Wow, mom, you have changed

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Jan
16

I was enjoying a cup of coffee with my friend, Ruth, when she turned to me and said, “Pat, I have never seen you so strong. It’s like you are comfortable in your own skin.” I smiled and said, “Yes I feel it, I know it.” Recently my daughter remarked, “Wow mom, you have changed.” I just smiled and said, “Thank you.”

As I look back over my life, I realize how much suffering I caused myself and gave my power away because I took things personally. Even though I knew “intellectually” that what others did or didn’t do had nothing to do with me, I still felt hurt and unloved when I didn’t get what I thought I needed and wanted. And I mean really HURT sometimes.

I also thought it must be my fault and blamed myself for others’ inappropriate or careless behavior. I would ask myself, “What did I do wrong?” I caused myself so much anguish and pain over the years. Sometimes traveling from the head to the heart takes a long time. My heart now knows the truth of who I am as a divine being and that I am LOVE. It truly is an inside job and I’m responsible for my own happiness and peace.    

It is wonderful when someone you have known for years sees your growth and shares it with you. But even more wonderful is when you see it in yourself and OWN it. It’s taken me years to get to this place. I was willing to dig deep, align with Spirit, ask for help, and do the inner work of releasing what no longer served me.

My cousin, Doreen, recently gifted me with a reading from a medium and psychic that she knew. It was a powerful reading and my grandmother showed up immediately. Right before the reading as I was driving home from a friend’s house, I spotted a boat with the name AMELIA on it. That was my grandmother’s name. My grandmother gave me unconditional love and I was her angel. She assured me of her love and that she is always with me.

Toward the end of the reading, Don asked me, “Is there anything you want to know or that I can help you with?” I immediately said, “No, I have everything I need and want.” I was pleasantly surprised by my answer. In the past, I would have had all kinds of questions: How is it going to happen, when is it going to happen, what is my purpose, etc.

At the beginning of 2021, Spirit gave me a word to focus on for the year. It was EXPANSION in all areas of my life.  I had no idea what it would look like. I feel a major SHIFT and truly have expanded in body, mind, and spirit. My body is healthy and strong as well as my mind and spirit. I no longer look “outside” of myself for approval and to feel loved as I have learned to give it to myself. My relationship with Spirit has deepened and I “check-in” for guidance and direction all day long.  

This year’s word is FLOW and ABUNDANCE. Going with the FLOW of life and radical acceptance of “what is” will anchor me into the present moment and my heart space. I feel so abundant now, I can’t imagine more abundance, but I will take it.  

Here is what I read this week that spoke to my heart:

“The biggest lesson I’ve learned this year is to not force anything; conversations, friendships, relationships, attention, love. Anything forced is just not worth fighting for, whatever flows, flows, what crashes, crashes. It is what it is.”

I received an email from a man this week requesting coaching/counseling. He said, “I have been reading your blogs for the last 10 years and feel like you are the person who can help me move forward in my life.” I responded to his email with some questions. I asked, “Why now?” He wrote back. “If not now, when?”

If you feel stuck and are not living the life you dream of, I am here to assist you on your journey. I am only working with individuals who are ready to dig deep and do the inner work of releasing what no longer serves them. If not NOW, when?

                                                   I HOPE YOU LIVE LOUDER

“I hope you laugh more. I hope you sing at the top of your lungs. I hope you drive with the windows down and let the wind rustle through your hair. I hope you hug. I hope you kiss. I hope you surround yourself with people who make you feel alive. I hope you become the type of person that brings good energy wherever you go, and the type of person people want to be around. I hope you speak what’s on your mind, that you raise your voice for injustice, that you tell others that you love them, instead of waiting until it’s too late. I hope you live louder, shine brighter from this moment on”. Marisa Donnelly

Open and closed doors

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Apr
18

When I make a decision and I don’t know if something is God’s will or not, I pray, “God open or close the door.” Closed doors guide me to the next right action and God’s plan. When one door is closed another one opens according to God’s timing, not mine. I keep walking in faith, trusting I am being protected and guided. For example:

I was disappointed and angry when the door was shut in my face at the last minute. I could no longer afford the monthly mortgage payments on my house because of my impending divorce. I wasn’t sure if I should sell the house and move or stay and re-mortgage. If I re-mortgaged, I could get a lower interest rate and could afford the monthly payments. When I made the decision to re-mortgage my house, the peace came.

My soon to be ex-husband agreed to sign the necessary papers. On the morning of the closing, he called and said, “Sorry, but I changed my mind and cannot sign the papers.” I blurted out, “You have to sign them. If you don’t sign them, I won’t be able keep the house.” I called the bank to ask if I could sign the papers without his signature. The answer was NO! “God, I don’t understand because I had prayed about the decision and I trusted you were guiding me.”

A week later, to my surprise, I received a letter from the mortgage company informing me that the interest rate had gone down (on its own) because it was an adjustable mortgage. The new payment was the same as if I had re-mortgaged. I even saved a few thousand dollars in the process. When I walk in faith, God always provides in His way and His timing.

Here is a funny story that happened this week with OPEN AND CLOSED GATES:

My friend, Nancy, who lives in Colorado plans on moving to Maui within a few years. It has been her dream for a long time and she knows she will manifest the perfect home. For fun, she looks for real estate online and pictures herself living in a beautiful home on the ocean.  

She recently sent me a picture of a listing that was selling for almost 20 million dollars. It was in my neighborhood and literally a few blocks away. I really wanted to see the house, but it was in a community with a BIG gate.

As I took my walk a few days ago and passed the gated community, I noticed the gate was slowing opening as a truck pulled out. I high tailed across the street and made it through before the gate closed. I made it in and could now find the million- dollar home. The homes were beautiful, but I was disappointed I didn’t find a for sale sign on any of the homes.

As I approached the now CLOSED GATE to leave, I had a funny feeling in the pit of my stomach. I thought, “What if it doesn’t open, what will I do? I can’t call Larry and tell him I can’t get out.”  I looked around to see if there was a code or something to open the gate. Nothing. There was a brick wall on either side of the gate and I knew I couldn’t climb it, especially since I had a dress on.

I prayed, “I TRUST YOU GOD, I NEED HELP.” I walked back into the neighborhood to see if I could find someone to help me get out. I noticed a big white truck backing up down the street coming in my direction. I raised my arms and flagged him down. He opened his window and I blurted out, “How do I get out of here? The gate won’t open.” He smiled and said, “You can’t get out.”  I’m sure he could see the desperation in my face and said, “Get in, I will give you a ride.” I climbed into his truck and off we went to the gate. Apparently, the gate only opens for cars or trucks. We had a lovely conversation and I thanked him for being my “angel of mercy.”

I sensed this wasn’t just a story about an open or closed gate, but had some spiritual lessons. The first one was that “I seized the opportunity” in the moment and didn’t let fear stop me from walking through the open gate. I took a risk – that I would get out. Life is about taking risks and trusting we are being guided.

How often have we had open doors and were too afraid to walk through because we didn’t have all the answers or know HOW it would turn out? Walking in faith and trusting God opens and closes doors or GATES is a journey of fun and adventure. 

“I banged on the door but it wouldn’t open”

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Sep
20

I banged on the door, but it wouldn’t open! Let me explain: I looked at an apartment this week and fell in love with it and its owners. I thought it was perfect for me; in the right area, price range, safe,and surrounded with beautiful flowers and views. I was so excited and even thought about how I wanted to decorate it. I went to Cosco’s and bought the essentials to move in and filled the back seat of my car with everything I needed. My plan was to move in at the end of the week.  I was on a roll and knew this was surely God’s plan for my life.

The owners called and said they had many applications for the apartment and it was between me and another person. I didn’t want to take no for an answer so I gave them all the reasons they should offer it to me. In other words, I wasn’t trusting God to open the door, if it was His will. Instead, I thought God needed my help. Wrong! I was shocked when they called the next morning to tell me they were signing the lease with the other applicant. I felt disappointed, angry and sad because I truly believed the apartment had my name on it. I realized how easy it is for us to jump the gun when we want our way. I spent that day quietly in prayer and allowed myself to feel all of my feelings and process what had just happened. I knew I needed to accept “what is.”

I lost my peace when I banged on the door and allowed fear to creep in and make my mind race. This is not how I choose to live my life so I knew I needed to get back in alignment with God’s will for my life. I needed to RELAX and let God be God. After all, I did hire my Higher Power to run my life! I emailed the owners and thanked them for their honesty and wished them the best with their new tenants. We all agreed that we felt a strong connection with one another and that we wanted to be friends. A couple of days ago, they invited me for a glass of wine and to watch the sunset together. I know this will be another story that I will share as it unfolds.

I have lived my life with God opening and closing doors, so I asked myself why wasn’t I trusting God to open the door if this was the perfect and right place for me to live? As I reflected on my thoughts and behavior, I realized I was coming from a place of fear. I thought, “I better take this one, I won’t find a better place to live.”  It became clear to me that my “inner rusher” was active and running the show again! Not good! Instead of judging and beating up on myself, I chose to embrace and love that part of me that still needed God’s healing. I asked God to transform my fear into faith.

How often have you settled for less than what you really wanted because you were afraid nothing better would come along?  I am embarrassed to say that it was only the second apartment that I looked at and I was ready to sign the lease. I know through years of
experience that when one door closes, a better one opens in God’s time, not my time. So I have the opportunity to practice the art of waiting. I am looking forward to what God has planned for me because I know it will be wonderful.

What helped me to process and move through my disappointment and the closed door so quickly was to remember what happened to me many years ago when the door was closed in my face at the last minute. I decided to refinance my home before my divorce was finalized. The day of the refinancing, my ex-husband called and said, “I decided not to sign the papers.”  “You have to be kidding me, I said. I won’t be able to refinance without your signature”, I screamed at him. Then I called the bank to tell them what happened and ask if I could refinance without his signature.  They said, “Sorry, but you have to have his signature to refinance.” I couldn’t understand how I had gotten that far to have the door shut like that.

Exactly one week later, I received a letter from the bank stating that the mortgage rate had gone down on it’s own because I had an adjustable mortgage. Not only did I save the closing costs but also the amount was the same as if I had refinanced! God is good and sees what’s ahead of me that often I cannot see. I have learned from experience that sometimes, God closes the door for my good and I have to wait for the right door to open and then other times, the first door opens easily and effortlessly. I like it much better when that happens.

When I attended church on Sunday, I met a couple who had also just recently moved to Maui. They shared their experience of finding their apartment, (which they love), which they are now living in. In our conversation, Steve said to me, “I use to be a car mechanic and know a lot about cars, so call me if you need help buying a car.” Since I had heard a lot about “Maui Cruisers” and was warned to be careful, I didn’t waste any time. I called Steve the next morning to ask him about a few cars that looked promising on Craigslist. We went down the list together and he gave me his expert opinion on each car that was for sale. He recommended the 1996 Toyota as a good car so I called the owner and asked if I could come and look at it. I called Steve back and he just happened to be in the area and offered to come with me. What a blessing!

I was excited and grateful that Steve was with me to ask the right questions. I liked how the car looked on the outside and the inside was clean.  Steve drove the car and said, “If I was buying a car for my wife, I would definitely buy this one.” What is interesting is that one minute after Steve and I met the owner of the car in the parking lot, another woman pulled up and wanted to buy it. Since we were the first ones there, we had first choice. I drove away with a new car that day.  And the best part is that I was able to park my new car at Steve’s home until I find my new apartment.

Later on in the week, as I drifted down the ocean, surrendering and letting go, I heard God say, “Stay in the energy of gratitude especially when there is transition in your life. The transition can be a physical one, leaving a relationship or job, starting a relationship or job or simply moving from one state of consciousness to another. It’s all the same and an attitude of gratitude will carry you through.” I am practicing daily being grateful for what I want before it happens. Whenever fear or doubt rears its ugly head, I just think about everything I am grateful for and that brings me back to my peaceful place where I want to live.

As I walked home from my swim in the ocean today, I noticed 2 small girls giggling and playing at the edge of the water. They were laughing and running in and out of the waves. I stopped to say hello and asked them where they were from. They said, California and then one of them said, “Being here in Maui is a dream come true. I smiled and said, “Yes, it is a dream come true for me too.”  We gave each other the high five sign, and I smiled and walked on.

What is your dream? Don’t ever give up on your dreams. Dream big and believe God will help you fulfill your dreams as He has mine. Don’t settle for less and trust that God has placed the dream in your heart. When it is the right time, the right door will open, and until then, wait with gratitude for what’s coming.

Daily Word September 29

I seize the bold vision to manifest the life of my dreams

To visualize the life I desire, I may create a vision board to capture my intentions in words and pictures. Or I might write in a journal about my aspirations, outlining in detail all that is possible. Doubts may creep in, causing me to question the validity of my ambitions. If so, I look beyond any perceived limitations. If I am concerned about my age, resources of timing, I courageously affirm: My dreams are God-inspired. I seize the bold vision to manifest the life of my dreams. I am bolstered by this affirmation as I align with the vibration of a higher vision. I open to unseen possibilities and joyously witness the unfoldment of my dreams.