I am practicing letting go and surrendering to the unknown as I give myself permission to grieve and the time to move more deeply into my soul to discover the truths of who I am and the lessons I need to learn during this world-wide pandemic.
As I reflect on my life, I realize that to feel safe, I needed to control and please others. Control is the master addiction. I was needy and looked outside of myself for others to give me love, attention and praise. I didn’t know how to love myself. I needed to learn how to give myself the love and attention that I craved from others.
I’m so grateful that I have done my work and am changing from the inside out. During this “Spiritual Bootcamp” I’m sensing an inner shift of freedom & empowerment and it feels good. I’ve also experienced pain as I released stuck energy from childhood that I didn’t know was still there.
Best-selling author, Kute Blackson states, “It is like we have been sent to our rooms to be with ourselves to love the parts of ourselves that we have disowned and projected onto others. We are quarantined with ourselves and we can’t run away anymore. We are in rehab for our external validation addiction.”
I went to bed feeling peaceful one night and woke up with a heavy heart the next morning. I breathed into it trying to identify what I was feeling. I just allowed it to BE. Spirit then revealed to me that I was in the “what ifs” rather than the “what is.” “What if _______ happens?” I needed to change my PERSPECTIVE if I was going to have peace and keep my vibration high in love and gratitude. When I focus on the “what is” I am peaceful and centered. This moment “what is” is that I am safe, I am healthy, I have food and shelter and I have loving friends and family. When I focus on the “what ifs” I lose my peace and am not in the present moment.
I am blessed to sit outside every day and send love and prayers to the world and all who are suffering. I said to Larry this morning, “I’m going to my “prayer throne.” He responded, “You are never alone when you are on your throne.” This is so true as it brings me great comfort and joy to spend time in prayer and go within to feel the presence of the Divine and send out love. I love the Serenity Prayer and have been saying it daily for years.
“God grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change…
Courage to change the things I can, and the Wisdom to know the difference”
This is what I cannot change:
PEOPLE, PLACES AND THINGS, THE WEATHER, THE GOVERNMENT, MY FRIENDS, MY CHILDREN, THE VIRUS, WHEN QUARANTINE ENDS, MY CHILDHOOD… ETC.
This is what I can change:
- What I eat, exercise and how much rest I give my body
- How I speak to myself: with self-love and compassion or self-abuse
- My expectations & judgements of others and needing to be right
- When to speak up or “shut up”
- My perspective, attitudes, thoughts and beliefs
- The choice to live in FEAR or LOVE
- What I focus on: what’s missing or what I have
- How much time I spend in prayer and meditation
- Gratitude and being positive or complaining and being negative
- My need to do things perfectly and to be perfect
- To be in balance with giving and receiving
- My willingness to be honest, vulnerable and authentic
- Letting go of resentments and forgiving myself and others
- Letting go and trusting rather than obsessing and worrying
- Feeling all my feelings and releasing them and letting them go
- Surrendering to the unknown and letting go of control
- Being PRESENT and living in the moment or future tripping
There is a lot I can change in myself. I will do my part and leave the rest to God. All I can control is ME and my reactions. I’m responsible for my serenity and peace of mind. I’m choosing to surrender and to let go and “ACCEPT WHAT IS” and not be in resistance. Rather than pushing to do things my way, I am allowing Spirit to lead me. I invite you to use this time to “go within” and free yourself from what no longer serves you so you can transform and fly like the butterfly. What is it you need to change in yourself? This is your sacred time, use it well.
My prayers and love are with you. Together we will get through this and shine even brighter. Please stay healthy and take care of yourself.
This has been a week of “uncovering” and releasing unconscious beliefs that no longer serve me and have robbed me of my peace my entire life. I cried a lot as it was painful to feel feelings that I didn’t know were there because I thought I had dealt with them. It felt like the original wounds of “neglect and abuse” were triggered and brought to the surface to be released and healed.
I gave myself lots of “quiet” time, prayer and meditation to “go within.” I know that when I call on God for help, I am connected to the sacred part of myself. It is my belief that whatever happens in my life has been planned in the mind of God and is the perfect opportunity to give myself self- love, rather than looking outside for external validation. When I look outside for validation, it feels like an insatiable appetite that cannot ever be filled. I must give love to myself as it’s my own love and God’s love that I really desire. Nothing else will satisfy and be enough.
My ego thought system was jabbing me left and right as I got caught up in comparing myself, judging and not feeling like there was enough. Are you as surprised as I am when your ego “shows up” unexpectedly and uninvited? You are going along and enjoying your life, feeling loved and grateful and then BANG, you are not feeling so good and you don’t know why. I know I shouldn’t be surprised when ego shows up, but I usually am. It takes me a little time to realize what’s going on because the attack feels so REAL even though I know the truth that the ego is not real and only an illusion. Once I identify the ego thoughts, it loses its power. Are you able to recognize the tactics of your ego and the vulnerable areas of your life?
Spirit showed me that I had a choice; to stay in the “muck” of my negative ego thinking and the stories of not feeling loved, feeling judged by another’s insensitive remark or focusing on what was missing or I could RISE ABOVE it into the energy of LIGHT and LOVE that is all around me.
Message from the Holy Spirit:
“You are still looking outside of yourself for validation and to know that you are loved and lovable. This is a deep-seated pattern that is being broken now. Don’t let yourself get caught up in things that don’t matter or are unimportant. What difference does any of it make? Rise up and only see the LOVE and BEAUTY around you, not the “perceived” problems, like what someone did or didn’t do or said or didn’t say or what’s missing. Don’t let yourself be robbed of your peace. All you need to do is BE LOVE, RECEIVE LOVE, LIVE LOVE and SEND LOVE.”
In prayer, Spirit showed me what to do when I am disturbed, disappointed, angry or hurt with someone. It is a process, and depending on the situation, it will take some time. It is not to be rushed or pushed.
FEEL YOUR FEELINGS
Don’t deny or judge yourself for the feelings you are experiencing. They are your feelings and they are not right or wrong. TO FEEL IS TO HEAL. Write your feelings in a journal. You can share them if you want with someone you love and trust and that won’t judge you. You may need to talk to the person who offended you and clarify what happened or you may be able to just let it go because you realize it’s not important and you don’t want to waste your energy. I have found it is important to feel my feelings for as long as it takes (and not what someone else thinks) to move through them and process them.
RISE ABOVE THE “MUCK”
The muck is the negative energy: worrying, judgmental, comparing, jealousy, resentments, fears and petty problems that you are experiencing. Stop the stories in your head and the obsessing about what happened or what didn’t happen or what you want to happen. Accept what is. It’s not worth losing your peace about what someone did or didn’t do because it doesn’t serve you. How people treat you or love you has nothing to do with you or your worthiness. It’s important to not take things personally and to know it’s not about you. We have no idea what that person is suffering inside. It’s good to remember that if we had their life, we would be doing the same thing.
LET IT GO
Saying the serenity prayer is always helpful in letting go. Write a letter and bury it or rip it up. I know I have let go of something when I don’t want to withdraw from the person that hurt me and I don’t feel any emotion or charge when I think about it.
If you are still struggling with the situation when you think about it, just repeatedly SEND LOVE. I had to SEND LOVE over and over again to the person who hurt me until it no longer bothered me. Of course, stay in an attitude of GRATITUDE for the opportunities for your soul to grow.
It helps me to remember that everything happens for a reason and is for my highest good.
Life is about change and change is inevitable. You may be in the process of changing a job, a relationship, a belief, a dress size or where you live. It is a fact and it is our attitude and perception about change that makes the difference in our lives.
Do you worry, feel afraid and is your mind like a blender when you sense change is approaching or do you see it as an adventure to grow and invite something new into your life? Sometimes we have no control over the change that is coming upon us and at other times, we know the change is coming and we can try to prepare ourselves. We cannot control when a loved one dies suddenly or when we have an accident that totals our car.
That is why I love the Serenity Prayer. “God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.”
All I can change is me and the choices I make in each moment. I can choose to trust God and believe everything will work out for my highest good and will flow with peace, ease and grace or I can choose to worry and think the worse will happen. This is what I call “future tripping.”
I don’t know about you but when I realize I have a choice about my attitude, I want to choose peace and love over fear and worry. I may have to choose it several times a day when I become aware that I am in the energy of worry or fear.
What works for me is to REMEMBER. I remember who I am as a child of the Universe and I remember where I came from. I choose to remember what has happened in the past and how it ALWAYS worked out for the best and at the right and perfect time. Not always my time, probably never my time, but always God’s time.
As I reflect back on the last 38 years of my awakening and spiritual path, I remember the doors that have opened and closed when it wasn’t for my highest good because I kept believing and trusting God. I used to think I was being “tested” when things didn’t go as I wanted them to go. I don’t believe that any more. I believe that whatever is before me is an invitation for my faith to grow and be strengthened. That feels so much more loving.
In January 2012, God invited me to move to Maui for 6 months. The plan was to rent my condo in Rhode Island and to find a place to live when I moved to Maui. When I made the decision to do this, I bought my round trip airline ticket, but didn’t have anyone to rent my condo nor did I have a place to live in Maui when I got there. I trusted, believed and kept repeating my mantra, “Thank you God for the right and perfect place to live that will flow with peace, ease and grace.” I know it was God’s grace because I truly was peaceful and knew that it would work out perfectly.
And it did, of course! Just a few weeks before I left for Maui, I found the perfect and right tenant. Her name was Carrie Ann and she was from my church. She had just moved to the area from California. I felt total trust in her and never worried a minute about my place while I was in Maui. She loved my home as if it were her own. Her mother died while she was there and she told me it was like her sanctuary and a very healing place for her to live.
The same thing happened in Maui. Just a few weeks before I was scheduled to leave for Maui, I received a phone call from a woman named, Pat, inviting me to stay with her and her husband. For 6 months I lived with Bob and Pat in a beautiful condo on the ocean for $300 a month. Now that is God.
So here I am today in that same place of believing and trusting God for the right and perfect place to live. I have been living in my ohana for a year and a half. It has truly been a safe, sacred and beautiful place to live.
Recently, my friend, Kati, had to move and she had only 2 weeks to find a place to live. Kati is also a woman of faith and she believed her new home would show up easily and effortlessly, which it did – 3 days later. I went with her to look at the first and only ohana she looked at. I fell in love with the spaciousness and view of the ocean from the lanai.
When I walked into my ohana that night, something had shifted inside of me and I was quite surprised. I felt “closed in” and a sense of constriction that I hadn’t experienced before. My arms literally crossed over my chest and I immediately opened my arms wide to receive. I knew that I didn’t want to live there anymore and that my time there was complete. My lease was up at the end of February and I planned on telling my landlord that I would not be renewing my lease. Instead, a couple of days before I returned to Rhode Island my landlord informed me that they would not be renewing my lease because they had plans to do construction on the house. I was so grateful that God had prepared my heart and that I had made the decision to move, rather than feeling like I was being kicked out.
I know what I want in my new home and I have put it out to the Universe. I will continue to trust and believe that what God has done in the past, He will do in the present. I’ve read a few chapters in my book to help me REMEMBER all the “moving” miracles showing up at the perfect and right time.
Although I am told that this is the “worst” time to be looking for a place to rent due to it being “high season” and there hasn’t been anything on Craigslist, I will continue to use my mantra, “Thank you God for the right and perfect place to live that will flow with peace, ease and grace. My faith is being strengthened, for sure and I look forward to sharing how my new home “shows up” in God’s perfect and right timing. I woke up in the middle of the night and started to think about finding a place. I heard God say, “Go back to sleep and let me worry about finding it.” I said, “Okay and immediately fell back to sleep.
Thank you for your energy and prayers concerning finding my new home. I have 3 weeks before my lease is up. Stay tuned and I look forward to sharing the story with you.
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Simply A Woman of Faith
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