As I boarded the plane at 7:00 a.m. on my way home to Maui, I felt anticipation and excitement about seeing Larry. Although I loved being with my family, friends and new grandchild for Christmas, I missed my soul mate and couldn’t wait to get back. I thought about the many qualities that I admire in Larry, in particular, how kind and attentive he is to me. I always feel heard and that he truly cares about what is important to me. Spirit then brought to mind that what I see in others, both positive and negative qualities, are also in me.
It kind of hit me in a new way. When I see something in Larry that I admire (or in anyone else), it is also in me too. I asked myself, “Do I admire kindness and attentiveness in me? Have I owned and embraced these qualities as a part of who I am? Am I kind and attentive to others and listen with my heart?” To be honest, I don’t think I’ve ever really thought about it, but it felt good thinking about the possibility that I was kind and attentive to others, as Larry is to me.
As I allowed this truth to settle into my being, I heard Spirit say, “You are not only coming home to Mother Maui, but you are coming home to yourself.” This is the truth of who I am. I am kind, attentive and loving or I wouldn’t have recognized it in him. I am seeing my reflection in him because he is my mirror. The more I recognize the goodness in Larry, the more I will recognize it in me. I attracted a man into my life that has some of the same qualities that I have. How cool is that?
Is the unconditional love I feel for Larry an invitation from God to have the same unconditional love for myself? The more I love him, the more I love myself, or is it the other way around? The more I love, accept and appreciate myself, the more I will be capable of loving, accepting and appreciating him. I think that is more accurate. I have to love, accept and appreciate myself first before I can truly love, accept and appreciate another person.
I invited Larry to write out the qualities he admired in me. One of the qualities he admired in me was my patience. I asked, “Are you able to recognize this quality in yourself?” He hesitated and then said, “I am working on being more patient, but have difficulty believing I am patient enough.” I encouraged him to embrace and accept that quality in himself because as he recognized it in me, it is in him.
I invite you to pick a person you admire and think about their qualities. Are you able to embrace these qualities in yourself? And if not, ask Spirit to help you see the truth about yourself. Wouldn’t this be a great New Year’s resolution? Can you imagine what it would be like and how your life would be different if you consistently embraced and owned your positive qualities rather than focusing on what needs to be changed or what you don’t like in yourself?
I was given the opportunity to practice loving and accepting myself while I was changing planes on my way home to Maui. I arrived in Los Angeles in plenty of time and found the gate where I was boarding. It was a long walk through the terminal with many turns and doors to go through. I called Larry, feeling very proud of myself that I found the gate and didn’t get lost. As the time got closer to boarding time, I looked around and something didn’t feel quite right. I got up and asked the man across from me, “Are you going to Maui?” He looked at me and said, “No, I am going to Canada.”
I asked him to watch my bag as I ran around trying to find someone to ask where the flight to Maui was boarding. I finally found a woman behind a counter and showed her my boarding pass. She was very kind and walked me to the main monitor to see where the flight was boarding.
I almost fainted when she said, “You are in the wrong terminal. This is the Delta terminal and you need to be in the United terminal. She quickly gave me the directions to get back to the United terminal. I grabbed by bags and started running, not really knowing where I was going. I kept praying, “Help God, I don’t know where I am going.”
Right up ahead of me, I spotted a Delta pilot walking calmly through the terminal. I stopped and asked him for help. I am sure he could see the panic in my face when I showed him my boarding pass. He said, “I am meeting a friend at the United terminal, I will show you the way.” He looked at my boarding pass and said, “They are boarding now.” We both began to run furiously through the terminal. I could hardly breathe we were running so fast.
When I finally arrived at gate 76, the woman behind the counter said, “Mrs. Hastings.” Just about in tears I said, “Yes” and showed her my boarding pass. I was the last one on the plane as they closed the door behind me. I sat down in my seat, still out of breath and all I could say was “Thank you God, Thank you God. I knew God had sent me the Delta pilot as my angel to guide me.
I could have easily been upset with myself for not being more aware and being in the wrong terminal. I didn’t do that but instead, chose to love and accept myself knowing all is well and that I was being guided and taken care of the whole time. God sent me angels to guide me to the right place. There are times in our lives when we don’t know where we are going and we go to the wrong terminal, but when we trust in God, we are always led safely to the right place.
I love how God works in my life, especially when I look back and see how I am being guided. When I moved to Maui, I bought a “Maui Cruiser.” I am grateful for my green 1997 Toyota because it allowed me to get around town and where I wanted to go. Although I was grateful for the car, it never felt quite right because it looked old and dilapidated. For example, I couldn’t get the passenger seat window to open because the motor broke. A few weeks ago, I was driving home at night and my window wouldn’t go up. It appeared that the motor was broken and I had to cover it at night with a green garbage bag so the rain wouldn’t get in. It certainly didn’t feel like the “abundance” attitude that I felt inside of me.
I thought about selling the car rather than paying $250 to get the window fixed. I went back and forth and then decided I had too much on my plate with moving and not knowing where I was going to live. I decided to get the window fixed and wait until I moved to look for a new “used” car to buy.
About a week ago, I was driving with my friend, Jodene, and all of a sudden there was a very loud screeching noise when I turned the wheel. It was very disturbing because it seemed like the power steering was on the way out. I knew that would be expensive to fix and I certainly didn’t want to put any more money in my “Maui Cruiser” that appeared to be dying. I mentioned it to another friend that day and she suggested that I check with my mechanic, Andy, (whom I trusted) to see if I could trade my car in for a newer model.
I called Andy to tell him about the “screeching” noise and the problem I was having with the steering. He told me to bring the car in the next day and he would check it out. The next morning when I got in my car to bring it to Andy’s garage, the car was completely fine and no screeching. Just like when you go to your doctor and get there and the symptoms are gone.
Andy wasn’t sure what the problem was because the screeching noise was now gone. I asked him, “Andy, are you interested in buying my car or trading it in for something you have on your lot?” He said, “Yes, I will give you $1200 right now.” He just happened to be working in his garage on a 2002 Honda Civic that looked pretty nice. He then offered me $1500 to trade in my car, which seemed like a real deal. It was the fastest deal I have ever made. I picked up the car today and it definitely feels like I am moving up in the world.
Today is the anniversary of my grandmother’s death 35 years ago. I was very close to my grandmother and she nicknamed me her angel. I prayed in the morning and asked that I would feel her presence. When I got in my new car, I was led to check to see if there was anything in the CD player. I opened it, and sure enough, there was a CD in it. The first song was ANGEL and the second song was WITH YOU. I felt such gratitude as I felt my grandmother’s presence and love as I drove away in my new car. As I looked at the other titles, I realized that this CD was not a spiritual CD. In fact, one of the other songs was YOU DON’T HAVE TO LET GO. I sure do need to let go because my life is about “Letting Go and Letting God.” The license plate is MHW 118. I love to play with letters and I wanted to name the car. What came to mind was MAGNIFICENT HIGHER-POWERED WOMAN. I was talking to my friend, Kati, that night about the name and she came up with MIGHTY HOT WOMAN. Hmmm……. What do you like?
When I went to bed that night and pulled down the covers, I found a beautiful angel with LOVE written on it. Jodene had put it under my pillow. Another touch of love from heaven.
I have another funny story about my “old car.” I came out one morning and found a dollar bill folded up under the windshield wiper. Jodene and I just looked at one another wondering who put it there. Was someone feeling bad for me with my “Maui Cruiser and wanted to help out? Or was this manna from heaven? I liked manna from heaven better. A few days later, my neighbor passed by and said, “Did you find the dollar bill that I put under your windshield? I found it right outside your car door.” I am going to put that dollar in a place where I can SEE IT to remind me of manna from heaven that God is pouring out on me.
An update on my living situation: I am staying with my friend, Jodene, until March 14th and then going to another friend’s house until the end of the month. I will be moving into my new home on April 1. I found out today that my new street name which is Laniolu means HEAVENLY COMFORT.
As I was filling out the lease agreement on my computer, Jodene walked by and noticed the name on the right side of the computer. She said, “Oh my God, I think I know that person.” I answered, “What, are you kidding me?” She quickly looked in her “Maui file” and sure enough she had the name and phone number of my new landlord who lives is Rhode Island.
Jodene explained that she met my new landlord last year while sitting at Tommy Bahamas for happy hour. My landlord was only here for a few days to rent her home to my friends. Jodene immediately called her and told her that she not only knew me, but I was staying with her. What are the chances of this happening? Another synchronicity, God wink or God-Incident, that I refer to in my book, “Simply a Woman of Faith.”
Daily Word – I bravely surrender to God’s will in my life
“Bravery can mean acting boldly and fearlessly, but it can also mean trusting God’s will in my life even when I don’t know where that might lead. Like the skydiver who surrenders bravely to a free fall, as I trust in God, I am assured my parachute will open. If I feel inner resistance, I am not discouraged. I meditate on the truth of God’s love and have faith. Releasing my concern, I remember all the times I resisted a situation that later yielded good results. I audaciously surrender to the wisdom of God within. I know there may be a free-fall – a period of uncertainty – but as I let go and let God, I land safely in new territory.”
Last week I shared about some of the ways I love myself. This week I would like to share about the ways I’ve felt loved, provided for and protected by the Divine.
I left my house early Saturday morning to facilitate the retreat/Play’dom, “Fall in Love with Your Inner Goddess.” I planned on meeting, Kati, the co-facilitator at 8:45 a.m. to set up the space and get it ready for the women attending. I had ten minutes to spare when I noticed the big “garage sale” sign on the corner of the street. If you have read my book, you know that I am the “Yard Sale Queen” and just couldn’t resist a yard sale. I jumped out of my car to look around the yard sale. I found nothing interesting and walked back to my car. But, to my dismay, my car was dead as a door nail and wouldn’t start. I needed a jump start– perhaps I should not have jumped out of my car!
I looked around and noticed a man walking his dog across the street. I walked over to him and said, “Hi, my name is Pat and I need some help.” I explained that my car was dead and I needed a ride to a house just a few blocks away. He said, “Sorry, but my wife has the car.” I am not in the habit of asking men that I don’t know for a ride, but I was desperate. I thanked him and walked back to my car. A lady was outside on her lawn and I said to her, “I need help.” She was so gracious and offered to drive me to my destination. But, I looked up and spotted Sally, a friend from my dancing group walking out of the yard sale. I thanked the lady and asked Sally to drive me to the house. I left my car there and off we went. I totally forgot about my car and concentrated on the women at the retreat.
Thank you God for bringing Sally at the perfect and right time to help me when I needed it. Thank you God that I wasn’t in the middle of nowhere and had a safe place to leave my car for the day.
The retreat was a success and the women all loved it. We laughed, prayed, danced, sang and healed together. At the end of the day, Kati drove me back to my car to see if it would start. No, it was still dead. I called AAA and they said they would send a truck out in 40 minutes. When the mechanic arrived and jumped my car with his cables, he said, “I’ve never seen this before, the problem may be the starter or the alternator. Lady, you better drive this car right home and bring it to your mechanic as soon as you can.” I knew if I drove my car home, which was 30 minutes away, I would have to call AAA in the morning to have it towed to my mechanic. My mechanic lived a few minutes away from where I was.
At this point, I could hardly think straight and didn’t know what to do. Kati said, “Why don’t you just call your mechanic and tell him what is going on.” It is now 7:00 p.m. on a Saturday night and Kati and I are hungry and exhausted. What is the likelihood of my mechanic answering the phone and being there?
To my surprise and delight, Andy answered the phone on the second ring. “Hi Andy, this is Pat, remember me, the lady that bought the 1997 Camaro.” I explained to him what was going on and I was just a few minutes away. He said, “Bring your car right over and I will look at it
Andy’s garage is attached to his home and when we arrived he was working on another car in the garage. He popped the hood of my car and said, “It just needs a new battery and I have one here that is almost brand new. Would you like me to put it in for you? I can have it done in 10 minutes.” Of course, I said, “YES.” I was never so happy to write him a check for $100 and have a new battery put in my car.
I drove away thanking God all the way home for taking care of me in such a magnificent way. It just all worked out perfectly from Sally picking me up and driving me to the house, to Andy being home at 7:00p.m. and having a battery there to put in my car. I love how the Universe works when I trust and surrender.
I shared in last week’s blog about meeting the angel, Heidi, on the beach and that her message was, “Be Yourself and Let Go.” On the morning of the retreat, Kati took her walk, and ran into Heidi walking on the beach. They stopped and talked for a few minutes. Heidi said, “I have some new books in the trunk of my car that I want to get out into the world. Do you know of any women who would like them?” Of course, Kati said, “Yes, I am leading a retreat later today and there will be 10 women there who would love them.” I was amazed when Kati told me the story and how “Heidi” showed up again at the perfect and right time. The name of the book is “Awaken Your Royalty – A playful blending of Body, Mind and Spirit –by Heidi Hohani.
I finished this part of the blog 5 days ago and KNEW there would be another “story” of God’s love to share, but I had to wait. God is faithful because the “story” was born tonight.
My friend, Kati, and I were having dinner together and catching up on the week’s happenings. As women do, we went from one subject to another. I shared with her about writing my blog and was waiting for another “story” of God’s love to unfold. We both agreed it would happen.
My birthday is October second and Kati said, “What do you want to do for your birthday?” I said, “I have never been to Hana and would love to take a trip there. Everybody talks about the “Road to Hana” with the beautiful waterfalls, windy roads and pools. It is definitely a must while in Maui. Kati agreed to check around to see if we could find a place to stay for a night.
As we were chatting, a young woman walked by selling colorful leis. She stopped to greet us and told us her name was “Faith.” We talked for a few minutes and then she walked to the table behind us to greet the two women sitting there. Kati said, “I just heard the woman sitting at that table say she lived in Hana.” Kati and I just looked at one another and said, “Hmmmm.”
The next thing I knew I was up and walking over to the table to introduce myself to the women. “Hi, I’m Pat and I overheard you say you lived in Hana. I live in Maui Meadows and want to visit Hana for my birthday next week. Do you know of a place we could stay?” After thinking for a minute, I was shocked when she said, “Do you want to swap houses? I am staying with my friend here tonight, but I love to come down this way when I can.” That is how this “Divine Connection” began. We decided to talk over coffee after dinner.
I went back to our table with a big smile on my face and said, “Kati, you are not going to believe what just happened. We have a place to stay in Hana – and it overlooks the ocean.” We call it Maui Magic or “Ask and you shall receive.” We needed a place to stay while in Hana and God answered the prayer. We will be “swapping houses” for 2 nights.
My new friend, Carol, shared with me that she wants to move to this area and this is perfect to stay in my ohana for 2 nights. My friend, Linda, from Massachusetts is coming to visit me in November and Carol and I will be “swapping” homes again so I can take Linda to Hana.
I invited Carol and Sherri to see my home after we spent time getting to know one another at the restaurant. They are both women of faith and were thrilled when I gave them my book. I just never know when God is going to “show up” in my life. I do know that God is faithful. I have a feeling this is going to be a very special birthday. And it has only just begun!
I received an email from Sherri yesterday that read: “Aloha. It was “Divine Intervention” at work last night. I have been reading your book all day and thanking God for making our paths cross. I love your book and I can relate to so many things. Mahalo for taking the time to write it and gifting me a copy…..I’m so thankful to have met an AWESOME lady like you.
As I ponder God’s action and love in my life this week, I am reminded to ask for what I need, have faith, trust God in all things, and to know that I will be provided for at the right and perfect time.
I was still in prayer and thought about writing my blog. I said to God, “I don’t know what I am going to write about this week, please give me something inspirational to write about.” I know now that it always comes at the perfect and right time, so I wasn’t stressing.
I had just finished my prayer when the phone rang. It was my friend Donna from Massachusetts. We chatted for a while catching up and sharing our lives with one another. We were about to get off the phone when she said, “Oh, my daughter and her boyfriend broke up right before Easter and guess why they broke up?” I had no idea and said, “Why?” Donna said, “He wants to be a priest, so it is bitter sweet. Of course, she is heartbroken, but handling it the best she can. Then Donna said, “Here is the miracle. My daughter went back to college and someone knocked on her door and asked if she would be a part of the committee for the Catholic group at the college. My daughter said, “But I am Protestant.” They said, “That is ok, we want you.” She thought about it and said, “Yes, I will do it.” After that, they invited her to a 4 – day conference in San Diego, all expenses paid.Right after the breakup, Donna told her daughter, “If not this, then something better.” She said, “I never thought God would work so quickly!” While her daughter’s heart had a crack in it, God was helping to heal it nicely.I was so happy for her daughter and how God provided this opportunity for her, especially in her time of need.
As I took my walk along the ocean that afternoon, I thought about Donna’s daughter and how that opportunity just “CAME TO HER.” I love it when things come to me and I know they are from Spirit. I have had many opportunities, both big and small come to me out of nowhere. I have an example of what happened this morning when I went “yard sailing” I had an unexpected guest stay over for two nights and she slept on the couch. I found the sheets that I had bought a while ago tucked away in a suitcase. The only problem was that I only had a bottom sheet – no top sheet or pillow case. Of course, she didn’t care and we made do with what I had. Next week, I invited a friend to stay over for a couple of nights before and after her conference in Maui.
I often go “yard sailing” on Saturday mornings, but when I woke up this Saturday morning, I didn’t feel like going and decided to have a quiet morning with a walk and swim in the ocean. As I drove to the ocean later in the day, I spotted a yard sale on the way and decided to stop. I spotted the pillow case immediately and bought it for $.25 -and it was the exact same color as the bottom sheet I had at home.Thank you God, you provide for all of my needs. I went to the beach and on my way home; I stopped at another yard sale right on my street. Guess what I bought for one dollar? A top sheet and it was also the same green color as the bottom sheet and pillow case. This is a small example of how God knows our needs and provides at the perfect and right time – when we trust and believe.
I’d like to share a story from my book, “Simply a Woman of Faith” that happened about 20 years ago. God provided the exact amount of money for me to go on a vacation to Bermuda and it came to me,quite unexpectedly and miraculously.
The chapter is “God is my Travel Agent.” With the stress of my husband being unemployed and my own personal problems dealing with sexual abuse that I was working through, my body screamed out for attention. I experienced one sleepless night after another, and constant tension headaches during the day. I desperately needed peace and tranquility. I felt headed for a nervous breakdown and knew I needed to just do something for myself, away from my family responsibilities.
God speaks to me through my dreams and several times a week during that time, I dreamt about going to Bermuda. I pay attention when I have recurring dreams because God uses them to get my attention. “Okay, God, I’ll go to a travel agency and at least check it out.” I went to the travel agency and said, “I want a safe place for a woman to travel alone.” I had never gone away by myself, especially out of the country. “Yes, Bermuda is the place to go,” she answered. “In fact, we have some great deals that I would be glad to show you. I’ve traveled there myself several times and it’s safe. I have the perfect hotel for you.” I instantly fell in love with Angel’s Grotto. The picture on the brochure said it all – overlooking a pristine stretch of pink sand and Turquoise Ocean. It looked like the perfect getaway.
I thought to myself. I’ll never be able to afford this. What am I doing God? I haven’t even told my husband about it. He’s going to think I’m out of my mind, especially since his unemployment runs out and he doesn’t have a job yet. I reluctantly asked, “What does this all cost?” “Only $1,200, everything included. You can’t beat a price like that. Shall I book it?” “Well, yes,” I stammered. “But I have to check with my husband first and see if he’s okay with it. I’ll call you tomorrow.” It seemed like a good deal, but I didn’t have $1200. I didn’t even have $100. As I began to mull it over, the guilt set in and my inner critic attacked relentlessly. “Who do you think you are even thinking about going away? You’re selfish and self- centered. You don’t deserve this. You’re only thinking about yourself.”
I prayed and asked God to guide me. I asked Him to shut the door if this wasn’t His will and open it if it was. Slowly and deliberately, I changed my thinking. “I am deserving and there’s nothing to be guilty about. God is the source of everything and will provide.” When I went home, I said to my husband, “I’m thinking about going to Bermuda on vacation – by myself.” “Oh! Where are you going to get the money?”, he asked. I said, “I’m praying in the money and if God wants me to go, He/She will open the door and provide the money and if not, I won’t go.”
I prayed, waited and watched the money come in. I jumped at it when I received a $50 check from the telephone company inviting me to change carriers. I put an ad in the newspaper for a white fur coat I no longer wore. I only received one phone call inquiring about the coat. When she came and tried it on, she thought it was a bargain for $50.
A few weeks later, I ran into a neighbor while taking a walk. It surprised the heck out of me when she asked, “Pat, do you know of anyone who can help me with my ninety year old mother who just came home from the hospital? I don’t want her to be alone at night. I’m with her in the day and will prepare her evening meal.” “What exactly does the person need to do?” I asked, “I need someone to come over at five o’clock and sit with her while she has her dinner. They would help her to bed right after supper, and stay with her four hours a night during the week.” “I’m interested.” I thought I would jump out of my skin with excitement. “I can pay ten bucks an hour. Does that work for you?” “Yes, I’d be glad to help your mother. When do I start?” “Next week would be great.” The money I made quickly added up and I achieved my $1,200 goal in no time. God opened the door and provided all the money I needed to go to Bermuda.
We have a God that loves us so much and knows all of our needs, even before we know what we need. Sometimes, we ask, like I did for the money for Bermuda and other times, we are provided for without even asking. I didn’t ask for the pillow case and sheet, even though I needed them. I love the concept of open and closed doors as a way of praying and being guided. I trust if the door is closed, it was not meant to be and is for my highest good. If the door opens, I walk through with peace, ease and grace knowing I am in God’s divine will.
“Disappointments are the hooks upon which God hangs his victories. There is a way to deal with disappointments that can make you a winner. Remove the D and replace it with H. Thus, disappointment becomes “HISAPPOINTMENT.” In other words, remove the incident from the projections of your expectations and imagine that God has caused the situation to turn out this way because He has a bigger and better plan than the one you formulated. Our idea of the way things should be pales in the face of God’s vision for how good it can and will be.” Dare to Be Yourself – Alan Cohen pg. 179
We’ve all had experiences of being disappointed when things don’t go the way we thought they were going to go. We need to know how to work through the disappointment and not “stay stuck” or resentful because things didn’t go the way we wanted or expected them to go. It is an opportunity to trust God that whatever is happening is for our good. I must admit that much of my disappointments have come from “I want what I want and I want it now” attitude. Can you relate?
I love HISAPPOINTMENT because whenever I’m not sure of what is the best path for me, I pray and ask God to either open or close the door. When God closes the door, I trust that there is something bigger and better for me. I have experienced closed doors at the very last minute, and it has always been for my good. This spoke to me because I was feeling very disappointed over something that happened during the week. While I was at church a few weeks ago, I spotted a very nice looking man sitting by himself in the back of the church. I wondered if he was new because I had never seen him before. As we were all walking out, I turned around and he was behind me. I introduced myself and we began talking. He just moved here from the Big Island and he said, “It is my second time here and it was suggested that I come to Unity because I am looking for this GOD THING.” That was all I needed to hear and blurted out, “Would you like to go for coffee or a walk sometime?” His face lit up and he said, “Yes, I would love to do that.” I laughed and said, “I am not usually this forward.” I gave him my business card with my phone number on it. He said he would call me.
I was really excited and later shared with my girlfriends what happened. I described the feeling that I had when we smiled at one another. I actually had a physical sensation and felt a strong connection with him. I felt the disappointment as the week went on that I hadn’t heard from him. I worked on letting go and trusting that it was a closed door. I wondered if he was threatened by my profession as a coach and author or worse yet, I thought perhaps he thought I wanted to get together so I could be his life coach. Good lesson for me to learn for the future. I will not give a man my card that I am interested in!
I looked for him this past Sunday at church, but he wasn’t there. What happened next is really amazing because I received a “God wink.” I stopped to talk to one of the women before going into church. She said, “Pat, I have to tell you what happened when I worked at the new bookstore in the mall on Monday. A man came in and asked for Pat Hastings’ book, “Simply a Woman of Faith”. I said, Oh, I know Pat Hastings, but I don’t think we have her book. I was stunned and asked her, “Was his name John?” She said, “Yes, it was.”
What are the chances of me finding out that the day after we met that he went to the bookstore to find my book? I felt grateful that I didn’t make up “this connection” in my head and that perhaps he felt the same connection. I don’t know the reason why God closed the door (that he didn’t call) and I don’t need to know. Perhaps he found the book in another bookstore and the book will help him find this “GOD THING.” I know for sure that I am to pray for him that he finds what he is searching for. I have let go and trust that if we are meant to talk in the future, we will.
There is another opportunity in my life that I am praying about and asking God to open or close the door. I only want God’s will and it is not clear to me yet what that is. All I know is that it is new territory for me, and that can be scary. But I am trusting divine love and guidance. It seems like God is inviting me to “receive” something that I have wanted for a long time and on a “silver platter.” It almost feels like it is too good to be true, but I know that everything that is good is true. Do I feel deserving and worthy to receive this gift from God? YES, I DO, and if God opens the door, I am going for it with gusto! I will share with you when the door is opened or closed.
I just learned a name for a behavior I once practiced in my life through reading Alan Cohen’s book, “Dare to be Yourself.” It is called a “Planaholic.” It states “our culture is obsessed with planning and much of it is inspired by fear. Heavy scheduling is a way to avoid intimacy. If we are constantly busy, we don’t have to face our feelings and deal with issues in relationships. If you are busy doing, doing, doing out of fear of being, you will never release that magnificent person who is calling to live and breathe and bring unique and precious gifts to the world.”
I am happy to say I am a recovering “Planaholic” and am so grateful for this wonderful shift in consciousness. It is amazing because today I prefer to live my day without plans. It feels so good to be in the flow, spontaneous and follow my intuition all through my day. I wake up and say, “thank you God for the miracles and surprises that will come my way today.” Course in Miracles states,“The healed mind does not plan.” I lived in my head for such a long time and didn’t trust my intuition. Today, I trust my heart and intuition because I believe God speaks to us through our intuition. If I listened to my head and not my heart, I would not be on this sacred journey to Maui. When I meet people and they ask me, “What brought you to Maui, I say, MY HEART.”
Since I no longer “do, do, do” and am learning to BE and feel, I am discovering more of myself and living the life of my dreams. It is truly the greatest adventure of my life since I followed my heart and moved to Maui. I am discovering the real me and finding the beauty and magnificence within. God is calling us all to walk this sacred journey of finding the love within. A Course in Miracles states “We are here to discover the blocks to our awareness of love’s presence, so we can release this and let our true loving nature shine forth in full splendor.”
“I open my heart and mind to be aware that I have allowed what others believe about me to become what I believe about myself. If you fail to take the time to question why you do what you do, you can become convinced that you cannot do anything else. Other people will help you feel convinced. People are in the habit of telling other people who they are. They tell you who they expect you to be, who they need you to be and who they want you to be.” Until Today – Iyanla Vanzant – March 18
It is much easier to write about something in my life that I have changed and that has been transformed by the grace of God. It’s more difficult and vulnerable to write about something that is in the process of being transformed and healed because there is the fear of being judged or misunderstood. It has been my intention each week to be as honest and authentic as I can be because I want to do God’s will and be a pure instrument of love. I know that openness breeds openness.
In last week’s blog, I wrote about the importance of celebrating our growth and acknowledging where we have come from. I think it is equally important to honor and love those parts of ourselves that still need God’s healing touch and grace. This week I will share with you a struggle that I have had for many, many years.
About a month ago, I worked with a recurring dream that was very significant. After writing in my journal, I said to God, “I am not sharing this in a blog. You really don’t want me to share this, do you? This is too personal.” Today, I heard Spirit say, “Yes, I want you to write about this in your blog today.” As I thought and prayed about it, I realized that if I am struggling with it, there may be others out there who could also be struggling with it. I share this part of my life with you in humility and faith, trusting that God is healing me and will heal you if this is your struggle.
It has been my experience and my belief that God speaks to us through our dreams. I dreamt that my first boyfriend Steve left me. I know that every part of the dream is about me. In working with past dreams with Steve in them, I know that he represents my animus (which is the male part of me.) There is a technique that I use where I dialogue with the object in the dream to get clarity on the wisdom of the dream. This is what was revealed to me.
I dialogued with Steve and asked him, “Why are you in my dream and what is your gift?” I was surprised when he said, “I am here to teach you about love.” I answered, “What do you mean?” He replied, “Loving yourself is the most important relationship you have.” I was confused because I thought I was loving myself and wrote, “I am loving myself more than I have ever loved myself. Do I leave myself and if I do, how do I do it?”
I sat quietly for a few seconds and then it came bubbling up to the surface. “Oh, my body image, is that it, God? Do I not love, honor and cherish my body?” I felt deep within that this is what I needed to look at and where I needed healing. I then began to write a letter of forgiveness to myself forgiving myself for the years of “beating up” on myself, for judging my body for not being good enough, for feeling fat and not skinny enough. I wrote, “I want it to STOP NOW. It will STOP NOW! I want to love, treasure and honor the body you have given me. I ask for your help God, I need your grace.” I know that if I don’t love my body, I will not be open to a man loving my body. It all starts with me.
I became honest with myself and admitted that I have obsessed about my weight and how I look all of my life. I ate cottage cheese and peaches for a week so I could fit into the dress for the wedding that was too tight. I have probably been on every kind of diet there was at one time or another; the grapefruit diet, soup diet, Atkins diet and “Weight Watchers.” I know there are more, but I can’t remember them now.
YUCK, embarrassing and not easy to admit, but I also know that the truth will set me free. I choose to bring to the light what has been hidden so that God’s love will heal me. For those of you who know me personally and because of the pictures I send each week, you might think, “She’s crazy and I wish I had her body.” You may wish you had my body, but being obsessed about weight and body image is not something you want. This is distorted thinking and crazy!
God brought to mind that it started when I was very young. When I was 12 years old, my mother, who was on a diet, took me to a doctor to get diet pills. I was not overweight! As an adult, whenever my father visited me, he would comment, “You gained weight or you lost weight and you look too thin.” I recognized that my unconscious belief has been, “I must be the perfect weight and look perfect to be loved.” My parents always told me I was pretty, so I believed that I was pretty. As the opening reading said, “I have allowed what others believe about me to become what I believe about myself. If you tell yourself something long enough, you will believe it- the good and the bad.”
I felt a deep sadness and loss when it sank in that for over 50 years I have lived with this belief. I went to the ocean and asked Mother Maui to heal and restore me as the tears rolled down my cheeks. This month I have focused on loving and cherishing my body. My prayer has been “Divine Love, heal my distorted body image.” Every morning when I get out of bed, I look in the mirror and love all parts of my body and I am listening to Oprah and Deepak 21 day meditation series on loving the body.
With God’s grace and my willingness to change, I have stopped beating up on myself that I am too fat. I am giving myself loving kind messages. I know this is a process and will not change overnight, but I know I am on the right track since it has come to the light and I am willing to do what I need to do to heal this distorted image.
Do you love your body or do you beat up on yourself? You may think you are too short or too tall, or you don’t like your hips, or you have too many wrinkles or you are losing your hair. What don’t you like about your body? Isn’t it time to begin to love and honor the body you are living in?
My body is the temple of the Holy Spirit and God wants me to love and care for my body. I will see myself through God’s eyes – a beautiful creation of love and light. I will love, treasure and honor the body God has given me. I am grateful that I continue to blossom and grow into the woman God intended me to be.
When I look back on all the other limiting beliefs that God has healed and enabled me to transform, I know that I am using the same processes with healing the limiting beliefs about my body. I allowed myself to pay attention to the inner messages that were coming up in a dream, I brought the uncomfortable feeling and beliefs into the light and asked for healing, and I became wiling to change what I think and say to myself about who I am, (which is more than the body I am in). I am starting to feel more and more peaceful and my affirmations are becoming stronger and more natural to me as I practice them on a daily basis. This is how I have healed everything else in my life and I know that my faith in a loving God and my faith in the power of this inner work will guide me to a place of genuine love and appreciation for the beautiful temple my spirit resides in.
Heart Steps – Julia Cameron pg. 59
There is no separation between body and soul, spirit and matter. One essence, one unity, runs through all of life. This essence, the God-force is completely pure, completely perfect. I claim for myself the health and perfection of this divine force. My body is beautiful, sacred and beloved. Spirit infuses my body with radiant goodness. I experience vitality, enthusiasm, energy and power. My physical nature and my spiritual nature are one and the same. My body’s needs and urges are divine in origin.
Currently, 80 percent of women in the U.S. are dissatisfied with their appearance. And more than 10 million are suffering from eating disorders. Why women hate their bodies
As this year comes to an end and a new year begins, I want to thank all of you who have supported and loved me this past year. It has certainly been a year of adventure, stepping out in faith and living my dreams. I have loved sharing it with you and inspiring you to live your dreams as well. Many of you have written to me sharing your dreams as well as your struggles and how your faith in God has been tested and strengthened. For many of us, it has been a year of “letting go and letting God.”
When you receive this blog, I will be on my way back to Maui from my visit with family and friends in New England. I so look forward to being back in paradise and the warm weather and the whales that are coming back. It was great seeing everyone and spending time together. We all stayed with my daughter Mary and she did a fantastic job of cooking delicious meals for all of us.
We even had snow on Christmas day and 8 inches of snow 3 days later. I was prepared with my heavy coat, boots and gloves as we took a walk through the woods. My son Jimmy and his girlfriend Lara had a beautiful Christmas tree (that he cut down himself) that filled the room and reached the ceiling. We celebrated the Winter Solstice at my
daughter’s farm with singing and a big bonfire, where we were invited to write down what we wanted to let go of and what we wanted to bring in for the new year. Five year old Cielea said, “I want to let go of crying and I want to bring in flowers and a healthy new baby (Her mom is due to give birth any day.)
Even though I had a wonderful time being with my family, “my stuff” came up (which never feels very good.) I think being with family (especially ex’s) triggers old behaviors, patterns and feelings that still need healing. I prayed for a dream, asking for clarity on what needed to be changed in me. God answered that prayer when I woke up from a sound sleep in the middle of the night with a dream that headlights from a car were shining in the room. Spirit revealed to me how I give my power away by looking to others to give me what I need to give to myself. Something shifted inside of me after the dream and I was able to feel peace and get back to sleep. So I am grateful for more opportunities to see what’s inside that needs to be changed; whether it be to detach with love, let go, forgive, or just to focus on the positive, instead of complaining.
I had a pleasant surprise when I returned to my condo for the first time since I left in September. Almost all of my furniture was out of my condo except a small table and lamp in my bedroom. When I put the lamp on, I noticed a ladybug sitting on the table! As I have shared in other blogs, ladybugs are one of my signs of God’s unconditional
love for me. I then looked on the floor and spotted another one. It looked like a mother and baby. I was delighted to received this wonderful gift of love. Then, a couple of days later at Christmas, I received a beautiful bracelet from my son and future daughter-in-law that had a ladybug on it. It came with a wonderful description about the meaning of the ladybug.
“Legend has it that the ladybug was named for the Virgin Mary who assisted farmers once they prayed to her. Keeping fields safe from harm, the ladybug evokes the energy of harmony. A ladybug’s life is short. It teaches us to release worries and to enjoy experiences to the fullest. A messenger of promise, when the ladybug appears in our lives it is telling us to “Let go and let God.”
Not only do I think this message of “letting go” confirms my lessons for 2012, but it will be the theme for 2013.
This is what I read today in “Effortless Prosperity” by Bijan
“As we were growing up, we were taught the importance of being in control; the more control that we had, the happier we would be. The truth is that the more we surrender control to Spirit (taking it away from ego), the more we will be guided in the right direction. It is like jumping into the river while wearing a life jacket. As we float downstream near the rocks, we can try to push ourselves away, but we will usually
crash into them. However, if we just let go and let the water carry us through, it will naturally take us around the rocks. If we just give up control, with little intention of going anywhere other than where the current leads us, we will be carried where we are supposed to go and where it will be best for us.”
More and more I find that I am able to surrender my plans to God and allow myself to be carried where I am supposed to be, in the way that is best for me (even though it may be painful.) I surrendered the sale of my home in Rhode Island to God and I am happy to report that I found a wonderful new tenant. I signed my lease to rent my condo (yea) on January 2 and leaving for Maui on January 3rd. Yes, God came through at the 11th hour and at the perfect and right time!
My prayer and wish for you for this coming year is that you know that you are ONE with God and that you experience God’s love and peace in all that you do.
As I sat down to write my monthly message for the newsletter, the word TRUST screamed out to me. I saw in my mind’s eyes TRUST TRUST TRUST written across the sky. It seems like many of us are being called to trust at a very deep level. At least I know I am. What does it mean to trust? For me, it means trusting that regardless of how things may look like on the outside, that I am safe and in God’s care. It means trusting in a power greater than myself and believing that there is higher plan for my life which is good. I may not know what’s ahead, and that can make it difficult to let go and surrender control of how I think my life should look.
Are you doing the best you can? Are you showing up for life ready to share your gifts and talents? Maybe things are still not going the way you want them to go. It may be a marriage that isn’t working, lack of finances, a job that you hate, grieving the loss of a loved one or being unemployed. It is only in these difficult times of darkness and not knowing what’s going on that we learn to trust and our faith muscles grow stronger. We do not grow on the mountaintop. Mountain top experiences come from being in the darkness and not giving up.
We often give up right before the miracle because of fear. We say we trust but when the s…. hits the fan we often go into fear mode, and it can happen almost automatically without consciously realizing it. Fear can cripple you and make you want to give up and run away. It is in precisely these times that you are given the opportunity to trust in a loving God for your strength and sustenance. You learn that God is all there is and God can be trusted.
What I know about God in my heart of hearts, from my own life experience, is that God is faithful and can be trusted. Are you ready to trust God with your life and surrender to the love in your heart? All you need to do is say YES.
Light and Love, Pat
One day I looked at the dark, clunky, old bureau in my bedroom, and thought about
how nice it would be to have a bureau that fit the space and lifted my
spirits. I imagined a light-yellow, tall, thin bureau and then forgot about it.
Two days later I turned onto the main road by my house, and there was a
tall, thin, light-yellow bureau, sitting in front of a tiny building with an
“Estate Sale” sign on it! I was so shocked I drove right by, half thinking
I’d imagined it. I had to turn around and go back. I told the owner of the
shop my story and decided that, even though I couldn’t afford it, I was
going to buy it. “You probably think I’m foolish for wanting a child-like bureau instead of an antique.” He said “you should do what makes you happy and I will even deliver it for you.”
After arranging it in its new home, we agreed that it was the perfect size
and shape and color for the room. He asked me “what are you going to do with
the old one?” I told him “you can have it if you want it. It had been passed
down to my daughter’s ex-husband from his parents.” He looked it over, smiled and said “this is over a hundred years old. I would be glad to sell it for you and give you the balance, after deducting the cost of your new purchase.” Of course I said YES. After he sold my bureau, I received a check from him for $35 dollars. What a deal!
I look at my sweet little bureau and smile. I feel that God loves and supports me. I am in awe of the mysterious connection between imagination and manifestation.
I made a sign and put it in the top drawer to remind me. It says, Evidence.
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- I am perfectly imperfect & loved
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