As I sat down to write this, I lit a candle and asked God to speak through me clearly because I knew the learning and healing I experienced this week was profound. For most of my life, it was my belief that I had to be strong, perfect and “together” for me to be loved. I am learning that when I am weak, God is strong in me. I am also coming to believe that being vulnerable is a “strength” (rather than a weakness) because it allows me to be cared for by God and others in ways that are nurturing and healing. I am not only learning to trust and depend on God in a deeper way, but I am learning to ask others for help and to trust they will be there for me when I need them. I am on a spiritual journey of profound reliance on God. It is a faith walk that I take one step at a time, leaning on God and others as much as I need to.
I woke up this morning with a sharp pain in my neck and filled with anxiety. I kept repeating to myself, “I let go, I let go, I trust you God.” A few hours later when my friend Trudy came over to give me a ride to the bank, she could see the pain on my face. I burst into tears and said, “I am feeling very vulnerable, afraid and needy.” Feeling vulnerable, needy and powerless is not a place I like to be; I like to be in control and know that I can take care of myself at all times. When I told her what was going on, she was so compassionate, loving and happy to hold a space for me. She said, “When I was in so much pain last month, you called me every day to check on me and I can’t tell you how much that meant to me. I am happy to be here for you today.” She prayed with me while gently rubbing my back. We thanked God together for already answering my prayers. When she finished, we both cried as we knew on a deep level that God had brought us together to help and support one another in our time of vulnerability and need.
Here is what was going on: I let my friend borrow my “Maui Cruiser” car when I went back to Rhode Island for Christmas. A few days later she called and said, “Pat, I am afraid to drive your car because it is making a lot of noises. I cannot pick you up at the airport because I don’t think it will make it.” My car was working great when I left. I called my friend Steve who knows a lot about cars and helped me buy my car in September. He offered to go to my friend’s house and take a look at it for me. After he checked it out he said, “I think we should have it towed to my mechanic to make sure it is ok.” I agreed and called AAA in Hawaii and they were able to coordinate the towing to the garage. I was very grateful for Steve’s willingness to assist me with my car.
I was in Rhode Island and there was nothing I could do about it so I chose to stay in peace and trusted that the problem with my car was something minor and would be fixed. Of course, when I returned to Maui, I didn’t have a car and had to ask friends for rides to get around. Trudy has also offered to be my taxi cab driver while I am without a car. I wasn’t prepared when Steve called to give me the prognosis about my car. He said, “Pat, it needs a new engine. I have been looking on Craig’s list for a used engine and I found one in Lahaina and it costs $500. I will need the cash to bring to the mechanic so he can use his truck to pick up the engine.” I got off the phone in tears. I prayed and asked God who I could call to cash a check for me. My bank is out of state and I hadn’t opened a Hawaii bank account yet. Immediately, another friend came into my mind and I called and asked him for help. He was happy to assist me and agreed to meet me at his bank the next morning. I was filled with gratitude for his willingness to help me.
I realized that my feelings of vulnerability came from being alone here without family and not knowing anything about cars and engines and what I should do. I was choosing to trust Steve to guide me in my decision making. I prayed and asked God to open the door if I was to move forward and buy this “used engine” and close the door if it wasn’t a good engine. The story will be continued as it unfolds.
While this car business was going on which was stressful enough, I received a call from my new tenant in Rhode Island telling me she had several problems that needed to be addressed immediately; one of them being a leak in the dining room ceiling. My son gave me the name of someone who worked for him when he owned property. I called Walter and he agreed to go over the next day and address all of the problems. He contacted me afterward and told me what was needed to rectify the problems. Being 5000 miles away from my condo left me feeling quite vulnerable. I am sure that he could sense my stress with my quivering voice because as we were getting off the phone, he said, “I have it covered Pat, don’t worry.” It felt like God was saying to me, “I have it covered Pat, trust me and don’t worry. I have everything under control.”
The same day, I found out that one of my emails was hacked into and Delta Dental was dropping me because they hadn’t received my payment. Thank God both of these situations were taken care of and I didn’t lose my dental insurance.
I am learning to trust God by relinquishing my control and letting go and letting God. I am learning to ask others for help and trusting they will be there for me when I need them. I am learning to thank God in advance for how my prayers are being answered because an attitude of gratitude keeps me focused on God’s presence and power.
It is my belief that everything happens for a reason and that it is through problems and failures, weakness and neediness that I learn to rely more and more on God. Each problem or failure is followed by a growth spurt. I must have had a gigantic growth spurt this week. Whee…….. I am glad I got through it and can write about it. I know it’s all good and it’s all God.
DAILY WORD – LET GO LET GOD Jan/Feb pg.23
As I let go and let God, I am in the divine flow of life. Chores, tasks, commitments – I always have plenty to do. At times, I may even let my to-do list manage me, rather than the other way around. So today, I take a different approach: I let go. I let go of rushing, resentment, perfectionism and any feelings of insufficiency. Whatever I choose to do, I focus on it with gratitude, aware of the presence of God in this moment and in this work. I let God direct me through each activity with grace and ease, and I experience the joy of giving. When I finish, I bless what I have done and move on to my next task. I work in this way throughout the day, letting go and letting God steer me from one activity to the next. I am in the divine flow, and I am grateful
A few months prior to my “Miracle Manifestation” trip to Maui, Hawaii in November, I contacted several of the churches to see if there was an interest in me giving a workshop/retreat while vacationing there. My friend Ellen, whom I was staying with in Hawaii also contacted some organizations, but to no avail. I was disappointed, but trusted it was a closed door and God had other plans. My dream was put on hold.
Two days before I left for Hawaii, I received an email from my friend Deb Scott. She was very excited and said this woman CJ (from Maui, Hawaii) had an inspirational blog talk radio show called “From Maui with Aloha” and she wanted me to be a guest on her show while I was in Hawaii. Of course I said yes! It wasn’t a workshop or retreat, but a radio show would do just fine!
After the radio show, we both felt like we wanted to get to know one another better. We met for tea a week later and talked for 3 hours non-stop. We became fast friends and both knew it was no accident that we met. In our conversation, CJ told me she had just started writing a book about her life. I offered to be her weekly “Accountability Coach” which she immediately said yes to. We have been in contact every week since then. Interesting, but she has also become my weekly “Accountability Coach” for my new book.
When we talked last week, CJ mentioned that she is being led to lead retreats/workshops in Maui. Of course, my ears perked up and my heart skipped a beat. “I want to be a part of this” I blurted out. She was thrilled because of my background and experience. She had no idea that this was my dream. I don’t know what or how it will happen because it’s in the infancy stage, but I have a feeling that my dream of doing a retreat in Hawaii will come true. Cheryl also connected me with a woman who wants to lead workshops on cruises. We are speaking this week. It just gets better and better when we know we are all CONNECTED to the ONE POWER that is GOD.
I look forward to having CJ on my radio show “Finding the God of your understanding” on April 18th.
While reading Pat’s book, I had just finished the pages about how Pat would hear the
song “Honey” when she was going through a difficult time and needed to be comforted.
At that point, I stopped and asked the Universe for help to live in faith and not fear
because I had been struggling with my financial situation. I asked for some kind of sign.
I walked to the window and looked out toward the ocean expecting to see a rainbow,
which I usually take as a sign of comfort from my Aunt Marion who passed away 15
Having seen nothing, I sat back down and resumed reading Pat’s book. I was now at the part of the book where Pat and her husband were deciding the name of their Christian bookstore and I couldn’t believe my eyes when I saw the name they had chosen, The Alleluia Shop. My mother, who died 5 years ago, was named Alleluia. There was my sign.
I started to sob uncontrollably and knew I had to call Pat. I needed to talk with her and share about my mother and her death, which I had not fully grieved. I didn’t realize how much I had been holding in until the gut-wrenching tears were flowing. As I was sobbing, the phone rang and on the other end was Pat. How did she know to call at that very moment? It was just the day before that she met my partner Cheryl (Pat explained to me afterward that she was calling Cheryl just to say thank you for a wonderful visit.)
I feel so free and was able to fully let go of the anger and resentment about my mother’s alcoholism and how it had affected my life. I was finally able to grieve the loss of her passing. It was a powerful moment and I can’t believe how good I feel now.
As Pat listened to my story, I could feel her love through the phone lines. I felt so renewed and I thank her for the “God Shot.” It was not only a gift from the Universe but a reminder of how we are all connected and there are no coincidences. As Pat says in her book, it’s GODincidences. I am extremely grateful to Pat for writing “Simply a Woman of Faith” and her phone call at the perfect and right time.
Stephanie Roderick, Hawaii
It’s amazing what can happen in just three short days – from stepping out in faith and asking for what you want to total overwhelm-meltdown to excitement and gratefulness. We all know what it feels like to be overwhelmed where you just can’t think straight and your mind is like a blender. You just want to go to bed and put the covers over your head. Not a fun place to be. I felt vulnerable, scared and out of control when this happened to me. I hate to feel out of control and don’t think I know what I am doing.
Here is my “three day journey” and what I did to get myself out of “overwhelm and meltdown.” I am scheduled to start a new blog talk radio show called “Finding the God of Your Understanding” in three weeks as well as a new internet TV show called “Inspiration to Your Path to God” in January. Big stuff for this girl who is not a “techie.” Although scared to death, it is also very exciting doing what I love and living my passion. For the past two years, it has been my dream to have my own Spirituality TV Show (and I even had the name for it in my intention book.) Through a series of synchronistic events, it is unfolding according to a Divine Plan.
Last Thursday, I put on Face Book that I was looking for an intern Producer for my new TV Internet Show. That was a leap of faith because I was making it real and not just a dream. A few people asked some questions but nothing substantial.
I woke up Friday morning totally overwhelmed – all those old beliefs and feelings rearing their ugly heads and colliding with one another. “You don’t know what you are doing, are you crazy thinking you are going to have a studio in your home and do a TV show.”
I was in trouble and knew I needed to take care of myself and love myself – pray, meditate, breathe, journal, change my thinking, take a hot bath and a nap. And that is exactly what I did. Journaling is the best kept secret and it always works to help me identify the old beliefs that are no longer working and let them go. I needed to BE, and allow whatever was coming up to just be there with no judgments or shame.
I made a phone call to Liz who had her own blog talk radio show and asked for help. She said, “Yes, I can come tomorrow.” I felt some relief. She came on Saturday and showed me exactly what I needed to do. The topic of my FB post about an intern Producer came up. To my amazement, she offered to be my intern Producer. She is absolutely perfect with all the skills and talents needed for this unfolding. Surely, an answer to prayer.
Overwhelm and “meltdowns” often precede big breakthroughs and inspired actions. I am so grateful for the powerful tools God has given me to move through feelings of overwhelm and get to the other side. What a powerful journey when we “PLUG IN” everyday.
How does your faith grow? Before we can discuss how it grows, we need to have a working definition of what faith is. Simply put, faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see. When we plant seeds in the ground, we cannot see the flower or vegetable that will spring forth, but we believe, wait and trust that something will come from the darkness .
What are the seeds that have been planted in your life? What are you hoping for, but you cannot see- a new job, relationship, abundance, health? It is not easy being in the darkness and having to wait for something to grow or change.
Here is where my faith is tested and where it grows. Will I trust the promises of God and wait patiently for whatever I am hoping for to grow or will I get discouraged and give up on my dream because it is not happening fast enough?
During this time of gestation, darkness and waiting, it is important to have people in your life who believe in you and support you. Learning to be vulnerable and asking for help is equally important. It is a time to love and nurture your inner spirit, not beat up on yourself that you are not doing enough or doing something wrong. Sometimes, we just need to rest and not push so hard. As you learn to trust and surrender to divine timing, just like the flowers, you will blossom.
“I allow blessings to flow to me and I freely draw from the limitless ocean of good. As I deepen my trust, I am in the flow of divine abundance. I need not worry about the temporary appearance of lack in my life because I know there is abundant supply.” Daily Word
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Author, Inspirational Speaker, Spiritual Coach, Retreat Leader & Radio Talk Show Host
Simply A Woman of Faith
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