I’m sure you’ve heard that healing is like peeling an onion. Healing goes deeper and deeper, and it can be messy and challenging when things are trying to come up to the light to be healed and transformed.
Have you ever said to yourself, “I have already dealt with that issue, why is it coming up again and why now?” I have been on the spiritual path for over 4 decades and have done lots of healing and clearing and “stuff” still comes up for me.
Instead of beating up on myself and asking WHY is this happening, I have compassion for myself and have learned to allow myself to go into the pain and go deeper. I am not saying it is easy, because it’s not. I allow myself to feel my feelings for to feel is to heal, no matter how many times I have done it before.
I am willing to dig deep and get to the root of what’s coming up because I want to be free and live the life God intended me to live. It is usually triggered by something in my present that I have allowed to trigger me. It’s never the “other person” to blame. It’s about me and what still needs to be healed. If it was healed, I wouldn’t feel pain and be triggered by another person’s actions or inactions.
I have struggled with jealousy and comparing myself with other women for many years. I hated it! When I felt jealous, I learned to invite the jealousy in for a cup of tea and love that part of me that was wounded and still needed healing. Thankfully, I have healed and shifted it and don’t struggle with jealousy like I did when I was younger.
I woke up one morning this week in tears and didn’t know what was going on or what was coming up. I knew I was being triggered by a friend’s actions. I always pray and ask Spirit for help. Spirit revealed the origin of my pain that still needed more healing.
When I was about 12 years old, my mother locked herself in the bathroom and was trying to kill herself by taking pills. I banged on the door and screamed for her to stop and come out. I don’t remember what happened after that, but she didn’t kill herself.
There are 3 unspoken rules in a dysfunctional family and they are:
- Don’t talk
- Don’t feel
- Don’t trust
Of course, we never talked about this “episode” and life went on as normal. My mother suffered with alcoholism so there was always some kind of drama going on. This was our normal.
My mother died 8 years later when I was 20 years old. It was very traumatic as my parents were celebrating their 25th wedding anniversary on January 1 in the church they were married in. When the ceremony was over, they turned around and she collapsed on the alter. The fire department came and by the time they got her to the hospital, she was dead.
It doesn’t matter WHY this was coming up now 53 years later. Perhaps it’s the holidays and the anniversary of her death on January 1. What matters is that I was willing to go even deeper and feel my feelings so I could let them go, heal and be free.
Over the years, I have learned to reparent myself and give myself what I needed; love, compassion, patience, forgiveness and kindness. You can either become BITTER or BETTER and I chose to become BETTER. I share my story with you not for you to feel sorry for me or say “Poor Pat.” I share it to encourage you that no matter what has happened in your life or what trauma you have experienced; you can heal if you are willing to go deep and heal. You can set yourself FREE, as I have.
I don’t regret my past as it has made me the woman I am today; a woman who stands tall in her own truth, a woman who lives in gratitude and loves and appreciates life. I am living my dreams and can help you do the same.
I arrived home safely from my 2- week vacation with family. I love going away and I love coming home because there is no place like home. There were 18 red roses waiting for me when I walked into the house from my beloved. I think he missed me, as I missed his loving presence and love.
As I walked through the airport on my way home, I thought about the thousands of travelers who travel daily and get on planes. They ultimately feel safe and put their trust in the pilot to get them to their prospective destinations.
I then thought, “Do we trust a HIGHER POWER to take care of us and protect us as much as we trust a pilot to get us to where we want to go in life or do we obsess or worry and live in fear?
As I was sitting and waiting for the plane to board, right in front of me was a flashing ad with several sayings on the TV for Bank of America. The first ad said, “What would you like the POWER to do?” Of course, they weren’t referring to a HIGHER POWER or God or Source.
I asked myself, “What would I like the POWER to do?” I encourage you to ask, “What would you like the POWER to do?” If we don’t know what we want the POWER to do, we won’t ask and we won’t receive. We may be feeling frustrated with where we are in life, confused, stuck or unfulfilled in a relationship or job. The truth is we are not living our dream.
It is important to know what we want so we can ask the POWER greater than ourselves for assistance. I kept saying to my friend, Donna, while on vacation, “I don’t know what I want to do and I’m waiting for my next orders.” I wasn’t stressed about it, but felt peaceful that I would figure out what I wanted in time and that I didn’t have to push or make anything happen.
As I spent quiet time going within and meditating. I asked myself, “What do I want to do and what does Spirit want?” It became clear that Spirit was calling me to share my gifts as a Spiritual Life Coach again. I felt excited because I am living the life of my dreams (as many of you desire to do too) and want to help YOU to do the same.
I could hardly believe how things started to shift almost miraculously and organically as I became clear as to what I wanted to do. Within an hour, my prayer was answered as my first coaching client appeared and asked me to be her Spiritual Life Coach.
The next few ads that flashed on the TV screen about the POWER were:
“The POWER to know everything is OK”
“The POWER to live in the moment”
Here are a few of my own:
“The POWER to know everything is perfect and in divine timing”
“The POWER to experience self-care & self-love as a spiritual practice”
The POWER to awaken, expand and be inspired”
“The POWER to know we are all connected and ONE”
“The POWER to trust, surrender and let go”
“The POWER to know I AM ENOUGH and deserve my highest good”
“The POWER to know there is only LOVE”
We all have the same POWER within us to guide and protect us. We just need to consciously connect with our HIGHER POWER or Source on a daily basis.
If you need help connecting to the spiritual POWER within and you want to align with your soul’s purpose and make an impact in the world and you want to receive the abundance you deserve, I am here to serve you. If you’ve been on the spiritual and personal growth path for years and you want to move forward in your life, please contact me and we can discuss your needs.
I encourage you to ask yourself, “What is holding me back from having the intimate relationship I desire and the life I deserve?
Is it not TIME to know the truth of who you are and the POWER within? If not now, WHEN?
I normally start writing my blog on Thursday of the week before I send it out. I am so grateful that I have learned to trust myself and what I need to do in each moment. I knew I didn’t have anything inspiring to write about this week, so I didn’t even sit down at my computer on Thursday. Sometimes, what I need to share just comes when I sit at the computer and pray for inspiration.
I had a sense that I needed to wait until I completed the “Queens Code” (Making Sense of Men) workshop to start the blog. I shared a few weeks ago that I had received a free certificate to attend the “The Queen’s Code” weekend led by Allison Armstrong.
I felt excited about the weekend and what I would learn to make my relationship with Larry and the men in my life even better. I also had the feeling that I was going to meet someone at the workshop that I needed to meet, although I had no idea why or whom it would be.
The morning of the workshop, while in meditation, I heard God say to bring a copy of my book, “Simply a Woman of Faith” and that I was to give it to someone who really needed to read it. I said, “O.K. God, but how will I know who to give it to”? God said, “You will know, I will show you.” I chuckled to myself and imagined myself walking around trying to figure out who looked like they needed more faith.
During the afternoon, I remembered my book sitting in the bottom of my bag and that I hadn’t given it to anyone yet. I had no idea who to give it to. Then I heard God say, “Give it to Allison Armstrong.” I immediately resisted the idea and thought why would she want to read my book? I wanted to ignore this prompting and pretend that I didn’t hear it. I felt embarrassed and clearly didn’t want to give my book to Allison Armstrong.
As much as I wanted to resist the idea of giving my book to Allison, I also wanted to be obedient and listen to what I thought God was asking me to do. I have learned to not question God when I hear him and let go of the outcome and what I will look like. I said, “O.K. God I will give it to her, but I need to run into her.”
At the next break, I left the conference room to go for a walk and brought my bag with me, which I usually left on my seat. As I walked through the lobby of the Marriott Hotel, I noticed a stunning “older woman” (my age) with a beautiful hot pink scarf and matching hat sitting on the couch talking with another woman. We spotted each other at the same time and I was compelled from the across the lobby to compliment her on her outfit. I said, “I love that color pink you have on.” The next thing I knew I was walking toward her and reaching for her hand and asking her who she was.
We introduced ourselves to one another and immediately started sharing our lives. She told me she was a spiritual teacher, healer, and international speaker for the last thirty years, but that for the last year she had been ill and unable to work. She said, “I have been resting and learning about faith and trusting God for all of my needs. God has provided free housing for me and a friend just offered to pay my monthly car payments.”
Of course, I shared with her my experience of being on welfare and food stamps when my husband was out of work for a year. I shared some of the miracles of how we were always provided for each month and I told her about my book.
I had goose bumps throughout my whole body when I realized this is who God wanted me to give my book to, not Allison Armstrong. I told her what happened during my meditation that morning and that God wanted her to have my book.
She thanked me as I handed her my book. We both looked intently into each other’s eyes as if we had known one another for years. I knew this was a divine encounter and “Godincidence” as I call it in my book. We exchanged telephone numbers and I invited her and her friend to come to my home for tea. She said, “I truly believe that we were meant to meet and God has something more for the both of us.”
The break was up and I had to get back to the conference. We hugged each other again and as I looked into her eyes and saw her beauty, I knew it was a reflection of my own beauty. I practically danced away as we both kept saying, “WOW.” I know there will be more to the story that I will be sharing with you as it unfolds.
The lesson for me is that God just wanted to see if I would listen and do what He wanted me to do when I was resistant and didn’t want to do it. Once I said yes and surrendered, then I could be led in another direction while following my intuition and doing what felt right and peaceful in the moment.
As far as the workshop goes, it was great and I learned some new things that I didn’t know. But most of all, I recognized how much inner work, healing and transformation I have done to manifest the most beautiful relationship with the man I love.
Last weekend I went to Ma’alaea Harbor to wander around and watch the boats come in and out. I love the ocean and wanted to just be around the boats and kind of hoped I would meet someone to invite me on their boat! No luck. Later on in the week, I said to a few of my friends, “I really want to go on a boat, do you know of anyone that has a boat?”
Last January, I signed up to be a volunteer at the Pacific Whale Foundation, but was never able to volunteer. I periodically receive emails from them telling me about upcoming events. This week I received an email from them about a whale watch that was coming up. It read, “Aloha Volunteers, Thank you for your RSVP’s for the volunteer whale watch and potluck on Wednesday, January 23rd.We have now filled seats on the boat and cannot accept any additional passengers.”
Since I had such a strong desire to go on a boat, I decided to respond to the email and asked to be put on the waiting list. I received an email back saying there were 2 seats left and I was invited to join them for the whale watch. Of course, I was very excited and said, “Yes.”
When I told my friend Joni that I was going on a whale watch, she asked, “What will you be doing?” I responded, “I don’t know, I just know I’m going and I don’t care what I do.” I thought I was volunteering to help on the boat. When I arrived on Wednesday, I was informed by another volunteer that this whale watch was a “thank you” party for volunteering during the year. Yikes, I had never volunteered, and yet I was now boarding The Odyssey for a whale watch. I’m not sure why I received this email in the first place, but I did. Not only does God provide money for what I need, but provided a free whale watch with my new binoculars. I have another whale watch scheduled in 2 weeks and I can’t wait.
Just 4 days before the whale watch, I found binoculars at a yard sale. I have been looking (and praying) for binoculars at yard sales as I wanted to see the whales close up. I spotted the big black binoculars on the table at the first yard sale I went to (in my mind, I thought five dollars.) I quickly picked them up and checked them out. “How much”, I asked the man. I was delighted when he said, “five dollars.” I walked away with a big smile on my face and said, “Thank you God.”
The binoculars came at the perfect and right time. I was thrilled to be able to see the whales jump up out of the water on the whale watch. Here is what I learned about humpback whales from one of the volunteers on the boat.
From December to early May the humpback whales call Hawaii home. Traveling an incredible 3,000 miles of ocean in less than two months time, these gentle giants migrate from the gulf of Alaska to Hawaii for breeding and birthing in the islands’ warm and shallow waters. Their annual migration delights both visitors and residents alike during the peak of their numbers between January and early April. Weighing up to 45 tons, these whales can be graceful acrobats. Seeing a humpback whale “breach” the ocean by propelling its 45-foot long body out of the sea is a spectacular event. Their mysterious whale song is yet another intriguing trait of male humpback whales. These complex songs can be heard underwater from up to twelve miles away. The crew put what is called a hydrophone 30 feet into the ocean so we could hear the whales sing. It was amazing to hear the songs being sung by the whales.
I am so grateful for the grace and courage to follow my heart and move to Maui. There have been so many miracles and gifts. As I have shared in other blogs, it hasn’t always been easy as things have come up that needed healing. They still continue to come up and when they do, I have the tools and wisdom to work through them. On a daily basis, I am trusting myself, my intuition and God on what I need to do next in my life. God is always there to guide me when I listen and pay attention. Today, I am spending time alone with Pat and loving myself. I was led to do an exercise in prayer this morning that I haven’t done before. I wrote in my journal I love your … smile, strength, faith, courage, etc. It was 2 pages long and I just kept writing and finding more things that I loved about myself. It felt really good. How easy it is to see what we don’t like about ourselves. I invite you to try this exercise for yourself because you are love and loved.
Mine Is An Adventurous Heart – Heart Steps, Julie Cameron pg. 21
I choose an expansive life. I choose adventure, freedom, self-expression. I choose self-definition, self-love, self-renewal. Life expands or contracts according to my expectations. I expect good and that is what I experience. Viewing the whole, I choose to be interconnected yet independent. I allow the God-force within me to open and enlarge my lens of perception and realm.
|Stay updated by signing up!|
Simply A Woman of Faith
Pat’s book, Simply A Woman of Faith, is available for only $16.45 (incl. S&H).
Click here to order.
Share This Experience!
Author, Inspirational Speaker, Spiritual Coach, Retreat Leader & Radio Talk Show Host
Simply A Woman of Faith
621 Laniolu Place Kihei, HI 96753