I called Kristie on Friday to see how things were going and asked, “What do you need? I’m going to yard sales tomorrow.” Kristie bought an unfurnished condo and is moving to Maui in 10 days. She said, “There were many hurdles that I had to overcome, but I’m at peace and excited to make my dream come true for me and my children.”
Kristie is the woman I met on the “path” in February who I wrote about in my blog. It was Kristie’s dream and heart’s desire to move to Maui with her 3 children. She is truly a woman of faith and prayed only for God’s will. Although we only talked for 15 minutes on the path, we connected deeply and I knew, as a woman of faith, that I was to encourage her and share my story. We met the next day on the path and I gifted her with my book, Simply a Woman of Faith. I have supported her through telephone calls and texts until now.
Kristie and her children are coming here with NOTHING but their suitcases. The rest of their belongings may not get here for a week to 10 days. She sold most of her belongings, including furniture and kitchen stuff.
I asked Spirit to guide me to what Kristie needed when I got in my car to go “sailing.” It was Kristie’s faith and trust in God to provide for her and her willingness to receive that enabled me to experience a divine encounter and be a vessel of Love. What a gift I received because I asked and God answered.
I almost missed the yard sale sign and almost didn’t turn around until I heard Spirit say, “Turn around.” When I walked into the yard sale, the first thing my eyes spotted were signs like LOVE IS ALL YOU NEED, FOLLOW YOUR DREAMS and SPARKLE (Larry’s nick name for me.) I knew I was at the right place. Following your dreams is what Kristie is doing and I did 10 years ago by moving to Maui.
I started a “pile” as the prices were just right. Kristie mentioned that she would like white plates. Of course, the first thing I spotted were white plates so I bought all 6. I bought several things including towels, sheets, a lamp, and a plastic chest with drawers.
I shared Kristie’s story of moving to Maui alone with 3 kids with the woman holding the yard sale. We both had the chills. I told her I would be writing a blog about how God provided through her generosity. She said, “I have more clearing to do, I will call you.”
To say I was flying high and filled with gratitude about how God answered prayer and provided for Kristie would be an understatement. Jami and I were now on first name basis. I wanted to give back to her and went home to get our book, “It’s Never Too Late for Love.”
When I returned a couple of hours later to give her our book, she was thrilled and said she couldn’t wait to read it. She said, “Look around Pat and make a pile. I want Kristie to have whatever she needs.” OMG! She gave me a beautiful blue set of dishes and bowels, blankets, quilt, curtain rod and curtains, shower curtain and rod, kitchen towels and other goodies for the family. My car was filled to the brim. I came home and happily washed everything and folded.
Jami was truly an angel. It was like the perfect storm, but instead of it being a storm it was the perfect divine encounter. Jami sold her house and needed to downsize and Kristie was moving into her home and needed everything. It truly was a divine set-up.
This story reminded me of what happened when I moved into our present home that was completely furnished 8 years ago. Prior to moving here, I lived in a 3 room ohana that was also furnished. I was “homeless” for a month while waiting for tenants to move out. Thankfully, friends opened their homes and hearts to me. A friend offered to store “my stuff” in a spare bedroom that she wasn’t using until I could sell it or give it away. I trusted God that I was being taken care of and provided for.
I received a call from my friend, Ellen, that a friend of hers had just been accepted into senior housing and she didn’t have anything. Ellen said, “I know you are moving; do you have anything you can contribute?” I sure did, a whole room of furniture and household goods. I was thrilled to give it to her friend and the friend was thrilled to receive it.
We are all connected. We are all ONE. We are always provided for. God is faithful. I feel so blessed and grateful to serve and be a vessel of love.
I didn’t know it at the time, but I followed my heart to HEAL my heart 10 years ago when I moved to Maui and left family, friends, and community behind. I had been on an inward journey of healing deep wounds and loving myself for many years before moving to Maui. Although I made the best out of my earlier life, my childhood was difficult growing up with 2 alcoholic parents and being sexually abused by my father, a priest, and a teacher as an adolescent.
Would you agree that it takes great courage, trust, and a fearless spirit to follow your heart? Can you think of a time when you were fearless and followed your heart and it turned out better than you could have ever imagined or expected?
There was a “knowing” deep within my soul that it was God’s will for me to move to Maui and that I would be protected and provided for. God had a plan for me that was unfolding and designed down to the smallest detail for my highest good.
I believe it was GRACE that carried me across the ocean and continues to carry me in my daily life. “It is faith that steers us through stormy seas, faith that moves mountains and faith that jumps across the ocean.” Gandhi
Even though my soul knew what I needed and where I needed to go to find love and healing, I felt afraid because the voice in my head said, “Your crazy, it’s impossible, you don’t deserve to move to such a beautiful place and what kind of mother are you leaving your children and grandchildren?”
Even though my soul knew what I needed and where I needed to go to find love and healing, it wasn’t easy. There are consequences for our choices that affect the people we love. Even though my family was happy for me when I told them I was moving to Maui, they felt concerned, sad, and disappointed that I would be so far away and wouldn’t be there to celebrate holidays, birthdays, and special occasions. I want to thank my children for their love and support even though they may not have understood why I wanted to move 5000 miles away. I didn’t really understand it myself until recently.
It’s been difficult for me and my family being so far away and not seeing one another for two years because of Covid. I’m thrilled that I will be returning to Rhode Island in August-September and will be celebrating my grandson’s wedding and my 75th birthday.
As I look back over the last 10 years of living on this beautiful island, I feel so blessed to call it home. This island has an energy that permeates love. LOVE has healed and transformed me from the inside out. I have never felt more connected and loved by God, more peaceful, and happier.
My heart knew what it needed to choose love instead of fear and follow my heart. With the grace of God, I chose to listen to my soul, rather than my ego. I’m grateful that in my later years I have come to this place of love, peace, trust, and surrender. I opened my heart to experience profound love in my marriage with Larry that has touched my core and healed my body, mind, and spirit.
Because of Larry’s love, I feel valued, important, seen, respected, and now have a much greater capacity to love than I ever have before. I am a better mother, wife, and friend and for this I am so grateful. I know that LOVE is all there is. We will be celebrating 4 years of marriage next month.
Are you willing to step out in faith and follow your heart? I encourage you to listen to the voice of Spirit rather than your ego. Spirit will give you everything you need when you trust and surrender. If not now, when?
“If you look at what you have in life, you’ll always have more. If you look at what you don’t have in life, you’ll never have enough.”
What does it mean to “step out in faith? I stepped out in faith and wrote my first book called, “Simply a Woman of Faith” 12 years ago. It took me 7 years to write it because I was paralyzed with fear and didn’t trust or believe in myself.
Stepping out in faith and writing a book meant taking a risk, getting out of my comfort zone, facing my fears, and following my heart when my head said, “IT DOESN’T MAKE SENSE; Your crazy; play it safe; who do you think you are? Nobody will read it; you are wasting your time; I’m not a writer or smart enough. What will people think and what if it fails?”
I’m so grateful I listened to my heart and not my head and the ego voice of not being good enough or smart enough. I wouldn’t be where I am today if I hadn’t stepped out in faith and trusted God was guiding me.
I have learned to trust myself and to trust the “still, small voice of God within.” It takes lots of practice to discern the ego voice from God’s voice. As I look back over the years when I have stepped out in faith after hearing God’s voice I am amazed at the miracles and how my life was altered, sometimes dramatically. Here are a few examples.
IT DIDN’T MAKE SENSE for me to buy the blouse forty years ago when my ex-husband was out of work and we were on welfare. The blouse was $10 and I only had $10 in my pocketbook for milk and bread for our 4 children. But I heard the “still, small voice of God” say, “Buy it and I will provide.” I listened to that voice and bought the blouse, although it DIDN’T MAKE SENSE to buy myself a blouse when milk and bread were needed for my family.
One hour later when I returned home from buying the blouse, I found an envelope in the mail with a note that read, “From the son of a carpenter” and a crisp $10 bill. I’m grateful for the person who heard Spirit tell them to write the note and give me the $10 bill. I’m sure IT DIDN’T MAKE SENSE to them either, but they followed Spirit and changed my life forever.
IT DIDN’T MAKE SENSE to move to Maui 10 years ago to follow my heart to meet my soulmate and to leave family, friends, community, and my business. I didn’t have a lot of money and sold everything of value to make the move.
IT DIDN’T MAKE SENSE that I didn’t have a place to live until 2 weeks before I arrived in Maui. I trusted I was being led and the place would “show up” and it did. I shared a condo with friends overlooking the ocean and paid $300 a month for 6 months.
When I moved to the other side of Maui a year later, IT DIDN’T MAKE SENSE that when I found my “dream house” overlooking the ocean, I stepped out in faith and followed my heart. I trusted that I would be provided for every month and I would be able to pay the rent which went from $1200 to $2500.
It truly was the grace of God and my willingness to TRUST & SURRENDER to God’s plan and will. For one year, every month I rented one part of the house to different people before Larry and I became a couple and he moved in with me. I prayed EVERY STEP OF THE WAY and knew I was being guided. I waited for the answers and then stepped out in faith.
It is my practice to ask Spirit for guidance in all my decisions every day. I trust I am always guided and protected. I continue to take risks, face my fears, and step out in faith. When have you stepped out in faith and your life changed dramatically?
Is there an area of your life where you are being called to step out in faith or move in a new direction, but IT DOESN’T MAKE SENSE?
If I hadn’t trusted myself and the God within, I would not be living my dream life. If I can do it, so can YOU. If not now, when?
Larry and I are very grateful to belong to a “Love group.” We have been meeting every other week in our home for the last 2 ½ years and are now meeting on Zoom since Covid. We support and love one another, share authentically from our hearts, and have created a safe place to share our thoughts, perspectives, and feelings. There are no rules or “agendas” as we allow Spirit to lead the group.
We often start the group with, “Who has a love story they would like to share?” It can be a story about how we overcame a challenge and chose love instead of fear. It can be something we are struggling with and need help to see where the love is in the story. What an opportunity it is during the month to be thinking about our love stories.
My “love story” this week has to do with loving myself and setting a boundary with a friend. Like many of us, I’m uncomfortable and don’t like confrontation. For many years, I suffered from the “Disease to Please.” I so desperately wanted to be liked that I didn’t speak up and wasn’t honest if something was bothering me. I often stuffed my feelings and then became resentful when my needs weren’t met.
As a people pleaser, I often expected others to read my mind and what was important to me. This caused a lot of unnecessary suffering because I wasn’t honest with myself or others. For example, years ago my best friend forgot our wedding anniversary. Instead of being honest and sharing my disappointment, I said nothing. When it was her anniversary, I made a big deal out of it – hoping she would do the same for me when my anniversary came around. That’s called manipulation!
I had the opportunity this week to speak my truth in love and kindness, instead of stuffing my feelings and expecting others to know what was important to me. Here is what happened:
My new friend and I planned on meeting at a coffee shop at 10 am. I received a text shortly before we were going to meet that she was going to be late. It wasn’t a big deal because I was relaxing at the ocean and enjoying myself. As I thought about it, I started to feel uncomfortable when I realized this was becoming a pattern for her to be late. It felt like she wasn’t valuing my time and that didn’t feel good.
My mind was like a blender; how do I say it, should I bring it up or just let it go? Since this was a new relationship, I didn’t know how she would react. It was important that I was kind and loving and not shame her for being late. I prayed and asked God for help. I heard the small, still, voice of God say, “It is important you bring it up and I will give you the words.”
Spirit showed me that it was an act of “self-love” by setting a boundary and speaking my truth. I decided to address it as soon as we met. After accepting her apology for being late, I shared my perspective and feelings. The conversation was open and honest and we both heard one another.
As we said goodbye, she said, “Thank you for your authenticity, honesty, and trusting me with your truth.”
Do you have difficulty speaking up, setting a boundary, sharing your truth, or do you stuff your feelings because you don’t want to rock the boat?
I tearfully said goodbye to one of my closest friends, Joanne, 2 years ago. It was quite emotional and honest as I thanked her for her love, encouragement, and support over the last 3 decades. She died two weeks later from Ovarian cancer.
Joanne was always there for me, as I was there for her. I always felt that God spoke to me through her. Joanne was my spiritual “cheerleader” as I went through my divorce, sexual abuse, and raising kids. She was a wise and loving friend. We lived on the same street and often took walks or sat and had a cup of tea on my porch or her back yard with beautiful flowers.
Before she died, Joanne encouraged her partner, Linda, to write a book about their love relationship and her cancer journey. It has been my honor to support and encourage Linda to write the book. I received a text from Linda this week informing me that she finished the last chapter of the book.
I was so happy and proud of Linda. I sent her a text congratulating her for finishing the book. Later in the day, while sitting outside on my swing and journaling, I heard a voice and I didn’t know where it was coming from. My phone was off and next to me in the swing. When I picked up my phone, there was Linda’s face. I was quite surprised and said, “Did you Face Time me?” She said, “No, did you Face Time me?”
We were both stunned. We have never done a Face Time with one another. Linda explained, “I just walked upstairs to get your book, “Simply a Woman of Faith” and had your book in my hand when I saw the incoming call and saw your name.
I couldn’t speak at first and my whole body shivered. We both agreed Joanne was “showing up” to support us both on our journeys. We laughed and cried that she had communicated with us in such a powerful way.
It is no coincidence that Linda and Larry and I have finished our books at the same time. Joanne was my earth “cheerleader” and now she is my heavenly “cheerleader.” Our loved ones do want to communicate with us if we are open.
A week ago, on a humid Sunday in Rhode Island, I had been lounging on the couch with my computer as I mulled over some revisions for my book. Even though I had recently finished writing the last chapter, I knew that reviewing the earlier chapters would take some time. With the help of my writing coach, encouragement from others, and Pat’s compassionate advice, I realized I might complete this first book after all.
In the two years since my wife Joanne died, many astounding connections with her spirit have comforted me, always when I needed them the most. On this particular Sunday, I was pondering a different way to express If you snooze, you lose, that described Joanne’s ability to get things done without delay.
After reading Pat’s text congratulating me and offering to help pull the chapters together, I had sent a text thanking her and assuring her I would be in touch when my revisions were done. I decided to retrieve “Simply A Woman of Faith” upstairs in my nightstand in order to review her book’s layout. As usual, my cell phone was in its case attached to my waistband when I ascended the stairs.
I had just picked up Pat’s book when my phone rang. To my surprise, it was Pat. I thought, “That’s odd, maybe she didn’t get my text.” Answering the phone, I held it to my ear but soon discovered I also saw her face. I was shocked to discover we were on FaceTime and that she was just as surprised to see my face as well. My jaw dropped while I kept repeating, “Oh my god!”
In that moment, I could almost hear Joanne tell me to connect with Pat without delay. While I marveled at the perfect timing, I felt certain my love had planned this magical event. Knowing my tendency to procrastinate, her spirit seemed to remind me about snoozing and losing, so I will take the hint and push on. With gratitude to God and Joanne, my heart is renewed once again. Thank you, Pat, for your steadfast support, love, and cheerleading.
I love Maui and am so grateful for the opportunity to live in paradise. If you have ever visited Maui or live here, you will agree that it is a spiritual place. You can feel the love and peace all around you, especially when you walk down the beach and greet one another with “aloha.”
Of course, it’s not perfect and it has its problems, just like any other place. There are many people who are conscious and living in the light and there are people who are not conscious yet. Unfortunately, I encountered a person who was not conscious this week.
I love to go to yard sales on Saturday and often find some treasures and meet some friendly folks. I picked up the colorful gem stones in a plastic baggie and asked, “How much are these?” The man said, “Oh these are very special. My dearest friend, who recently died gave them to me. They were her mothers and she was very famous. I cannot sell them, but you can have a few.”
I picked out a rose quartz and turquoise stone. I was thrilled and thanked him for his kindness. I put them in my change purse and paid him for what I bought. When I went to the car wash after the yard sale, I discovered my change purse wasn’t in my pocketbook.
I remember setting it down on the table when I paid the man at the yard sale. I immediately returned to the yard sale, hoping it would still be there. It wasn’t there and the man hadn’t seen it. We both felt really bad that someone had picked it up and taken it with the money in it.
There was a woman standing close by and listening to the story of the gemstones. I have a feeling she is the one who took my change purse. I said, “What goes around, comes around” and left. Of course, I felt disappointed, violated and sad. This incident gave me the opportunity to CHOOSE LOVE and send the woman love, because she clearly needs it.
I was able to move through this rather quickly because of my intentions for the new year. Spirit guided me in meditation at the end of the year as to what I needed to practice more in my life.
It was GAT – GRATITUDE, ACCEPTANCE & TRUST. If I practiced this in every situation that came into my life, I would experience MIRACLES AND ABUNDANCE.
I made a collage of this and put it on my altar to reflect on and practice every day.
In the incident with the stolen change purse, this is how I moved through it.
- I felt my feelings of disappointment, violation and sadness.
- I felt GRATEFUL that I didn’t have my license and credit cards in the purse.
- I ACCEPTED “what is.” I left my purse on the table and someone helped themselves to it.
- I TRUSTED God that I was given the opportunity to CHOOSE & SEND LOVE.
It’s not easy to forgive when we have been violated in big ways or small ways and it takes time. I choose to keep my HEART OPEN and let go of any energy that is not aligned with Spirit. I choose to walk in the light of love and continue to let my light shine.
Can you imagine the surprise of receiving a message on Facebook from my friend, Sharon, whom I graduated high school with 55 years ago? I haven’t seen or heard from her in all these years. OMG where does the time go?
Of course, memories of high school days danced through my head. I graduated from a class of 800 students and I was the captain of the cheerleaders, queen of the prom, president of my sorority and voted MOST POPULAR. I worked “very hard” at being POPULAR and it was exhausting!
I know today that I looked OUTSIDE to be validated, noticed, praised and loved. I had no idea how to love myself or that I “should” love myself. I beat up on myself and never felt good enough, no matter how many degrees I received. There was a HUGE hole inside of me that only God could fill. I tried to fill that hole by staying busy, rushing, working and being a people pleaser. On the outside, I looked great, but my outside didn’t match my inside. Can you relate?
Here is what my friend from high school wrote:
“I wanted to share how connected I feel to you. I too am a woman of faith and God has taken us on a similar journey. Although I didn’t grow up in an alcoholic home, I married an alcoholic, who is now recovering and my daughter is an Addiction Therapist.
My faith was nonexistent until I found Alanon and learned to surrender. Once having taken that leap of faith, I too received many blessings. What I wanted to share with you is that I had become very complacent in my faith. I read your inspiring book and it put the fire under me again, so thank you. I will be going to our 55th high school reunion in October. I will be bringing 3 copies of your book to share with some of my closest friends. I know from your postings that you have found your soul mate and are living your dream. I am living my dream too and I thank you for reminding me of how awesome God is.”
As you can imagine, I was thrilled and grateful to receive her message and that she is bringing 3 of my books to the reunion. Holy Moly! I’m also grateful that I had the courage to say YES to God, face my fears and have my book published 10 years ago.
When I was in the middle of writing my book (that took 7 years to write), I had a dream. I went to bed hysterical crying and said to God, “I can’t write this book, no one will read it, I’m wasting my time, you have chosen the wrong person.” I was riddled with FEAR. Thank you, God, for not giving up on me, like I had given up on myself.
Here is my dream:
I was climbing up a staircase. When I got to the top of the stairs, there was a STAR. As I reached out to touch the STAR, I became the STAR. I received an affirmation, “I am a STAR that shines brightly to lead others to the God within.”
It truly is my passion and purpose to shine brightly to inspire others to know their Source as the divine presence of God within. I share my story every week, not for validation or to be admired or praised. I share my journey to encourage you so that you know you are not alone and that you can live your dream, as I am doing today.
My friends, I encourage you to face your fears, listen to the small, still voice of God and remember Spirit will never lead to something without equipping you for the task.” I am here to help you and show you how to live your dream.
My portion of the blog was completed and ready to be edited. I wasn’t feeling comfortable and wondered if Spirit wanted me to write about something different. I remember thinking to myself; I don’t have anything else significant to write about until my experience with Larry this morning.
A few months ago a good friend of mine, Donna, asked, “Do you and Larry ever argue?” I said, “No, we hardly ever argue. We are both pretty easy going and don’t let things bother us.”
I planned on attending a water aerobics class this morning and was running late. I had finished my breakfast while Larry was still making his. I put the dishes in the sink and since I was late turned to him and said, “Do you mind doing these dishes for me since I am running late? “I don’t like to leave my dishes in the sink for him to wash, but I didn’t think he would mind since he would have to do his when he was through with his breakfast. He didn’t say anything to me but the LOOK was enough to communicate to me that he wasn’t very pleased about it. He then said, “I don’t want this to become a habit when you are running late.”
I REACTED in a huff and said, “Never mind, I will do them myself.” I was ticked! I gathered my stuff up and said, “I love you, goodbye.” I could feel the tears already welling up in my eyes. I got in the car and felt the hurt as the tears rolled down my cheeks. Hurt was always easier to feel than my anger. I was taught not to feel angry so I pushed my anger down until it erupted, and often then came out sideways and at the wrong person.
Instead of staying stuck in the HURT feeling and crying, I allowed myself to really feel my anger. Being in the car is a great place to release anger because no one hears you and you can say anything you want. I let it rip and felt better afterwards. I want my vibration to be as high as it can be and I know anger and resentment lowers my vibration. Love and joy are the highest vibration and that is where I strive to be.
I am no longer willing to do a SPIRITUAL BYPASS and push my feelings down. Giving myself permission to feel my anger and get my feelings up and out is a gift I give to myself and ultimately to the relationship. Whenever we want to “override” our feelings because they are uncomfortable and go right to love, we are trying to do a SPIRITUAL BYPASS. It doesn’t work.
By the time I arrived at my water aerobics class, I felt almost peaceful and was able to send Larry love. It was pretty amazing how quickly I was able to work through it. After class I took a long walk along the ocean and did what gives me pleasure – smiling and saying hello to people I pass on the path. I then had my car washed which made me feel really good.
I greeted Larry with a hug when I returned home from class. After I was home a little bit I said, “We need to talk about this morning,” He agreed. As we sat down to talk, he crossed his arms across his chest and quickly realized what his body language was communicating to me and we both laughed.
We both shared our perspectives of what happened that morning, which of course, was very different. He was feeling upset because he didn’t want to be taken advantage of. His perspective was that I often leave my dishes in the sink and my perspective was I hardly ever leave them in the sink. During our conversation and listening to one another, we were able to identify some old patterns that were being triggered from past relationships.
After some time of communicating with one another, we were able to work out a plan that was satisfactory to both of us. We both felt respected, loved and heard. What could have become a big struggle, turned out really well. This is a little thing but we wanted to take care of it before it became a big thing.
On one of Eckhart Tolle’s CDs (The New Earth) he talks about how all of nature is alive and connected. How everything and everyone is all part of one consciousness. He also suggests that nature doesn’t realize how beautiful it is and how much it contributes to our joy and happiness until we communicate that.
I thought that was an interesting observation, I had never realized that nature wouldn’t automatically know the effect it had on the whole. It appears that the sky, sun, mountains, oceans, trees, flowers and birds and all of nature need our recognition to understand that they are awesome, appreciated and beautiful. They need to know that we are awestruck by their vastness and beauty, that just being near them and experiencing their fragrance and color fill our spirits and hearts with joy and happiness.
We live in one of the most beautiful places on earth. How often do we rush around all day, pass by all this natural beauty and not recognize it? Doing this is such a disservice to us and nature. How much joy, happiness and love energy can we receive from just noticing the beauty of a flower? “Wow” what about the incredibly beautiful sunsets we experience daily on Maui. They don’t know they are beautiful until we tell them so and share with them the joy and happiness we experience every time they appear.
I walk three miles most mornings just before the sun breaks over the mountains. Everything seems fresh and new, nature waking up to a great new day. The birds chatter deliriously at the prospect of a new day and a new adventure. I try to take everything in: and tell the flowers that they are beautiful and that they fill my heart with joy and gratitude.
Have you ever wondered how many people we meet each day or walk by, who may need just a little recognition and appreciation? My daily walks use to take me through one of our beautiful parks. Most days I would see the same homeless person sitting on the grass near the walkway. I would greet him and sometimes stop and chat with him. One day, I commented that he had a discovered a great place to sit near the ocean. He commented, “Ya I like it here. A lot of people walk by and some even say hi or good morning.” I thought, “Hmmm it’s so important for all of us to be recognized and appreciated.”
How often do we express our love and appreciation for our family members? We get caught up in the daily grind of making a living, providing for our family, raising children, etc. Some parents may think, “Hey! How about a little recognition and appreciation for all we do around here.” Some children may think “We work hard in school to get good grades and be good students. We could use a little recognition and appreciation also.” A few moments of love and appreciation go a long way.
Pat and I have a really wonderful relationship and we realize how important it is to recognize and appreciate each other. Mostly in little ways like thanking each other when we do a chore without having to be asked or making the bed or washing the dishes or making lunch or dinner. A simple recognition and “thank you” goes a long way!
We appreciate one another when we show interest in each other’s day and really listen when one of us is sharing about something that is important to them. We communicate our love for one another at different times during the day when you would perhaps least expect it. We say things like “I love you” or “I think you have beautiful blue eyes” or “You look beautiful tonight.” Pat loves little gifts or flowers and cards. I try to pay attention to that.
What if we changed our attitude from one who needs to be served, to one who will look for ways to be a vessel of love and serve? Do you ever think of saying good morning or hi or aloha to someone you don’t know? It may be the only time that day the person will be recognized and appreciated as an individual.
On Maui, we have so many people in the service industry. Perhaps taking an extra couple of seconds to recognize them (most have name tags) by saying “hi” use their names, saying “thank you” use their names. They are not robots; they are real people with hearts and souls. Remember we are all one and we are all connected.
I have made it my practice to recognize and greet every person I meet. I feel it is an important way to be a vessel of love. Some return my greeting and some do not, no worries. I have offered them the gift of love and they can either accept it or refuse it. Not my problem. My responsibility is to offer the gift with no strings attached.
I encourage everyone to find little ways to recognize and appreciate each other. I think when we do that we give the energy and light of love a chance to manifest in all our lives.
“Cleansing often brings the worst to the surface before it is dismissed. The first stage of a washing machine cycle is called “agitation.” The clothing needs to be stirred up to loosen the accumulated dirt. To look into a washing machine while the basket is agitating, you see a fowl mire of grime rise to the surface of the water. If you did not know better, you might think that the clothes were getting dirtier and be tempted to shut off the machine. But that would be foolish; the dirt is not being added, as it might appear – it is being removed. In the presence of flowing water (metaphysically representing Spirit), the dirt is drained away, leaving fresh, clean garments. If you just stay with the process, the cycle will complete itself, and soon the clothes will be much cleaner than when the process began.” Alan Cohen, “I Had It All the Time”
I woke up feeling agitated, irritable and like I had been hit by a truck. My dreams were about struggle and not being able to get to where I wanted to be. I KNEW something was being dredged up from my unconscious to be healed and transformed. I was in the washing machine cycle called “AGITATION” and it felt awful.
When I went to bed the night before, I shared with Larry that I felt BAD and ASHAMED when I got off the phone with John, my computer guy. I downloaded the new Windows 10 to my computer, but I couldn’t figure out how to get my pictures from my IPhone to my desktop. A friend suggested I go back to Windows 7 which I did and was successful with.
Unfortunately, I still couldn’t get my pictures to my desktop even with the old Windows 7. If anything causes me stress and I want to pull my hair out, it is dealing with computers and technology. I called John and asked for help. John has always been very patient with me and is able to help me. John must have had a bad day because he appeared frustrated and said, “You need to take a computer class because you should know this stuff by now.”
John’s remark and frustration triggered my SHAME. The SHAME was still deep inside in my unconscious and needed healing. It must be REVEALED to be HEALED. It really had nothing to do with John. If the shame wasn’t inside of me, I would have thought, “John is having a bad day and has nothing to do with me.” But I internalized it and felt “bad and wrong,” that I didn’t know what John thought I should know. Feeling “bad and wrong and not good enough” is at the core of a shame-based person.
When I shared with Larry what I was feeling when I woke up, he read the above passage from Alan Cohen’s book to me. It helped me understand what was going on and what was being “dredged up” from my unconscious. Larry encouraged me to trust the process and asked, “How can I support you today?” This was an opportunity for me to nurture myself, re-parent myself and give myself self-love and compassion, rather than beat up on myself. I spent the day in prayer, loving and nurturing myself and within a few hours, I was back to myself. I wrote in my journal, “Today I will allow the light and love of God to flow through me, heal me and transform me. I will re-parent myself and give myself everything I need.
Growing up with an alcoholic mother, I wasn’t encouraged to ask questions or ask for help. I had to figure things out on my own. I was EXPECTED to know the answers, even though I wasn’t often taught how to do things. I PRETENDED to know what I was doing, but often felt “inadequate and not good enough inside.” It was hard to ask for help because I didn’t want to feel vulnerable and ashamed if I didn’t know the answers.
Thank God I know the truth today and have changed that belief. Today, I ask for help when I need it and am not ashamed if I don’t know the answers. I know it is healthy to ask for help and that it is unhealthy to put unrealistic expectations on myself.
Larry’s experience with shame
When do you feel shame? Underneath the shame could be thoughts of unworthiness, inadequacy, not good enough, not smart enough or thoughts of being a failure. As a parent, I have felt some of the above at different times. I have not always recognized this as shame until recently. People don’t talk about it because of its insidious nature.
There may be times in your life when you have felt ashamed because you didn’t think you were a “good enough” friend or supportive enough. You may feel some shame about how you look; too thin, too fat, too tall, not pretty enough, etc. I have felt shame about not having a higher education which made me feel “less than” others.
Many people believe their worth has to do with how much money they earn. Society often judges us by the amount of money we earn and when we have a lot of money, we are deemed successful. When we don’t measure up to those standards, we may judge ourselves to be a failure, which ultimately becomes shame.
In my own life, I have experienced shame when I put too much value on my ability to dance perfectly. I am leaving myself open to react in a negative way when my partner makes a mistake because I see it as a reflection on me. In this area of dance, I realize that I have been too concerned about what other people will think of me. It seems that my ego and wanting to be perfect has allowed me to forget that what other people think of me is none of my business. Thankfully, in many areas of my life, I believe that “what other people think of me is none of my business.”
My grandparents were farmers in Connecticut and had emigrated from Lithuania. They spoke broken English and when I was with them, I often felt ashamed of them because they couldn’t speak correct English. Then I felt ashamed of myself for feeling that way about them. Apparently, I saw it as a reflection on me.
Parents can often, unknowingly, put their high expectations on their children (get all A’s, pass this test, attend college). When children don’t think they measure up, they may not feel “good enough” because they think they are disappointing their parents.
Could it be that shame comes from a “hole in the soul” that only LOVE can fill and heal? When we learn to give ourselves self- love and acceptance, the feelings of shame and not being good enough will no longer have power over us.
|Stay updated by signing up!|
Simply A Woman of Faith
Pat’s book, Simply A Woman of Faith, is available for only $16.45 (incl. S&H).
Click here to order.
- It’s all been planned in the mind of God
- I feel the peace that passes all understanding
- To know the truth of who I am
Share This Experience!
Author, Inspirational Speaker, Spiritual Coach, Retreat Leader & Radio Talk Show Host
Simply A Woman of Faith
621 Laniolu Place Kihei, HI 96753