I believe I attract everything and every experience into my life for my highest good. It may be to help me remember the truth of who I am (there is no separation and we are all ONE and connected) or to release an old belief that no longer serves me, but hurts me and keeps me “stuck in the muck.”
Whenever I follow my heart, whether that be moving 6000 miles away from my friends and family or getting a divorce after 30 years of marriage, there is a good possibility I may be judged and will disappoint a loved one. It may not be something big like moving, it may be saying no or setting a boundary. Our loved ones may experience feelings of hurt, anger, resentment or even abandonment.
If I want to be happy, peaceful, live the life of my dreams and most importantly do God’s will, I must be willing to deal with others’ disappointments and possible disapproval. It takes a great deal of courage and strength to follow your heart, knowing it may disappoint and anger loved ones, consciously or unconsciously.
I have personally experienced withdrawal, avoidance and being ignored by others. This is painful when a loved one withdraws, and I don’t know why they are withdrawing or ignoring me (and they won’t tell me why). They may have buried their feelings of hurt, anger or abandonment and it may come out sideways. Until they are ready to share their pain and release it, there is not much I can do, but to send love.
Many years ago, when my son and family moved to Florida and I wouldn’t see them often, especially holidays, I had to give myself permission to feel the disappointment, sadness and anger. I remember standing at the edge of the ocean, screaming and getting my anger out.
At first, I judged my feelings and felt guilty that I was angry. After all, they were doing what was right for them, even though I wasn’t happy with it. Once I was able to identify my feelings and give myself permission to feel, my peace returned and I was able to send them love and even be happy for them.
For many years, when I was ignored, forgotten or a loved one withdrew from me and didn’t give me the attention I craved, I automatically thought I DID SOMETHING WRONG and it was my fault. There was always a story I made up in my mind as I tried to figure out what I did to hurt them. I often found out that it had nothing to do with me and I was taking it personally. Can you relate?
I lost my peace and power this week when an old belief that no longer served me reared its head. I spent a lot of time by myself in prayer and meditation, as well as writing and exploring where the belief came from. The old belief originated as a child when I felt responsible for my mother and her alcoholism. I unconsciously felt guilty and wrong that I couldn’t fix her or make her better. The search for love from outside of ourselves is a sign of arrested emotional development. We strive to be the best in order to be noticed and found worthy of attention and love.
Intellectually, I know that I’m not responsible for others’ feelings or behaviors. What they do or don’t do is their business, not mine. It is another story emotionally when I’ve been hurt or ignored, like I was this week. I had the opportunity to work through it and release the old belief of feeling responsible for others’ feelings and behaviors.
The first step of healing is to become aware of what’s going on within. Guilt is usually an indicator for me that I’m taking responsibility for another’s behaviors and feelings. The belief is REVEALED to be HEALED and RELEASED because it no longer serves me.
The truth is I am responsible for myself; my behaviors, feelings, attitudes and actions. I cannot control or change another person, no matter how much I love them.
What is important is that I keep my side of the street clean. If I’ve hurt someone unintentionally, I make amends, as well as let go of judgement, blame, resentment and anger. I choose love, I send love and surrender to a Power greater than myself. I will continue to follow my heart and do God’s will.
Larry and I invited Ellen to lunch at our favorite restaurant, “The Sea House” for her birthday. We also invited our friend, Ruth, who is on Maui for 4 months from Rhode Island.. As I thought about it, I felt excited because these two women play a significant role in my living on Maui.
Seven years ago Ruth invited me to be a speaker at her church. She was on the worship committee and had to organize 10 spiritual speakers for the summer series. Ruth didn’t know me, but happened to be at another church service in the community and saw a flyer that I had left on the table. She said she felt my energy through the picture and decided to check out my website. Ruth called and asked me if I would be interested in speaking at her church. Of course, I was thrilled and said, “Yes.”
We met a few weeks before the talk to discuss what I would be speaking about and the logistics. I talked quite a bit about manifesting and the power of faith. When we were done, Ruth turned to me and said, “So Pat, what do you plan on manifesting next?” I have no recall of saying this but Ruth remembers very clearly what happened. She said, “You put up your arms and said, “I am going to live in Hawaii.”
Ruth then replied to me, “I would love to introduce you to Ellen, who will be at the service this Sunday. Ellen lives on Maui and she is here visiting her daughter.”
After my talk on Sunday, Ruth brought over Ellen to introduce me to her. Ellen was 85 years old and a very vivacious woman. After some small talk I said, “I have always wanted to visit Hawaii.” Ellen then whipped out a post card of her condo which overlooked the ocean and said, “Oh you can stay with me for as long as you want and you can also use my car.”
The rest is HISTORY. I visited Ellen for 2 weeks at Thanksgiving and then a year later I moved to Maui and lived in a condo with Ellen’s daughter and son-in-law for 6 months, which also overlooked the ocean. What really amazes me now is that I paid $300 a month.
Ruth and I stayed in touched through occasional emails and she knew I had moved to Maui. When she came to Maui 3 years ago, she emailed me and asked if I could check out the place she was about to rent, which I did.
Ruth and I spent lots of time together playing and having fun. We really got to know one another and in fact, she helped me find and move into the home that I now live in with Larry. When I returned to Rhode Island in the summer to lead a retreat, Ruth attended and even brought her daughter, Kerry, to the last retreat. Kerry and her husband, Neil, recently moved to Maui.
Ruth met Larry when she was here and loved him. She said to another friend of mine, (because she knew I was looking for my soul mate), “Why isn’t Pat with Larry – they are meant for each other?” I explained to her as I did to my other friends and family, “He is my best friend and I just don’t have romantic feelings for him.” It wasn’t until we were both ready and it was God’s timing.
I asked Ruth during our lunch this week, “You have watched our love story unfold. What has it been like for you now that Larry and I are engaged and getting married?”
“ OMG, this is one of the most special times that has transpired by bringing people together I knew from different settings. Ellen is full of love, as Pat is. At 90 years old, she is still teaching 2 yoga classes at the senior center every week. She has amazing energy and a positive attitude.
As I watch what has happened with Pat and Larry, I am basking in the glow of these two people who have consciously taken the time to look into their spirituality in depth. It is unusual to find a man like this with such a caring, loving, light-hearted attitude and living life to the fullest. The same adjectives to describe Larry I recognize in Pat. She is caring, loving, light-hearted and glowing in love. They both truly live life to the fullest. Their union was inevitable.”
I am truly grateful how the Universe brings people and situations together for our highest good. I had no idea what would happen and how my life would change by saying YES to Ruth when she asked me to speak at her church. I had no idea that when Ellen invited me to visit her on Maui, I would be living here full time a year later.
I just kept saying YES to what life presented to me. Although I had no idea of what the future would hold, as none of us do, God knew the plans He had in mind for me.
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