“It felt like I was in a very Dark Tunnel”
I want to wish you all a Happy New Year from Rhode Island. I like to think about the past year and all that’s happened and to think about all I want to co-create with God in the coming year. For me, this year has been a year of “going within” to heal and to learn how to BE, rather than a human DOING. I have also learned how to really “play” and have fun and be me.
I don’t know what this year is going to look like, but I know I want to expand into the world, using my gifts for the good of all. I am excited to see what doors are going to open as I say YES to being the best I can be. I am opening my heart to receive all the love and joy that is mine.
Although I love being with my family, it can be stressful with old family dynamics playing out. I often hear people say that they are glad when the holidays are over because they are so stressful and I am no different than anyone else. The day before I came to Rhode Island, as I walked along the ocean, I felt alive, free, happy and joyful. It was my intention and prayer to show up as ME and allow my light to shine and to bring that love and joy to my family.
Have you ever prayed for something, perhaps to change an old behavior in yourself and HOW it “showed up” is not the way you thought it was going to show up? In fact, you judged the way it “showed up” as wrong and bad.
I wasn’t expecting “The Perfect Storm” to erupt in my body when I returned to Rhode Island to visit my family. I didn’t see it coming. We often think we have dealt with something from the past, but unless we deal with it on all levels (body, mind and spirit) it can come back. And it sure did! It felt like I was in a tunnel that was dark and very painful. At first, I judged myself as wrong for the feelings I was experiencing. I thought things like, “I shouldn’t be feeling these feelings after years of therapy, I thought this was healed, why is this coming up now and AGAIN?”
Thankfully, I allowed myself to think and feel whatever was coming up. I gave myself permission to stay in the tunnel for as long as needed so I could fill myself up with love. I spent time alone and rested, instead of pushing myself to do things with the family. During the quiet time, I asked myself some questions: “Was this old stuff coming up? What was mine and what was theirs? What was past and what was present? What did I need to change and own? What was the gift in all of this?”
I asked for help and allowed myself to be vulnerable, which was not an easy thing to do in the middle of the pain. I am much better sharing when something is over and I have learned my lesson and see the gift. My Spirit knew that if I allowed myself to go into the pain and even thank the pain, I would come out on the other side into the light and healed. This has always been my process and I trusted I would get through to the other side. And I did.
I have read in Dr. Dain Heer’s book, Being You, Changing the World, that being uncomfortable and in pain is an awareness that change is underfoot. I must be willing to have the intensity of pain if I am going to have the change to BE myself and show up as me (which is exactly what I had prayed for). The greater the change you choose, the more uncomfortable it may seem for a while. It’s really the way we know that the change we have been asking for is being created. We have been taught that being
uncomfortable and in pain are bad and wrong. Instead of the pain being wrong, what if this pain is the greatest rightness because it lets us know that we are headed in the direction of the change we are asking for?
One of the most common things we do is to recreate the trauma and drama that we used to function from because it is familiar and we know who we are. How many times do we have to recreate this drama before we allow ourselves to be free and show up as ourselves? I asked myself, “Am I willing to let it go and choose differently? YES I am. Today, I choose to function from living in the question, choice and possibility. I ask myself the question, “Would an infinite being choose this?”
It was amazing when I woke up the next morning after allowing myself to feel the pain and go through the dark tunnel. I felt different inside and it was like I was a new person. I felt lighter and was free to be ME. I reminded myself that what I had prayed for (to show up as ME and allow my light to shine and to bring that joy to my family) had “showed up” in a totally different way than I thought it was going to. Spirit knew what needed healing deep within for me to BE the light in my family. With the grace of God, I am letting go of past drama and choosing differently.
I received this email right after I finished this blog.
“There comes a time in your life, when you walk away from all the drama and people who create it. You surround yourself with people who make you laugh. Forget the bad and focus on the good. Love the people who treat you well, pray for the ones who don’t. Life is too short to be anything but happy. Falling down is a part of life, getting back up is living.”
Quote: “Today may there be peace within. May you trust that you are exactly where you are meant to be. May you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born in yourself and others. May you use the gifts that you have received and pass on the love that has been given to you. May you be content with yourself just the way you are. Let this knowledge settle into your bones, and allow your soul the freedom to sing, dance, praise and love. It is there for each and every one of us”.
“I am crazy or Spirit is trying to get my attention”
|I love how the Universe works. Since I moved to Maui a year and a half ago, I have learned how “TO BE” and to relax and enjoy the moment. I have been praying about what to DO next in my life in regards to using my gifts. It felt like it was time for me to do something and I asked Spirit “to bring it to me.” I trusted that whatever (person, place, or thing) was in my highest good, it would appear at the perfect and right time. It is also called the art of “allowing.” I no longer had to push and make things happen, as I did for so many years.
I stopped at a yard sale on my way to church on Sunday. My CD Walkman broke several years ago and I hadn’t replaced it. There on the corner of the table was a brand new Walkman still in the package for $5. I asked, “Will you take $3 and she immediately said, “Yes,” I walked away with a smile on my face and a brand new Walkman. I am going to Rhode Island for a month to visit family and friends and thought it would be a great idea to listen to some old CDs.
I opened the Walkman today to see how it worked. I have a box of CDs that I brought with me when I moved here to Maui and came across a 4 CD set called “Radical Manifestation” by Colin Tipping, I purchased the set of CDs several years ago and thought they would be great to listen to again. I put them aside and didn’t open them to see if all the CDs were there. I also found a brand new CD that was still in the package that I had purchased when I went on my cruise 2 years ago. It was called Steel Band – Music of the Caribbean. It sounded like fun so I opened the package to listen to it. When I put this CD into my CD player, I fully expected to hear Steel Band Caribbean music.
I was shocked when I heard Colin Tipping, author of Radical Manifestation speaking. I quickly opened the CD player to see what was going on. It was the first CD of the set of 4 from Radical Manifestation CDs. I couldn’t understand how it got in there and wondered where the Steel Band Caribbean CD went? It was gone! I am not kidding you; it was nowhere to be found. I then checked the CD set that I had set aside and sure enough the first CD was missing (the one that was now playing in my CD).
Either I was going crazy or Spirit was playing games and trying to get my attention. I have never experienced anything like this before. I thought, “I better pay attention to this because this is not normal stuff, God must be speaking and I better listen up!” Of course, I immediately started to listen to the Radical Manifestation CDs and then the inspiration came.
|Before I even finished listening to the first CD, I had the inspiration to create my own Radical Manifestation workshop. I certainly had enough “personal experience” to do a great workshop on manifestation. My friends in Rhode Island call me a “magical manifester.” When I finished listening to the first CD, I picked up the phone and called Kaunoa Senior Center where I had given workshops when I first came to Maui. I met with the activities director today and will be teaching Radical Manifestation October 3, 2013.
That same day, I received an email from my friend Ros, who owns a beautiful Bed and Breakfast in Maui. I met Ros last year when I attended a retreat and stayed at her B&B. I gave her my book when I left. She started her email with, “I just had a thought as I was reading your blog this morning. As you are a coach in assisting people find the right track for their lives – here is what I would like for you to consider. What do you think about offering individual one-on- one retreats for several days even a couple of weeks? It could be anything from one day sessions to a 3-to-10 day retreat. The majority of the food will be prepared utilizing local organic fruits and vegetables, and free range eggs, fish, chicken and lamb.” One of the other teachers she has invited to consider being a part of this is Ram Dass. Ram Dass is a well- known spiritual teacher living on Maui and just seeing my name on the same page made me excited.
I emailed Ros back and told her I was very interested and we have already started planning it. It is my passion to lead retreats and coach people to find the God within. God gave me a mantra several years ago that I repeat often. It is “I am a star that shines brightly to lead others to the God within.” God does answer prayer. I had asked God to show me what to do next and to bring it to me. Do you think my prayer was answered? I sure do. The next day, I was putting away the CD’s that were on my table and what shows up mysteriously but the Caribbean CD. I am still scratching my head over this one.
|I have learned to ask for what I want in all areas of my life.The first chapter in my book, Simply a Woman of Faith is about asking God for things I need at yard sales. Here are a couple of the stories.
“I started going to yard sales many years ago out of necessity. My husband was out of work for a year. There wasn’t enough money for the basics for the two of us and our four small children. I found my children’s clothes at my weekly yard sales. The clothes almost looked brand new after I brought them home and washed them. While they were young, the children never knew the clothes came from yard sales and I could get away with it. When they got older, I had to sneak the stuff into the house so they wouldn’t know where they came from. My faith was strengthened whenever God answered a prayer request and I found just what I was looking for.
God, Joe needs shoes for his job interview. You know we can’t afford $150 for a new pair of black wing tip shoes. I know this is not the usual request and it may take a while to find since he’s a size 12D. I trust you God.
God must look down and smile at some of my unique prayer requests. A size 12D man’s shoe was a tall order, even for God. This didn’t happen overnight, but I didn’t give up. I kept praying, asking and going to yard sales. One of these days, I’ll find them, I thought to myself.
I did a double take when I walked into the yard sale and spotted boxes of shoes stacked neatly on the table. I raced over to the table, my heart pounding loudly. I carefully opened all the boxes hoping to find size 12 D black wing tip shoes. It didn’t look like they had any large sizes and I was about to give up. With that, a man walked over to me and asked if I needed help. “You don’t have what I’m looking for,” I responded. “What do you need?” I kind of chuckled and said, “I need size 12D man’s shoes – preferably, black wing tips.” “Wait a minute, I think I have some larger sizes over here. Follow me.” I held my breath anticipating what we might find. He opened all the boxes searching for a 12D. “Yes, here we go. Is this what you are looking for?” He held up a shiny pair of black wing tip – 12D. “I could hardly get the words out of my mouth. “Are you sure they’re a size 12D?” “Yes, lady. The size is right here. Look size 12D.” He pointed to the size marking on the inner leather. “How much?” He thought about it for a moment and then said, “Twenty-five dollars will do.” “It’s a deal, I’ll take them.”
God’s love and care never cease to amaze me and I wanted to shout it from the housetops. I couldn’t hold back and blurted out, “I’m so happy I came here today. My husband is out of work and has a job interview next week. He didn’t have any dress shoes and he couldn’t afford to buy new ones. I’ve been praying to find new shoes at a yard sale. I knew God would answer my prayers.”
He looked at me kindly and said, “I sold my shoe store a year ago. These shoes were leftovers. They weren’t doing me any good in the basement and I just wanted to get rid of them. Glad you found what you were looking for.” I paid for the shoes and thanked him. I couldn’t wait to get home and have my husband try them on. I ran into the house and shouted, “Joe, guess what? I found new shoes for you at a yard sale – and they’re wing tips.” He looked a bit apprehensive at first, but smiled and sat down to try them on. I held my breath as I watched him slip his foot into the shoe. Just like Cinderella, the shoe fit like a glove. God is faithful. He wants to provide for His children. We need to only ask and believe.
My daughter Mary called me and said, “Mom, I broke my foot last night.” “What happened? Are you okay?” I asked anxiously. “I fell down the cellar stairs, but I’m okay.” “Did you get an x- ray?” “No, I’ll be all right mom. Don’t worry. “Can you get me a walking cast at the hospital?” “They don’t have them there.” I replied. “I’ll go to the hospital supply store tomorrow after I go “yard sailing” and buy you one.” “Thanks mom. See you tomorrow.”
I sure wish she’d get an x-ray, but she’s thirty years old and is going to do it her way,I reminded myself.The walking cast was the furthest thing from my mind as I strolled around this particular yard sale. I bought a few things for the house and paid the lady when out of the corner of my eye, I spotted it.
God, am I seeing right? That looks like a walking cast sitting there in the middle of the driveway. “Excuse me, but is that a walking cast over there?” “Yes, I bought it for my husband a few years ago and he never used it.” “Oh, how much are you asking for it?” “One dollar.” “Sold.”
I walked out of the yard sale with a smile on my face and a skip in my step. I drove straight to Mary’s house. I couldn’t wait to tell her the good news. I hurried into her house and found her sitting with her leg propped up on the living room couch.”Mary, guess what? I found a walking cast at a yard sale, try it on and see if it fits.” “It fits perfectly.” It didn’t take her long before she was up and wobbling around.
The beauty of my “yard sailing” lies not just in the price, but the knowledge that God does care about the details. His answers to my yard sale prayers constantly remind me that I’m taken care of, that God is in my life and that He wants me to have all I need and desire. The fun I have finding these bargains reminds me that God has fun when I have fun. I think God enjoys placing bargains in my path as much as I enjoy finding them.”
Whether it be asking God to guide me and bring something to me at the perfect and right time, or asking to be provided for at yard sales, God is faithful and hears my prayers.
Daily Word – June 27, 2013
I am eager to serve God and others and be the best I can be. I do this most fully when I love what I do and express that love in words and actions. When I am passionate about something, that passion shows in all I say and do. I excite and enliven others with my passion and allow it to carry me to new heights. My deepest desire is to demonstrate the spirit of God within – a spirit of life and zeal. Spirit within fuels my passion and spurs me to right action. I am encouraged and committed as I stay connected to the spirit of God through prayer. Prayer lights the fire within me. If my motivation lags, a moment of quiet prayer rekindles my passion and reignites my zeal.
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