Wow, mom, you have changed

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Jan
16

I was enjoying a cup of coffee with my friend, Ruth, when she turned to me and said, “Pat, I have never seen you so strong. It’s like you are comfortable in your own skin.” I smiled and said, “Yes I feel it, I know it.” Recently my daughter remarked, “Wow mom, you have changed.” I just smiled and said, “Thank you.”

As I look back over my life, I realize how much suffering I caused myself and gave my power away because I took things personally. Even though I knew “intellectually” that what others did or didn’t do had nothing to do with me, I still felt hurt and unloved when I didn’t get what I thought I needed and wanted. And I mean really HURT sometimes.

I also thought it must be my fault and blamed myself for others’ inappropriate or careless behavior. I would ask myself, “What did I do wrong?” I caused myself so much anguish and pain over the years. Sometimes traveling from the head to the heart takes a long time. My heart now knows the truth of who I am as a divine being and that I am LOVE. It truly is an inside job and I’m responsible for my own happiness and peace.    

It is wonderful when someone you have known for years sees your growth and shares it with you. But even more wonderful is when you see it in yourself and OWN it. It’s taken me years to get to this place. I was willing to dig deep, align with Spirit, ask for help, and do the inner work of releasing what no longer served me.

My cousin, Doreen, recently gifted me with a reading from a medium and psychic that she knew. It was a powerful reading and my grandmother showed up immediately. Right before the reading as I was driving home from a friend’s house, I spotted a boat with the name AMELIA on it. That was my grandmother’s name. My grandmother gave me unconditional love and I was her angel. She assured me of her love and that she is always with me.

Toward the end of the reading, Don asked me, “Is there anything you want to know or that I can help you with?” I immediately said, “No, I have everything I need and want.” I was pleasantly surprised by my answer. In the past, I would have had all kinds of questions: How is it going to happen, when is it going to happen, what is my purpose, etc.

At the beginning of 2021, Spirit gave me a word to focus on for the year. It was EXPANSION in all areas of my life.  I had no idea what it would look like. I feel a major SHIFT and truly have expanded in body, mind, and spirit. My body is healthy and strong as well as my mind and spirit. I no longer look “outside” of myself for approval and to feel loved as I have learned to give it to myself. My relationship with Spirit has deepened and I “check-in” for guidance and direction all day long.  

This year’s word is FLOW and ABUNDANCE. Going with the FLOW of life and radical acceptance of “what is” will anchor me into the present moment and my heart space. I feel so abundant now, I can’t imagine more abundance, but I will take it.  

Here is what I read this week that spoke to my heart:

“The biggest lesson I’ve learned this year is to not force anything; conversations, friendships, relationships, attention, love. Anything forced is just not worth fighting for, whatever flows, flows, what crashes, crashes. It is what it is.”

I received an email from a man this week requesting coaching/counseling. He said, “I have been reading your blogs for the last 10 years and feel like you are the person who can help me move forward in my life.” I responded to his email with some questions. I asked, “Why now?” He wrote back. “If not now, when?”

If you feel stuck and are not living the life you dream of, I am here to assist you on your journey. I am only working with individuals who are ready to dig deep and do the inner work of releasing what no longer serves them. If not NOW, when?

                                                   I HOPE YOU LIVE LOUDER

“I hope you laugh more. I hope you sing at the top of your lungs. I hope you drive with the windows down and let the wind rustle through your hair. I hope you hug. I hope you kiss. I hope you surround yourself with people who make you feel alive. I hope you become the type of person that brings good energy wherever you go, and the type of person people want to be around. I hope you speak what’s on your mind, that you raise your voice for injustice, that you tell others that you love them, instead of waiting until it’s too late. I hope you live louder, shine brighter from this moment on”. Marisa Donnelly

I am on FIRE and in awe!

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Oct
17

As I sit on the plane waiting for it to take off, my heart is full of gratitude and awe. I am returning to Maui from Oakland, California after assisting Amrita Grace at the Awakening and Healing Sacred Sexuality weekend.

The only way I can describe what I am feeling is that I am on FIRE to share this sacred, holy work with all women.  This work is powerful and profound as well as gentle and safe. I have EXPANDED and gone deeper than I ever thought possible. I am healing trauma and deep wounding in my body from this life time and past generations.

What a great opportunity to assist Amrita and learn how to lead a weekend workshop. Learning to teach this work is one of the best decisions I have made. When I complete my training, I will be able to teach this practice all over the world. How good it that and in divine timing.

Being on the “other side” as an assistant, I watched the women on the weekend transform before my very eyes. The women faced their fears and embraced the Goddess and power within. It was extraordinary and beautiful to be a part of.

As part of my six- month training to become a Certified Spiritual Sexual Educator, I will be leading a workshop along with 2 of my classmates on Maui on January 5-6. The weekend is starting to fill up and we are so excited.

On the plane ride to Oakland for the workshop, I experienced a DIVINE set-up or what I call a GodIncidence. I sat next to a young woman that when we started talking, we didn’t stop for 4 hours.

She is a videographer and just finished shooting a spiritual retreat at Lumeria Retreat Center here on Maui. She lives in Mexico and Is a yoga teacher and retreat leader herself. The door opened for me to share about the Awakening and Healing sacred sexuality weekend when she asked, “What are you going to California for?”

After I shared my journey of healing from sexual abuse, she shared she was drugged and raped by a co-worker recently and hadn’t talked about it or had any therapy for it. I validated her. listened to her story and encouraged her to seek treatment. I invited her to attend the workshop here on Maui in January. She seemed excited about attending it and will let me know if it will work for her. She also said, “Perhaps you can come to Mexico to teach about sacred sexuality.”

I was led to share with her that I was an Alcohol and Drug therapist for 20 years. That opened another door that was extremely meaningful.  She shared her family dynamics as her mother is an active alcoholic. She also shared how she always attracts men who have addiction problems and didn’t understand why.

I shared my story of growing up with an alcoholic mother and what I did to heal. I told her about 12 step programs and how they helped me understand the disease and recover. She was so receptive and said, “I will definitely check out meetings when I return home.”

Holy moly, I could not have chosen a better woman to sit next to so I could share my gifts and wisdom.  As the plane was about to land and we exchanged emails and phone numbers, she looked at me and said, “When I was walking up the aisle to find my seat, I prayed and asked God to let me sit next to someone who would have a message for me.”

I know more than ever that I am always guided and provided for when I listen and follow my heart.  I “show up” and trust there is a divine plan and God’s timing is always perfect.

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I love being a BRIDE

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Mar
30

It’s hard to believe that at age 70, I am planning a wedding. As Larry’s gift to me, he has given me free reign to choose what I want as far as decorating, songs, invitations, etc. He was happy to be included in the selection for the catering menu at our reception. We know where his heart is! I am grateful for this gift because it takes a lot of stress out of the equation.

I have to say, I love being a BRIDE. Some refer to me as a “blushing bride,” but I am not blushing because I am enjoying every moment of it and having fun. Right from the start, Larry and I both affirmed that everything would flow with peace, ease and grace because we know weddings can be very stressful and we work hard at avoiding stress in our lives.

I found the perfect wedding dress- the first one I tried on and it fit me to a tee. I feel like Cinderella with my new sparkly diamond sandals that I purchased at “If The Shoe Fits” shoe store. I was so excited that I took a picture of them and posted them on Face book. I had lots of comments and 100 likes. I was at a Beatles concert last night and several women who saw the post walked by me and said, “I love your shoes.” We girls like our shoes!

My Maid of Honor, Kati, and I created the wedding invitations and we just love them .It took several hours (and some swearing) before we finally got it right. We prayed, asked for help and didn’t give up. I showed the invitation to a friend and she said, “I will use this like a vision board for what I want to attract into my life.”

I am making the flower arrangements for the ceremony, reception and my bridal bouquet. Although I really want to do the flower arrangements, it is probably the most stressful part of it all because I have to decide what flowers I want. When I left the florist the other day and had made my decisions on what flowers I wanted, I felt like I was floating on air and full of joy. I know it will be beautiful and many of my girlfriends have offered to help.

“We make plans and God laughs.” This certainly holds true in what we just experienced with our wedding plans. As I shared in an earlier blog, we were getting married in a beautiful little Hawaiian church on Maui with a reception to follow at Cafe Ole at the Dunes. Invitations were done and ready to be sent out when I received an email from the minister, “Pat, I am so sorry but the church is no longer available for your wedding. The board just informed me that there was a prior event planned that involves all the churches in Hawaii coming to our church at that time. Can we do it another day?”

I would say that not having a church to get married in is a big change of plans! As I read the email to Larry, we looked at one another in shock and said, “O.K, now what?”

Within the first 5 minutes, God’s grace was evident as I started to do the EFT tapping that I mentioned in a blog a few weeks ago. It really works. I could feel my body relax and it felt like the tension was like a balloon that had been deflated. It was amazing that we both felt peaceful in the midst of what could have been a lot of drama.

In the past, we may have gone into a panic, felt angry and indignant that this happened to us. Instead, we accepted it and knew that it was going to work out for our highest good. We were being given an opportunity to trust and practice what we believe.

We discussed a few different options and called some other churches in the area, but to no avail. All of a sudden the idea came into my mind to get married in our beautiful home. Why not? We will turn our home into a sacred sanctuary filled with love, friends and beautiful flowers.

I can already see how this new arrangement is for our highest good and going to be much better. I felt kind of restricted as to what we could and couldn’t do with the ceremony in the church. Now we can do whatever we want and we also save a lot of money.

We found a Hawaiian minister to perform the ceremony and he is open to whatever we want to do.. (Www.rev.kimo) My daughter, Mary, will walk me down the aisle (in my living room) to the Alleluia song sung by the priest at a wedding on YouTube. I know there will not be a dry eye in the place, including the both of us.

Here is a poem that describes our journey

LOVE

Wait for it.

A gentle Love,

A tender Love,

A passionate Love, with

big plans, an everyday

Love with quiet moments,

a Love born of trust and faith

“I have a Plan that will make all of Your Dreams Come True

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Jan
6

I am overwhelmed with gratitude and joy as I prepare to leave for my cruise to Mexico in two days and then on to live in Hawaii for 6 months. I truly am living my dream and everything has worked out perfectly, just as God promised.  In prayer this morning I came across something that God had led me to notice in a People’s magazine 5 years ago, and then I remembered.……….

I was in the middle of writing my book, Simply a Woman of Faith and was feeling discouraged.  I even wanted to give up on it because I felt so overwhelmed and inadequate. I went to bed sobbing and saying to God, “I can’t do it, you have chosen the wrong person.” The next morning when I went to work, I was straightening up the conference room and picked up the magazine on the table to throw it away, when the pages opened up to these words – “I have a plan that will make all of your dreams come true.”  I sat down and put my hands in my face and cried some more. I knew in my heart that Spirit was speaking to me.

Have you ever felt that desperate and wanted to give up on your dreams? I shudder to think my dream almost died inside of me because of my fear and that I didn’t believe in myself. Of course, those words from Spirit and my daily prayer of “showing up” gave me the courage to finish my book, leave my job of 20 years as a therapist, and now today, leave my home, family and friends to live my dream in Hawaii. I know it is God calling me there and I trust everything will unfold in peace, ease and grace. I believe that “you get what you expect” and I am expecting many doors to open to adventure, miracles and magic.

For the last month, I have been in the process of “letting go” on a daily basis, so the new can come into my life.  Even though I am very excited about the adventure ahead of me, and what God has planned, it has not been easy. The tears have flowed when I thought about leaving my home of 12 years because it has always been a healing, sacred sanctuary for me. Saying goodbye to family and friends has been difficult also. My new tenant, Carrie Ann, moved in on January 1 and we both feel so blessed and in awe because we know this has been a match made in heaven. I could not have chosen a more suitable spiritual (and neater) woman to rent my home while I am in Hawaii. Right before sending this out, I received an email from Pat in Maui welcoming me to my new home that she was getting ready for me to move in to. She wrote, “A new year, a new life and I look forward to your aloha moment in Maui.”  And so do I.

God has a plan that will make all of your dreams come true. Never give up on yourself, your dreams or God. You are not alone. It is God who has placed the desires of your heart inside of you. You have a gift for the world and God needs you to be His/Her instrument. Believe in yourself and the miracles that will find you. Be grateful and say Yes to receiving all that God has planned for you.
Aloha, Pat