Browsing all articles tagged with Spiritual bypass

I didn’t want to do a spiritual bypass

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Are you fortunate enough to have someone in your life who “sees” you, listens to you without trying to fix or control you, validates you and your feelings no matter what you are going through in your life?  I am very blessed to have Larry, family and girlfriends in my life that listen and don’t judge me so I can be authentic and real.

I believe EVERYTHING happens for a reason and is for my highest good, especially when I’m struggling and I don’t understand why things are going the way they are.

I have been doing all that I can do to heal my candida; diet, Probiotics, Sovereign Silver, herbs, teas, natural candida supplement, colonics to name a few. I know it can take a long time to get rid of it and I’ve been patient, for the most part.

My friend, Kati, and I went out to breakfast to a French restaurant over the weekend.  I felt anxious when I looked at the menu and realized there was nothing I could eat that was on my diet. The waiter was not to congenial and said they don’t do special meals.

Kati said, “We will go someplace else, we don’t have to stay here.” I felt terrible because Kati really likes this restaurant and I didn’t want her to not have her favorite crepe which she was looking forward to.

I said, “I’m so sorry.” I was surprised as I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes. I then shared with her my frustration and anger that I was still dealing with the candida and the restrictive diet that I have been on for six months. I had been trying so hard to not complain, stay positive and accept my situation that I didn’t realize I had been holding in my feelings. It was important that I process the feelings that were coming up with Kati. She was compassionate, present as she listened and validated my experience.  I felt HEARD.

Whenever I want to “override” my feelings because they are uncomfortable and I’m afraid to share them, I am doing a SPIRITUAL BYPASS and it doesn’t work. I am no longer willing to do a SPIRITUAL BYPASS and push my feelings down. Giving myself permission to feel my anger and get my feelings up and out is a gift I give to myself and ultimately to our relationship.

What does it mean to feel heard? It means: I feel respected, important, validated and valued. When I’ve been heard and validated, then I AM OPEN for suggestions and advice. I believe what we all want in a relationship is to be heard and not fixed or controlled when we are sharing a problem or difficulty What a gift we give to one another when we are present and listen.

There were many years that I wasn’t heard and that I didn’t hear my partner. I was often defensive and wanting to be right was more important than peace. I am grateful that I have healthy communication skills now and practice them daily with family and friends.

I think we all know the frustration and what it feels like to not be heard. What do I mean by not feeling heard?

It means: that someone is trying to fix me, dismiss me, control me, manipulate me, ignore me, guilt me to get their own way, give me advice or tell me I shouldn’t feel a certain way. This is a sure sign I am not being heard.

It is my belief that EVERYTHING happens for a reason and for my highest good. If we had not gone to this particular restaurant where there was nothing on the menu I could eat, I would not have had the opportunity to feel my feelings and be heard in such a safe and loving environment.

We walked out of the restaurant and found another place that served foods that I could eat. We had a great day playing and laughing together. I felt centered, grateful and back to myself.

I invite you to listen and be present to others as you would like them to be for you.

Ballistic Missile threat to Hawaii

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By the grace of God, I’ve been able to embrace and cultivate an attitude of GRATITUDE for what “shows up” in my life, especially this week when I fell on my face on our family trip to Hana and the emergency alert we received in Hawaii.

I’m able to practice gratitude because I believe that everything happens for a reason and for my highest good. It is not to punish me or to make me suffer, but for my soul to grow and receive love, for love is all there is. Gratitude is a CHOICE. It’s important that I don’t do a “spiritual bypass” by not allowing myself to feel my feelings. When I am disappointed, angry, sad or overwhelmed when something happens in my life, I need to feel all of my feelings before I can change my perspective and practice gratitude. I need to give myself all the time I need to process what is going on, knowing there is no right or wrong way of doing it.

I am grateful for this gift of gratitude and for the many opportunities to practice it.  When I practice gratitude, accepting “what is” surrender, and trust, I am aligned with the Spirit within and will experience peace beyond understanding.

By now, because of social media, most of you are aware of what happened in Hawaii this weekend.  This is the alert we received of our phones:


It is under investigation as some reports are saying it actually was a drill while others are saying it was a MISTAKE and that the wrong button was pushed. It took 38 minutes after the original text was sent out for us to get notification that it wasn’t true. According to media reports, Hawaiians panicked in the streets, crying and screaming for dear life. I didn’t know this but some were told that there was 15 minutes before the missile attacked.  A woman got under her mattress calling family and saying good-bye while another man gathered his family and went into a sewer.

My friend, Kati, had just picked up Herbie and I to go to breakfast when we received the alert on my phone. We immediately turned around and came back to our home. Larry had not heard the message on his phone and was shocked like the rest of us. My daughter, Mary, had gone to the farmers market (which was 40 minutes away) to volunteer when she received the message on her phone. She called panicked and said, I will be right home.” I called a couple of girlfriends and invited them to come to be with us so they wouldn’t be alone. There was nothing we could do, but be there for one another and trust Love would take care of us.

I’m not sure if I was in denial and didn’t believe this alert or if I blocked my feelings, because I didn’t panic and didn’t think this was the end of my life. I didn’t call my kids to say good-bye.  As I processed my experience and my feelings around what happened, I asked myself, “Can we really ever be prepared for something like this?” We don’t know what’s going to happen next in our lives, do we? We only have the present moment and that is NOW. I can choose love or I can choose fear. One minute we are safe and peaceful and the next moment our lives appear to be in danger.

When I live in an attitude of gratitude and know there is only love and love will take care of me no matter what the circumstances are, there is no room for fear or panic. What good would it have done for me to be in the energy of fear and panic?

My heart is full of gratitude when I woke up this morning with my husband and the sun shining and my family safe and sound.

On a much smaller scale than a ballistic missile threat, I had another opportunity to practice gratitude, rather than to complain and feel like a victim. As I shared in the previous blog, we planned a trip to Hana for 2 days. We had a couple of hours to kill before we checked into our cabin so we went to the state park for a picnic and a walk along the ocean path.  As we were walking, my sandal got caught on a small lava rock and I fell flat on my face and cracked my head. You can imagine how my kids felt when they heard me scream and turned around to see their mother  flat on her face.

They immediately helped me up to see what damage had been done as I hobbled back to the car, with their help. Of course, I was shaking as my knee, elbow and ankle were bleeding and I was in pain. Larry was concerned that I may have a concussion since I hit my head pretty hard.

I could have been really bummed out that I couldn’t enjoy the next day’s excursions with my family, but had to rest and keep my leg up. Instead, I allowed Mary and Tim to take care of me and receive their love. They truly were a gift to me and I so appreciated their love and concern. As we know, it’s not easy to receive when we like to DO. Another gift was spending time with Herbie as we played games and cuddled together.

I am very grateful that I didn’t break any bones and that I didn’t have a concussion or permanent damage to my face or nose. Perhaps my body knew what was important and that I needed to rest and receive love. I don’t know why things happen, but I trust it is for my highest good and everything is in perfect and divine timing.




I didn’t want to do a “Spiritual Bypass” with my anger

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My portion of the blog was completed and ready to be edited. I wasn’t feeling comfortable and wondered if Spirit wanted me to write about something different. I remember thinking to myself; I don’t have anything else significant to write about until my experience with Larry this morning.

A few months ago a good friend of mine, Donna, asked, “Do you and Larry ever argue?” I said, “No, we hardly ever argue. We are both pretty easy going and don’t let things bother us.”

I planned on attending a water aerobics class this morning and was running late. I had finished my breakfast while Larry was still making his. I put the dishes in the sink and since I was late turned to him and said, “Do you mind doing these dishes for me since I am running late? “I don’t like to leave my dishes in the sink for him to wash, but I didn’t think he would mind since he would have to do his when he was through with his breakfast. He didn’t say anything to me but the LOOK was enough to communicate to me that he wasn’t very pleased about it. He then said, “I don’t want this to become a habit when you are running late.”

I REACTED in a huff and said, “Never mind, I will do them myself.” I was ticked! I gathered my stuff up and said, “I love you, goodbye.” I could feel the tears already welling up in my eyes. I got in the car and felt the hurt as the tears rolled down my cheeks. Hurt was always easier to feel than my anger. I was taught not to feel angry so I pushed my anger down until it erupted, and often then came out sideways and at the wrong person.

Instead of staying stuck in the HURT feeling and crying, I allowed myself to really feel my anger. Being in the car is a great place to release anger because no one hears you and you can say anything you want. I let it rip and felt better afterwards. I want my vibration to be as high as it can be and I know anger and resentment lowers my vibration. Love and joy are the highest vibration and that is where I strive to be.

I am no longer willing to do a SPIRITUAL BYPASS and push my feelings down. Giving myself permission to feel my anger and get my feelings up and out is a gift I give to myself and ultimately to the relationship. Whenever we want to “override” our feelings because they are uncomfortable and go right to love, we are trying to do a SPIRITUAL BYPASS. It doesn’t work.

By the time I arrived at my water aerobics class, I felt almost peaceful and was able to send Larry love. It was pretty amazing how quickly I was able to work through it. After class I took a long walk along the ocean and did what gives me pleasure – smiling and saying hello to people I pass on the path. I then had my car washed which made me feel really good.

I greeted Larry with a hug when I returned home from class. After I was home a little bit I said, “We need to talk about this morning,” He agreed. As we sat down to talk, he crossed his arms across his chest and quickly realized what his body language was communicating to me and we both laughed.

We both shared our perspectives of what happened that morning, which of course, was very different.  He was feeling upset because he didn’t want to be taken advantage of. His perspective was that I often leave my dishes in the sink and my perspective was I hardly ever leave them in the sink.  During our conversation and listening to one another, we were able to identify some old patterns that were being triggered from past relationships.

After some time of communicating with one another, we were able to work out a plan that was satisfactory to both of us. We both felt respected, loved and heard. What could have become a big struggle, turned out really well. This is a little thing but we wanted to take care of it before it became a big thing.


On one of Eckhart Tolle’s CDs (The New Earth) he talks about how all of nature is alive and connected.  How everything and everyone is all part of one consciousness.  He also suggests that nature doesn’t realize how beautiful it is and how much it contributes to our joy and happiness until we communicate that.  

I thought that was an interesting observation, I had never realized that nature wouldn’t automatically know the effect it had on the whole.  It appears that the sky, sun, mountains, oceans, trees, flowers and birds and all of nature need our recognition to understand that they are awesome, appreciated and beautiful. They need to know that we are awestruck by their vastness and beauty, that just being near them and experiencing their fragrance and color fill our spirits and hearts with joy and happiness.  

We live in one of the most beautiful places on earth. How often do we rush around all day, pass by all this natural beauty and not recognize it?  Doing this is such a disservice to us and nature.  How much joy, happiness and love energy can we receive from just noticing the beauty of a flower?  “Wow” what about the incredibly beautiful sunsets we experience daily on Maui. They don’t know they are beautiful until we tell them so and share with them the joy and happiness we experience every time they appear.

I walk three miles most mornings just before the sun breaks over the mountains.  Everything seems fresh and new, nature waking up to a great new day. The birds chatter deliriously at the prospect of a new day and a new adventure.  I try to take everything in: and tell the flowers that they are beautiful and that they fill my heart with joy and gratitude.  

Have you ever wondered how many people we meet each day or walk by, who may need just a little recognition and appreciation? My daily walks use to take me through one of our beautiful parks. Most days I would see the same homeless person sitting on the grass near the walkway. I would greet him and sometimes stop and chat with him. One day, I commented that he had a discovered a great place to sit near the ocean. He commented, “Ya I like it here. A lot of people walk by and some even say hi or good morning.”  I thought, “Hmmm it’s so important for all of us to be recognized and appreciated.”

How often do we express our love and appreciation for our family members?  We get caught up in the daily grind of making a living, providing for our family, raising children, etc.  Some parents may think, “Hey! How about a little recognition and appreciation for all we do around here.” Some children may think “We work hard in school to get good grades and be good students. We could use a little recognition and appreciation also.”  A few moments of love and appreciation go a long way.

Pat and I have a really wonderful relationship and we realize how important it is to recognize and appreciate each other. Mostly in little ways like thanking each other when we do a chore without having to be asked or making the bed or washing the dishes or making lunch or dinner. A simple recognition and “thank you” goes a long way!  

We appreciate one another when we show interest in each other’s day and really listen when one of us is sharing about something that is important to them. We communicate our love for one another at different times during the day when you would perhaps least expect it. We say things like “I love you” or “I think you have beautiful blue eyes” or “You look beautiful tonight.”  Pat loves little gifts or flowers and cards. I try to pay attention to that.  

What if we changed our attitude from one who needs to be served, to one who will look for ways to be a vessel of love and serve? Do you ever think of saying good morning or hi or aloha to someone you don’t know? It may be the only time that day the person will be recognized and appreciated as an individual.  

On Maui, we have so many people in the service industry. Perhaps taking an extra couple of seconds to recognize them (most have name tags) by saying “hi” use their names, saying “thank you” use their names.  They are not robots; they are real people with hearts and souls. Remember we are all one and we are all connected.

I have made it my practice to recognize and greet every person I meet. I feel it is an important way to be a vessel of love. Some return my greeting and some do not, no worries. I have offered them the gift of love and they can either accept it or refuse it. Not my problem. My responsibility is to offer the gift with no strings attached.

I encourage everyone to find little ways to recognize and appreciate each other. I think when we do that we give the energy and light of love a chance to manifest in all our lives.

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Pat Hastings

Author, Inspirational Speaker, Spiritual Coach, Retreat Leader & Radio Talk Show Host

Simply A Woman of Faith
621 Laniolu Place Kihei, HI 96753