As I sat down to the blank piece of paper in front of me, I didn’t know what I was going to write about. I prayed and asked God, “Please guide me and help me share what I need to share.”
Last night while sitting on the lanai, with Larry, I turned to him and said, “You are amazing.” He is the most loving, kind, caring, gentle, patient and compassionate man I know. It is clear to me how much he cares and goes out of his way to love and help others. I think this is one of the reasons I fell in love with him.
He turned to me, looked deeply into my eyes and said, “It takes one to know one.” Of course, I’ve heard this before many times, but for some reason, it went straight to my heart and kind of shook me up. Could I really accept that the qualities I see so clearly in him were also in me? Was that why he fell in love with me?
Could I be that loving, kind, caring, gentle, patient and compassionate? It is one thing to think maybe I had these qualities in my head, but to accept them with my heart and embrace and CLAIM them as my own was something very different. I felt excited because I was allowing this truth to penetrate my being and soul. I asked myself, “If I continue to love Larry and see his good qualities, would I continue to love myself and see my good qualities?” That felt really good and I knew that I had received a gift that I wanted to cherish and deepen. If I believed this about myself, my actions and reactions would naturally demonstrate that.
I have heard that what I see in others is also in me, both the light and dark side of ourselves. We truly are mirrors for one another. For most of us, it is easier to see the dark side and the things we don’t like about ourselves than it is to see the light and our magnificence.
I had just finished writing this part of the blog when God didn’t waste any time and gave me the opportunity to see and embrace the dark side of me. This is the human or unhealed part of me that wants to judge, be right, gossip and defend myself.
This didn’t feel quite as good as seeing me as loving, kind and compassionate. But I knew it was a gift and invitation to love all parts of me and ask God to heal me.
The details of what happened don’t matter, what matters is how I moved through it and the tools I used to free myself. First of all, I needed to allow myself to feel my anger at what I “perceived” as wrong doing to me. For much of my life, being a people pleaser, I was out of touch with my anger and just pushed it down, ate over it, or stayed busy over it.
I allowed myself to feel my anger and write about everything I was angry about. I didn’t hold back because I knew it was necessary for my process and transformation. When it felt complete that I had released all of the anger inside of me, I then gave it to God and used a powerful forgiveness tool that I’ve used for years.
I prayed and affirmed, “I have attracted this into my life for my highest good. She is not wrong and I am not right.” There is always some resistance at first when I say this because I want to make someone else wrong that I believe has hurt, disrespected or wronged me. I may have to do it several times until it becomes a part of me and I believe it. I know that whenever I make someone else wrong, (and me right,) I am a victim. I don’t want to live my life as a victim with unforgiveness and resentment in my heart. So it is a choice that I make to free myself and it has never failed me.
I then prayed, “I release judgment and send light and love whenever the thought came up about what was said or done to me.” This is a powerful affirmation and works instantly. I cannot give myself the luxury of ruminating or obsessing about this because it hurts me and keeps me in bondage. It says in scripture. “Be transformed by the renewal of your mind.”
It is amazing how “free” I felt after I did this spiritual work and cleansing. The truth is that, “What other people think about me is none of my business.” My business is to love; to love God first, and myself and others to the best of my ability.
I want my light to shine and to live my life being a loving, kind and compassionate person. I want to accept, love and embrace the light and dark parts of me because if I love myself this way, I am able to love others in the same way.
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