As I thought about writing this blog, I asked God, “What do you want me to write about?” Then I prayed that it would flow with peace, ease and grace. It’s been an uneventful and peaceful week (yea) living in paradise, with no big lessons and nothing coming up to be healed or let go of (that I was aware of, anyway). My intention for today was to hear God more clearly and to heal and transform whatever blocks me from receiving more good in my life (which is more of God.)
As I lay on my bed to rest and listen to God, I heard the words of my father resounding in my head. He always used to say to me, “FIND YOURSELF!” As a young girl, I had no idea what that meant, but it stuck with me for all of these years. I am not sure that he even knew what it meant, but he somehow knew it was important to impart to me. Over the years I have added the words: FIND YOURSELF, KNOW YOURSELF, AND BE YOURSELF! As I began to think about those words my father used to say to me, I realized that as a child, I was lost – to myself. I had no sense of self and had no idea how to love myself. I was not taught how to love myself or that it was even important to do so.
In Anita Moorjani’s book Dying to Be Me, she writes, “I was taught to put others first and myself last. I wasn’t taught to love myself or to value who and what I am. Therefore, I had very little to offer others. Only when we love ourselves unconditionally accepting ourselves as the magnificent creatures we are can we offer the same to anyone else. Cherishing the self comes first, and caring for others comes naturally. Selfishness comes from too little self-love, not too much, as we compensate for our lack. Our world suffers from too little self-love and too much judgment, insecurity, fear and mistrust”
One of the painful messages that I received as a child from my parents was that I was conceited. I don’t even know if I understood what the word meant, but it didn’t sound good because it sounded like I was selfish. Now I can see that all I wanted was to have my parent’s attention, to know that I was loved unconditionally, and to be valued no matter what. Unfortunately, I didn’t experience any of that due to generations of family alcoholism and abuse, so my emotional and spiritual needs were not meant.
There are 3 unspoken rules in an alcoholic home (or any dysfunctional system where your needs are not met.) They are: Don’t Talk, Don’t Feel and Don’t Trust. Because of these rules and the pain that was inside of me, I learned to be a “people pleaser” and became really good at it! Pleasing others and achieving seemed to be my mission in life because I didn’t know any better on how to get what I needed. My life was driven by fear; fear of displeasing others, of failure and not being good enough. I had no idea of what I wanted or what I was feeling, but I thought I knew what everybody else needed. I desperately needed to be loved and looked outside of myself to get the love that was inside of me all of the time. If I made YOU happy and pleased you, you would love me. I was clearly love-starved and “beat up on myself” because I never felt good enough no matter what I did. I pushed myself hard to do better and be better and became exhausted in the process. I had no idea how to listen to my father’s words and FIND MYSELF.
When I listen to the words of Amazing Grace – “I was lost, but now am found,” I recognize that it was through the grace of God that I was found and, developing my relationship with God was how I found myself. Today I know that I was never lost to God because God and I are ONE. Even in the darkest moments, God was always there for me loving me into wholeness. My father’s advice was right because FINDING MYSELF has been the greatest joy and gift, although it was sometimes painful and I kicked and screamed along the way.
It has been a life long journey to get to know myself (which will continue for the rest of my life) and then learn how to love, honor and trust myself. I have learned how to give myself what I need rather than always looking outside for others to do that for me. I have also learned how to ask for what I need when I need it. Most importantly, I have learned to go within and find the Love, which is God. Without the grace of God in my life, I wouldn’t be who I am today. As I look back over my life, I am amazed how I have changed and grown and have asked myself, “Who is this woman I have become?”
To think that I traveled over 5,000 miles across the ocean by myself, to follow my heart and live in Hawaii blows me away! I have to laugh because there was a time when I wouldn’t go out to lunch by myself because I was afraid that people would think I didn’t have any friends. I even dropped out of college in my junior year for a year because I didn’t think I could write a twenty-page paper! A few years later, after facing my fear, I finished college and wrote a successful book called, Simply a Woman of Faith.
I do not regret anything that has happened to me over the years because it has made me the woman I am today. Growing up in an alcoholic home prepared me for my life’s work as an alcohol and drug therapist. Learning to forgive everyone and every experience from my childhood is how I can help my clients to do the same. Everything I have experienced has been a gift that has helped me to FIND MYSELF.
Today, I strive to be aware of what I want, think and feel and to love myself unconditionally. I have learned to do that by trusting that I am a child of God and experiencing God’s unconditional love. Every day, I practice gratitude and choose to live in love instead of fear, as I offer my authentic self to the world. I am learning not to push to “make things happen” anymore, but to allow what is mine to come to me. My desire is to be the woman God created me to be, to be the star that leads others to the God within. I want to be who I am, and follow my heart in every action I take. I believe that is how you FIND YOURSELF, and then, when you allow your true self to come forth, your life will transform from the inside out.
“It is our life that must be our practice. It is not enough to hear spiritual truth or even to have our own spiritual insights. Every aspect of what happens to us must become part of a learning experience.” Diane Mariechild
As I prayed this week in gratitude for all that I have received, I picked an angel card that read: “Your life is a direct reflection of the Divine Presence. Commit your full attention toward the living of your spirituality because this is your means of service.” Writing this weekly blog and authentically sharing “all of my life” with you, is a large part of how I live my spirituality and choose to be of service. Thank you for being a part of my sacred journey and allowing me to be a part of yours.
Another way that I live my spirituality is by being willing to do the inner work when “opportunities” come my way. I call them opportunities because I believe they manifest for my growth and highest good. I know that Mother Maui continues to invite me to look deeply at “my stuff” so that I can be a pure instrument and channel for God. I want to be the best I can be, so I say, “Bring-it-on (but gently, please!)” I decided to share with you some of my experiences this week and how I used the tools of acceptance and forgiveness to keep my peace of mind.
It is my belief that I attract everything into my life for my highest good. This means that I take responsibility for my part and stop blaming and judging others when I “perceive” they have wronged me. When I blame or judge another, I take on the victim role. That is not where I choose to live my life any more. It doesn’t feel good to be a victim because I lose my serenity and peace, which is extremely important to me. When someone upsets me or something happens that I don’t like, I don’t waste any time, but immediately go within to see what my part was in creating this, and what I need to learn for my highest good and growth. Part of this process also means not taking things too personally.
You’ve probably heard the expression “If you spot it, you got it!” That means that whatever I see in another, (whether it be positive or negative), is just a reflection of what is inside of me. I love it when I meet someone and when we connect – he or she reflects back a part of me that is loving and beautiful. I am not so thrilled when I spot something that I perceive to be negative in someone, because I have to accept that it is also a part of me, which I have not accepted and loved yet. At first, I want to deny that could possibly be inside of me. But, I know the truth and I want to grow and be whole, and as the Bible says, “the truth will set you free.”
I “spotted” a few things about myself this week that I needed to love and accept, and I knew it was time to use the techniques I learned a few years ago, when I read a book called “Radical Forgiveness” by Colin Tipping. Radical forgiveness is easy, yet profound, and it takes commitment and faith to practice it in all of my affairs. Over the years, I have practiced it with small annoyances, as well as big things that have come into my life, and it also works great dealing with family members.
Here is how Radical Forgiveness works. Whenever I think I have been wronged, judged, talked down to, or rejected, I first allow myself to feel all of my feelings, especially the anger. It works best for me when I write my feelings down in a journal (and I hold nothing back) and then I tear it up. After I have written my feelings down about the “perceived” wrong, I move on to the next step, which is to say, “I attracted this into my life for my highest good and _______ (insert the name of the person you are upset with) is not wrong and I am not right.”
This is the hard part because I often want to blame the other person and say what he or she did was wrong! I may have to repeat this phrase several times before I finally free myself from that desire to be right. Since peace is very important to me, I am willing to let go of making someone else wrong in order for me to be right. I also don’t need to know why I attracted the situation into my life or to judge myself for creating it, I just have to trust that it is for my highest good and God will reveal to me what it is I need to learn from it.
In addition to using the tool of radical forgiveness this week, I also practiced acceptance. It says in the Big Book of AA (paraphrased) “Acceptance is the answer to all of my problems. If I cannot accept everything exactly as it is, I will not have peace.”
Living on a tropical island has some things that I’m not crazy about – like critters! I found tiny ants on my kitchen counters that I went after with a vengeance and wanted them gone! Then I heard God say, “what about accepting them.” “Really, God, you want me to accept them?” I asked. “Yes,” I heard in reply, ” Remember, acceptance is the answer to all of your problems.” My attitude has changed and when I see them, I calmly get rid of them. Perhaps it is my imagination… but they seem to have gone away or maybe it’s the ant traps?
I have found that if I am able to practice radical forgiveness and acceptance, I feel lighter and can often find the humor in the situation, which I couldn’t perceive before. I find that when I find the humor in things it enables me to get back into the flow and restore my peace. Thankfully, I also had an opportunity to laugh hilariously this week. I had invited my friends Marlowe and Joseph to lunch, and while they were here, they put up my curtain rods that needed to be drilled. After they had finished, I asked them if they could also take a look at my VCR player, which wasn’t working.
A couple of weeks ago, I had been given the VCR for free at a yard sale, because the man said, “This was given to me and I don’t know if it works so you can have it for free.” I went to Radio Shack and bought the cable for it, and tried to set it up myself. Nothing came on the screen and I figured that was why I got it for free. When my friend Joseph pulled out the TV, he discovered that I hadn’t lined up the cables properly. Yeah! It looked like the VCR was going to work after all. Then I explained to them that there was a DVD in there and I had no idea what it was….
When Joseph pushed the start button, all of a sudden on the screen there were 2 women with huge boobs. We all screamed and laughed hysterically we were in such shock. Of course, we turned it off immediately. I have lost my status as “Angel Sparking Star” and now they are calling me “Angel Porn Star.” How quickly I fell from grace!
So all in all, this has been a great week of learning, growing, listening to music, accepting new parts of myself and having fun. It has also been a week of receiving interesting messages and this one came to me while I was listening to a spiritual CD on ITunes. All of a sudden, while listening to the spiritual CD, my first radio show (from 2 years ago) called “Let Miracles Find You” began to play. I was interviewing my dear friend Linda Pestana, author of “Voices of the Heart.” I think the message for me and all of us is to “RELAX, ALLOW, TRUST, RECEIVE and “LET MIRACLES FIND ME.”
I AM PARTNERED BY THE UNIVERSE IN ALL MY DEALINGS
Heart Steps, Julia Cameron pg. 83
I lead my life in partnership with the Universe. In all situations I have choices and options, which lead me to freedom and expansion. In every time of darkness or difficulty I affirm there is a doorway, which will open if I knock. I am never separated from the power of God. There is nothing which stands between me and God. I am within God and God is within me. We are one substance, one energy, one Life.
Lord, I don’t know where to start. My heart is rejoicing and I am filled with gratitude for the doors that have opened easily and effortlessly, just like you promised.
I want to start by thanking you all for your prayers and support. Many of you have emailed me to share your own faith journeys and to tell me how these weekly blogs are inspiring you to live your dreams. I love getting your emails and connecting with you.
I had lots of friends helping me with each step of my move to Maui and I am so grateful because I know I couldn’t have made this move alone. I trusted that God would have people waiting for me to help me transition when I got to the other side (Maui.) Sounds like I’m getting ready for death, huh? Well, it is kind of a death. Death to the old life so the new could come. I had to let go of old beliefs of lack and limitation, fear, my business, my stuff, my home, family and friends. I knew I was bravely stepping into the unknown and holding on to God with every fiber of my being.
My new friend, Joseph, in Maui recently said to me, “You are a “gutsy” lady. Have you always been like that, Pat?” I was surprised because no one had ever said that to me and I had to stop and think. I never thought of myself as a “gutsy” lady but I guess I am because I moved to Maui alone and left everything that was important to me.
I have certainly grown over the years and have done things that I didn’t think I could do. I got a divorce after 30 years of marriage, I went back to college to get my Masters degree in my 50’s, I went to Bermuda all by myself and of course, I wrote my book, Simply a Woman of Faith. But, I can honestly say that I have NEVER done anything like what I just did by moving to Maui. So, yes I will step into and embrace that I am a “gutsy” lady.
I shared in my last blog that the door was closed for the ohana I fell in love with that I thought had my name on it. An ohana is like an in-law apartment attached to a home. God had other plans and I am so grateful for that. I also shared there would be more to the story to tell. When Joseph and Marlowe (owners of the ohana) called to tell me they offered the ohana to the other person, what I didn’t tell you is that they invited me to stay in their 4 bedroom home for 3 weeks until I found a place to rent. I was totally blown away by their kindness and generosity because they only met me once.
They shared with me afterward that in 25 years of being together, they never invited anyone to stay in their home that they didn’t know well. We all knew that Spirit had brought us together to become good friends. I sent them an email and said, “You are the angels that God sent to me to help me in my transition to Maui.” I have already been to their home for dinner and they offered to let me store my stuff until my new ohana is ready.
I spent last Friday and Saturday looking at apartments and ohanas to rent. I felt very discouraged and exhausted because nothing compared to Joseph and Marlowe’s ohana. Before going to bed on Saturday night, I prayed, meditated, surrendered and thanked God for bringing me the right and perfect place to live, which has been my daily prayer and mantra for months before moving here.
I woke up the next morning feeling rested and renewed. I had an appointment to see another ohana on Sunday morning. I felt excited because the price was right, it was in the area that I wanted to live in and the pictures looked really nice on craigslist.
My heart skipped a beat when I walked into the beautiful ohana that was beautifully furnished, bright, open and nestled at the top of Maui Meadows. There was a “Star Deck” that overlooked the ocean and Mt. Haleakala. The half acre property had a sustainable urban farm which included 24 mature fruit trees, vegetable and herb gardens.
I asked myself, “Am I dreaming or was this for real? Was this the door God was opening?” Celia (the owner and I) sat on the patio next to the ohana and I told her all about myself and my journey of faith. She smiled and said, “My husband and I are also on a journey of faith, just like you are.” I said, “I have been praying for the right and perfect place to live when I came to Maui.” She smiled again and said, “We also asked God for the right person to rent the ohana. We looked at each other and both knew it was a match made in heaven.
After I filled out the application, she said, “I will get back to you as soon as possible as I still have several showings today.” We hugged each other and I felt totally peaceful. I trusted God would open the door if this was the right door to open. I learned my lesson last week and there was NO MORE BANGING.
Two hours later she called and said, “Pat, we feel you are the right person to rent the ohana and we would like to offer it to you.” Of course, I said, “Thank you, thank you, I would love to rent it and when can I sign the lease?”
I then remembered the card my friend Mary gave me before I left for Maui. It read, GOOD THINGS COME TO THOSE WHO WAIT. God closed the door on the first ohana because there was something better for me that I couldn’t see.
I signed the lease for my new ohana and felt exhilarated, free and happy. I have been in Maui for 3 weeks and so much has happened. Friends to help me with my transition, a car and now a beautiful new home to move into.
Yes, there is a Master Plan that I have co-created with God. I have followed my heart calling, believed and trusted God for signs along the way. I have hired my “Higher Power” to work for me and He/She is doing a fabulous job. Have you hired your “Higher Power” to run your life? If not now, when?
I banged on the door, but it wouldn’t open! Let me explain: I looked at an apartment this week and fell in love with it and its owners. I thought it was perfect for me; in the right area, price range, safe,and surrounded with beautiful flowers and views. I was so excited and even thought about how I wanted to decorate it. I went to Cosco’s and bought the essentials to move in and filled the back seat of my car with everything I needed. My plan was to move in at the end of the week. I was on a roll and knew this was surely God’s plan for my life.
The owners called and said they had many applications for the apartment and it was between me and another person. I didn’t want to take no for an answer so I gave them all the reasons they should offer it to me. In other words, I wasn’t trusting God to open the door, if it was His will. Instead, I thought God needed my help. Wrong! I was shocked when they called the next morning to tell me they were signing the lease with the other applicant. I felt disappointed, angry and sad because I truly believed the apartment had my name on it. I realized how easy it is for us to jump the gun when we want our way. I spent that day quietly in prayer and allowed myself to feel all of my feelings and process what had just happened. I knew I needed to accept “what is.”
I lost my peace when I banged on the door and allowed fear to creep in and make my mind race. This is not how I choose to live my life so I knew I needed to get back in alignment with God’s will for my life. I needed to RELAX and let God be God. After all, I did hire my Higher Power to run my life! I emailed the owners and thanked them for their honesty and wished them the best with their new tenants. We all agreed that we felt a strong connection with one another and that we wanted to be friends. A couple of days ago, they invited me for a glass of wine and to watch the sunset together. I know this will be another story that I will share as it unfolds.
I have lived my life with God opening and closing doors, so I asked myself why wasn’t I trusting God to open the door if this was the perfect and right place for me to live? As I reflected on my thoughts and behavior, I realized I was coming from a place of fear. I thought, “I better take this one, I won’t find a better place to live.” It became clear to me that my “inner rusher” was active and running the show again! Not good! Instead of judging and beating up on myself, I chose to embrace and love that part of me that still needed God’s healing. I asked God to transform my fear into faith.
How often have you settled for less than what you really wanted because you were afraid nothing better would come along? I am embarrassed to say that it was only the second apartment that I looked at and I was ready to sign the lease. I know through years of
experience that when one door closes, a better one opens in God’s time, not my time. So I have the opportunity to practice the art of waiting. I am looking forward to what God has planned for me because I know it will be wonderful.
What helped me to process and move through my disappointment and the closed door so quickly was to remember what happened to me many years ago when the door was closed in my face at the last minute. I decided to refinance my home before my divorce was finalized. The day of the refinancing, my ex-husband called and said, “I decided not to sign the papers.” “You have to be kidding me, I said. I won’t be able to refinance without your signature”, I screamed at him. Then I called the bank to tell them what happened and ask if I could refinance without his signature. They said, “Sorry, but you have to have his signature to refinance.” I couldn’t understand how I had gotten that far to have the door shut like that.
Exactly one week later, I received a letter from the bank stating that the mortgage rate had gone down on it’s own because I had an adjustable mortgage. Not only did I save the closing costs but also the amount was the same as if I had refinanced! God is good and sees what’s ahead of me that often I cannot see. I have learned from experience that sometimes, God closes the door for my good and I have to wait for the right door to open and then other times, the first door opens easily and effortlessly. I like it much better when that happens.
When I attended church on Sunday, I met a couple who had also just recently moved to Maui. They shared their experience of finding their apartment, (which they love), which they are now living in. In our conversation, Steve said to me, “I use to be a car mechanic and know a lot about cars, so call me if you need help buying a car.” Since I had heard a lot about “Maui Cruisers” and was warned to be careful, I didn’t waste any time. I called Steve the next morning to ask him about a few cars that looked promising on Craigslist. We went down the list together and he gave me his expert opinion on each car that was for sale. He recommended the 1996 Toyota as a good car so I called the owner and asked if I could come and look at it. I called Steve back and he just happened to be in the area and offered to come with me. What a blessing!
I was excited and grateful that Steve was with me to ask the right questions. I liked how the car looked on the outside and the inside was clean. Steve drove the car and said, “If I was buying a car for my wife, I would definitely buy this one.” What is interesting is that one minute after Steve and I met the owner of the car in the parking lot, another woman pulled up and wanted to buy it. Since we were the first ones there, we had first choice. I drove away with a new car that day. And the best part is that I was able to park my new car at Steve’s home until I find my new apartment.
Later on in the week, as I drifted down the ocean, surrendering and letting go, I heard God say, “Stay in the energy of gratitude especially when there is transition in your life. The transition can be a physical one, leaving a relationship or job, starting a relationship or job or simply moving from one state of consciousness to another. It’s all the same and an attitude of gratitude will carry you through.” I am practicing daily being grateful for what I want before it happens. Whenever fear or doubt rears its ugly head, I just think about everything I am grateful for and that brings me back to my peaceful place where I want to live.
As I walked home from my swim in the ocean today, I noticed 2 small girls giggling and playing at the edge of the water. They were laughing and running in and out of the waves. I stopped to say hello and asked them where they were from. They said, California and then one of them said, “Being here in Maui is a dream come true. I smiled and said, “Yes, it is a dream come true for me too.” We gave each other the high five sign, and I smiled and walked on.
What is your dream? Don’t ever give up on your dreams. Dream big and believe God will help you fulfill your dreams as He has mine. Don’t settle for less and trust that God has placed the dream in your heart. When it is the right time, the right door will open, and until then, wait with gratitude for what’s coming.
Daily Word September 29
I seize the bold vision to manifest the life of my dreams
To visualize the life I desire, I may create a vision board to capture my intentions in words and pictures. Or I might write in a journal about my aspirations, outlining in detail all that is possible. Doubts may creep in, causing me to question the validity of my ambitions. If so, I look beyond any perceived limitations. If I am concerned about my age, resources of timing, I courageously affirm: My dreams are God-inspired. I seize the bold vision to manifest the life of my dreams. I am bolstered by this affirmation as I align with the vibration of a higher vision. I open to unseen possibilities and joyously witness the unfoldment of my dreams.
September 1 Daily Word – Unity
I LET GO AND LET GOD work in me and through me
“Perseverance serves me well when I am determined to achieve a particular goal. The power of my mind and body help me succeed. Nevertheless, I draw on divine discernment to know when to KEEP PUSHING and when to LET THINGS UNFOLD on their own. I let go and let God work in and through me, guiding me to right actions and outcomes. Sometimes I take the lead, and other times, I allow events to transpire as they will. Surrendering to God opens me up to an inflow of divine ideas, substance and life. I find inner strength that preserves my energy and inspires new ways of accomplishing my goals. By letting go and letting God, I live with ease and grace, accomplishing what is mine to do.”
This reading was very appropriate for me this morning. I am living proof that this works because I have surrendered and have let go of when my house will sell, and because of letting go, I am experiencing peace, ease and grace; I know I could be a “basket case” now with only 4 days left before I leave for Maui and my house not being sold yet.
I feel like I am ready to give birth and am “waiting” for my baby to be born. I remember when I was pregnant with my first child and the last few weeks feeling exhausted. I couldn’t wait for my baby to be born. All the wishing, praying and hoping my baby would be born sooner didn’t make a difference. I couldn’t “push” a baby out until it was ready to be born. With the grace of God, I finally relaxed when I realized my baby would be born when it was ready to be born, not when I wanted it to be. I am learning that lesson again about trusting divine timing for my house to be sold. What are you “waiting” for to give birth to in your life? Are you patient with the process or are you pushing to rush it along?
A few days ago, I shared with a friend that I was feeling weary and vulnerable. As I thought about all the moving I’ve done over the years, I realized that I had a spouse or significant other to help me and movers to pack me up! This move was different because I was doing this by myself and packing up years of my “stuff.” No wonder I was feeling weary because I was in the home stretch. If I wanted peace in my life, which I did, I had to let go, stop pushing and trust divine timing. To help me with this process, I am drawing on past experiences in my life where I have experienced God not being early or late, but right on time. If God was right on time in the past, I choose to believe the same would happen now because God’s timing is perfect.
A scripture comes to mind that has helped me let go and let God: “By waiting and by calm, I shall be saved, in quiet and trust lies my strength.” I made it into a mantra and kept repeating it all day long. That night, a friend stopped by to give me a card. It read: “Good things come to those who WAIT.” It confirmed what I am living and I know I will frame it. Waiting can be one of the hardest things to do because we often want what we want when we want it. It can be very scary when we think we aren’t in control. The truth is that control is an illusion and makes us crazy and stressed.
A woman came to look at my condo last week and my agent told me she loved it and he thought she would be making me an offer. YEA, I was thrilled and beyond grateful. It has been 8 days and I haven’t heard a thing. It feels like eternity, especially since I only have a few days left before I leave. But I am staying calm and flexing my “patient muscle” to make it stronger. I am trusting God is in control and has me covered. How else do our faith muscles grow and get stronger? God has never disappointed me and has always been faithful. I know that will continue.
When you receive this email, I will be on the plane flying 6,000 miles to Maui. I am getting excited to see how this will unfold and what God has in store for me. I know it will be as glorious as my daily prayer has been. “I am open to receive more good in my life and I thank you God for the good you have planned.” When I came back to Rhode Island at the end of June to sell my house, I made a decision to enjoy every minute I was here and spend time with family and friends. I have felt so loved and cherished by the kindness and love of my children and friends. I have had many lunches, brunches and dinners out. I have received cards, gifts and emails wishing me the best on my journey. We don’t always know how much others love us because we are always around. I have been so blessed to know at a deep level that I am loved, will be missed, and have made a difference in others’ lives.
My friend, Mary, called on Saturday night and asked, “Can Jerry and I come over for a short visit with you?” I said, “Sure that would be great.” Although I knew her husband, I hadn’t spent much time with him and he didn’t know my “Story.” We shared for awhile about my Hawaii adventure and then I asked him how he was doing since he recently lost his job. When he was done sharing, he looked at me and said, “Why are you going to Hawaii?” Where do I begin? I thought. Of course Mary is egging me on, “Pat, tell him how you first got there.” Give me the microphone and I am off and running! I love to share the stories of how God provides for me and the miracles I have experienced. We sat there for 1/2 an hour and I told him one story after another of how God provides. He looked stunned and almost like, is this woman for real? Mary kept saying, “Pat tell him the story when that happened and that happened. The more I shared and remembered God’s love and the stories over the last 35 years, the more exhilarated I felt. I was on a roll and there was no stopping me.
When they were leaving and hugging me goodbye, Mary whispered in my ear, “Thank you Pat, we really needed this tonight.” When I shut the door and sat down, I realized that it was I who really needed this tonight. Drawing on my life experiences brings me to a place of deep knowing that my God is faithful and only wants my good. I live and dwell in the energy of gratitude knowing all is well and in perfect and right order. I practice living in the moment and appreciate everything I have and do, knowing it is always enough and I am loved. I know that whatever I appreciate, appreciates.
Ernest Holmes, in his book Creative Ideas writes, “Whatever I should know, I shall know. Whatever I should do, I shall do. Whatever belongs to me must come to me. Daily we should practice affirming that our cup is filled and running over, always remembering that what we affirm for ourselves, we must affirm for others. Living and letting live, giving and receiving, loving and being loved, our experience is filled with God’s abundance. I am living in continued expectancy that every good thing in my experience shall be multiplied. There is neither doubt nor uncertainty in my mind. The past is gone, and I gladly release it and let it go. The present is filled with peace and joy and the future with hope. I am guided into right action and accomplishment of all my good desires. This I accept. This I experience.”
After living in Maui since January, I can hardly believe that I will be returning to Rhode Island in 2 weeks (and selling everything so I can move back here to live full time.) I am so excited to see my family and friends that I am counting the days until I get back there. It has been an amazing journey of transformation, love, surrendering, letting go and healing. I have learned so much about myself, my beliefs and what needed to change inside of me in order to be the woman God created me to be and for me to receive more good in my life.
As I walked home from my walk today, the two words that popped out for me were “No push, no rush.” Hmm…..that’s interesting, I thought. That was my way of being. I was always pushing myself to do and be more and rushing through life like I would miss something if I didn’t rush. In fact, I called myself a “Rushaholic” and it exhausted me. I realize now that these behaviors came from the belief that “I am not good enough and not worthy and deserving of good things.” Over the years, I have worked hard at changing these beliefs that no longer serve me through prayer, meditation, journaling, visualizations and affirmations. Every once in awhile, I catch myself rushing or racing, but much much less than it has ever been. Today, I truly enjoy going with the flow and following my intuition.
God’s timing is perfect and I have been reflecting on how perfectly everything has been orchestrated on my behalf with my housing both here in Maui and in Rhode Island. I am leaving this beautiful condo on the ocean that I am renting with Pat and Bob on June 26 to return to Rhode Island. Pat and Bob will be moving into the new condo they bought on June 30 and then my tenant, Carrie Ann in Rhode Island, is moving out of my condo and settling in her new condo on June 29! I could not have planned that any better. It is truly amazing what happens, when I let go and let God handle how things work out. I can’t wait to see what will happen when I return to Rhode Island to sell my house. I am already thanking God for the right and perfect person to buy my house and for the right and perfect price.
I plan to buy my return ticket back to Maui for September 5, 2012. My friend, Ellen, is going away for the month of September and has invited me to stay in her condo while I look for a place to rent. I am very excited to see how it will unfold and the beautiful place that is already mine in the mind of God. When I think about leaving this condo on the ocean, each morning when I look out, I say “This is something better, God.”
I would like to share another way I heard God speak to me this week. I encountered the woman who was staying in the condo right next to mine, and she turned and smiled as she walked back into her condo and said, “We just got here 4 hours ago. I can see you have been here awhile, YOU GOT IT GOING ON! ” I smiled and thought, wow, I do got it going on girl, but I didn’t know it was so obvious. I walked around all day with giddy excitement, saying to myself, “YES, I GOT IT GOING ON!” And guess what, YOU have it going on too! Just saying this out loud has really shifted my energy and I am now saying it to others and love to see their face light up and smile.
Can you picture that? Try saying it aloud and see how it feels. Other than feeling sassy and confident, I decided to answer the question “what does this mean to me?” It means that God, my essence and my God-self is shining out and radiating love to the world as I remember who I am and that I am ONE with God. My prayer was “Thank you God, I feel so blessed, loved and excited about the adventure of the future and all that you have planned for me. I say YES to your divine plan.”
Another thing I have learned about the Divine Plan is that it requires having faith that the right doors will open for me when necessary, and the right doors will close for me as well. This week I had an example of God closing the door in my face, and how it all worked out for the best. Ellen approached me with the news that her 94-year-old friend, Ester, was selling one of her cars. Her daughter had bought her a new car and had given Ester her 1999 Ford Escort. Ester was selling it for a great price and even though it was an old “Maui Cruiser,” it seemed to be in decent condition. I called the insurance company and the DMV and got all the information I needed. Believe me, this was not my plan to buy a car before I moved back here, but it seemed like the right thing to do since it came to me and I felt peaceful. My prayer was, “God, close the door if this is not your divine plan.” I was excited to think I would have a car all set when I moved back to Maui and it seemed like a confirmation that “I really am moving back here.” To my surprise, a few days later, Ester called and said, “I am really sorry but my daughter decided not to sell her car, after all.” I got off the phone a little stunned and disappointed, but very quickly said, “Thank you God for closing the door.”
Then my next thought was that “I will get a car for free.” I really liked that idea and it will be interesting to see how that manifests. I asked myself, “Did I only feel deserving of an old Maui Cruiser?” Perhaps God wants more for me and now I see myself driving a shiny convertible red car!
As I sat on the beach looking into the ocean and feeling very peaceful, I overheard a few words in a conversation behind me. All I heard was “RELAX, it will come to you.” I believe those words were meant for me. I have used this affirmation for years and it seems to apply here, “Everything I need is streaming toward me, I open my hands and receive.” I believe my soul mate will come to me, the car will come to me, the right place to live when I move back to Maui will come to me, and the right person to buy my house in Rhode Island will come to me. My job is to “show up” do my part and leave the HOW up to God. It works every time.
Daily Word Magazine
I am part of and immersed in the order of life. My breathing is orderly and rhythmic, as is my heartbeat; neither requires my control or direction. I relax into the flow of divine order and allow God to express in and through me, guiding my unfolding. As each new day begins, divine order manifests in all I think and do. Divine order is established in my life, and I am grateful.
Like the eagle, I am meant to soar. I am meant to let go of fear and limitations, to apply the strength and abilities God has given me. I place my faith in God and my spirit soars.
I thought that once I made the decision to move to Maui to live, it would be easy and everything would just fall into place. Not so. I know in my heart and soul this is what God is calling me to do, and God will give me everything I need, but it has not always been easy. I have committed to selling my house, so going home and selling all of my “stuff” that I have accumulated for years is mind-boggling. Leaving my family and friends and starting all over again and being in the mystery of “not knowing” what’s next stretches me to rely on God even more. It is called “Holy Courage.”
When I shared some of my concerns and fears about selling my house and moving with my son Tim, he said, “Mom, why wouldn’t it work out? Look at all that has happened to you already with going to Hawaii?” The light bulb went off and I said, “Of course it will work out, what was I thinking?” That was the problem – my thinking! How easy it is to forget the truth and go back to unhealthy thinking of fear and lack. When I dwell in the past or the “what ifs” of the future, I am not in the NOW where there is peace and love and God.
I am like a “thought detective” and as soon as I become aware that my thinking is negative, I work on changing my thoughts. I knew I needed to change my thinking if I was going to be at peace and manifest what I wanted. Instead of saying, “it’s going to be a challenge to sell my house in 2 months, it will never sell that quickly, ‘what if’ it doesn’t sell and I can’t move back to Hawaii?” I needed to change my thinking to: “My house will sell with peace, ease and grace at the perfect and right time and to the right and perfect person. I will be compensated the right and perfect price.” That felt so much better. I wrote exactly what I wanted down on paper and put it on my altar. I will pray and meditate with it daily, just like I did before I moved here. I thanked God in advance for the right and perfect person to rent my home and the right and perfect place to live in Maui. And that is exactly what happened. What you think about, you bring about.
My friend and I were talking about faith on the phone the other day. She asked, “Pat, do you ever get afraid?” I laughed and said, “Yes, of course I do, I am human” but I wasn’t feeling afraid at that moment. Little did I know that fear would grip me just a couple of days later and I would wake up in the middle of the night with racing thoughts and my mind felt like a blender that wouldn’t shut off. I know what it’s like to have anxiety, tightness in the chest and a knot in my stomach. It still amazes me that when a situation occurs unexpectedly and fear grips, my mind goes to the worst scenario, which of course, then causes more anxiety and fear. I am grateful to God when hidden fear comes up because it’s a sign that I need God’s love and healing. I have also been told that Mother Maui will bring up all of your “stuff.”
Thankfully, I know what to do when fear rears its ugly head. I know how to face my fears and work through them. I have the tools to move me forward that I have been practicing for years. I immediately sat down and prayed and meditated.
Here are my 7 miraculous tips when fear grips.
1. Slow down and breathe – plug into the power within – meditate, pray, journal
2. Feel your feelings – welcome in your feelings and don’t judge them or shame yourself
3. Identify negative self-defeating thoughts and change them by doing affirmations
4. Remember what God has done in the past
5. Be grateful – write a gratitude list, focus on what’s good rather than what’s missing
6. Forgive yourself, don’t shame yourself and love yourself
7. Let go and let God – surrender, detach and let go on control (and the outcome)
When I sat down to pray and meditate, I felt anxious and fearful about the situation I encountered. When I finished my prayer and did the above steps, I felt like a new person and my peace returned. I know that I am responsible for my emotional and spiritual health and I can choose to stay in fear and let my mind create all kinds of negative scenarios or I can choose peace, trust and surrender. When I wrote my gratitude list, my energy shifted almost immediately. Then, if the fear returns, I repeat the steps over until my peace is restored and I remember the truth of who I am and who God is in my life.
Psalm – “Fear is useless, what is needed is trust.”
Mine Is An Adventurous Heart – Julia Cameron, author of Artist Way
“I choose an expansive life. I choose adventure, freedom, self-expression. I choose self-definition, self-love and self renewal. Life expands or contracts according to my expectations. I expect good and that is what I experience. Viewing the whole, I choose to be interconnected yet independent. I allow the God-force within me to open and enlarge my lens of perception and realm of action. My horizons stretch ever wider as I define my identity in terms of my divinity. I am an adventurer, an explorer, a dreamer whose dreams become true. I embrace the adventure of life. I have courage.”
When my friend Pat asked me if I wanted to attend the 3 day sacred retreat in Maui two months ago, I immediately said, “Yes.” After I read the description, I knew in my spirit that I was being called to attend this retreat. This is how it was described: We would be embarking on a pilgrimage into the power and complexity of sacred space in the magical land of Hawaii. There would be time for chanting, meditating, releasing, aligning, dancing, enlightenment, awakening and exploring the nature of the power of the two most important energy vortexes in Hawaii. This pilgrimage to the energy vortexes would help us understand how we could tap into this power source and be a part of the awakening that is taking place in 2012. It sounded awesome and I knew I wanted to be there.
I am so grateful that I listened to my intuition and went on this pilgrimage because it was an experience of a lifetime and I will never be the same. There were many personal messages and healings that I will be integrating into my life over the next few weeks. I met powerful women who have also been called to Maui and are seeking to create community. The high point of the weekend for me was driving up through the clouds to Mt. Haleakala, which is the largest dormant volcano in the world. Haleakala means “house of the sun” and when we reached the top, the sun was very bright and strong. Mt. Haleakala is 10,023 feet above sea level and overlooks all of Maui and we could actually see the Big Island from there.
When we were chanting and standing in a circle at the top of the mountain, the energy was so intense and strong that at one point, I almost fell backward as the energy swirled around me. It was very powerful to kneel in prayer and raise my arms to the heavens, knowing deeply that I am loved and ONE with God. I thought about the disciples and how they must have felt when they were on the mountain top with Jesus and didn’t want to leave the place. I didn’t want to leave either and felt like I was being transformed. Because of this journey, more than ever, I know I am being called to BE here in Maui. Maui has been described as one of the most powerful energy places in the world and my heart expands in humble gratitude that I am here.
Every aspect of this weekend illuminated the power of God and the importance of trusting in divine providence and divine timing in all things. When we arrived at the bed and breakfast on Thursday night, the owner, Sandy, informed us that we didn’t have any reservations. There was a miscommunication and the place was booked for the weekend. Pat and Ellen and I looked at each other knowing that God was in control and trusting it would work out for our highest good. We reminded ourselves to BREATHE! And it did work out for our highest good in more than we could have ever imagined. Sandy graciously called her friends Roslyn and Barry who had a bed and breakfast a short distance away and asked if they had rooms to rent. Yes, they did!
With bags in hand, off we went to our next destination. Our eyes opened wide as we pulled into the circular driveway and sprawling house in the middle of this lush beautiful land. We knew we were being taken care of and that all was well. The house was gorgeous with beautiful rooms, a pool and view of the ocean. Roslyn and Barry were so hospitable and told us that before they moved into the house, they had rented it to a spiritual leader and author Ram Dass for a few years. They also told us the Dali Lama stayed with Ram Dass when he came to Hawaii. Wow, to think I may have been sleeping in the same room as the Dali Lama slept was an awesome thought.
God’s timing is perfect. Two days prior to the retreat, I received an email from a colleague informing me she was going to reimburse me the $250 dollars that I lent her over a year ago for a business opportunity we were both involved in. I sent her several emails over the year requesting to be compensated, but due to her financial status she wasn’t able to pay me the money until now. I had already paid for the retreat when I signed up, but still had to pay for 3 nights for the bed and breakfast. The money came at the perfect and right time and “coincidentally” the bill for the 3 nights came to $260.
Here is another example of how God provides. Last month, I traveled to the Big Island to give a workshop. A couple of days before I went, I received a check in the amount of $332 from the IRS. I couldn’t believe it because it was a refund from 2010 stating that I overpaid them. I wonder how many times that happens. I had a great time touring the Big Island and when I returned, I realized that I had spent almost exactly what I received from the IRS. God is good.
I know that God is my source and provides in ordinary and sometimes miraculous ways. God’s timing is perfect. We are being called to trust our intuition, to go with the flow, live in the NOW, stand in faith and trust in God for everything. It is my belief that God goes before us to pave the way. Today, the world is being renewed, awakened and enlightened. We are blessed to be a part of the magnificent wave of healing and transformation that is taking place on the earth today.
F E A R Old meaning – False Evidence Appearing Real
F E A R New meaning – FEELING EXCITED AND READY
I am always provided for and I get what I need when I need it and sometimes, I get it when I don’t even know I need it. This is what happened to me this week. When I woke up and checked my phone messages, there was a 401 number that I didn’t recognize. I don’t always call back my unanswered calls because it is often a telemarketer. For some reason, I called the number back and when the person answered I said, “Who am I speaking to, you called my number today?” A woman responded, “Who is this?” Then, when she told me her first name, I recognized it and that is how our “synchronistic-divine” conversation began for the both of us. It is interesting that my number was even in her phone since we had met for a cup of tea over four years ago. As we began to share, she realized that she had dialed the wrong Pat. Or did she?
“Where are you living?” I asked. She replied,”I am living in Florida. I came here to take care of my dying uncle and to regroup. I decided to stay here and I love it.” Of course, she didn’t know I was living in Hawaii. As we shared our spiritual journeys with one another and what God was doing in our lives, it was like I was hearing myself talk. She was learning the same lessons as I was about BEING, rather than DOING, living in the present moment, being comfortable with not knowing what was next, trusting the process as it unfolded. We shared how challenging it’s been since we were both over- achievers and DOERS, but the peace and joy we were now experiencing was worth it.
Talking to her was a confirmation that I am doing God’s will and on the right path. This trip to Hawaii is a gift and an opportunity to trust, deepen my relationship to Spirit and learn to BE and receive love. We both knew this was a divine connection and that we were meant to talk to each other and support one another on our paths.
Later in the week, my plan was to give a workshop on the Big Island and visit my friend Eileen. I arrived safely at Eileen’s house on Saturday. The only problem was that Eileen was in ICU on another island suffering from a near-drowning incident and a mild heart attack. I didn’t see her until she was released from the hospital a few days later, and as you can imagine, she was weak and traumatized by the accident. We both knew why I was there at this time; to pray and support her through the healing process. It was like watching a miracle before my eyes as her heart opened to God and the healing began. Within a day, she was feeling better and up on her feet. God knew what Eileen needed before she needed it and provided a way for me to be there to minister to her. We have had a wonderful time together: praying, playing, eating ice cream and touring the volcano, rainforest and other magnificent sites in Hawaii. This trip has truly been a gift to me in many ways and I am so grateful that my workshop was successful and lives were changed.
God knows what you and I need before we know it and need it. What I know for sure is that we can trust the Source of our being. God tells us to “ask and we shall receive” what we want and to trust that it will come in perfect and right timing. Be open and expect miracles to grace you every day, and they will come.
I am in love with the adventure of life
I am choosing to see all life as play
God is good and it’s all good! Many people have commented over the years to me, “You have so much faith and courage, how did you get it?” In my divine downloads, I share not only the magical moments and how I manifest many of my dreams, but the personal challenges and opportunities for growth, especially in my journey to Maui. Faith is built and strengthened often in the darkness because that is where we learn to trust God and ourselves more deeply. My desire is that your faith be strengthened, by reading about what I do to increase my faith.
God continues to “show up” in the morning when I sit and pray and see multiple beautiful rainbows across the sky. I am provided for at yard sales and Maui’s finest boutique “Sally’s” (aka Salvation Army.) For example: In just the few weeks that I have been here, I have received a new turquoise bathing suit, Puma sneakers, curtains for my bedroom, shorts, tops, head phones, brand new water shoes for snorkeling, sexy sun dresses and the list goes on. I don’t want for anything and it is such a thrill to find exactly what I want when I need it, and all for a great price. When I get home from my various adventures, I can look out and see the whales jumping in the ocean from my condo, and I have been on 2 Whale Watches since I have been here that have been breathtaking.
As you know I love to speak and give seminars and joining Toastmasters had been a great way for me to develop my skills and make friends who share my interests. Last week my friend Marti picked me up to join her for a Toastmaster’s meeting, and of course, she wanted to know what was going on since I moved to Maui. Before I went, I had decided that I wasn’t going to share with her that I was struggling. But as I started to share, it just came out – I wasn’t doing that great. I had some low energy for a couple of days and was feeling fear, impatience and a desire to control came up that I needed to release. As I have shared in other downloads, coming to Maui will bring up all your stuff and Mother Maui will “spit you out” if you are not meant to be here! Since I was basking in paradise, this emotional place was not where I wanted to be. Instead of having fun, what was coming up to be healed seemed like work. I was feeling conflicted because I know that life is to be enjoyed and my goal is to have fun while learning my lessons.
After the meeting on the way home, Marti thanked me for my honesty and sharing what was really going on in my life. I reflected on this and why I didn’t want to share with her in the first place. I wanted to look good, not feel vulnerable and I didn’t want to be judged (not that she would have judged me.) This is what was going on in my head (which can be a bad place to be sometimes). I found myself thinking things like “God has opened the door for you to come to Maui. You have a beautiful place to live. How could you not be doing great. What’s wrong with you?” Talk about self-sabotaging thoughts and behaviors. I knew I needed to change my thinking and fast!
I really appreciate it when my friends are honest with me and share their struggles. I feel honored and blessed to be there for them. I trust that they feel the same with me and want to be there for me when I need them. I strive to be authentic in all of my relationships. I am not saying to go around and be an open book to everyone you meet, but you can learn to discern and choose who is trustworthy and who has your best interests at heart. I did call my close friends, shared my struggle and asked for prayer. I know their love and prayers helped tremendously because I felt a shift inside of me.
My f faith is strengthened in many ways but the lesson for me today is to be honest with myself about what I am feeling, and also to be honest with God and another human being. And most importantly, to ask for help when I need it and allow myself to receive the love that is there for me. I am grateful for my daily lessons, for my renewed faith and for the people who love and support me on my faith walk.
After reflecting on all of this, I opened to this in prayer this morning when I picked up “Until Today” by Iyanla Vanzant
I am faith-filled and fear-free because….I know what to do without doing anything at all. You don’t have to do anything to get your good in life. You must, however, be open to receive it. For some of us receiving is much more difficult than doing, because we think we know what is required to earn our good. Earning puts you in control. Your doing is motivated by the belief that the more you do, the more you will get. Receiving means trusting that God is aware of what you need, desire and deserve. Deserving is a function of being. Being open! Being clear! Being grateful! Being focused! Being committed! Being Faithful, and being willing to receive. Being is a state of consciousness developed through unwavering faith and trust. You trust that you will always have what you need, and that is the foundation of your faith.”
And so it is! Aloha
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Simply A Woman of Faith
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