Living life to the fullest
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For as long as I can remember (decades) I have said, “I want to live my life to the fullest. We are not promised tomorrow, all we have is today.” I am not sure if I even knew what it meant back then, but I do now and will share with you how I live my life to the fullest today.
When I contemplated getting a divorce from my ex-husband 20 years ago, I remember clearly saying, “I want to live my life to the fullest and don’t want to be 70 years old and wish I had done it sooner.” I knew I couldn’t live my life the way I wanted to and still stay married. After 30 years of marriage, stepping into the unknown was not for the faint of heart. It took courage and faith to move forward and get a divorce and start all over again.
For 10 years prior to my divorce, Spirit had been preparing me to get stronger and healthier. I did lots of personal/spiritual work and attended retreats and workshops. I did whatever I needed to do to find myself and love myself. I learned the importance of feeling my feelings and expressing them. I learned to set boundaries and say NO when I needed to. I learned to ask for what I wanted and I learned to let go and forgive. I learned how to BE.
My foundation is my faith in a power greater than myself, whom I choose to call God. My life is a prayer. Daily prayer and meditation enables me to trust and surrender, which ultimately leads to peace. I listen and hear the Voice of Spirit within, our “Higher Holy Spirit Self.” I know that I am guided and protected in everything I do.
The Course in Miracles states: “Prayer is a stepping aside, a letting go, a quiet time of listening and loving. It should not be confused with supplication of any kind, because it is a way of remembering your holiness.”
Today, I ask myself, “What does it really mean to “Live my life to the fullest?” It means:
- To practice living in the moment.
- To appreciate every moment as if it were my last because we are not promised tomorrow.
- To daily appreciate and love myself.
- To appreciate my family and friends and tell them what they mean to me.
- To live in an attitude of GRATITUDE.
- To be a Vessel of Love.
- To give and receive LOVE
- To play, have fun and laugh.
- To live in JOY.
- To use my gifts in the service of others.
- To take responsibility for myself; my behaviors, thoughts and feelings.
- To understand how ego shows up when I think I am not good enough or when I compare myself.
- To choose love instead of fear.
- To take Pat days and do what I want to nurture my body, mind and spirit.
- To trust and follow my intuition (even when it doesn’t make sense).
- To communicate openly, honestly and authentically.
- To be kind and share what I have – my time, love, possessions and home.
- To be willing to do the next right thing.
- To let go and let God.
- To say YES to whatever shows up in my life and to accept “what is.”
- To take care of my body, mind and spirit the best way I know how.
- To forgive and let go of all resentments.
- To ask for guidance from Spirit and know I am being guided in everything.
- To know that there are no mistakes, only GODincidences.
- To practice living my life with peace, ease and grace.
- To let go of perfectionism and performance anxiety.
- To embrace the Goddess within and know the truth of who I am. I am LOVE. I am God. And so are YOU.
I encourage you to live your precious life to the fullest. Where is Spirit calling you to grow and change so you can live your life to the fullest. This is not a dress rehearsal. It is your life to be lived in the most magnificent way. You deserve it and only YOU can make it happen. Step out in faith, let your light shine and follow your HEART.
Enough is Enough!
As I took my walk this morning, I thought about my relationship with Larry and how grateful and FREE I feel because of the way our relationship has evolved over the last 2 ½ years as a couple. I love how we DO or shall I say LIVE our relationship.
I feel FREE to be ME; free to say yes or no, free to set boundaries, free to do my own thing, free to ask for what I want, free to play, free to share my feelings, free to be vulnerable, free to change my mind and free to love him the way I want to love him.
Being in a “codependent “relationship for 30 years with my ex-husband and single for 15 years, I felt some concern about the thought of a new love relationship and what it would look like. It had taken me so many years to find myself and love myself that I didn’t want to lose myself.
As I thought about my relationship with Larry, the word that stood out for me was how we RESPECT one another. We give each other “space” to do what is right for ourselves trusting we know what we need to do for ourselves.
“RESPECT means valuing each other’s points of views even if we disagree with it. It means being open to being wrong. It means accepting people as they are. It means not dumping on someone because you’re having a bad day. It means being polite and kind always, because being kind to people is not negotiable. It means not dissing people because they’re different from you. It means not gossiping about people or spreading lies.” Urban Dictionary
Whether it is in a partnership, marriage, friendship, or parent-child relationship, RESPECT is crucial as the foundation. I may not agree with someone’s actions and may even be concerned that it is not healthy for them, but I am learning to TRUST that they are doing the best they can and they will learn what they need to learn in their own time and way.
Who am I to judge another person’s actions and think I know what’s best for them or that I am right and they are wrong? I remind myself that if I had the same experiences as they had, I would be doing the same thing.
I thought I had the answers for my ex-husband for many years. If he just did it this way or better yet MY WAY, he would be fine. I realize today that I didn’t want to look at myself and what needed changing in me so it was easier to focus on him.
It didn’t work. It never works trying to control someone, especially someone I love. That is not to say, I don’t give my opinion WHEN ASKED. I give my opinion and then let it go and let it be. I am practicing keeping my mouth shut when I want to get into someone else’s business. It is not always easy and I don’t always do it right, but I am more aware that it is almost always none of my business.
Praying for a loved one and sending them love and light is what I do to keep myself peaceful and not worry and obsess about them. It is like I am saying to the person, “I trust and respect you. I know you will do what is right for you. I will support you and I am here if you need me.” I remind myself to be patient and that it may not be in MY TIME or my way.
Larry
I recently asked myself, “Can I respect others if I don’t respect myself?” I don’t think so. I thought about the qualities I see in myself that I admire and respect. I see my compassion, kindness, honesty, trustworthiness, flexibility, generosity and my ability to give and receive love.
There was a time in my life when I couldn’t admit to myself that I had these qualities. It is probably because I couldn’t express them perfectly. I had to get to a place where I understood that I didn’t have to be perfect in order to admit I had these qualities. Perfectionism is something I have struggled with for most of my life.
For years, my self-confidence and self- respect came from what people said about me and was ego driven. Of course, living like that is like living on an emotional roller coaster, sometimes up, sometimes down, mostly all over the place depending on who I was spending time with.
In time I began to realize it isn’t important what people think or say about me. What is important is what I say about me and what I believe about myself.
Once I began to take responsibility for my life and actions and was able to celebrate some of my decisions and forgive others and myself, I realized I had some good qualities that I could claim as my own even though I wasn’t living them perfectly all of the time. Over the years I have come to nurture and respect those qualities and when I see them in others, I know that I also have them.
I was thinking about how I have given my power and respect away in the past. One way is when I allow friends or family to take advantage of me, guilt me or manipulate me, especially in the name of love, Another way would be to allow others to talk to me disrespectfully (yelling, swearing, name calling, bullying, silent treatment etc.)
I have learned that I teach people how to treat me. When I don’t set healthy boundaries and finally say “enough is enough” to inappropriate behaviors, I continue to allow myself to be disrespected. So when I allow others to treat me this way, I am not respecting myself. It must start with me.
I know how difficult and painful it is to set boundaries. At times in my life, I’ve had to draw the line and inform those who, from my perspective were treating me with disrespect. I’ve had to inform them that I would not accept that kind of behavior. Often it resulted in a lost friendship. I see that as a choice of either losing a relationship or losing myself. Really, if we lose ourselves, what do we have left to share?
It takes courage to say “enough is enough” when we feel disrespected by another’s behavior and actions. As I have learned to respect myself, I expect to be treated with love and kindness, just as I choose to treat others.
My prayer would be that you love and respect yourself enough to not allow anyone to take that away from you.
It felt like a “Divine Encounter”
Several people recently have said to me, “When are you going to write the sequel to your next book?” I smile and say, “I don’t know, but I will know when it is time.” Deep down, I really didn’t want to write another book because I didn’t want it to interfere with the life Larry and I have created for ourselves. But, I also wanted to do God’s will and be guided and led if that was what I was meant to do.
God has used my dear friend, Joanne, to speak to me many times over the years. I dropped out of college in my junior year for 1 year because I was afraid of writing a 20 page paper. I have no idea what she said to encourage me, but whatever she said, I knew it was God and I returned to school the next semester. I graduated a year later and then went on to finish a Master’s degree. I am so grateful that I listened because I wouldn’t be living my dream today.
Joanne was unable to attend my presentation, “The Power of Self-Love to Manifest Your Dreams” in Rhode Island due to health challenges. A couple of days before the talk we spent the day together and I presented my talk to her. She was very quiet as she listened intently. When I finished, she looked at me and said, “Wow, this is the outline for your next book, Pat. I knew everything that happened to you but I couldn’t wait for you to tell me what happened next.” I sat there with tears in my eyes because I sensed God was speaking to me. I closed my eyes and heard God say, “HEAR WHAT SHE HAS TO SAY, PAT.” I hadn’t shared with Joanne what people have been saying to me about writing a sequel to my book. I said to myself, “OK God, show me the way. I ask you to bring it to me.”
Larry and I have been praying about the possibility of writing a book together about our story and the power of Love Energy in our lives. I shared with Larry what Joanne said to me and we agreed to continue to pray for guidance. Since I write my blog every week, Larry agreed to begin writing some blogs with me and see how that felt for us.
Here is what showed up today and how God is guiding us. Several months ago, I received a message on Facebook from a woman named Sharon, that I had not met before. She was moving to Maui and asked about a spiritual community. When she arrived, she called me and we planned to meet at Unity Church that Sunday. I had to leave the service early so we just got to say hello to one another.
She called me afterward, but we couldn’t get together since Larry was moving in and we were very busy. I ran into her at the theatre right before my trip to Rhode Island and she said, “Pat, I would really like to get together with you.” I said, “I will call you when I return home from Rhode Island.” When I returned to Maui, she kept coming into my mind and I knew I needed to call her and get together. When Larry asked me who I was having tea with that day, I told him the story of Facebook and that I didn’t really know Sharon, but that I knew we were meant to get together. As I was leaving the house to meet Sharon, I heard Spirit say, “Go back and get your book,” which I did.
Sharon and I didn’t waste any time getting to know one another when we met. We shared our lives and how our faith and trust in God brought us to Maui. She is the author of “Sacred Living, Sacred Dying – A Guide to Embodying Life and Death” and has had 2 near death experiences, which were very inspirational. She also owns a publishing company called “Sacred Life Publishers.”
I sat there quietly at first when she told me she owned a publishing company. I wondered if this could be a “Divine Encounter” and had God brought Sharon into my life to help me move forward with another book?
I shared that Larry and I were praying about writing a book together and what had happened with my friend, Joanne a few weeks ago. She smiled and grabbed my hand as my eyes filled up. She said, “I will help you Pat with whatever you need.” I said, “Thank you, I had no idea you had a publishingcompany.” And she said, “I had no idea you were an author and wrote a book.”
I was excited to share this news with Larry about Sharon’s publication company and wondered what his reaction would be. Would he see this as a sign from God that we were meant to write a book together? Just that morning, he had agreed to write something for my blog.
Here it is:
“Pat and I share and discuss our spiritual journey all the time, we respect and encourage each others growth and value each others opinion. We have been praying about writing a book together and were waiting for signs that it was God’s will.
Writing a book together and even writing in her blog each week is definitely a stretch for me and I am completely out of my comfort zone. It’s really difficult for me to share my spiritual journey and private thoughts in public. I have learned, however, that Spirit will give us gentle nudges to get our attention to do something and if that doesn’t work then we may just get banged on the head. I think I’m feeling gentle nudges and I better listen.
For as long as I can remember I’ve had dreams filled with being chased, being in very stressful situations and generally very unhappy circumstances. Pat and I have been doing the Emotion Code by Dr. Bradley Nelson to release trapped emotions regarding my dreams and I have definitely experienced a shift.
The day after Pat met with Sharon, I had a dream that was very meaningful and I believe could be a sign from God that we are meant to write a book together. In my dream, Pat and I had a baby and I was trying to find a place to lay it down. The baby started to become cranky and unhappy. I remember thinking “You are not going to be a cranky baby and the baby instantly became happy and peaceful.” I believe, perhaps the “BABY” could be representing the book that we are considering and could be a nudge in that direction.
During my walk and meditation that day, I thought, “I want to accept every gift, every occasion in my life as something positive even if it frightens me or is asking me to stretch and leave my comfort zone. I will be open to all possibilities and see every gift as an opportunity.”
So, stay tuned, I believe the sequel to “Simply a Woman of Faith” has been birthed. WHEN YOU LEAP, YOU REAP and God gives you wings to fly. And while you are leaping into the unknown and the mystery, Spirit takes over and all of your needs are provided for. I know it is time for the next book and I say YES!
Prayer
I breathe in God’s love, I breathe out fear and control. I surrender to the moment, and God’s will in my life. I say YES to the mystery and adventure we are stepping into of writing a book together. Help us know you will show us the HOW, WHERE, and WHEN in the perfect and right timing. I trust you will bring us the people to help and guide us and that it will flow with peace, ease and grace. All we have to do is “show up” and do the next right thing. Thank you God because with God all things are possible.
How Miracles found me last week
After my daughter-in –law, Suzie, died 7 years ago, while still at her wake, my son handed me her pewter angel with the inscription, “Let Miracles Find You.” He said, “Mom, Suzie wants you to have this.” I often think about what it means to “Let Miracles Find Me.” It means that I trust God is with me and that I am never alone. It means that God will “show up” in the perfect and right timing and guide me with what to do next in my life. It means that I “show up” daily and watch for miracles to unfold. I wrote a story called “Let Miracles Find Me” about the miracles surrounding Suzie’s death, but never did anything with it until NOW.
Lately, I have been practicing letting miracles find me. Rather than the old behaviors of pushing and trying to make things happen, I am now allowing things to flow and come to me. It’s not that I sit in my house and do nothing; it’s more about an “attitude of calm knowingness” inside of me that all is well and what I have prayed for is on its way.
For example, my friend, Max, was leading a workshop on “Attracting Your Soul Mate” a few weeks ago and asked me if I was interested in hosting the workshop at my home. I said, “Yes.” A couple of days before the workshop a woman, who I had never met before, stopped by to give me a deposit. While she was at my house, she asked, “Would you be interested in hosting an event that I am sponsoring in a few weeks? “
I was curious and asked what the event was about. She said, “It’s called “Making Sense of Men.” Now that perked my interest, not that I need to learn more about men at my age! She told me it was a free workshop for women only, and there would be an opportunity for the women to register for “The Queen’s Code” Workshop at the end of the evening.
“The Queen’s Code Workshop” led by Allison Armstrong was a 2-day weekend workshop, held for the first time in Hawaii, on November 8 & 9. The price online was $849, but women would get a great discount by attending the event at my house. And, if I hosted the event, I would get a special discount.
What I found fascinating was that I had just heard about Allison Armstrong the week before at my WOW (Women of Wisdom) sharing group. My friend, Kati, had taken workshops with Allison and raved about what she had learned about men from the workshop. I had never heard of Allison Armstrong until last week.
“Was this a miracle finding me?” I wondered. I immediately said” yes” to hosting the workshop because I had nothing to lose and everything to gain. The event was a great success and I learned some things about men that I didn’t know. Twenty- three women packed into my living room and it was so much fun.
At the end of the evening, as women signed up for the 2 day workshop in November, Linda handed me a $400 certificate off the online price. It was a great price, but it was still almost $500 which I didn’t want to part with. I thanked her and told her I wasn’t sure if I would use it. Two days later, I received a call from Linda. She said, “Pat, you did so much work hosting the event that I was able to pull some strings and get you a free certificate to attend the “The Queen’s Code.” Would that work for you?” I said, “Thank you, that will work just fine.” I guess I needed it because it came to me! I am expecting to learn lots more about men. Larry already calls me the QUEEN and treats me like a queen. How much better can it get than this?
On another note, I received an email from my book coach, Lisa Tener a few weeks ago informing me of an opportunity to submit one of my inspirational stories to “Chicken Soup for the Soul: Hope & Miracles” 101 Inspirational Stories of Faith, Answered Prayers, and Divine Intervention.
“They were looking for: Powerful, amazing stories about miracles and hope — stories that make people say “wow” when you tell them — stories that will give our readers chills. If you have such a story we would love to publish it.”
After I prayed about it, I remembered the story I had written 7 years ago when Suzie died. It was called, “Let Miracles Find Me.” I asked myself, “Is this God’s timing?” It seemed perfect to send it in so I sent it in today. Who knows, perhaps my story will be chosen as one of the stories in Chicken Soup for the Soul.
Do you believe you get what you need when you need it and at the perfect and right timing? It may not be your timing, but it is always God’s perfect timing. I believe everything happens for a reason and it’s always for my highest good and the good of others. I’ve learned to expect God’s favor and miracles and to look for signs that I’m on the right track.
I needed Divine Intervention because I was very angry
When Larry came to my door tonight he said, “I think you have a problem with your water pipe.” I came out and followed him down the long driveway to the road. I couldn’t believe my eyes when I saw the water gushing out of the pipe into the air and running down the road. I had no idea how long it had been going on or what to do about it. Larry ran to his car to get a tool and tried to stop it, but to no avail.
Then I remembered! I had the plumber’s telephone number in my phone because he had just called me a couple of hours earlier concerning my kitchen faucet that was leaking.
I immediately called the plumber and was so happy that I didn’t get his answering machine. I desperately explained the problem to him. He said, “I will be there in 5 minutes.” I had no idea that he lived one street away and I don’t think it was 5 minutes before his truck pulled up. He took one look at the water gushing out of the pipe and said, “We have a big problem here.” I could have told him that. He called the owner on the mainland to inform him of the problem and to get his permission to fix it.
He was then able to shut off the main water valve and the gushing water stopped. Luckily he had a replacement fitting to replace the one that had cracked. The next thing I knew it was fixed and we thanked him for coming over so quickly.
Larry and I just looked at each other stunned how easily and effortlessly it was fixed. We kept thanking God for the synchronicity and timing of everything. If Larry hadn’t come over at that time, I wouldn’t have known that the pipe was gushing out hundreds of gallons of water. If I hadn’t called the landlord a couple of days ago, the plumber would not have come over today to look at the kitchen faucet. If he hadn’t called me today, I wouldn’t have had his telephone number in my phone.
God is interested in the details of our lives. I experience miracles all the time which makes me know that I am not alone and am taken care of. It was ironic because this gushing water in the pipe had nothing to do with my faucet in the sink. God knew that I would need a plumber for this emergency.
On a more personal note, I’d like to share my spiritual lesson for the week. I am learning to take myself lightly and laugh at myself. Many years ago I learned the importance of saying no, especially to my children. Of course, they didn’t like it because they liked me being a people pleaser and getting what they wanted. I know that was the best thing I could have done for myself and for them because I taught them how important it was to love themselves and say no-without feeling guilty.
Over the last few years I’ve been sharing with Larry the importance of loving himself first and not being a people pleaser. He has also witnessed how I love myself. Wow, it came back to bite me in the butt. I didn’t like it when he actually put himself first when it had to do with me. I was surprised, shocked, hurt and angry when he clearly and kindly said what he was going to do, which was not what I wanted him to do. I shared my feelings with him and really saw my “childish behavior” in action. I sulked and was quiet for a while. I then prayed because I knew I needed divine intervention because of how angry I felt. He said to me, “This is our first disagreement.” I barked at him and said, “No, this is a fight.” Then backed down and said, “Ok it’s a disagreement.”
We had lunch and I was able to explain to him how I perceived his actions and why it felt so hurtful. He listened and explained his reasons for doing what he needed to do for himself. By then, I was starting to soften and was able to smile. Even though I was beginning to calm down, I found myself dropping some snide remarks as we walked around Costco.
I am so grateful for the power of prayer that helped me move forward so quickly. I was then inspired with a plan that both of our needs were met. We both agreed to the new plan and I was able to laugh at myself for my childish behavior. I didn’t realize what a good teacher I had become and how well Larry learned the lesson of loving himself first.
The next day Larry shared with me that whenever he thought about our little disagreement , he burst out laughing because he saw the humor in my “little girl” behavior. I am grateful that he was so patient and didn’t escalate the situation.
I am grateful for the opportunities to grow and change and laugh at myself. It would have been so easy to beat up on myself and obsess about it, but instead I was able to love and forgive myself.
Happiness is a choice
As I prepare for my workshop “Loving Yourself is the Key to True Happiness” this month in Maui, I have been thinking and talking about happiness and what makes me happy. Is it possible to be happy all the time? I believe that happiness is an inside job and it doesn’t depend upon outside circumstances i.e. how much money I make, my job, how I look, where I live, how other people treat me, etc. Of course, being out of work or not having enough money to pay the rent or buy food, or suffering from depression or a chronic illness will make it more difficult to feel happy.
Happiness is a choice that I choose to make for myself every day. I have a picture in my living room that says “The purpose of life is to be happy.” It is a false belief to think that when things change, (a new job, relationship, more money), I will be happy. The truth is that when I am happy, things will change. I asked myself, “Am I only happy when things are going my way and I am getting what I want in life? Can I be happy when things aren’t going my way and there is a lot on my plate?”
I believe the answer is yes if I stay in an attitude of gratitude, knowing that whatever I am experiencing is for my highest good and soul’s growth. It is not easy but it is a daily decision to live in the moment, to let go, trust God, not complain, worry, and live in fear. I have read that we are as happy as we want to be. I don’t know about you, but I want to be as happy as I can be.
I can truly say that I have never been happier in my life. I do believe that is partly because I have learned to love myself and give myself what I need. I have learned to not depend on others to make me happy. Sure, I am living my dream and manifested my soul mate and am living in a beautiful home on the ocean. That certainly makes me very happy – and that took 15 years to manifest. But if I am honest, before I manifested this, I was happy and grateful for my life as it was. Is that the key – to be grateful, content and happy where I am, and with what I have, and still be open to receive more abundance, new possibilities and new horizons in my life?
There are many activities that contribute to my happiness such as spending time and connecting with family and friends, using my gifts in the world, just BEING, seeing a beautiful sunset, playing at the ocean, relaxing, taking a hot bath, sipping a glass of wine over dinner, dancing, getting a massage, writing, praying and meditating, laughing and having fun, reading a good book, swimming in the hotel pools in Maui, eating dark chocolate or a delicious dinner, to name a few.
I recently had an opportunity to practice an attitude of gratitude, even though I didn’t like what was happening and I wasn’t happy about it. I had a mammogram and wasn’t expecting to hear that they found something and I needed to return for another mammogram and a sonogram. At first, I tried to jump over my feelings and went directly to trust. I didn’t want to feel my feelings, but within a short time, the fear, disappointment and anger surfaced and I was able to process my feelings in a safe and loving place. It was distressing because I had a pre-cancerous lump in my breast 20 years ago and I didn’t know if something new had developed.
Once I allowed myself to feel my feelings and to process and release them, I was able to let go, trust and feel happy again. Even though I didn’t know what the results would be, especially since the tests weren’t scheduled for 6 weeks later, I felt peaceful. I could have worried and been sick about it if I had not chosen to let go and trust. Worrying is a form of disbelief and it is not loving myself when I worry and obsess about something.
I had the mammogram and sonogram yesterday and after being on the table for ½ hour was delighted when the radiologist said, “This is good news, we cannot see anything.” During the procedure, I just kept repeating, “Thank you God, thank you God over and over again.
My primary relationship is with myself. Self-love is the baseline of happiness. When we live from a space of self-love, we are able to develop healthy, loving relationships, because our internal feelings of abundance will reflect back to us in the form of beautiful relationships, purpose-driven work and financial freedom. Self- love puts us on the fast track to healing. Our work is to clear out false beliefs about ourselves and shift them back to a loving perspective on life, which reveals our perfection and wholeness.
I believe that the more I love myself, and truly embrace myself as the perfect, whole and creative being that I am – others will return that love. Everyone in my life is a mirror of my consciousness. They can only be as loving, respectful and good to me as I am to myself. When I learn to love myself, I will receive the love and appreciation that I desire from others.
When I am committed to loving myself, living my truth and knowing what I want, I will be happy and attract others with equal commitment. When we truly love ourselves and give ourselves the love we need, we will be so full that when we give to another, we will give from our hearts true love, pure joy and compassion.
Tears poured out of me & I wanted to crawl up in a ball
During meditation this morning, I imagined myself picking people for my team. I remember as a child when the captain of each team picked who they wanted to be on their teams. How horrible it felt if you were picked last.
Instead of team mates, I imagined myself picking words to be on my team and support me on my spiritual journey. I picked 11 words or values starting with Love, Trust, Peace, Joy, Contentment, Freedom, Happiness, Hope, Gratitude, Prayer and Faith. I then imagined myself, as the captain of the team, in the middle of a huddle doing a cheer together. As a cheerleader in high school, this was easy for me to imagine. The cheer was “The team is in the middle, the captain is at the head, they all got together and this is what they said, T.E.A.M. go TEAM go.” I felt so safe and protected being in the middle of the huddle. Perhaps it is also like being in the middle of all the angels and our loved ones.
This visualization reminded me that I am the captain of my life and my team. My team is there to support me and they are dedicated to my success. They want me to win and will do what I direct them to do. In order for them to support me, I must know what I want and then be able to communicate what I want them to do. Do you have a team of supportive people and do you feel protected and loved?
To be the captain of my team means I must be responsible for my life, my thoughts, feelings, actions and choices. I can surround myself with people who are supportive and loving or with people who are energy vampires. I can surround myself with all the values that I chose for my team and call upon them at any time when I need them.
It has been an interesting week and I have spent quite a bit of time alone and going within, remembering what has happened in the past and listening to what Spirit is saying to me today. As I shared last week, I am looking for a new home and there are decisions I have to make. Do I need to make provisions for a storage unit for my furniture and where will I live if I don’t find a place before the end of the month?
As the days tick off, and it gets closer to the end of the month, I am constantly in prayer and choosing trust instead of worry and fear. Have I felt fear? Yes I have. I wrote in my journal one morning that I felt like a little girl who wanted her daddy to take care of her because I didn’t feel strong.
I have surrounded myself with beautiful, supportive, loving beings on my team. I have asked for prayer and help when I needed it. I am doing all I know to do and it’s up to God to do the rest. I know that God is working behind the scenes and preparing the perfect and right place for me to live. I am acting “as if” and packing boxes and cleaning my ohana. I know the miracle is around the corner as I let go and trust.
In prayer, I heard God say to “REST, instead of pushing and rushing. Give your fears to me and have faith that you are being taken care of. Let go of worrying about HOW your needs will be met because I will take care of all the details. Be open to receiving gifts and help from other people.”
Has this ever happened to you? One minute you are full of peace, knowing all is well and the next minute you are so stressed that the tears are pouring out of you and you just want to crawl up in a ball and go to sleep? Perhaps just the human condition! When I’m feeling like this, it is an invitation not to judge myself, but to love and accept myself just the way I am. It is not only an invitation to be gentle and to love myself, but to allow others to love me when I’m feeling so vulnerable and weak. To strengthen my faith, I have been carrying a heart shaped stone that says FAITH on it. Whenever my faith is shaky, I just put my hand in my pocket and peace returns. Today, I found a small rock that said, TRUST so that is in my other pocket.
Years ago, when I worked as an alcohol and drug therapist, I had a patient who had real difficulty with the concept of God and a Higher Power. He truly wanted to believe, but it took time for him to get there. I gave him a rock to carry with him and he called it his “Pocket God.” He said, “Pat, until I am able to believe, I will carry in my pocket Pats “Pocket God.” In time, through this small act of faith, he found his own Higher Power.
My own experience this week reminded me of what happened with my client. I told my friend, Kati, “My faith is shaky, please pray for me. I am not feeling like a woman of faith today.” She said, “I know who you are, I will remember for you, until you can remember again.” Sometimes, I just need another person who believes in me to hold that for me until I get aligned with Spirit again and know the truth of who I am and who God is in my life.
What I know about the spiritual life is that it is about progress and not perfection. I pray, ask for help, let go, trust, surrender, do a gratitude list and feel my feelings. I don’t have to pretend that a woman of faith doesn’t have fear. I am trusting that I am moving through it and will come out the other side stronger, brighter and lighter.
I want to stay in the middle of the huddle, with my team of angels and loved ones surrounding me. I know I am protected and God is showering us with divine love. I hold Love, Trust, Peace, Joy, Contentment, Freedom, Happiness, Hope, Gratitude, Prayer and Faith in my heart.
Thank you or praying for me, reaching out to me and offering your home for me to stay until I find my right and perfect home. Thank you for being on my team. GO TEAM GO.
I am Fearless and Free – Daily Word
I am an overcomer. I am bold and fearless. My indomitable inner power comes not from my ego, but from the power of God within me – for God and I are one. All my accomplishments are the result of a TEAM effort. With God as my partner, no one or no thing can defeat me.
“I needed to let go of trying to control how my children love me”
The sun is shining brightly after the “Perfect Storm” when I returned to Rhode Island a couple of weeks ago. I shared last week in my blog that I felt like I was in a dark tunnel and needed to allow myself the space and time to feel my feelings and heal. I knew I would move through the darkness and into the light. I am happy to say that my light is shining brightly today and I have been transformed.
It is my belief that I attract everything into my life for my highest good and for my soul to grow. While I was in the storm of unhealed emotions from the past, all I could feel was pain. But I knew in my Spirit that it would pass and I would be stronger and there would be a gift from the experience.
It was not only the “Perfect Storm” within that I experienced, but there were blizzard conditions and freezing weather the day before my retreat, “Fall in Love with the Goddess Within” was scheduled. I prayed and trusted that the women would be able to get there safely and 22 women showed up ready and willing to learn how to love the Goddess within. Unfortunately, two women from Maine had to cancel due to weather conditions.
Before the retreat began, my daughter Mary (who is a wise woman) asked me a question that I had to really think about. She said, “Mom is this behavior/pattern that you’ve had for years serving you anymore?” I admitted that it wasn’t serving me anymore and I needed to let it go and change. I also knew that I needed God’s grace to change because I had tried to change the behavior, without success.
Thank you Mary for the question and thank you for opening up your home for us to have the retreat. Everyone loved your energy and especially the chicken soup you made for us to eat. The space was perfect with the wood burning stove keeping us all warm and toasty.
I decided to bring with me a small plastic bag of Goddess Laxshmi Gold Dust to share with the women on the retreat. ‘She brings golden magical energy and good fortune to your heartfelt prayers and intentions. She will help manifest that which you truly desire’ When I arrived and opened my suitcase, the plastic bag had ripped and some of the gold dust glitter was at the bottom of my bag. So, every time I took out a piece of clothing, I got glitter somewhere on me.
As each woman arrived at the retreat and I welcomed them, they were sprinkled with the gold dust. What I didn’t realize is that the gold dust not only got on the women, but landed all over the room. As we cleaned the floor the next day, Mary gave me one of those “looks” that only a daughter can give you and said, “Mom, there is glitter everywhere.” And she was right. I told her that every time she spots some gold dust glitter she can think of me and pray for me. I got another look! She also said, “Mom the next time you do a retreat here, please leave your gold dust glitter at home. I smiled and promised I would never do that again.
I had been praying for the women who had signed up for the retreat for months. I knew it was going to be a very powerful and healing retreat. The women came to the retreat as strangers and left as friends and sisters. We prayed, danced, sang, cried, shared deeply and broke bread together. It was clear that the women who attended were not new to the spiritual life, but had already done deep healing work. They were ready to receive more of God’s love and embrace themselves as Goddesses.
I have been leading retreats for over 20 years and although all of them have been special, this retreat stands out because of the authenticity and energy of the women who attended. It has taken me years to accept my gifts and allow my light to really shine as I did for this retreat. It felt awesome to BE ME and to be affirmed for the woman of faith that I am. I no longer want to play small. It is time for us Goddesses to let our lights shine in the world. Will you join me and allow your light to shine in the world?
The first exercise that we did on the retreat was to share what we wanted to let go of that no longer served us. I was the first to write on the board: “I want to let go of trying to control how my children show their love for me.” This was the awareness and gift that I received when I was in the dark tunnel. I thank God for that awareness and realization that trying to control how I was loved was no longer serving me. I am free and full of gratitude.
Here are some comments from the women:
“This retreat really let me know that I am not alone in my thoughts. I would like to keep the flow going, knowing that God loves me and will never let me be alone.”
“This was the most inspirational gathering I have ever attended. Pat’s Spirit and connection with God is contagious.”
“I am walking away feeling empowered and would now like to create a workshop to continue to empower the powerless. Pat, you have planted the seed within me.”
“I loved every minute of this retreat. I am leaving inspired, happy and full of love. I’m signing up as soon as I hear about the next retreat you are doing.”
“It felt like I was in a very Dark Tunnel”
I want to wish you all a Happy New Year from Rhode Island. I like to think about the past year and all that’s happened and to think about all I want to co-create with God in the coming year. For me, this year has been a year of “going within” to heal and to learn how to BE, rather than a human DOING. I have also learned how to really “play” and have fun and be me.
I don’t know what this year is going to look like, but I know I want to expand into the world, using my gifts for the good of all. I am excited to see what doors are going to open as I say YES to being the best I can be. I am opening my heart to receive all the love and joy that is mine.
Although I love being with my family, it can be stressful with old family dynamics playing out. I often hear people say that they are glad when the holidays are over because they are so stressful and I am no different than anyone else. The day before I came to Rhode Island, as I walked along the ocean, I felt alive, free, happy and joyful. It was my intention and prayer to show up as ME and allow my light to shine and to bring that love and joy to my family.
Have you ever prayed for something, perhaps to change an old behavior in yourself and HOW it “showed up” is not the way you thought it was going to show up? In fact, you judged the way it “showed up” as wrong and bad.
I wasn’t expecting “The Perfect Storm” to erupt in my body when I returned to Rhode Island to visit my family. I didn’t see it coming. We often think we have dealt with something from the past, but unless we deal with it on all levels (body, mind and spirit) it can come back. And it sure did! It felt like I was in a tunnel that was dark and very painful. At first, I judged myself as wrong for the feelings I was experiencing. I thought things like, “I shouldn’t be feeling these feelings after years of therapy, I thought this was healed, why is this coming up now and AGAIN?”
Thankfully, I allowed myself to think and feel whatever was coming up. I gave myself permission to stay in the tunnel for as long as needed so I could fill myself up with love. I spent time alone and rested, instead of pushing myself to do things with the family. During the quiet time, I asked myself some questions: “Was this old stuff coming up? What was mine and what was theirs? What was past and what was present? What did I need to change and own? What was the gift in all of this?”
I asked for help and allowed myself to be vulnerable, which was not an easy thing to do in the middle of the pain. I am much better sharing when something is over and I have learned my lesson and see the gift. My Spirit knew that if I allowed myself to go into the pain and even thank the pain, I would come out on the other side into the light and healed. This has always been my process and I trusted I would get through to the other side. And I did.
I have read in Dr. Dain Heer’s book, Being You, Changing the World, that being uncomfortable and in pain is an awareness that change is underfoot. I must be willing to have the intensity of pain if I am going to have the change to BE myself and show up as me (which is exactly what I had prayed for). The greater the change you choose, the more uncomfortable it may seem for a while. It’s really the way we know that the change we have been asking for is being created. We have been taught that being
uncomfortable and in pain are bad and wrong. Instead of the pain being wrong, what if this pain is the greatest rightness because it lets us know that we are headed in the direction of the change we are asking for?
One of the most common things we do is to recreate the trauma and drama that we used to function from because it is familiar and we know who we are. How many times do we have to recreate this drama before we allow ourselves to be free and show up as ourselves? I asked myself, “Am I willing to let it go and choose differently? YES I am. Today, I choose to function from living in the question, choice and possibility. I ask myself the question, “Would an infinite being choose this?”
It was amazing when I woke up the next morning after allowing myself to feel the pain and go through the dark tunnel. I felt different inside and it was like I was a new person. I felt lighter and was free to be ME. I reminded myself that what I had prayed for (to show up as ME and allow my light to shine and to bring that joy to my family) had “showed up” in a totally different way than I thought it was going to. Spirit knew what needed healing deep within for me to BE the light in my family. With the grace of God, I am letting go of past drama and choosing differently.
I received this email right after I finished this blog.
“There comes a time in your life, when you walk away from all the drama and people who create it. You surround yourself with people who make you laugh. Forget the bad and focus on the good. Love the people who treat you well, pray for the ones who don’t. Life is too short to be anything but happy. Falling down is a part of life, getting back up is living.”
Quote: “Today may there be peace within. May you trust that you are exactly where you are meant to be. May you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born in yourself and others. May you use the gifts that you have received and pass on the love that has been given to you. May you be content with yourself just the way you are. Let this knowledge settle into your bones, and allow your soul the freedom to sing, dance, praise and love. It is there for each and every one of us”.
“Who are the ENERGY VAMPIRES” in your life?”
I wrote in my journal this morning while in prayer, “It feels like my faith went out the window.” I asked myself, “What happened that I am feeling like this?” And, more importantly, “What do I need to do or feel to come back into my truth and get my balance and peace back?”
I realized that if this happened to me (seemingly out of the blue) who wrote a book, “Simply a Woman of Faith” it may happen to you at some time or another. I knew I had to share it in my blog to let you know that you are not alone and how I moved through it.
I prayed and asked the Holy Spirit to show me the truth. I allowed myself to write down whatever was on my mind that was bothering me and was surprised what came up. I have read that “What I think about, I bring about.” I knew I needed to change my thinking and fast.
I began writing everything that I was grateful for and there was a lot to be grateful for. I wrote some favorite affirmations down that I would like to share with you.
I’m exactly where I need and want to be.
My life is unfolding according to a Divine plan.
Doors are opening at the right and perfect time NOW.
All the love, money, friends, soul mate, abundance is flowing into my life at the perfect and right time.
All is well and I am safe.
Only good comes to me NOW.
Fear is useless, what is needed is trust.
I am the creator of my life.
I attract only peace and good into my life.
What and who I am seeking is seeking me.
I stand tall in my own Power.
I trust in the Divine plan for my life.
Everything is unfolding in peace, ease and grace.
I follow my heart in each moment of my life.
I am the beloved daughter of the Father.
God is my source.
This helped a great deal and I felt better when I finished my prayer and meditation. The truth shall set me free. I didn’t need to figure it all out and why it felt like my “faith went out the window.” I just needed to BE with me and love me just as I am. I am reminded that l am filled with infinite potential and “nothing is impossible” with faith. I unleash this potential when I believe in myself and trust in the divine within.
My daughter, Mary, called in the middle of writing my blog and I shared with her what had happened the night before and how I was feeling. I love how I get what I need when I need it. My daughter is a wise woman and she hit the nail on the head for me. She said, “Mom, you are sensitive, just like me, and I am very careful to not allow others’ energies to get me off my center. She talked about the “energy vampires” in her own life and what she does to protect herself. What she said resonated with me and I knew she was right and what I needed to do to protect my energy. When we finished talking, I laughed and said, “How much do I owe you?” I spent the rest of the day loving me and letting go.
When I went to bed that night, I couldn’t stop thanking God for the beautiful day I had. My faith was back (not that it had really gone away) and stronger than ever. Isn’t it amazing how quickly we can shift ourselves when we want to and have the tools to allow it to happen. My friends, Kati and Marise, came over for dinner and we laughed, played, sang, danced and encouraged one another to live our best lives. I am so blessed and my heart sings. How could it get any more magnificent than this?
Here is a poem about letting go that I came across recently that I just love.
SHE LET GO – Rev. Safire Rose
She let go. Without a thought or a word, she let go.
She let go of fear.
She let go of the judgments.
She let go of the confluence of opinions swarming around her head.
She let go of the committee of indecision within her.
She let go of all of the “right” reasons. Wholly and completely, without hesitation or worry, she just let go.
She didn’t ask anyone for advice. She didn’t read a book on how to let go. She didn’t search the scriptures. She just let go.
She let go of all the memories that held her back.
She let go of all of the anxiety that kept her from moving forward.
She let go of the planning and all of the calculations about how to do it just right.
She didn’t promise to let go. She didn’t journal about it.
She didn’t write the projected date in her day-timer.
She made no public announcement and put no ad in the paper.
She didn’t check the weather report or read her daily horoscope. She just let go.
She didn’t analyze she should let go.
She didn’t call her friends to discuss the matter.
She didn’t do a five-step Spiritual Mind Treatment.
She didn’t call the prayer line. She didn’t utter one word. She just let go.
No one was around when it happened. There was no applause or congratulations.
No one thanked her or praised her. No one noticed a thing.
Like a leaf falling from a tree, she just let go.
There was no effort. There was no struggle.
It wasn’t good or it wasn’t bad. It was what it was, and it is just that.
In the space of letting go, she let it all be.
A small smile came over her face. A light breeze blew through her. And the sun and the moon shone forevermore.
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