I called the police at 4 A.M. because of the fighting

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Apr
3

On the morning of the day Larry moved in, I was so filled with gratitude and joy that I wanted to let my 4 children know how happy their mother was. This is the text I sent them: “Remember the song, “This is the day that the Lord has made” that we sang when you guys were younger? I want you all to know that your mother is very grateful, happy and in awe of the good in my life. Larry is moving in today and living together on the ocean is truly a dream come true. Thank you for supporting me and loving me as I followed my heart and moved across the ocean. I feel your love and I love you all very much. My prayer for you is that you follow your heart and that all of your dreams come true. Aloha.” My son, Brian, wrote back “This is the day YOU have made with the Lord.” Yes, we co-created it together.

My children are happy that I’m happy, just as I’m happy when I see them living their lives fully and they are happy. This is all we could ever ask for each other. I have been divorced for 17 years and we know that it’s not always easy on our children. My children weren’t happy that I was divorcing their father and for a while, the younger ones were angry with me. Even though I understood their anger, it was still very painful to be the brunt of their angry behaviors.

There were several things I learned during that time; it didn’t work to nag them or try to get them to talk about it. I learned to allow them their space to work through their process and just sent them love. I learned to not take it personally and beat up on myself for their feelings and my decisions. If I hadn’t had the courage to move forward in my life and trust God for my life and the lives of my children, I would not be experiencing the joy, love and happiness that I now have and I wouldn’t be living my destiny.

For the past several months (after Larry and I made the decision to move in together) this is what we said to one another when we thought about the move, “Everything is going to flow with peace, ease and grace.”  We have truly experienced the POWER of our intention because everything has flowed with peace, ease and grace.  In next week’s blog Larry will share his experience of how it has flowed with peace, ease and grace for him.

I love how the Universe works and how things shift when they are meant to shift and change. It’s all about trusting God’s perfect timing. I live in a beautiful suburb of Maui called “Maui Meadows.” Several months ago, a man moved in across the street and the problems started. He would come home in the wee hours of the morning and greet his barking dogs which, in turn, woke the neighborhood up. He would then sit outside and talk on his cell phone, which kept me awake. I could practically hear his whole conversation and I wanted to scream out the window, “Shut up.”

Last month, the police were called twice in one week because of drunken brawls and yelling and fighting. I even called the police last week at 4 a.m. because of the cursing and yelling that I heard. The situation was definitely escalating and I was concerned for Larry moving in with all the noise and fighting because the condo that he lived in was very quiet.

Of course, Larry was aware of the problems before he moved in and we agreed to see it as an opportunity to send him love, rather than a problem to be solved. Two days before Larry moved in, I had breakfast with my girlfriends and shared what was going on. My friend, Kati, said kind of nonchalantly, “He’s going to be moving out.” I loved that thought, but I had no idea when that was going to happen.

That very night, while sitting on my lanai, I noticed 2 police cars in front of my neighbor’s house. The policemen were just standing by their patrol cars while the man carried out large garbage bags of his stuff and put it in his car. “Was he really moving out?” I wondered. I wanted to jump for joy. I assumed he was evicted and the police were called so there wouldn’t be any fighting. When his car was finally loaded with his stuff, he pulled away – never to be seen again. About 20 minutes later, an older woman and her son pulled up and walked into the house. I will introduce myself to her and welcome her to the neighborhood…

The next morning, it felt like something was lifted and I felt a “lightness” all around me. It has been 5 nights since Larry moved in and it has been peaceful and quiet. I know God’s timing is perfect, but this just blew me away that 2 days before he moved in, the situation was taken care of and I didn’t do a thing but trust God and send love. Did our attitude of seeing it as an “opportunity” to love rather than a “problem” have anything to do with it? I don’t know, but I am just very grateful for how it all worked out.

My Soulmate is going to become my Roomate

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Mar
17

As I started to write my blog this morning, I opened to a reading about faith that I would like to share with you. It’s from “Creative Ideas” by Ernest Holmes.

“Then we can rest in complete confidence that our words, spoken in faith, are the presence and power and activity of the Spirit in us. All sense of making things happen or holding thoughts or uncertainty is put aside, and with childlike acceptance we make known our requests with thanksgiving.”

It’s hard to believe that I moved into my beautiful home overlooking the ocean on April 15^th of last year. Only a few days after that, my eyes and heart were opened to the love of my life, Larry. After being best friends for 2 years with no romantic feelings, it took me by surprise (my God is a God of surprises) when I started to have some stirrings within. I dropped the bomb on April 23^rd when I informed him I was having feelings for him.

Now here it is almost a year later and Larry will be moving in on March 26^th and we will be living in this beautiful home together. It’s a big move for both of us, but we both know in our hearts that it is the next right step for our relationship. I have been living alone for 15 years and Larry has been alone for 3 years so I am sure it will be a transition time for both of us, but we are both expecting it to flow with peace, ease and grace.  We get what we expect, right!

Before I met my soul mate, I was concerned what it would look like because I liked my “alone time” and independence. I liked the freedom of doing what I wanted to do and when I wanted to do it. I didn’t want to lose myself as I did in past relationships.  As a codependent, I looked to others to fill me and define me, rather than going within and filling myself up. I was also focused on others, at the expense of myself.

It took me many years to find myself and love myself and I didn’t want a new relationship to come in the way and destroy that. After being in a relationship with Larry for almost a year, I can truly say that my love relationship with myself has continued to grow and deepen. Today, I have myself and a man in my life that I can love and who loves and adores me. I think it’s called “interdependence” and it feels very healthy. It is not perfect, but we have learned to negotiate and focus on what’s important to both of us. Our time together is very precious and we take nothing for granted. Each day is a gift that we are grateful for.

As I have shared in past blogs, I “stepped out in faith” when I moved into my present home because my rent more than doubled. I know it was God’s grace that gave me the courage to take such a leap of faith because I truly didn’t know where the extra money was going to come from. I had a plan, but of course, I didn’t know if it was going to pan out the way I wanted it to. I know it is God’s plan, when after I’ve prayed about something and released it, the peace comes when I make my decision. I also live my faith walk by asking God to open or close the door for my highest good.

I am in “awe” and gratitude for how God has provided for me this past year and how the money flowed to me easily and effortlessly. I remember that the HOW is not up to me. I just need to follow my heart and the wisdom within and trust God’s faithfulness to His promises.

With Larry moving in, I had the opportunity to clean and get rid of things that I no longer needed. I was going through a box of personal things when I came across several of my “Intention Books” that I put together over the past 10 years. My intention books are like vision boards, but in a book form. I prayed daily with my intention books.  I was truly moved as I saw the pictures, dreams and desires of my heart that I am now experiencing and living. Here are some of the highlights of what was in the books.

Louise Hay writes, “When we follow our inner star, we sparkle and shine in our own unique way.” So it is no surprise that Larry’s nickname for me is “Sparkle.”

I received this reading in 2008: “Have faith that God will continue to help and support you. You are about to take a leap in faith. It’s safe for you to make this leap. You are following your heart’s desire and wisdom and it will pay unforeseen dividends. Your steady optimism will attract opportunities and support your needs. “

Life is short. Live your dream. LIVE PLAY. Vision is having faith in your dreams. My soul mate and I hold the perfect space for one another within our open hearts. Imagine a life and LIVE it. The Lord has an incredible destiny for you.

This is a prayer I wrote several years ago. “I surrender all to you. I let go and let God, I release. I say YES to my life, your life within me. I say YES to all of life as I trust the Spirit within. All that I am and do, I give to God. I trust the will of God in my life to lead and guide me from this day forward. I surrender my dream and vision to God with complete faith that I will realize the best possible outcome. I fully accept my gifts and talents to be used in the service of others. Thank you for allowing me to share your love and be your voice in this world. I am deeply humbled and honored.”

My heart overflows with joy as I step into my life on a daily basis and allow God to surprise me. All I know for sure is that God wants only my good and everything I attract into my life is for my highest good. Love is all there is.

I had a “Meltdown” before trip to the East Coast

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Sep
2

I’m on the plane coming home to Maui as I begin this blog. I’ve missed writing my weekly blogs and sharing what God is doing in my life. I don’t know where to start as my trip was amazing, awesome, fun, magical, powerful and miraculous.

First, I want to share what happened the week before leaving for my trip. I had a “meltdown” and called Larry in tears and asked if he would come over. When he walked in the door and hugged me I said, “I am a mess, will you still love me?”  Of course, he smiled and said, “Yes.” I felt exhausted, vulnerable and weak, but on some level I knew I was being triggered from my past and something was coming up. The tears were healing something very deep within. I couldn’t stop crying as I thought about some things from my past and the stories I had made up in my mind. I spent the day in prayer and asked God to heal and free me. I clearly needed to LET GO of the stories because they weren’t true, even though I had believed them for so many years. I am so grateful how quickly I am able to process my feelings and allow them to flow through me, because the next day I was back to myself again.

I arrived in Providence, without incidence, for my family reunion. It was wonderful being at my daughter, Mary’s, farm and being with my children and grandchildren. I spent quality time with each one of them and felt so loved. I was there for one week before Larry joined me for the next two weeks. This was the first time he was meeting my children and I was going to meet his children who also lived on the east coast.

Before our trip to the east coast, Larry and I had a mantra that we prayed often. It was, “Our trip will flow with peace, ease and grace.” Larry hadn’t been off  the island since he moved to Maui 8 years ago so it was a little stressful for him at first. As we practiced and repeated our mantra, we both became more and more relaxed and peaceful. I know how powerful our words and thoughts are and we GET WHAT WE EXPECT. We were expecting everything to flow with peace, ease and grace, and it did.

Since I had LET GO and emptied myself of what was no longer useful and for my highest good the week before, I was open to RECEIVE all that God had planned for me and for us. When I become willing to let go of the junk (fear, doubt, judgments), LOVE fills me to overflowing. Of course, as expected, EVERYTHING FLOWED WITH PEACE, EASE AND GRACE.

I know that LOVE IS ALL THERE IS. I have been loved and have loved in the past, but I was experiencing a LOVE like I never experienced before. I was very emotional and cried easily whenever I talked about my relationship with Larry and our love for one another.

Not only did I have fun and play, but I gave the sermon at the Unitarian Church and led a workshop for 12 women at my daughter’s farm. My journey to Maui began when I spoke at the church 4 years ago. I shared how I am LIVING MY DREAM today and living on the ocean in Maui with my soul mate. Here is the email I received from the committee after I gave the sermon.

“The rave reviews keep coming in. I do believe we had the best service this summer and will even exceed Jazz Sunday tomorrow.  I continue to get calls of gratitude for having brought you in.  Your faith just glowed through your sermon and everyone could see it. You are a blessed woman.”

I know that the women who attended my workshop on Saturday were hand chosen by God. I had prepared a talk and schedule, but didn’t end up following it at all. Instead, I was led by Spirit and completely let go of what I planned on doing. I love when I am able to trust like this and allow Spirit to lead. Here is an email I received from one of the women.

“Dear Pat, yesterday was one of my absolute most favorite days. I loved meeting you and everyone who attended the workshop. It was so delightful. I didn’t want the day to end, it went so quickly. I’m so grateful I picked up that newspaper a few weeks ago and saw that tiny little article. No doubt in my mind, it was a Godincidence. You are such a blessing, Pat and I look forward to seeing you again. P.S. I loved meeting Larry too. What a great guy.”

A few days after we returned home, I experienced another “meltdown” or moment of consciousness and truth.  I opened my heart to LOVE and in so doing God brought to light some fear that needed healing and transformation.  I felt vulnerable, weak, out of control and shame because a woman who wrote a book on faith shouldn’t feel fear.  REALLY! With Larry at my side, I allowed myself to cry, even though I didn’t know what the fear and tears were about.  I watered the fear with love, gratitude and acceptance, knowing all was well and  I was exactly where God wanted me to BE. Larry helped me recognize that my heart was EXPANDING so I could receive even more love. The more I allow myself to be loved, the more love I can give to others.

Through these experiences, God is inviting me to live in the moment and savor the love and beauty within and around me. I am learning to trust even more deeply and live in faith. I know that I am not promised tomorrow and all I have is this moment. So I celebrate and treasure today and let go of worry about what will happen tomorrow or the next moment.

Here is an excerpt from my book that I received 8 years ago while I was waiting for my soul mate.

“I love you my child and until you discover that only in me is your satisfaction to be found, you will not be capable of the perfect relationship that I have planned for you. You will never by united with another until you are united with me, exclusive of any other longings or desires. I want you to stop wishing, planning, and allow me to bring you the most thrilling plan existing, one that you cannot imagine. I want you to have the best. I will surprise you with a love that is far more wonderful than you could ever dream of.”

My heart is grateful and full of love. God is faithful and we can trust that whatever is happening in our lives is for our good.