Browsing all articles tagged with loving and appreciating ourselves

I didn’t want to do a “Spiritual Bypass” with my anger

Posted Posted by admin in Blog (Weekly), Blogs     Comments No comments
Feb
22

My portion of the blog was completed and ready to be edited. I wasn’t feeling comfortable and wondered if Spirit wanted me to write about something different. I remember thinking to myself; I don’t have anything else significant to write about until my experience with Larry this morning.

A few months ago a good friend of mine, Donna, asked, “Do you and Larry ever argue?” I said, “No, we hardly ever argue. We are both pretty easy going and don’t let things bother us.”

I planned on attending a water aerobics class this morning and was running late. I had finished my breakfast while Larry was still making his. I put the dishes in the sink and since I was late turned to him and said, “Do you mind doing these dishes for me since I am running late? “I don’t like to leave my dishes in the sink for him to wash, but I didn’t think he would mind since he would have to do his when he was through with his breakfast. He didn’t say anything to me but the LOOK was enough to communicate to me that he wasn’t very pleased about it. He then said, “I don’t want this to become a habit when you are running late.”

I REACTED in a huff and said, “Never mind, I will do them myself.” I was ticked! I gathered my stuff up and said, “I love you, goodbye.” I could feel the tears already welling up in my eyes. I got in the car and felt the hurt as the tears rolled down my cheeks. Hurt was always easier to feel than my anger. I was taught not to feel angry so I pushed my anger down until it erupted, and often then came out sideways and at the wrong person.

Instead of staying stuck in the HURT feeling and crying, I allowed myself to really feel my anger. Being in the car is a great place to release anger because no one hears you and you can say anything you want. I let it rip and felt better afterwards. I want my vibration to be as high as it can be and I know anger and resentment lowers my vibration. Love and joy are the highest vibration and that is where I strive to be.

I am no longer willing to do a SPIRITUAL BYPASS and push my feelings down. Giving myself permission to feel my anger and get my feelings up and out is a gift I give to myself and ultimately to the relationship. Whenever we want to “override” our feelings because they are uncomfortable and go right to love, we are trying to do a SPIRITUAL BYPASS. It doesn’t work.

By the time I arrived at my water aerobics class, I felt almost peaceful and was able to send Larry love. It was pretty amazing how quickly I was able to work through it. After class I took a long walk along the ocean and did what gives me pleasure – smiling and saying hello to people I pass on the path. I then had my car washed which made me feel really good.

I greeted Larry with a hug when I returned home from class. After I was home a little bit I said, “We need to talk about this morning,” He agreed. As we sat down to talk, he crossed his arms across his chest and quickly realized what his body language was communicating to me and we both laughed.

We both shared our perspectives of what happened that morning, which of course, was very different.  He was feeling upset because he didn’t want to be taken advantage of. His perspective was that I often leave my dishes in the sink and my perspective was I hardly ever leave them in the sink.  During our conversation and listening to one another, we were able to identify some old patterns that were being triggered from past relationships.

After some time of communicating with one another, we were able to work out a plan that was satisfactory to both of us. We both felt respected, loved and heard. What could have become a big struggle, turned out really well. This is a little thing but we wanted to take care of it before it became a big thing.

LARRY

On one of Eckhart Tolle’s CDs (The New Earth) he talks about how all of nature is alive and connected.  How everything and everyone is all part of one consciousness.  He also suggests that nature doesn’t realize how beautiful it is and how much it contributes to our joy and happiness until we communicate that.  

I thought that was an interesting observation, I had never realized that nature wouldn’t automatically know the effect it had on the whole.  It appears that the sky, sun, mountains, oceans, trees, flowers and birds and all of nature need our recognition to understand that they are awesome, appreciated and beautiful. They need to know that we are awestruck by their vastness and beauty, that just being near them and experiencing their fragrance and color fill our spirits and hearts with joy and happiness.  

We live in one of the most beautiful places on earth. How often do we rush around all day, pass by all this natural beauty and not recognize it?  Doing this is such a disservice to us and nature.  How much joy, happiness and love energy can we receive from just noticing the beauty of a flower?  “Wow” what about the incredibly beautiful sunsets we experience daily on Maui. They don’t know they are beautiful until we tell them so and share with them the joy and happiness we experience every time they appear.

I walk three miles most mornings just before the sun breaks over the mountains.  Everything seems fresh and new, nature waking up to a great new day. The birds chatter deliriously at the prospect of a new day and a new adventure.  I try to take everything in: and tell the flowers that they are beautiful and that they fill my heart with joy and gratitude.  

Have you ever wondered how many people we meet each day or walk by, who may need just a little recognition and appreciation? My daily walks use to take me through one of our beautiful parks. Most days I would see the same homeless person sitting on the grass near the walkway. I would greet him and sometimes stop and chat with him. One day, I commented that he had a discovered a great place to sit near the ocean. He commented, “Ya I like it here. A lot of people walk by and some even say hi or good morning.”  I thought, “Hmmm it’s so important for all of us to be recognized and appreciated.”

How often do we express our love and appreciation for our family members?  We get caught up in the daily grind of making a living, providing for our family, raising children, etc.  Some parents may think, “Hey! How about a little recognition and appreciation for all we do around here.” Some children may think “We work hard in school to get good grades and be good students. We could use a little recognition and appreciation also.”  A few moments of love and appreciation go a long way.

Pat and I have a really wonderful relationship and we realize how important it is to recognize and appreciate each other. Mostly in little ways like thanking each other when we do a chore without having to be asked or making the bed or washing the dishes or making lunch or dinner. A simple recognition and “thank you” goes a long way!  

We appreciate one another when we show interest in each other’s day and really listen when one of us is sharing about something that is important to them. We communicate our love for one another at different times during the day when you would perhaps least expect it. We say things like “I love you” or “I think you have beautiful blue eyes” or “You look beautiful tonight.”  Pat loves little gifts or flowers and cards. I try to pay attention to that.  

What if we changed our attitude from one who needs to be served, to one who will look for ways to be a vessel of love and serve? Do you ever think of saying good morning or hi or aloha to someone you don’t know? It may be the only time that day the person will be recognized and appreciated as an individual.  

On Maui, we have so many people in the service industry. Perhaps taking an extra couple of seconds to recognize them (most have name tags) by saying “hi” use their names, saying “thank you” use their names.  They are not robots; they are real people with hearts and souls. Remember we are all one and we are all connected.

I have made it my practice to recognize and greet every person I meet. I feel it is an important way to be a vessel of love. Some return my greeting and some do not, no worries. I have offered them the gift of love and they can either accept it or refuse it. Not my problem. My responsibility is to offer the gift with no strings attached.

I encourage everyone to find little ways to recognize and appreciate each other. I think when we do that we give the energy and light of love a chance to manifest in all our lives.

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Pat Hastings

Author, Inspirational Speaker, Spiritual Coach, Retreat Leader & Radio Talk Show Host

Simply A Woman of Faith
621 Laniolu Place Kihei, HI 96753
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