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My anger was hidden inside of me

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Jan
13

I am sure some of you have heard that “We make plans and God laughs.” My dear friend, Donna, came to visit us from the mainland a couple of days ago. It was her first time visiting Maui and, of course, she was ready to explore the island the minute her feet touched the ground. After a harrowing 27 hour flight with some unexpected detours because of the planes engine problems, she was exhausted when she arrived at our home at midnight.

One of the first things she said to me after we happily greeted one another was, “I have some releasing to do and I really want to connect with God.” Within a short time of being here, Donna became ill with a sore throat and cough. It didn’t help that she had jet lag and didn’t sleep the night before. Of course, this is the last thing she wanted to be home bound and not feeling well. She said, “I hardly ever get sick and I don’t understand why.” This was not her plan, but was it God’s plan? Often God wants to get our attention and will use everything to do that.

It is my belief that we attract everything into our lives for our highest good and that our souls know what we need to heal in body, mind and spirit. As I prayed for Donna, I sensed Spirit was doing a powerful work in her and giving her the space and time to release what needed to be released and to connect with her God, which was her intention.

This brought to mind what happened to me about 25 years ago when I went to Bermuda by myself for the first time. It was a very difficult time in my life as I worked through sexual abuse issues. I was exhausted and needed to heal in the warm sunshine. When I got off the plane, I was expecting beautiful, sunny weather. Instead, the sky opened up and the rain poured down in buckets on me. I was optimistic and thought it was just a passing shower. I didn’t think God would have allowed me to come to Bermuda and stay at Angel’s Grotto for it to rain.

I kept the faith for a few days and trusted the rain would stop eventually. It finally did on the 3rd or 4th day and I rented a moped to drive around the island. I was so excited that the sunshine finally came out that I decided to take a trip to St. George which was on the other side of the island. I was in my glory as I sat in the diner for lunch and talked to the locals.

As I put my helmet on and got ready to leave, I looked up and noticed the sky getting blacker and blacker. I knew I was in trouble as I had no rain gear and I was at least 1 hour away. I didn’t know anybody in Bermuda and had to get on my moped and ride back to Angel’s Grotto. Here is an excerpt from my book, “Simply a Woman of Faith.”

“Within minutes, the sky opened up and the rain poured down. I could hardly see as the hail and ice balls hit my face. As each car sped by, water splashed my feet, legs, arms and even my head. Between my tears and the pouring rain, I could hardly see in front of me. I held on for dear life. I had to keep going no matter what. My body trembled with fear and I felt my heart pound inside my chest. I cried out, “God help, my life is in danger and I’m scared to death.”

When I finally reached the shelter a short distance ahead of me, I turned off my moped, threw it on the ground and screamed at God at the top of my lungs. F U God. I felt the anger rise up from a place deep within me. I didn’t get angry at God EVER. I sat on the ground and cried uncontrollably for a long time. All my life I held in my anger and I couldn’t hold it in any longer. Although totally exhausted and spent, I knew deep down that something had shifted inside of me. I got in touch with a well of deep unresolved anger from my childhood sexual abuse. I didn’t know how much anger was inside of me until my moped incident.

I think God, in his ultimate wisdom, allowed this to happen so I could begin to release my anger that I buried for years. Spirit knew it would take a lot for me to get angry – alone in Bermuda on a moped during a hail storm. Clearly, the release was more important to my well being than having beautiful weather. God had thrown His thunderbolts and created the perfect circumstances to heal and free me. I thought I was going to Bermuda to rest and relax in the sunshine. God had other plans, better plans. He knew exactly what I needed.”

And after the moped incident, the sun came out and the rest of the trip was perfect. We make plans and God laughs.

Larry

One of the areas in my life that I am beginning to address is my patience level or perhaps I should say my “impatience” level.  I struggle with impatience all the time.  I am learning a wonderful way to address my impatience.  Eckhart Tolle suggests that when we become impatient it’s because we don’t want to be where we are. We want to be somewhere else doing something different or what we consider the next best thing.  

The secret to dealing with my impatience is for me to “live in the moment and to live in the NOW.”  I have been practicing this for a few months and I’m beginning to really have some incredible moments when I can do this.  This practice has had a profound effect on my impatience.  Whenever I find I’m becoming impatient (like at red lights or in lines at stores or waiting for someone), I just remind myself to be aware of the very moment I am experiencing.  I bring my attention to the fact that I have absolutely everything I need in the present moment and have no reason to become impatient or want to be somewhere else.


The other day I went to the state tax department to pay my taxes. They had two windows open with about a dozen people in the line.  The line was moving very slowly and I could feel the tension growing as people were becoming impatient.  One person was having a difficult time understanding what the clerk was trying to explain to her and was becoming very frustrated and anxious.  I was able to not get caught up in the negative energy.  I chose to stay in the present moment in peace and clarity. I had the presence of mind to ask love energy to be present in the environment. I believe it helped to prevent things from escalating, I know it helped me to stay patient.


I think I figured something out about traffic lights.  I think there are  “red light days and green light days.”  When I’m having a red light day, I get almost all the red traffic lights.  There was a time when I would become impatient about all the red lights, but now I consider the red lights as opportunities to stay in the moment and  send love energy to those around me. I realize that I also have green light days when I get mostly all green lights and those give me opportunities to just keep cruising along.


Thanks for reading our shoring’s we hope somehow by sharing our journey we help others walk theirs.

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Pat Hastings

Author, Inspirational Speaker, Spiritual Coach, Retreat Leader & Radio Talk Show Host

Simply A Woman of Faith
621 Laniolu Place Kihei, HI 96753
pat@simplyawomanoffaith.com
401-862-8859