded myself.The walking cast was the furthest thing from my mind as I strolled around this particular yard sale. I bought a few things for the house and paid the lady when out of the corner of my eye, I spotted it.
God, am I seeing right? That looks like a walking cast sitting there in the middle of the driveway. “Excuse me, but is that a walking cast over there?” “Yes, I bought it for my husband a few years ago and he never used it.” “Oh, how much are you asking for it?” “One dollar.” “Sold.”
I walked out of the yard sale with a smile on my face and a skip in my step. I drove straight to Mary’s house. I couldn’t wait to tell her the good news. I hurried into her house and found her sitting with her leg propped up on the living room couch.”Mary, guess what? I found a walking cast at a yard sale, try it on and see if it fits.” “It fits perfectly.” It didn’t take her long before she was up and wobbling around.
The beauty of my “yard sailing” lies not just in the price, but the knowledge that God does care about the details. His answers to my yard sale prayers constantly remind me that I’m taken care of, that God is in my life and that He wants me to have all I need and desire. The fun I have finding these bargains reminds me that God has fun when I have fun. I think God enjoys placing bargains in my path as much as I enjoy finding them.”
Whether it be asking God to guide me and bring something to me at the perfect and right time, or asking to be provided for at yard sales, God is faithful and hears my prayers.
Daily Word – June 27, 2013
I am eager to serve God and others and be the best I can be. I do this most fully when I love what I do and express that love in words and actions. When I am passionate about something, that passion shows in all I say and do. I excite and enliven others with my passion and allow it to carry me to new heights. My deepest desire is to demonstrate the spirit of God within – a spirit of life and zeal. Spirit within fuels my passion and spurs me to right action. I am encouraged and committed as I stay connected to the spirit of God through prayer. Prayer lights the fire within me. If my motivation lags, a moment of quiet prayer rekindles my passion and reignites my zeal.
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Simply A Woman of Faith
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