My heart has EXPANDED to receive more love. I feel full, peaceful, grateful and happy. Larry and I celebrated our first wedding anniversary on Mother’s Day. Our love has grown and deepened for one another. As we open our hearts to receive more and more love, we are able to give more to others and be the vessels of love that we are intended to be. Here is an example of what happened this week as we opened our home and hearts to an almost stranger.
“My name is Christelle and I live in Switzerland. I have been on an amazing journey since August when I landed on Maui for a retreat. I decided to take a year off from work and give myself the opportunity to experiment and to travel without a plan. I listened to my intuition and trusted that life would show me the way to follow.
I met Pat 3 weeks ago on the first day of our Maui Sacred Sexual Awakening & Healing Retreat. We instantly connected and shared lots of time together on the retreat. I had attended a Sacred Sexual Awakening retreat in Costa Rica in November and had experienced deep healing, even though I was very fearful. I highly recommend this retreat to all women.
I knew Pat would also feel a deep sense of joy and release going through her fears. At the end of my first retreat, I was deeply in Love with Life or I could say, in Love with Love!
Unexpectedly, after the powerful Maui retreat I felt deeply sad and felt like I was lost in the middle of an inner storm without any compass. One of the other women on the retreat was staying on Maui for another week and invited me to stay with her. Pat invited us both for a visit to her home during the week. My friend was leaving the next day and I still felt like I needed to stay on Maui. I said to Pat, “I will look for a B&B to stay longer.”
Pat spontaneously invited me to stay with her and Larry and I quickly realized that is what I wanted to do, even though I felt uncomfortable to receive at first. I said YES, trusting that if she offered it to me. she really was ok with it. What a blessing I said YES. Pat and Larry are pure unconditional LOVE.
In the middle of the inner storm after the Maui retreat, (which needed to come up for healing) I felt a little desperate and wondered why, as human beings, we are unable to get our energy from a loving source, (love, God, consciousness) and express ourselves and share with others from that source. rather than getting into power struggles. I felt deeply sad about this realization and wondered why we (including myself) use so much energy to run away from that source of love and why it is so difficult to use our energy to go back to that source to find it?
When I arrived at Pat and Larry’s home, I felt like I had landed in a loving island, exactly what I needed and even more than that. I was surrounded by two amazing human beings who nourish themselves in the source of Love and act and share with the other from that source. I spent 6 days with Pat and Larry and felt unconditional love, the kind of love I want to share with others and my partner in life.
Pat and Larry take time for themselves to do what nourishes them and spend time together as a couple to love and respect one another. When they were together, they were truly present to each other and were playful and laughed a lot at themselves. They trusted that whatever happened each day was a gift and for their highest good. They are open to unexpected amazing adventures.
In the middle of my inner storm, I know that life and love led me to Pat and Larry to show me how I can nourish myself from that same source of unconditional love and that it is possible to live from a loving source.
By saying Yes when Pat invited me to stay in their home, I said Yes to Love which came through them. I allowed myself to receive love from them and to share that love with them. I loved myself by trusting in the power of unconditional Love.
Thank you love, life, God, Consciousness and both of you for your presence in my life. Thank you for who you are and for helping me remember that I can trust myself and to keep believing in unconditional love. even when I am lost in the middle of a storm. Remembering both of you and the time we shared will now be my compass when I will get lost again.
Thank you Spirit and thank you Christelle for receiving and allowing us to give you unconditional love. It was truly a joy having you here and sharing your adventure with us.
I am sure most of us have been “wrongly” accused of something at one time or another in our lives. It can be very painful and traumatic and may take a long time to heal. Some of you may still be struggling with something in your past that you are holding onto. Of course, it is only natural to want to defend ourselves and prove our innocence. It has been my experience that Spirit allows things to happen to show me how I have grown (or not grown) in how I handle situations where I have been accused of wrong doing.
For example: I attended a water aerobics class this week and the teacher who I had just met invited me to her pool party on Saturday. A few days later, she saw a friend of mine and told her how upset and angry she was with me for something someone told her I did.
Of course, my friend was shocked and said, “That doesn’t sound like Pat.” When my friend called and shared with me what happened, I felt embarrassed because of the things she accused me of doing. I was shocked and felt terrible. I immediately called the teacher to explain what happened. She didn’t answer her phone so I left a message and apologized for the misunderstanding and asked her to please forgive me.
What I know about myself is that I would never intentionally hurt another person. We all have different perspectives and experiences in life so, unfortunately, we do hurt others and may never even know it.
Instead of beating up on myself or doubting myself, after my friend called me, I released it and didn’t let it ruin my day. I called the teacher and took responsibility for what actually happened. I was a little anxious about seeing her when I attended the next aerobics class. When I prayed about it, I heard Spirit reassure and say “You didn’t do anything wrong and I want you to walk into the class with your head held high. Know that I place everything and everyone and every encounter in your life for a reason. You are learning to trust that more deeply.”
I approached the teacher before the class started and asked if she received my phone call. She said, “Yes, and I wrote you a response 2 days ago, but haven’t sent it.” She was still angry at me and couldn’t understand my actions. I tried to explain my side of what happened, but she didn’t want to hear it. I found out later that she accused me of doing something that was second hand.
I needed to let it go and send her love. I am not responsible and cannot control what other people think of me or say about me. All I am responsible for is me, my actions and keeping my side of the street clean. I can hold onto resentments and ruminate about what happened to me until the cows come home. What good does that do? It only hurts me and robs me of my peace. Whenever the situation popped up in my mind during the day, I released judgment and sent her light and love.
Spirit showed me how I had grown because I didn’t take it personally and I moved through it quickly.
This situation brought to mind what happened to me in my career over 10 years ago when I was wrongly accused of something I didn’t do. It devastated me and took every ounce of energy and prayer to move through it. Someone I trusted had gone behind my back to the boss and said things about me that weren’t true and almost cost me my job. I am so grateful for the friends in the department who loved and supported me through this. In the end, I was vindicated and the truth came to the light, which it always does. But during that time, I learned some valuable lessons about life.
Instead of being bitter and resentful when I walked by her office every day, I learned about forgiveness. I quietly prayed, “I release judgment and send light and love.” It was the only way I could remain peaceful and remain at the job until I was ready to retire.
We can become BITTER or BETTER by what life brings us. I chose to become better. I wasn’t going to allow someone else’s behavior to determine my behavior. It wasn’t easy, but peace was more important to me than being right.
How about you? Is there someone in your life that has hurt or betrayed you and you have been unable to let go and forgive? If not now, when? Forgiveness is a choice and it is for you, not the other person. You are not condoning the act, but forgiving the person for what they did. Take yourself out of the prison of resentment and free yourself to live the best life you can live. Remember, we are not promised tomorrow. All we have is today.
Aloha friends, thought some of you may be wondering why I haven’t been contributing to the blog the last couple of weeks. Truth is, I haven’t had anything to write about. I seem to be in a place right now where it’s better for me to listen instead of writing. I was reading in Alan Cohens book entitled “Enough Already- The Power of Radical Contentment” today and Alan shares a story about an annual retreat in Assisi, Italy. The retreat is basically silent, the rule is: “Speak only if what you have to say is more powerful than the silence.” He also shares about the benefit of being silent and listening. We all go through times in our lives when it is better to listen and not speak so much. It seems like this is where I am right now so I will keep listening and write again when I feel whatever I have to say seems more important than my silence.
Getting back into my “LIFE” after 2 weeks of being away takes some doing, or shall I say some BEING. I am so grateful to be home to paradise and to my sweetheart, Larry. Before I left to visit my family on the mainland, my INTENTION was that my trip would flow with peace, ease and grace and that I would get into the FLOW of activities immediately. I didn’t want to give into “jet lag” with traveling 5000 miles across the ocean and being too tired to spend time with my family. My prayer was answered because I felt great and didn’t waste any time getting into things. I visited my son, daughter-in-law and new grandson in Connecticut and then went kayaking with my children and grandchildren the next day.
I had a wonderful visit with my family and girlfriends. My 4 children attended the annual family reunion at my daughter, Mary’s, farm and my son, Tim commented, “This was the best one yet” and I agreed. I held my new grandson, River, for the first time and what a blessing that was. I had so much fun with my grandsons: Jarred who will be 2 years old, Zach who will be 25 and Josh who is 20.
It was a busy time and the 2 weeks flew by. Although my life on Maui is much slower and relaxed, I was able to keep up with all of the activities, but was often in bed by 9 p.m. My daughter, Mary, and I gave a retreat for 20 women at her farm. It was a powerful day of healing and transformation. We look forward to giving another one next year. We also celebrated the grand opening of “The Sage Clinic” (naturopathic clinic) which was started by Mary and Naturopath Dr. John McGonagle.
When I returned home to Maui a few days ago, I wanted to “jump back into my life” and not “waste“ any time. There was so much I wanted to do; answer emails, get pictures developed, call friends, follow-up with women on the retreat, write thank-you notes, write blog, unpack suitcase and on and on. I quickly recognized that it didn’t take me long to get back into my “DOING” mode. Perhaps I feel more in control and more powerful when I am in the DOING mode and have a long list of things to accomplish. Of course, there is nothing wrong with doing, but FIRST THINGS FIRST.
As I prayed about what “TO DO” next, I heard God say, “I want you to relax and just BE.” I asked myself, “Did I think BEING was just wasting precious time?” Time is a gift God has given us and it is up to us to do what is best for ourselves. By the grace of God and my willingness to listen to Spirit, I was able to relax and take care of myself. I took several naps, sat outside and enjoyed the breeze, flowers, ocean and the mountains.
You see, my body was clearly very tired from the schedule of the last 2 weeks and being up for 24 hours when I traveled back home. But my mind and perhaps ego was saying something different. My mind said, “You need to get things done first before you can relax.” I realized this was an old belief that no longer served me. I remember when my children were teenagers and clearly capable of taking care of themselves. I wasn’t able to relax until everybody was taken care of. Not knowing any better, I put myself last.
If I want peace (which has been my daily INTENTION for many years), then I must pay attention to my body, mind and Spirit and give it the love it needs. I choose to live in the moment, follow my heart and trust that I am being led and that everything is in perfect and right order.
I have been reading Michael Singer’s book, “The Surrender Experiment” and Eckhart Tolle’s, “Stillness Speaks.” In both books the authors encourage their readers to learn to accept whatever comes into their lives and not resist.
My understanding of what they’re saying is that there is a Higher Power available to us and we can be helped by this Higher Power with any of our life’s situations if we just remain open to that possibility. The experience may not be pleasant and may even be painful. We are encouraged to just accept, no matter what it is. If we feel that we just can’t accept what’s happening at this time in our lives, then accept that we can’t accept. By accepting, we stay open and we allow the Higher Power to grant us the gift that each life experience is bringing us. By resisting what’s happening, we close ourselves to our Higher Power which prevents us from receiving help.
As I write this piece, I am being distracted by my neighbor’s gardener who is using his loud leaf blower and weed whacker on one side of my home and on the other side they are doing construction. I can imagine my Higher Power observing me with a smile as I try to concentrate and accept in this present life situation.
Accepting is a new way of life for me. The other day I decided to take a nap in the early afternoon. We don’t have air conditioning so we keep our windows and doors open. As I lay there, I became conscious of just how noisy it was outside. Dogs barking, people mowing lawns, hundreds of birds singing and chirping, etc. Usually, I would feel frustrated, impatient, angry and get all stirred up and would go into the “poor me, poor me” mode.
I have been working very hard to learn to be more accepting and just allow things to be the way they are. I decided to accept everything that was going on outside and stay open to possibilities. Before I knew it, I was able to visualize this commotion outside as a large philharmonic orchestra playing a beautiful symphony. I know this sounds crazy but it was really cool and before I knew it I was asleep.
I know this is just a small example in accepting, but if I can develop a new habit of staying open to life situations then hopefully, I can become more open to accepting larger situations as they arise.
We’re finding that it seems to be easier to “accept life situations” when we really try to live in the moment and not pay attention to what may happen in the future or what has happened in the past. Tolle suggests that what is happening in a life situation is not us; we are “who is observing the situation.” We are the one who is conscious of what is happening in that situation. It seems like when I can remember that I am an observer in the experience, I can stay open better and accept what is happening in the moment.
It’s such a positive experience to allow ourselves the opportunity to be flexible, to not be afraid of change, to be open to new ideas, and to accept the gift of joy and peace that is being offered to us. I send you the energy of love and light to help you on your journey, please accept my gift.
“For I know the plans I have in mind for you, declares the Lord. Plans to prosper you. Plans to give you a hope and a future. Jeremiah 29-11. For years, this has been my favorite scripture and I have trusted and believed it would come true.
Have you ever waited and prayed for something that seemed like it took years for it to happen? You may even still be waiting. You watched your friend’s prayers being answered while you waited patiently (and sometimes impatiently) for yours to come true. You prayed and prayed, surrendered it to God, did a vision board and still nothing happened? But you didn’t GIVE UP on God’s promise and your dream because in your heart of hearts, you KNEW that someday it would happen. It is my belief that God puts the desires of our heart in our hearts to be fulfilled in God’s perfect timing. What is the desire of your heart?
Many of you already know my story because I have shared in past blogs the desires of my heart. The desire of my heart was to meet my soul mate. I knew deep within that was the reason I followed my heart to Maui. I thought it would happen quickly since I had already been waiting for over a decade.
Maui is an island that couples in love come to so it wasn’t easy watching couples walk hand in hand on the beach every day. I learned to bless them and send them love, trusting my day would come in the perfect and right time.
My day has come and I would like to shout it from the mountain tops. I am so grateful that I waited and trusted in God’s perfect plan and timing. Here is my story:
I met Larry 2 ½ years ago at a dance when I first moved to Maui. It was the first dance that I attended and didn’t know a soul. I liked how Larry looked and danced so I asked him to dance. Being a gal from the east coast, I knew I had to ask the guys to dance if I wanted to dance. I found out that he was from Connecticut so there was some connection, but that was it. When I moved here permanently in Sept. 2012, we started to take walks together and share spiritual truths. Over the 2 years, we became best friends, talked on the phone daily and said, “I love you” to one another. We learned to trust and depend on one another’s love.
All of my friends and children kept asking me, “What is it with Larry?” because all I talked about was spending time with Larry. His friends asked him the same question. We would both just say, “We are just friends.” I didn’t feel any romantic feelings for him and that was fine for both of us because we didn’t want to risk losing the relationship we had.
When I moved a few months ago, Larry was there for me every step of the way supporting and loving me. There was nothing he wouldn’t do for me. I truly don’t know how it happened, other than the anointing of the Holy Spirit, but I noticed some “stirrings” for Larry deep within my soul and I suspected something had shifted in regards to my relationship with Larry.
I was shocked and beside myself, for sure. I didn’t want to tell him because I had made it very clear to him that I wasn’t interested in a romantic relationship and I was scared how this would affect our current friendship.
As I stood in front of the mirror brushing my teeth one morning, I heard God say, “You need to tell him your feelings.” I argued, “I don’t want to tell him my feelings” God said, “You need to tell him your feelings.” I said, “Ok, I will tell him.” I knew God would win out eventually so I gave in and agreed to tell him. We went out to dinner that night and I just couldn’t get it out of my mouth so I didn’t tell him. As I walked to the bathroom, I looked up and noticed a BIG sign on the wall that said, “TRUTH.” I thought, “Yikes, my God is everywhere and I better pay attention.”
The next day, I called Larry and asked him to come over because I was feeling overwhelmed. Of course, he said, “Yes, I will come over.” As he sat across from me on the chair, he said, “So, what you are overwhelmed about?” Here was the moment of truth and I didn’t want to blow it. I took a big gulp and said, “I have a bomb to drop.” He looked at me and said, “Ok, what is it?” I blurted out, “I’m having feelings for you.”
The rest is history. My soul mate has been here for 2 ½ years RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME but neither one of us recognized it. The Holy Spirit opened my mind and heart at the perfect and right timing. Did we both need to do more “inner work” and let go of old beliefs in order for this to happen and for us to be READY for this sacred relationship? I don’t know. All I know is that we are a perfect match and he is all that I prayed for and more. He loves me like I’ve never been loved before and I love him like I’ve never loved before. It truly feels like a match made in heaven.
We love to play, talk, pray, laugh, dance and enjoy the present moment. We bring God into everything and want to be “vessels of love” in this world for the rest of our lives together. We believe God has a plan for us as a couple, but we don’t know what that is yet and that is ok with me. Larry is joining me in RI when I come back in August. I am excited for him to meet my children and for them to meet the man God has brought into my life to love me.
My heart intention for writing this is to inspire YOU to know that God has a plan for your life and that God answers prayers and can be trusted to grant YOU the desires of your heart. Don’t ever give up because Love is waiting for you.
MY LIFE UNFOLDS IN DIVINE ORDER – Daily Word
”In an effort to achieve my goals quickly, I may push and hurry. Perhaps I’m trying to harvest my crop of dreams and intentions before they’ve had the chance to mature. Just as seeds need nourishment and time, divine ideas yield positive results when they unfold in their natural time and order. I align with divine order by putting God first in my thoughts and actions. I affirm: I am immersed in the natural flow of life. Attuned to Spirit, I am open to guidance. I listen, observe, and receive nuances, nudges and intuition. I wait or act as guided, trusting that divine order is unfolding. I reap the awards when I align myself with God and have faith in divine timing. “
During meditation this morning, I imagined myself picking people for my team. I remember as a child when the captain of each team picked who they wanted to be on their teams. How horrible it felt if you were picked last.
Instead of team mates, I imagined myself picking words to be on my team and support me on my spiritual journey. I picked 11 words or values starting with Love, Trust, Peace, Joy, Contentment, Freedom, Happiness, Hope, Gratitude, Prayer and Faith. I then imagined myself, as the captain of the team, in the middle of a huddle doing a cheer together. As a cheerleader in high school, this was easy for me to imagine. The cheer was “The team is in the middle, the captain is at the head, they all got together and this is what they said, T.E.A.M. go TEAM go.” I felt so safe and protected being in the middle of the huddle. Perhaps it is also like being in the middle of all the angels and our loved ones.
This visualization reminded me that I am the captain of my life and my team. My team is there to support me and they are dedicated to my success. They want me to win and will do what I direct them to do. In order for them to support me, I must know what I want and then be able to communicate what I want them to do. Do you have a team of supportive people and do you feel protected and loved?
To be the captain of my team means I must be responsible for my life, my thoughts, feelings, actions and choices. I can surround myself with people who are supportive and loving or with people who are energy vampires. I can surround myself with all the values that I chose for my team and call upon them at any time when I need them.
It has been an interesting week and I have spent quite a bit of time alone and going within, remembering what has happened in the past and listening to what Spirit is saying to me today. As I shared last week, I am looking for a new home and there are decisions I have to make. Do I need to make provisions for a storage unit for my furniture and where will I live if I don’t find a place before the end of the month?
As the days tick off, and it gets closer to the end of the month, I am constantly in prayer and choosing trust instead of worry and fear. Have I felt fear? Yes I have. I wrote in my journal one morning that I felt like a little girl who wanted her daddy to take care of her because I didn’t feel strong.
I have surrounded myself with beautiful, supportive, loving beings on my team. I have asked for prayer and help when I needed it. I am doing all I know to do and it’s up to God to do the rest. I know that God is working behind the scenes and preparing the perfect and right place for me to live. I am acting “as if” and packing boxes and cleaning my ohana. I know the miracle is around the corner as I let go and trust.
In prayer, I heard God say to “REST, instead of pushing and rushing. Give your fears to me and have faith that you are being taken care of. Let go of worrying about HOW your needs will be met because I will take care of all the details. Be open to receiving gifts and help from other people.”
Has this ever happened to you? One minute you are full of peace, knowing all is well and the next minute you are so stressed that the tears are pouring out of you and you just want to crawl up in a ball and go to sleep? Perhaps just the human condition! When I’m feeling like this, it is an invitation not to judge myself, but to love and accept myself just the way I am. It is not only an invitation to be gentle and to love myself, but to allow others to love me when I’m feeling so vulnerable and weak. To strengthen my faith, I have been carrying a heart shaped stone that says FAITH on it. Whenever my faith is shaky, I just put my hand in my pocket and peace returns. Today, I found a small rock that said, TRUST so that is in my other pocket.
Years ago, when I worked as an alcohol and drug therapist, I had a patient who had real difficulty with the concept of God and a Higher Power. He truly wanted to believe, but it took time for him to get there. I gave him a rock to carry with him and he called it his “Pocket God.” He said, “Pat, until I am able to believe, I will carry in my pocket Pats “Pocket God.” In time, through this small act of faith, he found his own Higher Power.
My own experience this week reminded me of what happened with my client. I told my friend, Kati, “My faith is shaky, please pray for me. I am not feeling like a woman of faith today.” She said, “I know who you are, I will remember for you, until you can remember again.” Sometimes, I just need another person who believes in me to hold that for me until I get aligned with Spirit again and know the truth of who I am and who God is in my life.
What I know about the spiritual life is that it is about progress and not perfection. I pray, ask for help, let go, trust, surrender, do a gratitude list and feel my feelings. I don’t have to pretend that a woman of faith doesn’t have fear. I am trusting that I am moving through it and will come out the other side stronger, brighter and lighter.
I want to stay in the middle of the huddle, with my team of angels and loved ones surrounding me. I know I am protected and God is showering us with divine love. I hold Love, Trust, Peace, Joy, Contentment, Freedom, Happiness, Hope, Gratitude, Prayer and Faith in my heart.
Thank you or praying for me, reaching out to me and offering your home for me to stay until I find my right and perfect home. Thank you for being on my team. GO TEAM GO.
I am Fearless and Free – Daily Word
I am an overcomer. I am bold and fearless. My indomitable inner power comes not from my ego, but from the power of God within me – for God and I are one. All my accomplishments are the result of a TEAM effort. With God as my partner, no one or no thing can defeat me.
I was still in prayer and thought about writing my blog. I said to God, “I don’t know what I am going to write about this week, please give me something inspirational to write about.” I know now that it always comes at the perfect and right time, so I wasn’t stressing.
I had just finished my prayer when the phone rang. It was my friend Donna from Massachusetts. We chatted for a while catching up and sharing our lives with one another. We were about to get off the phone when she said, “Oh, my daughter and her boyfriend broke up right before Easter and guess why they broke up?” I had no idea and said, “Why?” Donna said, “He wants to be a priest, so it is bitter sweet. Of course, she is heartbroken, but handling it the best she can. Then Donna said, “Here is the miracle. My daughter went back to college and someone knocked on her door and asked if she would be a part of the committee for the Catholic group at the college. My daughter said, “But I am Protestant.” They said, “That is ok, we want you.” She thought about it and said, “Yes, I will do it.” After that, they invited her to a 4 – day conference in San Diego, all expenses paid.Right after the breakup, Donna told her daughter, “If not this, then something better.” She said, “I never thought God would work so quickly!” While her daughter’s heart had a crack in it, God was helping to heal it nicely.I was so happy for her daughter and how God provided this opportunity for her, especially in her time of need.
As I took my walk along the ocean that afternoon, I thought about Donna’s daughter and how that opportunity just “CAME TO HER.” I love it when things come to me and I know they are from Spirit. I have had many opportunities, both big and small come to me out of nowhere. I have an example of what happened this morning when I went “yard sailing” I had an unexpected guest stay over for two nights and she slept on the couch. I found the sheets that I had bought a while ago tucked away in a suitcase. The only problem was that I only had a bottom sheet – no top sheet or pillow case. Of course, she didn’t care and we made do with what I had. Next week, I invited a friend to stay over for a couple of nights before and after her conference in Maui.
I often go “yard sailing” on Saturday mornings, but when I woke up this Saturday morning, I didn’t feel like going and decided to have a quiet morning with a walk and swim in the ocean. As I drove to the ocean later in the day, I spotted a yard sale on the way and decided to stop. I spotted the pillow case immediately and bought it for $.25 -and it was the exact same color as the bottom sheet I had at home.Thank you God, you provide for all of my needs. I went to the beach and on my way home; I stopped at another yard sale right on my street. Guess what I bought for one dollar? A top sheet and it was also the same green color as the bottom sheet and pillow case. This is a small example of how God knows our needs and provides at the perfect and right time – when we trust and believe.
I’d like to share a story from my book, “Simply a Woman of Faith” that happened about 20 years ago. God provided the exact amount of money for me to go on a vacation to Bermuda and it came to me,quite unexpectedly and miraculously.
The chapter is “God is my Travel Agent.” With the stress of my husband being unemployed and my own personal problems dealing with sexual abuse that I was working through, my body screamed out for attention. I experienced one sleepless night after another, and constant tension headaches during the day. I desperately needed peace and tranquility. I felt headed for a nervous breakdown and knew I needed to just do something for myself, away from my family responsibilities.
God speaks to me through my dreams and several times a week during that time, I dreamt about going to Bermuda. I pay attention when I have recurring dreams because God uses them to get my attention. “Okay, God, I’ll go to a travel agency and at least check it out.” I went to the travel agency and said, “I want a safe place for a woman to travel alone.” I had never gone away by myself, especially out of the country. “Yes, Bermuda is the place to go,” she answered. “In fact, we have some great deals that I would be glad to show you. I’ve traveled there myself several times and it’s safe. I have the perfect hotel for you.” I instantly fell in love with Angel’s Grotto. The picture on the brochure said it all – overlooking a pristine stretch of pink sand and Turquoise Ocean. It looked like the perfect getaway.
I thought to myself. I’ll never be able to afford this. What am I doing God? I haven’t even told my husband about it. He’s going to think I’m out of my mind, especially since his unemployment runs out and he doesn’t have a job yet. I reluctantly asked, “What does this all cost?” “Only $1,200, everything included. You can’t beat a price like that. Shall I book it?” “Well, yes,” I stammered. “But I have to check with my husband first and see if he’s okay with it. I’ll call you tomorrow.” It seemed like a good deal, but I didn’t have $1200. I didn’t even have $100. As I began to mull it over, the guilt set in and my inner critic attacked relentlessly. “Who do you think you are even thinking about going away? You’re selfish and self- centered. You don’t deserve this. You’re only thinking about yourself.”
I prayed and asked God to guide me. I asked Him to shut the door if this wasn’t His will and open it if it was. Slowly and deliberately, I changed my thinking. “I am deserving and there’s nothing to be guilty about. God is the source of everything and will provide.” When I went home, I said to my husband, “I’m thinking about going to Bermuda on vacation – by myself.” “Oh! Where are you going to get the money?”, he asked. I said, “I’m praying in the money and if God wants me to go, He/She will open the door and provide the money and if not, I won’t go.”
I prayed, waited and watched the money come in. I jumped at it when I received a $50 check from the telephone company inviting me to change carriers. I put an ad in the newspaper for a white fur coat I no longer wore. I only received one phone call inquiring about the coat. When she came and tried it on, she thought it was a bargain for $50.
A few weeks later, I ran into a neighbor while taking a walk. It surprised the heck out of me when she asked, “Pat, do you know of anyone who can help me with my ninety year old mother who just came home from the hospital? I don’t want her to be alone at night. I’m with her in the day and will prepare her evening meal.” “What exactly does the person need to do?” I asked, “I need someone to come over at five o’clock and sit with her while she has her dinner. They would help her to bed right after supper, and stay with her four hours a night during the week.” “I’m interested.” I thought I would jump out of my skin with excitement. “I can pay ten bucks an hour. Does that work for you?” “Yes, I’d be glad to help your mother. When do I start?” “Next week would be great.” The money I made quickly added up and I achieved my $1,200 goal in no time. God opened the door and provided all the money I needed to go to Bermuda.
We have a God that loves us so much and knows all of our needs, even before we know what we need. Sometimes, we ask, like I did for the money for Bermuda and other times, we are provided for without even asking. I didn’t ask for the pillow case and sheet, even though I needed them. I love the concept of open and closed doors as a way of praying and being guided. I trust if the door is closed, it was not meant to be and is for my highest good. If the door opens, I walk through with peace, ease and grace knowing I am in God’s divine will.
Something happened this week that reminded me of how I processed conflicting feelings at the same time. It felt like a “flashback” of a very difficult time in my life with one of my children 16 years ago. This is what happened: I woke up startled in the middle of the night with banging on the front door. I quickly grabbed my robe and ran down the stairs. A parent’s worst nightmare was about to happen. A policeman was standing at the door and I can still remember the terror I felt as if it were yesterday. “Mrs. Hastings, your son was in a very bad accident and he is in Rhode Island hospital.” I blurted out, “What happened, is he okay?” “I am sorry, but we cannot give you any information. We have been trying to call you, but your phone has been busy. I found out later that it was accidentally off the hook.
I ran upstairs and woke my husband up to tell him the news. I threw on something and we were in the car racing to the hospital, following the police car. We didn’t say a word to one another and of course my mind raced to the worst scenario. When we arrived at the emergency room, the nurse escorted us into the room my son was in. I will never forget the pain in my heart to see my 16 year old son wounded and crying out in pain. A short time later, I just about fainted and couldn’t breathe. I had never had a panic attack before, but I had one that night and I was put on a stretcher outside my son’s room. My husband went back and forth between my son and me.
My son has rods in his leg and arm that are permanent from the car accident. When I saw the pictures of the car, I realized they should not be alive and I was so grateful that they were all alive. Shortly after that, I found out that they had been to a club and had smoked pot that night. I was so angry. I remember having the same feelings at the same time – gratitude and anger.
I had the “flashback” because of a similar experience of having conflicting feelings at the same time this week. I asked myself, “How am I to process this and hold the energy of these conflicting feelings?” This is what happened. A close friend of mine shared something wonderful that happened to her and I was so excited for her. A couple of hours later, another close friend shared something that was devastating to him. I was experiencing the same thing, both the gratitude and the devastation at the same time. I asked myself, “Could I be present for both of them at the same time”? With God’s grace, I was able to be present for both of my friends.
We never know what life is going to give us, do we? One minute we are high on life and everything is going smoothly. The next minute we are experiencing a great loss and may feel devastated or betrayed. All I know for sure is that whatever is happening in my life will work out for the good because of my faith and trust in God. Everything that is happening in your life is for a reason and ultimately to grow your soul.
That same day, I received an email from my friend Karen and it put things into perspective for me and reminded me to rise above “victimhood and poor me attitude” when things don’t go the way I want them to go or when a loved one is struggling and in pain. This is the email she sent:
“You have chosen to walk this journey with many other souls. Each and every one of them is in your life for a reason, an experience, or to share in your life lessons and spiritual growth. What I believe is, before we even came into this lifetime we chose each and every player in this game called life. Imagine this visual. You are sitting with a council of spiritual guides and you’re talking about your life plan including what you would like to heal, experience, and create in this lifetime. Then you meet with each soul that will support you in this plan and you decide on the roles they will play in your life experience. Together you discuss and agree upon a soul’s plan that will support all involved in their life’s intentions. Every decision and choice is made from unconditional love. This includes the players in the game that agree to play the difficult roles in order to achieve the desired intentions.”
If you can see it from a higher perspective, that it is for your spiritual growth and that you have chosen this before you even came to the earth, would it be easier to go through? We all have our lessons to learn for our soul to grow. We have chosen these lessons.
People always come into your life for a reason, a season and a lifetime.
When you figure out which it is, you know exactly what to do.
When someone is in your life for a REASON,
it is usually to meet a need you have expressed.
They have come to assist you through a difficulty;
to provide you with guidance and support;
to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually.
They may seem like a godsend, and they are.
They are there for the reason you need them to be.
Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand. What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled; their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on.
Some people come into your life for a SEASON,
because your turn has come to share, grow or learn.
They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh.
They may teach you something you have never done.
They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy.
Believe it. It is real. But only for a season.
LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons;
things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person,
and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life. It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.
No relationship or experience is ever a waste of time. If it did not bring you what you want, it taught you what you don’t want. The greatest gift we can give anyone is our presence and love. When you need encouragement, remember these things. You are stronger than you realize. Life’s inevitable adversities call forth courage and the growth of our souls. You have everything you need inside of you, including wisdom. God’s plan will unfold with perfect timing and in the perfect way. Being vulnerable and allowing other players to nurture and be present for us allows our hearts to connect in a very special way for a reason, a season or a lifetime.
As this year comes to an end and a new year begins, I want to thank all of you who have supported and loved me this past year. It has certainly been a year of adventure, stepping out in faith and living my dreams. I have loved sharing it with you and inspiring you to live your dreams as well. Many of you have written to me sharing your dreams as well as your struggles and how your faith in God has been tested and strengthened. For many of us, it has been a year of “letting go and letting God.”
When you receive this blog, I will be on my way back to Maui from my visit with family and friends in New England. I so look forward to being back in paradise and the warm weather and the whales that are coming back. It was great seeing everyone and spending time together. We all stayed with my daughter Mary and she did a fantastic job of cooking delicious meals for all of us.
We even had snow on Christmas day and 8 inches of snow 3 days later. I was prepared with my heavy coat, boots and gloves as we took a walk through the woods. My son Jimmy and his girlfriend Lara had a beautiful Christmas tree (that he cut down himself) that filled the room and reached the ceiling. We celebrated the Winter Solstice at my
daughter’s farm with singing and a big bonfire, where we were invited to write down what we wanted to let go of and what we wanted to bring in for the new year. Five year old Cielea said, “I want to let go of crying and I want to bring in flowers and a healthy new baby (Her mom is due to give birth any day.)
Even though I had a wonderful time being with my family, “my stuff” came up (which never feels very good.) I think being with family (especially ex’s) triggers old behaviors, patterns and feelings that still need healing. I prayed for a dream, asking for clarity on what needed to be changed in me. God answered that prayer when I woke up from a sound sleep in the middle of the night with a dream that headlights from a car were shining in the room. Spirit revealed to me how I give my power away by looking to others to give me what I need to give to myself. Something shifted inside of me after the dream and I was able to feel peace and get back to sleep. So I am grateful for more opportunities to see what’s inside that needs to be changed; whether it be to detach with love, let go, forgive, or just to focus on the positive, instead of complaining.
I had a pleasant surprise when I returned to my condo for the first time since I left in September. Almost all of my furniture was out of my condo except a small table and lamp in my bedroom. When I put the lamp on, I noticed a ladybug sitting on the table! As I have shared in other blogs, ladybugs are one of my signs of God’s unconditional
love for me. I then looked on the floor and spotted another one. It looked like a mother and baby. I was delighted to received this wonderful gift of love. Then, a couple of days later at Christmas, I received a beautiful bracelet from my son and future daughter-in-law that had a ladybug on it. It came with a wonderful description about the meaning of the ladybug.
“Legend has it that the ladybug was named for the Virgin Mary who assisted farmers once they prayed to her. Keeping fields safe from harm, the ladybug evokes the energy of harmony. A ladybug’s life is short. It teaches us to release worries and to enjoy experiences to the fullest. A messenger of promise, when the ladybug appears in our lives it is telling us to “Let go and let God.”
Not only do I think this message of “letting go” confirms my lessons for 2012, but it will be the theme for 2013.
This is what I read today in “Effortless Prosperity” by Bijan
“As we were growing up, we were taught the importance of being in control; the more control that we had, the happier we would be. The truth is that the more we surrender control to Spirit (taking it away from ego), the more we will be guided in the right direction. It is like jumping into the river while wearing a life jacket. As we float downstream near the rocks, we can try to push ourselves away, but we will usually
crash into them. However, if we just let go and let the water carry us through, it will naturally take us around the rocks. If we just give up control, with little intention of going anywhere other than where the current leads us, we will be carried where we are supposed to go and where it will be best for us.”
More and more I find that I am able to surrender my plans to God and allow myself to be carried where I am supposed to be, in the way that is best for me (even though it may be painful.) I surrendered the sale of my home in Rhode Island to God and I am happy to report that I found a wonderful new tenant. I signed my lease to rent my condo (yea) on January 2 and leaving for Maui on January 3rd. Yes, God came through at the 11th hour and at the perfect and right time!
My prayer and wish for you for this coming year is that you know that you are ONE with God and that you experience God’s love and peace in all that you do.
Recently I had a delightful day with my friend Ellen, who invited me to a holiday pops concert at the Maui Arts and Cultural Center. I had started my morning in prayer and had written a hundred things I was grateful for, so after such a lovely experience, I didn’t expect to end my day in tears.
Even though I have wonderful friends here in Maui that love me and who I enjoy spending time with, that night, I went to bed feeling a deep sense of loneliness and sadness. These feelings seemed to come out of nowhere. I felt like the energy was drained from me and I cried as I drifted off to sleep. I couldn’t remember my dream but when I woke up, it felt like I was hit by a big wave. As I got out of bed, I heard the words, “Pat, practice what you preach and don’t give up before the miracle.”
That morning I was scheduled for my weekly online conference call with 3 other women. I called my friend Kati to tell her I didn’t want to be on the call because I felt like I had been hit by a wave and was crying. I didn’t want to be vulnerable with the other women who I had just met a few weeks ago. Kati listened and encouraged me to participate in the call and said, “We are not meant to walk alone” but she also gave me permission to do what my heart needed to do. I didn’t want to be a part of the call but I also didn’t want to deny myself love from the other women. She encouraged me to “be grateful and welcome the wave because there would be a release that would be very powerful.”
I decided to “show up” and reluctantly called into the conference number a few minutes later. What is interesting is that the other 2 women were not able to be on the call that morning, and it was only Kati and I. Kati shared that this is an intense time on our planet and what was happening to me (releasing old karma, beliefs and wounds) is happening world- wide. There is an intense global purification and everything is coming up to be purified. We are a part of a global shift and we are all feeling the effects of it in different ways.
There is more light being ushered into our solar system than ever before because the sun has changed polarities. This affects our physical bodies very powerfully as well as our nervous system and brain. The transformation to the “golden age” is happening on our planet right now, and it is tapping our cellular memory and bringing to light any memories that have been tucked away for many years. They are coming up for us to look at them, feel any old emotions that have been repressed or stuck, so that we can release them and heal completely.
We must clear out of our system what no longer serves us by releasing and surrendering it back into the light. This is a time of healing our wounds, the grief, trauma, sadness and the separation from spirit and thinking we are alone. We are invited to allow the sadness, grief to flow through us, so we will be restored to feeling love and knowing our perfection.
After speaking with Kati, I spent the day alone loving myself and doing whatever I needed to do to release these intense feelings that were surfacing. I trusted that this was coming up so it could be released and healed. I didn’t have to know why (or where) these feelings were coming from, I just had to allow myself to feel them and let them run through me. It was very uncomfortable and I didn’t know what to do with myself at times. I slept, cried, prayed and wrote about what I was experiencing. By that evening, the feelings were gone and I felt renewed again.
That night, I picked up a book called, “Finding your way home” by Melody Beattie and was surprised to read a chapter on Healing Emotions that confirmed my experience that day. Here is what she wrote, “Sometimes we go numb for survival’s sake and stop bothering to feel. That may have worked then, but no more. Now, our soul wants to survive. To do that, we need to feel. And feel. And feel. We don’t want our feelings to control us. But they do, until we feel them. Feeling our feelings means we bow to them, we acknowledge them. Stay with it until you can feel the emotional charge, until it resonates within you and your body tells you it is so. Then release the energy. Breathe it out. Let it move through your entire system. Get it out of your field. Be done with it. You may experience unexpected, yet powerful emotions that quickly dissolve. You may experience purging on physical and emotional levels. Try to ride the wave of these changes and remain clear. Trust the process and you will experience an accelerated rhythm of cleansing and purification. After you clear each obstacle, you will be open to new levels of energy and must assimilate and integrate them.”
Stepping into the “Golden Age” on Earth means we are leaving behind old beliefs and feelings that no longer serve us. This cycle is about co-creating on the planet with Mother Earth and each other. This is what we have been waiting for- seeing unity in all things. This is a time to be the light and to hold this vision of light in ourselves and others. Sometimes, it is easy for me to see the light in other people, but not always easy to see the light in me. If I can see the light in another person then I believe that is a reflection of the same light in me, so I must embrace it and claim it as mine.
Today, I am feeling grateful for the wave of energy that brought healing and love to me, enabling me to release old emotions so that I can receive and radiate more light into my life and into the world.
Have you been hit by a wave lately? It may have hit you in your personal relationships, business, health or finances. Don’t be afraid because all is well and in divine order. We must remember this is a time of purification, letting go, surrendering and trusting. It is a time to deepen our relationship with Spirit.
A couple of weeks ago, I received a beautiful plaque from my friend Mary that said, “This Little Light of Mine I’m going to let it shine”. As we approach the special season of Christmas, let us prepare our hearts and minds to receive more of God’s light. Let us all shine our light for the world to see because we are the hands and feet of God and the world needs us now, more than ever.
As I was about to send this out, I received an email that read, “Catch the wave of love, light and unity and then turn around and spread it around.” I am spreading the wave of love, light and unity to you.
As I thought about writing this blog, I asked God, “What do you want me to write about?” Then I prayed that it would flow with peace, ease and grace. It’s been an uneventful and peaceful week (yea) living in paradise, with no big lessons and nothing coming up to be healed or let go of (that I was aware of, anyway). My intention for today was to hear God more clearly and to heal and transform whatever blocks me from receiving more good in my life (which is more of God.)
As I lay on my bed to rest and listen to God, I heard the words of my father resounding in my head. He always used to say to me, “FIND YOURSELF!” As a young girl, I had no idea what that meant, but it stuck with me for all of these years. I am not sure that he even knew what it meant, but he somehow knew it was important to impart to me. Over the years I have added the words: FIND YOURSELF, KNOW YOURSELF, AND BE YOURSELF! As I began to think about those words my father used to say to me, I realized that as a child, I was lost – to myself. I had no sense of self and had no idea how to love myself. I was not taught how to love myself or that it was even important to do so.
In Anita Moorjani’s book Dying to Be Me, she writes, “I was taught to put others first and myself last. I wasn’t taught to love myself or to value who and what I am. Therefore, I had very little to offer others. Only when we love ourselves unconditionally accepting ourselves as the magnificent creatures we are can we offer the same to anyone else. Cherishing the self comes first, and caring for others comes naturally. Selfishness comes from too little self-love, not too much, as we compensate for our lack. Our world suffers from too little self-love and too much judgment, insecurity, fear and mistrust”
One of the painful messages that I received as a child from my parents was that I was conceited. I don’t even know if I understood what the word meant, but it didn’t sound good because it sounded like I was selfish. Now I can see that all I wanted was to have my parent’s attention, to know that I was loved unconditionally, and to be valued no matter what. Unfortunately, I didn’t experience any of that due to generations of family alcoholism and abuse, so my emotional and spiritual needs were not meant.
There are 3 unspoken rules in an alcoholic home (or any dysfunctional system where your needs are not met.) They are: Don’t Talk, Don’t Feel and Don’t Trust. Because of these rules and the pain that was inside of me, I learned to be a “people pleaser” and became really good at it! Pleasing others and achieving seemed to be my mission in life because I didn’t know any better on how to get what I needed. My life was driven by fear; fear of displeasing others, of failure and not being good enough. I had no idea of what I wanted or what I was feeling, but I thought I knew what everybody else needed. I desperately needed to be loved and looked outside of myself to get the love that was inside of me all of the time. If I made YOU happy and pleased you, you would love me. I was clearly love-starved and “beat up on myself” because I never felt good enough no matter what I did. I pushed myself hard to do better and be better and became exhausted in the process. I had no idea how to listen to my father’s words and FIND MYSELF.
When I listen to the words of Amazing Grace – “I was lost, but now am found,” I recognize that it was through the grace of God that I was found and, developing my relationship with God was how I found myself. Today I know that I was never lost to God because God and I are ONE. Even in the darkest moments, God was always there for me loving me into wholeness. My father’s advice was right because FINDING MYSELF has been the greatest joy and gift, although it was sometimes painful and I kicked and screamed along the way.
It has been a life long journey to get to know myself (which will continue for the rest of my life) and then learn how to love, honor and trust myself. I have learned how to give myself what I need rather than always looking outside for others to do that for me. I have also learned how to ask for what I need when I need it. Most importantly, I have learned to go within and find the Love, which is God. Without the grace of God in my life, I wouldn’t be who I am today. As I look back over my life, I am amazed how I have changed and grown and have asked myself, “Who is this woman I have become?”
To think that I traveled over 5,000 miles across the ocean by myself, to follow my heart and live in Hawaii blows me away! I have to laugh because there was a time when I wouldn’t go out to lunch by myself because I was afraid that people would think I didn’t have any friends. I even dropped out of college in my junior year for a year because I didn’t think I could write a twenty-page paper! A few years later, after facing my fear, I finished college and wrote a successful book called, Simply a Woman of Faith.
I do not regret anything that has happened to me over the years because it has made me the woman I am today. Growing up in an alcoholic home prepared me for my life’s work as an alcohol and drug therapist. Learning to forgive everyone and every experience from my childhood is how I can help my clients to do the same. Everything I have experienced has been a gift that has helped me to FIND MYSELF.
Today, I strive to be aware of what I want, think and feel and to love myself unconditionally. I have learned to do that by trusting that I am a child of God and experiencing God’s unconditional love. Every day, I practice gratitude and choose to live in love instead of fear, as I offer my authentic self to the world. I am learning not to push to “make things happen” anymore, but to allow what is mine to come to me. My desire is to be the woman God created me to be, to be the star that leads others to the God within. I want to be who I am, and follow my heart in every action I take. I believe that is how you FIND YOURSELF, and then, when you allow your true self to come forth, your life will transform from the inside out.
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Author, Inspirational Speaker, Spiritual Coach, Retreat Leader & Radio Talk Show Host
Simply A Woman of Faith
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