Are you fortunate enough to have someone in your life who “sees” you, listens to you without trying to fix or control you, validates you and your feelings no matter what you are going through in your life? I am very blessed to have Larry, family and girlfriends in my life that listen and don’t judge me so I can be authentic and real.
I believe EVERYTHING happens for a reason and is for my highest good, especially when I’m struggling and I don’t understand why things are going the way they are.
I have been doing all that I can do to heal my candida; diet, Probiotics, Sovereign Silver, herbs, teas, natural candida supplement, colonics to name a few. I know it can take a long time to get rid of it and I’ve been patient, for the most part.
My friend, Kati, and I went out to breakfast to a French restaurant over the weekend. I felt anxious when I looked at the menu and realized there was nothing I could eat that was on my diet. The waiter was not to congenial and said they don’t do special meals.
Kati said, “We will go someplace else, we don’t have to stay here.” I felt terrible because Kati really likes this restaurant and I didn’t want her to not have her favorite crepe which she was looking forward to.
I said, “I’m so sorry.” I was surprised as I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes. I then shared with her my frustration and anger that I was still dealing with the candida and the restrictive diet that I have been on for six months. I had been trying so hard to not complain, stay positive and accept my situation that I didn’t realize I had been holding in my feelings. It was important that I process the feelings that were coming up with Kati. She was compassionate, present as she listened and validated my experience. I felt HEARD.
Whenever I want to “override” my feelings because they are uncomfortable and I’m afraid to share them, I am doing a SPIRITUAL BYPASS and it doesn’t work. I am no longer willing to do a SPIRITUAL BYPASS and push my feelings down. Giving myself permission to feel my anger and get my feelings up and out is a gift I give to myself and ultimately to our relationship.
What does it mean to feel heard? It means: I feel respected, important, validated and valued. When I’ve been heard and validated, then I AM OPEN for suggestions and advice. I believe what we all want in a relationship is to be heard and not fixed or controlled when we are sharing a problem or difficulty What a gift we give to one another when we are present and listen.
There were many years that I wasn’t heard and that I didn’t hear my partner. I was often defensive and wanting to be right was more important than peace. I am grateful that I have healthy communication skills now and practice them daily with family and friends.
I think we all know the frustration and what it feels like to not be heard. What do I mean by not feeling heard?
It means: that someone is trying to fix me, dismiss me, control me, manipulate me, ignore me, guilt me to get their own way, give me advice or tell me I shouldn’t feel a certain way. This is a sure sign I am not being heard.
It is my belief that EVERYTHING happens for a reason and for my highest good. If we had not gone to this particular restaurant where there was nothing on the menu I could eat, I would not have had the opportunity to feel my feelings and be heard in such a safe and loving environment.
We walked out of the restaurant and found another place that served foods that I could eat. We had a great day playing and laughing together. I felt centered, grateful and back to myself.
I invite you to listen and be present to others as you would like them to be for you.
When my friend, Ellen, invited me to Maui for 2 weeks in November, 2010, I had no idea I would be living in Paradise 2 years later. God had a plan and I just kept saying YES to the invitation – not having any idea what it would look like or how it would happen. Step by step, I faced my fears and moved into the mystery and the unknown.
I see today that My “PLAN” was not God’s plan and I am grateful that I had the grace to surrender, let go and allow God to lead and guide me (not without struggle, at times). Before I moved to Maui for 6 months in January 2012, while I was in Maui in November, 2011, I spoke at 2 churches and presented a workshop for women at the Senior Center. So of course, I thought when I moved to Maui in January 2012, I would continue to do this. My “PLAN” was to continue my work as an inspirational speaker, retreat leader and spiritual coach. I realize today that God needed to do “some work” in me and I needed to do some “letting go” before I moved forward in this way. It was not God’s timing or God’s plan.
Before I moved to Maui I was warned that all of my “stuff” would come up. I felt a little smug and thought I had worked for so many years on my stuff already, I was safe. Silly me, I should have known better because whenever we are being called to a higher level of consciousness or some big change is occurring in our lives, our stuff comes up. If I am honest, even though I don’t like it at first, I welcome my “stuff” coming up because I want to be the best I can be, so I can serve and be a vessel for God in the purest way. My stuff has come up (as I have shared in my weekly blogs) and with the grace of God, I have been transformed. I read in one of my spiritual books, “While you wait in my presence, I do my best work within you to transform you by the renewal of your mind.”
I wrote in my blog of Jan. 24, 2012 – Waiting has not been my favorite thing to do, but I have learned over the years that it is essential to my spiritual health and well-being to wait on God. I arrived in Maui 5 days ago and it is beyond words how grateful I feel for this opportunity and adventure. In prayer this morning, I became aware of “old behaviors” creeping in and robbing me of my peace. Rather than resting in the energy of BEING and trusting in the divine plan to unfold in its own time and own way, I felt tempted to control and make things happen. I thanked God for this awareness and strengthened my resolve to live in the moment and trust the divine plan. “By waiting and by calm, I shall be saved, in quiet and trust lies my strength.”
When I arrived in Maui in January 2012, I was surprised when I had “no desire” to call the churches, do workshops or coach others. “What was going on”, I wondered. As I shared earlier, I struggled with this because this was not MY PLAN.
I wrote in my blog of March 6, 2012, I FINALLY GOT IT and I am so grateful! It will be seven weeks since I have been in paradise and it has been quite a ride! I am happy to report that, not only am I living in Paradise but I have found Paradise inside of me. I had a major shift in my consciousness while in prayer this week. Deep within my soul, I knew the reason I was here was to receive God’s love. It seemed so simple and yet profound. I said, “God, do you mean I don’t have to do anything?” “Yes, I want you to experience my unconditional love without having to do anything. How will you be able to receive the love from your soul mate that I have planned for you if you are unable to experience my love completely and unconditionally?” Wow, I knew God was speaking to my heart. It’s been over two weeks since I received this message and I feel an incredible freedom to enjoy the present moment, to be in the flow of the Spirit and to trust each moment and experience to unfold perfectly. I am invited to play in God’s playground and enjoy every moment. This is a gift from God with no strings attached. I don’t have to do anything to earn it.
During this time of waiting, I read a book called “Faith” by A.C. Ping. Here is what it said: “One of the most frustrating times along the spiritual path occurs when NOTHING seems to be happening. Not only do we have lots of time to think, but at the same time people keep asking you “What’s happening?” On the surface nothing seems to be happening, but underneath a great shift is occurring. Instead of feeling frustrated, it may be that life is giving you a safe place to rest and gather your energy for the journey ahead. You may not be able to see which way to go, but if you sit patiently, have faith that life has meaning and wait until the mist clears, you may find that one day you wake up to a bright blue sky that reveals a clear path leading to an even more beautiful mountain than the one you just climbed. The temptation will be to run around in the mist searching for guidance. But this will wear you out and until you stop and rest, no further path will be revealed to you until you have the energy to attempt the next climb. Trust that although nothing seems to be happening on the surface, a whole lot is happening below the surface.”
As I write this blog, it is hard to believe that it has been 15 months since I have been living and playing in paradise. I have listened to my intuition and not attempted to further my career in any way. I have trusted that although nothing seemed to be happening on the surface, a whole lot was happening below the surface.”
A couple of months ago, I attended a talk with my friend, Jodene, and after the talk I said, “You know, something is stirring in me because I miss speaking and doing workshops. I will pray about it and ask God to open the door and bring to me what it is that I am to do – if anything.” I let it go and felt peaceful.
I met, Kati, a year ago when we were on a retreat together. I was drawn to her – she was a shining light and I loved her energy. We exchanged emails but it wasn’t time for us YET! She lived on the other side of the island and we didn’t get together until I moved here this past September. I had the opportunity to house- sit in Makawa, Maui before I moved into my home in Kihei. Kati lived 2 minutes away and was friends with the women I house- sat for. Kati and I reconnected and spent time together having fun and playing.
A couple of months ago, as Kati and I shared our spiritual journey with one another, we both felt that God was calling us to do something together. We didn’t know what it was, but we agreed to pray about it. A few weeks ago, Kati invited me to come and paint with her at her new home on the ocean and I was really excited to paint with her. I am not sure how it happened but before we knew it, we were planning a day of healing together. It just flowed from both of us easily and effortlessly. There was no struggle, only ease and grace. Kati painted the flyer as I painted the ocean.
I am amazed and grateful how this has unfolded so easily. We are on fire and so excited to share our gifts with women. The title is “This is What I am Here For.” Celebration of your Divine Feminine Mother Earth. Discover inner clarity about “This is what I am here for” as Divine Feminine grounded in the arms of Mother Earth. Join in Celebration, Meditation, Revelation, Forgiveness, Healing, Visioning, Dancing, Ritual and Laughter as your gift to Self.It will be held on May, 11, 2013.
WATCH OUT MAUI BECAUSE KATI AND I ARE COMING OUT
I had totally forgotten about this until recently. My daughter, Mary, gave me the gift of an astrology reading for Christmas. I was really surprised when he said, “Something significant would happen in my career in the month of May.” I had given up “my career” and I didn’t understand. I wasn’t interested in my career any more; I wanted to know when I was going to meet my soul mate – more waiting on this one! God does have a sense of humor. I don’t know what’s ahead, not even sure I want a “career” and that is okay. I will trust God’s will and timing.
Gods timing is perfect. “My good is revealed in diving timing. I choose not to struggle with or force circumstances in my life. I know the time will be right when I feel a nudge from Spirit to move in the right direction. I pay attention to my intuition, knowing that inner wisdom and divine understanding direct me.”
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