Browsing all articles tagged with rushing addiction

How I learned how to RELAX

Posted by admin in Blog (Weekly), Blogs

May
29

I have a couple of RELAX signs around our house to remind me to RELAX. I need reminders because so much of my life I rushed around and stayed busy. I needed to learn how to RELAX. I prided myself when I felt productive and crossed off things on my endless lists. I put things off that I enjoyed until I finished my to-do list, and never got around to the fun stuff because there was always something on the list.

My rushing and staying busy was like a drug addiction. It was a dysfunctional pattern, a behavior, and a way of life to avoid going within to feel my feelings. For many years, I loved being busy. It was not only staying busy and rushing, but I competed, controlled and compared myself to others to avoid my feelings. I either felt “better than or less than.” Can you relate?

Today, my body abhors being busy and rushing. I RELAX without feeling guilty, which is a miracle. Can you even imagine relaxing without feeling guilty? I crave QUIET and being in the present moment through meditation and prayer. It is where I find peace and love.

If you have unresolved trauma, resentments or unforgiveness in your heart, it’s almost impossible to relax and feel peaceful. There will always be something you need or “should” be doing, rather than relaxing, feeling happy, and enjoying your life.

Some people use drugs and alcohol to medicate their feelings. Others are addicted to gambling, shopping, eating, working, and codependency (focusing on others at the expense of themselves.)

I had no idea why I ran from myself and my feelings for years. I didn’t want to feel the shame, guilt, fear, inadequacy, self-hatred, not good enough, or worthy and deserving to receive love that was hidden in my unconscious.

On the outside, I looked really good! Nobody would have known how I struggled on the inside. I was productive, successful, had lots of friends, and I was busy. And yet there was an emptiness that wouldn’t go away, no matter what I did, it was never enough.

When I moved to Maui 11 years ago, it was my plan to continue what I had been doing in Rhode Island: coaching, speaking, running groups and retreats for women. God had other plans. I was only on Maui for a couple of weeks when I heard Spirit say, “I want you to learn how to BE.” I was surprised because I thought I knew how to BE. I now understand my life was out of balance. I was a DOER and had to learn how to BE. We need both the DOING and BEING energies to live a peaceful, passionate, purposeful life that is our birthright.

By the grace of God, I listened to Spirit and stopped DOING and learned how to BE. I didn’t lead groups, coach or do speaking engagements. It was a little uncomfortable at first, but I came to enjoy it and felt pleasure like never before. It was fun as I listened to my intuition as to what Spirit wanted me to do each day. Today, I’m not afraid to be alone. I enjoy my own company, and am my own best friend. My friend commented, “Pat you go from pleasure to pleasure.”

DOING is when we are living in our heads, thinking about the past, present, future, making plan and completing tasks. Both are necessary at different times in our lives.

BEING is about living in the present moment the NOW which is all that is REAL. Unfortunately, we have been taught that DOING is more important that BEING. Therefore, many of us spend too much time in DOING and very little time appreciating the present moment. Where do you spend most of your time?

DOING behaviors: (left brain and Masculine) *Judging *Planning *Problem-solving *Logica *Rational *Analytical *Multi-tasking *Executing *Manipulating *Obsessing *Ruminating *Seeking *Over-thinking *fixing *Searching *Striving

BEING behaviors: (right brain and Feminine) *Awareness *Noticing *Observing *Exploring *Acceptance *Allowing *Intuitive *Creative *Open-minded *Detached from outcome *Surrendered *Heart-centered *Unity *Letting go *Mindfulness *Waiting *Receiving * Resting *Trusting *Receiving

As I learned and practiced BEING present to myself and my feelings by daily “showing up,” I became more present to my family and friends as never before. I couldn’t be present to the ones I loved most, if I wasn’t able to be present to myself. My relationships with my children and family have evolved and transformed. Today, I strive to be conscious and live a balanced life DOING & BEING.

“I gasped when I opened the envelope with $500 in it”

Posted by admin in Blog (Weekly), Blogs

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Jan
24

I woke up feeling peaceful this morning and stayed in my bed longer than usual, just enjoying the quiet and not rushing and having to be anywhere. I immediately thought, “Today I am going to just hang out with God.” I hang out with family and friends, but never said “I was going to hang out with God.” I know that I am always in the presence of God because God is within and I am within God. So, I asked myself, “What did it mean to hang out with God?” It meant that I would do whatever I wanted to do with no schedule or responsibility. I would be in the present moment and enjoy everything around me. I live in beautiful Maui so it is easy to partake in the beauty of nature every place I turn.

My heart rejoiced when I looked outside my kitchen window and heard the red cardinal singing to me. I went up to the Star deck in my ohana which overlooks the ocean and the mountains of Maui. I just sat there still and mesmerized by the power of the ocean in front of me. I became ONE with the ocean, the mountains, the sky, the birds and with God.

It was an amazing feeling of freedom, light and love. I experienced the peace that passes all understanding deep in my heart because I realized that I was living my dream. It was as if I had come out of the darkness and into the light. I had pushed through the tunnel to get to the light. As I reflected on the past months (leaving home, family and friends) and what I had experienced through the trials and times of letting go, I realized through the grace of God that I had moved through the tunnel by allowing whatever needed to come up into the light to come up, without judgment or condemnation. I allowed myself to feel everything and loved and accepted that part of me that was scared to death. I also stayed in an “attitude of gratitude”, trusting that everything was happening for a reason. This is how the healing and transformation came about.

It is so easy to think, “I should be further along after all the years of therapy and spiritual work that I have done.” We may be tempted to beat up on ourselves for where we are on our journey, rather than accept we are exactly where we need to be. I have read that the deeper we go with God, the more we will see our darkness and what needs to be transformed and healed.

I also know through my own personal experience and my professional experience of being an alcohol and drug therapist how easy it is to numb/medicate our feelings through addictions. In my book, Simply a Woman of Faith, I write, “Rushing was my addiction. I constantly raced around, going from one thing to another. If I rushed and stayed busy, I didn’t have time to feel my feelings and go within. I felt powerful when I multi-tasked and felt in control. I always pushed myself to do and be more. I didn’t feel good enough and didn’t know how to relax. I disconnect from myself and from the divine energy of God within. When I rush, I’m not respecting myself or the God within.”

I received an email from a woman who had just read my blog that morning that touched my heart. I would like to share it with you. She writes, “This morning as I was reading your blog and looking out my window, I saw your words in action. I noticed the blind woman walking towards the clubhouse with her companion in front of her. The blind woman had her arm outstretched, her hand resting on her companion’s shoulder for guidance. I could not help but see the lesson in front of me. The blind woman, with each step, stepped out in complete faith and trust knowing that she was being safely guided and directed. I hope to keep this memory and call it up as often as needed. God is always in front of me ready to safely guide me, I need only put out my hand for assistance and He will guide and help me.”

Dictionary meaning of “guide” – One who shows the way by leading, directing, or advising, usually by reason of his greater experience with the course to be pursued.”

How blessed and grateful I am to have a God who is there to guide, direct and provide for me on my path. Guidance means GOD U & I dance. When I allow God to lead and I follow we dance beautifully together. It is when I try to lead and want my will instead of God’s will that I get in trouble and stumble and fall. Daily, I am learning to dance with God through prayer and meditation and by following my intuition.

I’ve shared in other blogs that God is my source and I trust in divine abundance and order. With my mouth wide open, I gasped when I opened the card I just received and saw a $100 dollar bill. There was a beautiful note that read, “Hi Pat, I chose to tithe to you, as my definition of tithing is to give to sources that spiritually feed me. I too am learning to put all my faith in God and ‘let go’ of the need to control things. Your blog continues to inspire me and strengthens my core beliefs that God will always provide. When things seem hard, just remember I am praying for you and you are not alone.” In the card was not only one $100 bill, but 5 one hundred dollar bills. Ironically, or better yet it was synchronicity that I just paid the day before $500 for the new “used” engine for my car that I picked up. God is good!

A couple of hours before this blog was scheduled to go out, I received another gift of $45 in the mail from a man who was also led to tithe to me. Thank you dear souls from the bottom of my heart – whether it be $500 or $45, it doesn’t matter. What matters is that God is faithful and I know when we trust with our whole heart and soul, we will always be provided for.

Writing my blog every week and being authentic is my way of serving and bringing glory to God. Taking the time to “hang out with God” reminded me of how loved and cherished I am.