The root of misery is control
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Author Kute Blackson writes, “The root of misery is control. Control is the master addiction, the hardest one to give up. Control is an illusion, as there is so much in life that we cannot control. When you try to control what you cannot, then suffering is your guaranteed result.”
Control is about CONSTRICTION and CONTRACTION. It’s been my experience that I tend to want to control when I feel threatened or afraid that I’m going to lose something or I’m not going to get what I want. The opposite of control is EXPANSION. It’s about being in the flow, trusting, being, surrendering to “what is” and letting go.
All I can change is ME, plain and simple. I cannot change my spouse, my children, my friends or the world. None of us have that kind of power. We may observe things that are harmful that our loved ones are doing to themselves i.e., not taking care of their bodies, eating poorly, not exercising, staying in stressful situations, holding onto resentments, being unwilling to forgive, caught up in addictions, not leaving a marriage or job that is not for their highest good. The list could go on and on. Can you relate? Is there someone in your life who you would like to change or control?
It is difficult to not want to CONTROL someone you love when you think they are hurting themselves and can’t see it or don’t want to see what they are doing. Of course, we love them and want the best for them. You may be thinking now, “Shouldn’t I share my thoughts and concerns with them?” Of course, you share your concerns about what they are doing or not doing. After you have shared your concerns, the key is to then LET GO, DETACH and PRAY and SEND LOVE. I invite you to ask yourself some questions:
- Do I think I am God and know what’s best for someone I love?
- Why don’t I trust that it is their journey to walk and when they are ready to change something in their lives, they will?
- Is it my egoic thinking that I think I know best and have the answers for their lives?
When I have been “awakened” to something that needs changing in my own life, it is natural for me to want to share it with those I love and want them to get on board. But when I try to push it down their throats, nag, preach, guilt them or leave books around to educate them, it is about trying to control another, no matter how well- meaning I am. My loved ones may never choose to change and it is not my responsibility to change them or judge them
It is disrespectful when I try to control another. So often we are not even aware of how controlling we are and just think we are being helpful to those we love. Thankfully, I am learning that trying to control another’s destiny just doesn’t work.
What comes to mind is a situation that I had with my son many years ago. It was like a light bulb went off when I realized I was trying to control him because I wanted him to UNDERSTAND how I was feeling. I shared with him that I felt hurt about something he had done. He didn’t get it and defended himself. I tried everything I could to make him understand what I was feeling and felt frustrated and angry that he wasn’t getting it and I wasn’t willing to let it go.
All of a sudden (after a long time of trying to get him to see it my way) Spirit showed me that it was my control issues that I needed to look at. I was trying to control his reaction to me because I needed or wanted him to understand what I was feeling. It was a lesson that I will never forget and hopefully never do it again.
I am grateful I have the tools and know how to detach and stay out of another’s business. I have learned to love them just as they are and trust they will change if and when they want to. My responsibility is to focus on myself and what I need to do in my own life and love others just as they are because we are all doing the best we can.
I hated the part of me that felt jealous
By the time you receive this, I will be landing in Boston for our yearly family reunion at my daughter, Mary’s farm. I feel excited to see my family and friends and be reunited once again. I look forward to the “Woman of Faith” dinner & presentation and visiting with old friends & meeting new ones. My friend, Betty, from college that I haven’t seen in almost 50 years is attending. What a blessing and honor it is for me to be invited to share my story of manifesting my dream.
It is my belief that everything I attract into my life is for my highest good and an opportunity (not a problem) to live my best life and to be the best me I can be. It may not feel like an opportunity at first and I may not like it and I may even complain, but my faith experiences has shown me otherwise. Often when I “perceive” it to be a difficult situation, it is an opportunity for me to trust God more or to let go of my control (which is an illusion) or to reveal to me an area of my life that is still unhealed or wounded and needs to be released and transformed. I had the opportunity this week to love myself when Spirit revealed to me where I had some old patterns and beliefs to let go of.
I had just sent finished writing my blog “Feelings are a gift from God” and knew I needed to practice what I preach. I wrote in my journal, “What’s brewing God? I feel a “shift” and dip in my energy.” As I thought about it, I realized I started to feel the shift after I read something about a woman I know on Facebook who had received 1,000 likes from her post. Clearly, I felt jealous because I was comparing myself to her and feeling “less than” because I never had 1,000 likes. I knew my ego was at work and pride was rearing its head. Although I remembered feelings are not right or wrong, feeling jealous just didn’t feel “right.”
I knew it was important to not judge my feelings and beat up on myself like I had done for so many years. Instead it was a call from Spirit to be gentle, compassionate and give love to myself. I needed to love the unhealed, wounded part of me that was surfacing even more than I had been. I realized that the “old” patterns of comparing, competition and not being good enough will “pop up” from time to time, but it’s happening less frequently and that’s the good news.
It takes vigilance and awareness to identify the “old” feelings, behaviors and patterns. It takes practice to see the truth of who I am as divine being of Love. I know I have the power to overcome feelings of separation and lack because love fills my heart and soul. We have to be awake and aware and WILLING to allow whatever needs to come up to be healed and transformed.
There was a time in my life that I “hated” that part of me that felt jealous and compared myself to others. I then learned to welcome in all feelings, including jealousy. Today, I am choosing to love that part of me and not judge her. I asked myself, “How can I love myself in this moment?” I could take a nap, take a hot bath, call a friend or paint. I decided to paint and it felt so good. It was exactly what my soul needed.
I then asked myself, “What is the gift or lesson that I need to learn from this”? As I was meditating, this phrase came into my consciousness. It was, “Bloom where you are planted.” I hadn’t heard this in probably 40 years when my ex-husband and I made a Marriage Encounter. I am planted in Maui. My kids are planted far away in other states. I’m not going to bloom where I am not meant to be and God doesn’t want me to be and neither are they. How easy it is to judge someone when we don’t understand their path or journey because we wouldn’t do it that way. That was the first lesson that I learned. We all have to follow our heart and not judge where another is planted.
For flowers to grow beautifully and to their potential they need to be pruned and the dead flowers need to be cut off so the new buds can come forth. Like the flowers, I am being pruned so new growth can happen. I am being pruned of feelings of separation & lack which includes not having or doing enough, behaviors and patterns of competition and comparing. This is a life-long process, not an overnight one.
I asked myself, “How do I know if where I’m planted is God’s will for my life and where I’m supposed to be? All I could think about was that I will be “blooming” if I am where I am meant to be. I know I am “blooming” here in Maui because I feel more love than I have ever felt and I’m loving more than I have ever loved. I know that I am ONE with the God within. I feel peaceful, contented, grateful, creative and happy. I see flowers all around me and I see myself as a “flower” blooming. That doesn’t mean that everything is always perfect because it is not.
After 30 years of marriage, I knew I wasn’t “Blooming where I was planted” because I wasn’t happy and felt unfulfilled. We had grown apart over the years and we weren’t aligned spiritually which was very important to me. I knew deep in my heart that I wasn’t living my life to the fullest and I needed God’s grace and courage to make a change and move forward in my life. It was one of the best decisions I have made in my life.
I encourage you to look inside and ask yourself, “Am I planted where God wants me to be and am I blooming there?” If you are not “flowering” where you are planted and feel discontent, unhappy or depressed, it may be time to take responsibility for your life and ask God guidance and direction. Whether it be a job or a relationship or a marriage, you deserve to be happy and fulfilled. If not now, when?
I resisted and didn’t want to do what God wanted me to do
I normally start writing my blog on Thursday of the week before I send it out. I am so grateful that I have learned to trust myself and what I need to do in each moment. I knew I didn’t have anything inspiring to write about this week, so I didn’t even sit down at my computer on Thursday. Sometimes, what I need to share just comes when I sit at the computer and pray for inspiration.
I had a sense that I needed to wait until I completed the “Queens Code” (Making Sense of Men) workshop to start the blog. I shared a few weeks ago that I had received a free certificate to attend the “The Queen’s Code” weekend led by Allison Armstrong.
I felt excited about the weekend and what I would learn to make my relationship with Larry and the men in my life even better. I also had the feeling that I was going to meet someone at the workshop that I needed to meet, although I had no idea why or whom it would be.
The morning of the workshop, while in meditation, I heard God say to bring a copy of my book, “Simply a Woman of Faith” and that I was to give it to someone who really needed to read it. I said, “O.K. God, but how will I know who to give it to”? God said, “You will know, I will show you.” I chuckled to myself and imagined myself walking around trying to figure out who looked like they needed more faith.
During the afternoon, I remembered my book sitting in the bottom of my bag and that I hadn’t given it to anyone yet. I had no idea who to give it to. Then I heard God say, “Give it to Allison Armstrong.” I immediately resisted the idea and thought why would she want to read my book? I wanted to ignore this prompting and pretend that I didn’t hear it. I felt embarrassed and clearly didn’t want to give my book to Allison Armstrong.
As much as I wanted to resist the idea of giving my book to Allison, I also wanted to be obedient and listen to what I thought God was asking me to do. I have learned to not question God when I hear him and let go of the outcome and what I will look like. I said, “O.K. God I will give it to her, but I need to run into her.”
At the next break, I left the conference room to go for a walk and brought my bag with me, which I usually left on my seat. As I walked through the lobby of the Marriott Hotel, I noticed a stunning “older woman” (my age) with a beautiful hot pink scarf and matching hat sitting on the couch talking with another woman. We spotted each other at the same time and I was compelled from the across the lobby to compliment her on her outfit. I said, “I love that color pink you have on.” The next thing I knew I was walking toward her and reaching for her hand and asking her who she was.
We introduced ourselves to one another and immediately started sharing our lives. She told me she was a spiritual teacher, healer, and international speaker for the last thirty years, but that for the last year she had been ill and unable to work. She said, “I have been resting and learning about faith and trusting God for all of my needs. God has provided free housing for me and a friend just offered to pay my monthly car payments.”
Of course, I shared with her my experience of being on welfare and food stamps when my husband was out of work for a year. I shared some of the miracles of how we were always provided for each month and I told her about my book.
I had goose bumps throughout my whole body when I realized this is who God wanted me to give my book to, not Allison Armstrong. I told her what happened during my meditation that morning and that God wanted her to have my book.
She thanked me as I handed her my book. We both looked intently into each other’s eyes as if we had known one another for years. I knew this was a divine encounter and “Godincidence” as I call it in my book. We exchanged telephone numbers and I invited her and her friend to come to my home for tea. She said, “I truly believe that we were meant to meet and God has something more for the both of us.”
The break was up and I had to get back to the conference. We hugged each other again and as I looked into her eyes and saw her beauty, I knew it was a reflection of my own beauty. I practically danced away as we both kept saying, “WOW.” I know there will be more to the story that I will be sharing with you as it unfolds.
The lesson for me is that God just wanted to see if I would listen and do what He wanted me to do when I was resistant and didn’t want to do it. Once I said yes and surrendered, then I could be led in another direction while following my intuition and doing what felt right and peaceful in the moment.
As far as the workshop goes, it was great and I learned some new things that I didn’t know. But most of all, I recognized how much inner work, healing and transformation I have done to manifest the most beautiful relationship with the man I love.
I woke up at 3 a.m. in a panic
I woke up at 3 a.m. and thought about all that was on my plate at the same time and said out loud, “Holy SH… It felt like the perfect storm was coming together at the same time. I got up and grabbed my journal to write it all down (instead of keeping it all in my head.) I felt better after I did this and eventually went back to sleep because I thought I had a plan.
I needed to pack and get ready to move out of my friend, Jodene’s, home in two days so I could move in with my friends, Patrick and Nicole, for the next two weeks until my new home was ready to rent. This meant deciding what I wanted to bring with me (food, clothing, important papers, etc.) and what I wanted to put in my friend, Barbara’s, second bedroom.
My girlfriend, Joni, was getting married on Friday (two days from now) and I am her “wedding planner” which means I am in charge of the decorations and making sure everything runs smoothly for the wedding and the reception. I spent several hours last week designing nine flower arrangements for the tables at the reception, which I loved doing. This is my first real job in my new business “Beauty in Bloom Florals.”
My friend, Dr.Gina Kim, and I are planning to do a retreat together “FREE TO BE ME” on March 29th and we will be getting together next week to prepare for that.
I needed to get car insurance for my new car and it needed to be registered so a trip to the Department of Motor Vehicles was in order. We know how stressful that can be.
My new home is already beautifully furnished so I will be having a yard sale to get rid of much of my stuff. I have my boxes piled high in Barbara’s second bedroom, which meant I had to pull the boxes out and go through them to see what I wanted to sell and what I wanted to bring with me.
I wondered why I had so much on my plate at the same time and how I was going to handle it all. Of course, I had no idea I would be moving at this time and the wedding date was planned 6 months ago.
What was most important for me was to stay peaceful and I knew that was a choice. I reminded myself that moving was high on the list for stressors so I had to be vigilant with my thinking and I needed to stay close to God.
In prayer the next morning, I wrote out a list of what was important and what I wanted to do:
1. Pray about everything and ask for guidance
2. Choose to live in peace by making it a priority
3. Ask for help when I needed it
4. Let go of things that weren’t important and I could put off until I was settled.
5. Do the next right thing
6. Focus on Love
7. Stay in the present moment
8. See the beauty all around me
9. Rest and take naps
10. Do one good thing for myself and someone else each day
11. Trust the process
12. See the signs all around me that the Universe is always supporting me
13. Simplify and have a plan
14. Be open to receive from others
15. Affirm that “I have all the time I need and it will flow with peace, ease and grace”
16. Choose to be ok with “being in between” and not knowing how the future will unfold
17. Be patient
As I shared in last week’s blog from the Daily Word, “I surrender to the wisdom of God within, even when I don’t know where that might lead. Like the skydiver who surrenders bravely to a free fall, as I trust God, I am assured my parachute will open. I know there may be a free fall – a period of uncertainty – but as I LET GO AND LET GOD, I LAND SAFELY IN NEW TERRITORY.”
During prayer one day, I was led to go back over my journal for the past month and reflect on my own inner growth and shift. I knew something major had shifted inside of me and I wanted to recognize it, embrace it and honor it.
On March 1, 2014 I wrote, “I am BESIDE MYSELF with excitement and joy for what is happening in my life and what I have co-created with God. I then asked myself, “What did it mean to be BESIDE MYSELF?” It meant that God and I are ONE and that God is strapped in behind me, the parachute is the Spirit that will carry me higher and higher (just like the paragliding that I did a few weeks ago.) It meant that I am my own counselor, cheerleader, advocate, Higher Power, friend, lover and I can be trusted, for the wisdom of God is within.
For much of my life, I looked outside of myself for my answers and I thought that everyone else knew what was best for me. In reality, I gave my power away to every Tom, Dick and Harry that came along. I am not beating up on myself, because I didn’t know any other way. I didn’t know how to trust myself because I wasn’t taught how to trust myself.
Today, I trust myself, go within for wisdom and I teach others how to do that. For the first time in my life, I went INSIDE for my answers in regard to the decisions around renting my new home. It was a huge step in faith and a “knowing” that I was being led every step of the way. It was a QUANTUM leap of faith (double my rent) and the name of the house will be the HOUSE OF FAITH.” I plan on leading individual/ group retreats/vacation and workshops that will be dedicated to God’s healing and transformation.
Let me know if you would like to come to beautiful Maui and do a guided/individualized retreat with me. How awesome would that be waking up every morning and seeing the ocean? How much better could it get that this?
I walked up to the man and said, “I need help”
Last week I shared about some of the ways I love myself. This week I would like to share about the ways I’ve felt loved, provided for and protected by the Divine.
I left my house early Saturday morning to facilitate the retreat/Play’dom, “Fall in Love with Your Inner Goddess.” I planned on meeting, Kati, the co-facilitator at 8:45 a.m. to set up the space and get it ready for the women attending. I had ten minutes to spare when I noticed the big “garage sale” sign on the corner of the street. If you have read my book, you know that I am the “Yard Sale Queen” and just couldn’t resist a yard sale. I jumped out of my car to look around the yard sale. I found nothing interesting and walked back to my car. But, to my dismay, my car was dead as a door nail and wouldn’t start. I needed a jump start– perhaps I should not have jumped out of my car!
I looked around and noticed a man walking his dog across the street. I walked over to him and said, “Hi, my name is Pat and I need some help.” I explained that my car was dead and I needed a ride to a house just a few blocks away. He said, “Sorry, but my wife has the car.” I am not in the habit of asking men that I don’t know for a ride, but I was desperate. I thanked him and walked back to my car. A lady was outside on her lawn and I said to her, “I need help.” She was so gracious and offered to drive me to my destination. But, I looked up and spotted Sally, a friend from my dancing group walking out of the yard sale. I thanked the lady and asked Sally to drive me to the house. I left my car there and off we went. I totally forgot about my car and concentrated on the women at the retreat.
Thank you God for bringing Sally at the perfect and right time to help me when I needed it. Thank you God that I wasn’t in the middle of nowhere and had a safe place to leave my car for the day.
The retreat was a success and the women all loved it. We laughed, prayed, danced, sang and healed together. At the end of the day, Kati drove me back to my car to see if it would start. No, it was still dead. I called AAA and they said they would send a truck out in 40 minutes. When the mechanic arrived and jumped my car with his cables, he said, “I’ve never seen this before, the problem may be the starter or the alternator. Lady, you better drive this car right home and bring it to your mechanic as soon as you can.” I knew if I drove my car home, which was 30 minutes away, I would have to call AAA in the morning to have it towed to my mechanic. My mechanic lived a few minutes away from where I was.
At this point, I could hardly think straight and didn’t know what to do. Kati said, “Why don’t you just call your mechanic and tell him what is going on.” It is now 7:00 p.m. on a Saturday night and Kati and I are hungry and exhausted. What is the likelihood of my mechanic answering the phone and being there?
To my surprise and delight, Andy answered the phone on the second ring. “Hi Andy, this is Pat, remember me, the lady that bought the 1997 Camaro.” I explained to him what was going on and I was just a few minutes away. He said, “Bring your car right over and I will look at it
Andy’s garage is attached to his home and when we arrived he was working on another car in the garage. He popped the hood of my car and said, “It just needs a new battery and I have one here that is almost brand new. Would you like me to put it in for you? I can have it done in 10 minutes.” Of course, I said, “YES.” I was never so happy to write him a check for $100 and have a new battery put in my car.
I drove away thanking God all the way home for taking care of me in such a magnificent way. It just all worked out perfectly from Sally picking me up and driving me to the house, to Andy being home at 7:00p.m. and having a battery there to put in my car. I love how the Universe works when I trust and surrender.
I shared in last week’s blog about meeting the angel, Heidi, on the beach and that her message was, “Be Yourself and Let Go.” On the morning of the retreat, Kati took her walk, and ran into Heidi walking on the beach. They stopped and talked for a few minutes. Heidi said, “I have some new books in the trunk of my car that I want to get out into the world. Do you know of any women who would like them?” Of course, Kati said, “Yes, I am leading a retreat later today and there will be 10 women there who would love them.” I was amazed when Kati told me the story and how “Heidi” showed up again at the perfect and right time. The name of the book is “Awaken Your Royalty – A playful blending of Body, Mind and Spirit –by Heidi Hohani.
I finished this part of the blog 5 days ago and KNEW there would be another “story” of God’s love to share, but I had to wait. God is faithful because the “story” was born tonight.
My friend, Kati, and I were having dinner together and catching up on the week’s happenings. As women do, we went from one subject to another. I shared with her about writing my blog and was waiting for another “story” of God’s love to unfold. We both agreed it would happen.
My birthday is October second and Kati said, “What do you want to do for your birthday?” I said, “I have never been to Hana and would love to take a trip there. Everybody talks about the “Road to Hana” with the beautiful waterfalls, windy roads and pools. It is definitely a must while in Maui. Kati agreed to check around to see if we could find a place to stay for a night.
As we were chatting, a young woman walked by selling colorful leis. She stopped to greet us and told us her name was “Faith.” We talked for a few minutes and then she walked to the table behind us to greet the two women sitting there. Kati said, “I just heard the woman sitting at that table say she lived in Hana.” Kati and I just looked at one another and said, “Hmmmm.”
The next thing I knew I was up and walking over to the table to introduce myself to the women. “Hi, I’m Pat and I overheard you say you lived in Hana. I live in Maui Meadows and want to visit Hana for my birthday next week. Do you know of a place we could stay?” After thinking for a minute, I was shocked when she said, “Do you want to swap houses? I am staying with my friend here tonight, but I love to come down this way when I can.” That is how this “Divine Connection” began. We decided to talk over coffee after dinner.
I went back to our table with a big smile on my face and said, “Kati, you are not going to believe what just happened. We have a place to stay in Hana – and it overlooks the ocean.” We call it Maui Magic or “Ask and you shall receive.” We needed a place to stay while in Hana and God answered the prayer. We will be “swapping houses” for 2 nights.
My new friend, Carol, shared with me that she wants to move to this area and this is perfect to stay in my ohana for 2 nights. My friend, Linda, from Massachusetts is coming to visit me in November and Carol and I will be “swapping” homes again so I can take Linda to Hana.
I invited Carol and Sherri to see my home after we spent time getting to know one another at the restaurant. They are both women of faith and were thrilled when I gave them my book. I just never know when God is going to “show up” in my life. I do know that God is faithful. I have a feeling this is going to be a very special birthday. And it has only just begun!
I received an email from Sherri yesterday that read: “Aloha. It was “Divine Intervention” at work last night. I have been reading your book all day and thanking God for making our paths cross. I love your book and I can relate to so many things. Mahalo for taking the time to write it and gifting me a copy…..I’m so thankful to have met an AWESOME lady like you.
As I ponder God’s action and love in my life this week, I am reminded to ask for what I need, have faith, trust God in all things, and to know that I will be provided for at the right and perfect time.
“My shit is coming up and I hate it”
When an artist sits down to paint, she doesn’t know what will come out on the paper. She may have some ideas, but she doesn’t know what the finished product will look like. When I sit down to write, I also don’t know what the finished product will look like. I am trusting that what I share with you today will inspire you to go deeper and give you the courage to love the parts of yourself that are hidden and perhaps, hated.
My “plan” was to write about my adventures of camping for the first time on Labor Day weekend. I may still do that, but God had other “plans” for me to write about, first. It would be easier to share the camping adventures, but I don’t think that is what I am meant to do.
I had forgotten that whenever I am preparing to lead a retreat, my “stuff” comes up. My friend, Kati, and I are leading a retreat called, “Fall in love with Your Inner Goddess ” in 2 weeks. I called her in tears yesterday and said, “I am a mess and my shit is coming up.” I was half-hoping that she wouldn’t answer her phone and I could leave a message and ask her to pray for me. She lovingly said, “What’s going on and I know there will be gifts from this.” I said, “This sucks” as the tears continued to roll down my cheeks. The intensity of my feelings surprised me as I blurted out, “I HATE THIS PART OF ME. I don’t want to love this part of me. I won’t love it because I am embarrassed and ashamed that I am still struggling with this.”
I babbled on about how I was struggling with comparing myself to others and looking outside for validation. I was angry at myself because I thought I had dealt with this “stuff” a long time ago. I asked myself, “Why is it coming up now and why do I still look outside for validation – for someone to tell me how great or gifted I am?” I know that looking outside of myself for validation is empty and nothing but an illusion. It is self-love that I need.
In fact, I had just said to someone a couple of days ago how I used to struggle with comparing myself with others and that if I become aware that I am feeling “less than” and comparing myself, I sing out loud, to myself “STOP IN THE NAME OF GOD.” It always works.
Somehow my “Higher Self” knew that singing this time wasn’t going to work and that I needed to really allow myself the time and space to explore and go deeper. I am all for changing my thoughts to feel better, but sometimes what is needed is to sit with my feelings and allow them to move through me. I spent time alone in prayer and meditation and loved myself the best way I knew how. I hugged myself, took naps and did breathing exercises to help release emotions that were hidden.
The first step in loving me was to be honest and vulnerable enough to call Kati and ask for help. It’s easy to share with someone, after the struggle is over, how I got through it. It is harder when I am IN MY STUFF and feel out of control and afraid. I didn’t know until that moment that I HATED this part of me. I knew I wasn’t pleased with myself when I compared myself to another, but I didn’t know there was HATRED there.
I am reading a book called, “The Power if Receiving” by Amanda Owen. In her book she talks about the importance of loving the light and the dark parts of ourselves so we can be whole and integrated. She has an exercise called the “Monster Party.” We have a party in our imagination and invite all of our friends to attend. We then invite our “inner monsters” one by one to come out into the light to be transformed and healed. I had a “Monster Party” and invited comparing and looking outside for validation to come out of hiding. It was time to love that part of me that was hidden and in the dark. She didn’t trust me at first and felt a lot of shame. It was very powerful to see the transformation as she reluctantly came out of the dark dungeon within me. I said to her, “Let me lead you and hold your hand. I want you to meet my friends and family. You have been hiding too long and I want you to feel my love and the light of God.” As she came out and stood up straight, I saw the beauty in her eyes and she was happy that she was now free.
As I shared in the beginning, Kati said, “There will be gifts for you through this experience” and she was right. I believe that the deep shame that was hidden in my subconscious mind was brought into the light and healed. When I hate a part of myself and it stays hidden in the recesses of my mind, I am not free to move forward and be the woman I want to be. I need to have love and compassion on myself for the wounded parts of me that still need healing. This will be a lifelong process.
The tears and my desire to love all of me allowed this to come up and be transformed by the light of Spirit. I will no longer need to compare myself because I can now see my beauty and my gifts. I will celebrate others gifts because I can now celebrate my own.
I asked God for a dream to comfort me when I went to bed last night. It had been quite a while since I remembered a dream and I really needed one after all that I experienced during the day. I woke up at 4:30 a.m. to write down the dream.
The dream was very powerful as I was climbing a mountain and reached the top. In my dreams, this means that I am moving closer to God, spiritual attainment and overcoming obstacles. My grandmother, who loved me unconditionally, and ironically today was her birthday came to me in my dream. It had been years since I had a dream about her. I also realized that today is my anniversary of moving to Maui. My grandmother helped me move into my new home that had just been built. Moving to a new home in dreams is significant because it means I am moving out of the old and moving into a new state of consciousness. The symbolism in the dream could not have been any more perfect.
By allowing the process of going deeper into my soul and the subconscious, I was able to bring to the light what I hated in myself and had not been able to accept. It was like it was buried alive. God lifted me up and I experienced God’s love and light in a new way. It feels like the deeper I go, the higher I go with God. The dream about climbing the mountain was certainly a confirmation to this. I have read from the spiritual masters that the DEEPER we go with God, the more we will see our darkness that needs to be healed, transformed and brought into the light. I am grateful that I am on the right path and going DEEPER with God. Rather than feeling like we are going backwards, the truth is that we are moving forward so that our light will shine even more brightly.
Is there something that you don’t love about yourself or haven’t accepted? I invite you to go deeper into your soul and allow Spirit to bring those parts of yourself into the light so you can be transformed. Have a Monster Party and let it all hang out!
“I had many nights of not sleeping”
There is major construction work going on in the house I am living in and there is major construction work going on in me too! This morning as I sat to do my daily prayer and meditation, I heard a knock on the door. I opened the door and a man asked, “Could you please move your car out of the driveway so we can begin our roof work.” I replied, “No problem.” I moved my car and then came back into the house to pray. After about 5 minutes I knew that it was going to be impossible to meditate with the loud machinery right outside my front door.
I picked up my journal and spiritual books and decided to drive to the ocean which is only a few minutes away, in the hopes that I could sit and meditate there. I had just sat down and gotten settled when I heard loud noises in the back of me. I turned around and saw a couple of men sawing down a large tree trunk. I thought to myself, “You have to be kidding me, I just left that noise.” Then I asked God, “What is the message?” This is what I heard, “You cannot allow outside distractions to disturb your peace. You must learn to always go inside of you where there is perfect peace and love.”
I realized in that moment that I had a choice. I could complain about the noise or I could be grateful for “what is.” I chose to be grateful for everything around me and before I knew it, I didn’t hear the loud sawing anymore and I was able to pray. I think there will always be some kind of distraction in our lives and we have to be vigilant about what we think about and what we allow in, so we can stay in peace and BE the instrument of love and peace that the world so desperately needs.
There are universal laws that operate in our world and one such law is that what we focus on we manifest. In a Science of Mind magazine (Nov. pg 52) it states, “When we experience a situation that we don’t like, it is important that we don’t complain or gripe about what has happened. Accepting “what” is, is different from resisting or fighting “what is.” Acceptance lifts us to a higher plane allowing us to see the solution to the problem. Acceptance places us in a vibration of peace.”
A few minutes later, I read in today’s Daily Word that….
“Spiritual growth is an ongoing process and a very personal one. I open myself to insights every day and my lessons come in many ways. From the moment I wake to the time I go to sleep, I have opportunities to learn and grow. An important part of my spiritual development is learning to make wise choices. I can choose to have a positive attitude or a negative one. I can choose to make healthy or unhealthy decisions for my mind and body. I can choose to enhance my relationships, treating others in kind and respectful. Spiritual lessons are always available. I embrace them and rise to a higher level of understanding each day.” Daily Word, Jan. 30
As you all know, I chose to move to Maui in September. There are times that I still cannot believe that I am here and I am constantly saying,”Thank you God that I am living in Maui.” I sometimes, ask “How did I get here and how (I know the HOW is none of my business) did I manifest living in paradise?” I don’t know the answer except that it was God’s plan for my life and I said, “YES.” I also ask, “What I am to learn and how do you want me to serve you best?” Maui has opened me up and made me willing to look at every area of my life that needs to change so that I can make wise choices regarding my body, my mind and spirit. I walk almost an hour a day on the beach, practice yoga, dance, swim, and I’m starting a painting class next week and going to a Tai Chi class today!
For years, I have had problems sleeping and have been prescribed medications to sleep. I started to feel uncomfortable with the chemicals that I was putting into my body and wanted to explore more natural ways of healing and sleeping. My daughter, Mary, is an herbalist and has been encouraging me for a long time to get off the medication, (thank you Mary for your patience with me), but I wasn’t willing and ready. I first had to admit to myself that I was making unhealthy choices for my body.
I shared with my friend, Kati, about my sleeping problems and she invited me to an energy healing class that she attended. I decided to check it out and have been attending weekly classes ever since. Although I am still learning and exploring, I find this energy healing fascinating and powerful. I have made changes – big changes, but not without resistance to change. I started slowly weaning myself from the medication that I have taken for years to sleep and started natural remedies.
It has not been without challenges that required me to practice what I believe, and I have had many nights of not sleeping, and have been willing to try different remedies of herbs and homeopathic remedies. God showed me how I wanted a “quick fix” and how impatient I was. I knew the medication that I had taken for years worked, but I also knew it wasn’t good for me. I prayed and asked God for guidance and clarity on what was the best choice for my body. To be honest with you, I didn’t want to be patient, I wanted to sleep!
As I was working through some of this, I received two emails from my friends, Trudy and Sandy, who had researched different websites with natural health remedies to sleep for me. I had not asked them to do this for me and was so grateful that they took it upon themselves to provide me with this information and new options. It was an answer to my prayer and my mind was being opened to healthier ways of sleeping.
Then, a few days later, I met Katherine at Unity Church. We both felt a connection to one another and decided to take a walk together the next day. We talked non-stop, sharing our stories and what brought us to Maui. During the conversation, I told her about my sleep problem and she shared she also had a sleep problem, but had found something that worked for her. She gave me the name of the homeopathic remedy and I went to the natural health store that day to get some! I used it the last few nights and although not perfect, I am hopeful that my natural sleep patterns will return.
What I have learned is that I CAN be patient and not give up because I want to be healthy in all areas of my life. When we ask God for clarity and guidance, we get it if we listen and are open to the signs. God sent me three women to help me make the right decision for my life in regards to the medication.
I have also found that being a part of the weekly energy classes has awakened me to new ways of healing and taking responsibility for my health and well- being. I feel so blessed that my friend Kati introduced me to Okada Purifying Therapy (OPT). OPT is a Japanese healing technique that was founded by Mokicha Okada in the early 20th century. This energy healing method uses Johrei to support the body’s own immune system and stimulate the self-healing forces. Johrei is a Japanese word, with the simpliest translation of which is purifying spirit or “golden light energy”. It works by removing impurities from the spiritual body by channeling light energy, thereby causing reaction of purification of the spiritual, mental and physical body.
As I walk in faith, love my God-self, trust and let go, I know from experience that I am always given everything I need at the perfect and right time. There is no need for me to worry or fret about anything. God is as close to me as my breath. I continue to open my heart to RECEIVE more good from God, knowing that I am deserving and worthy. As I receive from Spirit, I can give to others. As my son, Tim, says on his answering machine, “Life is good!”
Let Go, Let God – Daily Word pg. 54
“Some say worry is the most common – although unintentional – form of prayer. It is a habit of focusing on negative possibilities, and it drains one’s energy and blocks effective action. Rather than worry, I choose to focus on positive possibilities and trust God for right outcomes. Becoming still in prayer, I see beyond any seeming setback to the activity of God within the situation. I know all those involved are enfolded in God’s love and guided in every way. In the silence, I release any need for a specific outcome and open to spiritual solutions. As I transform my thoughts, I am relieved of any worry. I trust God in all things, and I am free mentally, emotionally and spiritually.”
“YOU Got it going On”
After living in Maui since January, I can hardly believe that I will be returning to Rhode Island in 2 weeks (and selling everything so I can move back here to live full time.) I am so excited to see my family and friends that I am counting the days until I get back there. It has been an amazing journey of transformation, love, surrendering, letting go and healing. I have learned so much about myself, my beliefs and what needed to change inside of me in order to be the woman God created me to be and for me to receive more good in my life.
As I walked home from my walk today, the two words that popped out for me were “No push, no rush.” Hmm…..that’s interesting, I thought. That was my way of being. I was always pushing myself to do and be more and rushing through life like I would miss something if I didn’t rush. In fact, I called myself a “Rushaholic” and it exhausted me. I realize now that these behaviors came from the belief that “I am not good enough and not worthy and deserving of good things.” Over the years, I have worked hard at changing these beliefs that no longer serve me through prayer, meditation, journaling, visualizations and affirmations. Every once in awhile, I catch myself rushing or racing, but much much less than it has ever been. Today, I truly enjoy going with the flow and following my intuition.
God’s timing is perfect and I have been reflecting on how perfectly everything has been orchestrated on my behalf with my housing both here in Maui and in Rhode Island. I am leaving this beautiful condo on the ocean that I am renting with Pat and Bob on June 26 to return to Rhode Island. Pat and Bob will be moving into the new condo they bought on June 30 and then my tenant, Carrie Ann in Rhode Island, is moving out of my condo and settling in her new condo on June 29! I could not have planned that any better. It is truly amazing what happens, when I let go and let God handle how things work out. I can’t wait to see what will happen when I return to Rhode Island to sell my house. I am already thanking God for the right and perfect person to buy my house and for the right and perfect price.
I plan to buy my return ticket back to Maui for September 5, 2012. My friend, Ellen, is going away for the month of September and has invited me to stay in her condo while I look for a place to rent. I am very excited to see how it will unfold and the beautiful place that is already mine in the mind of God. When I think about leaving this condo on the ocean, each morning when I look out, I say “This is something better, God.”
I would like to share another way I heard God speak to me this week. I encountered the woman who was staying in the condo right next to mine, and she turned and smiled as she walked back into her condo and said, “We just got here 4 hours ago. I can see you have been here awhile, YOU GOT IT GOING ON! ” I smiled and thought, wow, I do got it going on girl, but I didn’t know it was so obvious. I walked around all day with giddy excitement, saying to myself, “YES, I GOT IT GOING ON!” And guess what, YOU have it going on too! Just saying this out loud has really shifted my energy and I am now saying it to others and love to see their face light up and smile.
Can you picture that? Try saying it aloud and see how it feels. Other than feeling sassy and confident, I decided to answer the question “what does this mean to me?” It means that God, my essence and my God-self is shining out and radiating love to the world as I remember who I am and that I am ONE with God. My prayer was “Thank you God, I feel so blessed, loved and excited about the adventure of the future and all that you have planned for me. I say YES to your divine plan.”
Another thing I have learned about the Divine Plan is that it requires having faith that the right doors will open for me when necessary, and the right doors will close for me as well. This week I had an example of God closing the door in my face, and how it all worked out for the best. Ellen approached me with the news that her 94-year-old friend, Ester, was selling one of her cars. Her daughter had bought her a new car and had given Ester her 1999 Ford Escort. Ester was selling it for a great price and even though it was an old “Maui Cruiser,” it seemed to be in decent condition. I called the insurance company and the DMV and got all the information I needed. Believe me, this was not my plan to buy a car before I moved back here, but it seemed like the right thing to do since it came to me and I felt peaceful. My prayer was, “God, close the door if this is not your divine plan.” I was excited to think I would have a car all set when I moved back to Maui and it seemed like a confirmation that “I really am moving back here.” To my surprise, a few days later, Ester called and said, “I am really sorry but my daughter decided not to sell her car, after all.” I got off the phone a little stunned and disappointed, but very quickly said, “Thank you God for closing the door.”
Then my next thought was that “I will get a car for free.” I really liked that idea and it will be interesting to see how that manifests. I asked myself, “Did I only feel deserving of an old Maui Cruiser?” Perhaps God wants more for me and now I see myself driving a shiny convertible red car!
As I sat on the beach looking into the ocean and feeling very peaceful, I overheard a few words in a conversation behind me. All I heard was “RELAX, it will come to you.” I believe those words were meant for me. I have used this affirmation for years and it seems to apply here, “Everything I need is streaming toward me, I open my hands and receive.” I believe my soul mate will come to me, the car will come to me, the right place to live when I move back to Maui will come to me, and the right person to buy my house in Rhode Island will come to me. My job is to “show up” do my part and leave the HOW up to God. It works every time.
Daily Word Magazine
I am part of and immersed in the order of life. My breathing is orderly and rhythmic, as is my heartbeat; neither requires my control or direction. I relax into the flow of divine order and allow God to express in and through me, guiding my unfolding. As each new day begins, divine order manifests in all I think and do. Divine order is established in my life, and I am grateful.
Like the eagle, I am meant to soar. I am meant to let go of fear and limitations, to apply the strength and abilities God has given me. I place my faith in God and my spirit soars.
“I am Letting Go of the Need to Know”
I am practicing letting go of the “need to know” what will happen tomorrow, the next month or next year. Believe me, it is a daily practice to let go of the “need to know” and trust that all is well in the present moment. This is not easy because I feel safe when I think I know what’s coming next, although this is an illusion because no one is guaranteed tomorrow. All I have is this precious present moment to live as I choose – in love or in fear. I have learned from experience that life is short and I don’t get to know when a loved one will leave this earth. I believe that the “need to know” is about wanting to be in control – which stems from fear of the unknown.
For example, I am letting go of the “need to know” where I will live when I return to Maui in September, and when my house will sell in Rhode Island, and when I will meet my soul mate, and if my money will run out or if I get sick, who will take care of me in Maui! In other words, I am doing my part through prayer, meditation, listening to the small still voice within and following my intuition. I am leaving the HOWS up to God and letting go of the outcomes. That doesn’t mean that I don’t have a plan, because I do, but I am surrendering my plan to the divine plan and this is where I find my peace.
The “need to know” kept me paralyzed for 7 years while writing my book. I was afraid to risk and take the next step to move toward my dream of writing my book. But for the grace of God, I faced my fears, published my book and my life has never been the same. I left my job of 20 years as a therapist to start my own spiritual business and now I am moving to Maui to live.
Many people stay stuck in jobs or relationships that are unfulfilling or unhappy because of fear and the “need to know” how it will turn out. The spiritual path is about taking one step at a time and walking in faith while being open to receive more good, and then being available for the gifts that God wants to give. I have learned to just do the next right thing, trusting God will open or close the door for my highest good, as I move in faith. I trust that doing the next right thing is going back to Rhode Island June 27, selling my condo, and letting go of my “stuff” that I have accumulated over the last 33 years.
For me, the spiritual path is about surrendering my will and trusting in a Power greater than myself. That is living in faith. Faith is always the path for me whether it is having faith in God, faith in myself, faith in the universe and that everything is unfolding according to a divine plan. I am using the same “proactive thanksgiving prayer” that I did when I moved to Maui in January, which worked out better than I could have imagined. This is how I pray: “Thank you God for the perfect and right place to live in Maui and thank you God for the perfect and right person to buy my house.” Norman Vincent Peale writes “Do not always ask when you pray, but instead affirm that God’s blessings are being given.” An affirmation that I use is “I am in love with the adventure of life.” I am very excited about my “new life and adventure” and can’t wait to see how it all unfolds. I know I will be sharing many miracle stories.
I would like to share a recent example of “being present” and doing the next right thing. I went to the ocean early in the morning to pray, mediate and go for a swim. As I walked down the beach after my swim, I said a quick prayer, “God, please lead me to someone to talk to.” I went back to my chair and sat down. Within a short time, this young man with a big tattoo on his arm literally plopped down “right next to me on the sand” and started talking to me. I thought it was a little odd (and scary) especially since he had a brown bag with a bottle of beer in it that he was drinking for lunch. I thought to myself, “Okay, God is this you and what do want me to say to him?” He talked about himself for quite a while and told me he was a musician, an artist, a writer and had lived in Maui for 5 years. I silently prayed while we continued the conversation. I asked him what he liked most about Maui and he said, “The temperature and the ocean.” He then asked me, “What do you like the best about Maui?” I said, “The energy and spirituality of the island.” That opened the conversation to a whole new level. I asked him, “Are you connected to a power greater than yourself?” His face lit up and he said, “Yes, I am and I am on a spiritual path.”
Scott and I talked for 1 ½ hours about God, Source, finding your purpose, love, values and the importance of meditation and a daily spiritual practice. I shared with him some of my stories in my book and he got “real quiet” and choked up when I told him my “blouse story” and how God provided for me. I told him I had prayed to be led to talk to someone that morning. He smiled and said, “That’s heavy and rad!” I guess that’s a good thing!
It was so refreshing talking to a young man who wants to make a difference in the world and is on the spiritual path. By the time we left, we were old buddies and we hugged each other and thanked each other for being there and sharing. As he walked away, he kept turning back and saying “thank you and God bless you.” I never know who or what will “show up” and when my prayers will be answered, and I also learned I can’t judge a book by its cover.
Then I decided I needed to be more specific in my prayer! “God, lead me to a man who is spiritual, tall, dark and handsome and my age, not my kids age! I trust that when I meet my soul mate and tell him I prayed and visualized us getting married; he will also think that’s “Rad.” Tonight, while taking my walk on the beach, I saw 5 weddings. I know it will be my turn soon because God is faithful and knows the desires of my heart – because God has placed them there. All I have is this present moment to live my life to the fullest and enjoy what God has given me. I am living my dream. How about you?
MY SOUL HAS PATIENCE AND CONTAINMENT – Heart Steps, Julia Cameron
I am patient. I am able to live with ambiguity. I am able to allow situations to evolve and alter. I am able to await outcomes. I tolerate quiet periods of non-knowing while solutions emerge and present themselves. I do not force solutions. I expect the successful working-out of difficulties and differences. My heart is wise. It knows when to act and when non-action is the action to take. I trust my patient heart. I trust the power of my containment.
I Finally Got It!
I finally got it and I am so grateful! It will be seven weeks since I have been in paradise and it has been quite a ride! I have been sharing with you the struggles as well as the joys of being in Maui. I am happy to report, not only am I living in Paradise but I have found Paradise inside of me.
I had a major shift in my consciousness while in prayer this week. Deep within my soul, I knew the reason I was here was to receive God’s love. It seemed so simple and yet profound. I said, “God, do you mean I don’t have to do anything?” “Yes, I want you to experience my unconditional love without having to do anything. How will you be able to receive the love from your soul mate that I have planned for you if you are unable to experience my love completely and unconditionally?” Wow, I knew God was speaking to my heart. It’s been over two weeks since I received this message and I feel an incredible freedom to enjoy the present moment, to be in the flow of the Spirit and to trust each moment and experience to unfold perfectly. I am invited to play in God’s playground and enjoy every moment. This is a gift from God with no strings attached. I don’t have to do anything to earn it.
My daily intention is to stay peaceful, to love and to serve. Last Sunday my phone died suddenly. I went to the Verizon store and they were able to restore it to it’s original state, even though it meant losing all of my phone numbers, pictures and music. I felt grateful that it was restored and I went about my merry way of putting in the telephone numbers again (the ones that I had.) I was determined to stay peaceful, accept “what is” and not complain. Three days later the same thing happened – my phone died! I brought the phone back to the Verizon store, but unfortunately they weren’t able to restore it this time. I needed a new phone and it had to be shipped to me from the company. They promised they would FedEx it overnight. I still haven’t received it, but I’m still peaceful, which is a miracle and God’s Grace! I can’t wait to get my phone back and catch up with family and friends.
My friend Pat said, “Hmm…Pat Hastings is not connected to the world” when my phone died. I immediately thought to myself, “Yes, I am disconnected from the world but I am not disconnected from God” – which is the most important thing to me.
I took my daily walk to the Ritz this morning and felt totally connected to the God within. I remembered I am ONE with the Power and Source of my being and my life. As I felt the wind blowing through my hair, I raised my hands to the heavens and said, “Take me as high as you want me to go, God.” I felt peaceful, grateful, joyful, happy and loved. I realized that I was totally fine with being alone and in fact truly enjoying my own company. There was a time when I would never go to a restaurant alone because I worried people would think I didn’t have any friends. Boy, have I come a long way!!!!!
I am leaving for the Big Island on March 17th for two weeks to visit my friend Eileen from Rhone Island. While there, I will be leading a two hour workshop called “Vision is having Faith in Your Dreams” at the Aloha Center For Spiritual Living. I am very excited about this opportunity to share my faith story of transformation and how I manifested this trip to Maui for six months. As I reflected on my journey since November, 2010 (when I was first came to Maui for two weeks, in September 2011 for a month and now for six months) I realized how much “inner work” I had to do to change my thinking and then to step out in faith and actually move here. I had to be willing to let go of fear, scarcity thinking and not feeling deserving. To think, I am living in Maui when all I had was a social security check, a small pension and a whole lot of faith is truly amazing, even to me.
When you follow your heart, your dream, your vision and you say YES, the Universe takes over and makes a path for you. Never give up hope because it often takes time and perseverance for manifestation and lessons need to be learned. Remember, you are loved and don’t have to do anything to earn that love. There is always more life to live if you have the courage to step out and receive all that God has planned for you. You are worth it and you deserve it. You only have one life to live so live it to the fullest. I am living my dream and so can you. Faith is the answer: Faith in God and faith in yourself.
I have heard from many of you that my newsletters inspire and encourage you. I would love to hear about your journey and how you are living your faith and moving forward.
Aloha
Some affirmations you may enjoy:
I am a magnet for love that draws more of itself to me. I am a mirror that reflects God’s love into the world.
“Happiness comes from quiet contentment, an inner sense of certainty which cannot be shaken. The mind must reach a place where it no longer remembers past anxieties or looks into the future with uncertainty.” Ernest Holmes
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