How I knew Larry was my soulmate
Whenever I meet a new person on Maui, the conversation goes like this, “Where did you come from, how long have you been here and what brought you here?” I always answer, “I followed my heart and I knew I was going to meet my soulmate.” There was an “inner knowing” that meeting my soulmate was part of God’s plan for my life and, by the grace of God, I was willing to do whatever I needed to do.
What does it mean to follow my heart? I was guided to follow my heart through Prayer, meditation, discernment, courage, patience, trusting in myself, letting go of fear and what other people thought and a willingness to step out in faith, trusting that the door would be closed or opened at the right and perfect time. It’s called FAITH and it works!
Many of you have been following our “love story” and how Larry and I met 7 1/2 years ago and then became husband and wife 2 years ago. But some of you who are new to reading the blogs don’t know the story and I’m being guided to share it with you to encourage you to follow your heart and trust in the desires of your heart, which I believe were placed in your heart by God.
I had been living on Maui for about a month when I attended a dance at the Senior Center with Pat and Ellen. I spotted Larry right away because I liked how he danced and he was nice looking. I mustered up the courage and asked him to dance. There were always more women so if I wanted to dance, I had to ask the man to dance. I danced with Larry once that night.
He was from Connecticut and had been living on Maui for 6 years. It was nice that we had the east coast connection in common. I attended weekly dances at the MAC and always asked Larry for a dance. There were many single women who wanted to dance and Larry danced with as many women as he could.
I liked Larry, but wasn’t attracted to him romantically. I will never forget at the end of a dance one night, he said something about LOVE. My ears perked up and I wanted to find out more about him. It was important for me to meet a man who danced and was spiritual.
When I moved closer to where Larry lived, he asked me if I would like to go for a walk and I said, “YES.” Although it took 2 years for my eyes to be opened, the rest is history.
Larry and I supported one another and became best friends quickly. We went out to lunch, talked every night on the phone and said, “I love you” before hanging up.
My children knew when I moved to Maui that it was my intention to meet my soulmate. I talked about Larry a lot and what good friends we were. My daughter would say, “Mom, what’s wrong with Larry, you are always talking about him?”
I answered, “We are best friends, but I’m not attracted to him physically.” You can’t make that happen. It’s there or it’s not. Larry had accepted that I just wanted friendship.
It is my belief that God’s timing is PERFECT- never early or late, but right on time. Although I sometimes was impatient, grumbled and wondered what was wrong with me when I saw other women getting into relationships, I trusted Spirit and WAITED, prayed, surrendered and let go.
I was single for 15 years before my eyes were opened and realized my soulmate, Larry, was right in front of me. We both needed to do inner work before we were ready to become united as a couple in body, mind and spirit.
I’m so grateful that I had the grace to follow my heart and trust in God’s perfect timing. I had my first dance on Maui with Larry and here I am 7 ½ years later dancing through my life with him. God is good.
I must not only talk the talk, but I must walk it
I not only have to talk the talk, but I must be willing to WALK the WALK. Spirit has given me another opportunity to TRUST and put into practice what I believe about life. EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON AND PURPOSE AND I AM ALWAYS GUIDED TO MY HIGHEST AND GREATEST GOOD.
I’ve shared that I sold my condo in Rhode Island and closing was scheduled for August 28th. Everything was in order and papers were signed and FedEx to the lawyer. Four days prior to the closing, I received a phone call from my real estate agent, Bethany. She said, “Pat, I have some bad news for you.” I took a deep breath and said, “Oh, what is going on?” She said, “The offer fell through because the buyer lost his job and will be unable to purchase the condo.”
Of course, I felt shocked and disappointed, but thankfully my default kicked in right away. I chose to TRUST in the divine plan for my life and let go of what I wanted or thought was right. It was clear that Spirit had another plan and hadn’t consulted me. Isn’t that always the way it is!
Still in shock, I called my son, Brian, who had been handling all the details with selling the condo. It just came out of my mouth and I said, “Brian, I have a THANK YOU GOD.” I’m sure he expected good news and not that the deal fell through. What an opportunity to share with Brian my trust in Spirit and faith walk.
I felt peaceful. which I knew was a gift from God. In the past, I would have felt fear and panic because we had to start all over again and put the condo back on the market. It had already been unoccupied since July 1.
It helped that Spirit brought to mind what happened 20 years ago when I tried to remortgage my home. I was in the process of getting a divorce and I was living alone in my house. If I wanted to stay in the house, I needed to remortgage and get a lower interest rate.
All of the paper work was completed, but when I went to the bank for the closing, they informed me that my husband had decided not to sign the papers at the last minute. I pleaded with them, but to no avail. They had to have his signature since we weren’t divorced yet. I couldn’t believe it and was not a happy camper.
God had another plan, a better one. A week later, I received a letter from the bank that held my existing mortgage. I was shocked when I read the letter that said, “Because it is an adjustable mortgage, your interest rate has gone down on its own.” If my husband had signed the papers I would have had to pay a few thousand dollars to remortgage. I saved money and the interest rate was exactly what I wanted.
For many years, my faith walk has been through asking Spirit to open or close the door when I’m not sure which way to go. It works every time as I have had many closed doors at the last minute, as well as doors that appear to open miraculously.
Clearly, the condo falling through 4 days prior to the closing is another example of Spirit closing the door. I know, without a doubt, that God’s plan is better than mine and I have been given another opportunity to TRUST Love. My faith muscles continue to get stronger and stronger.
Stay tuned as I know I will have another example of how God works as I trust the divine plan to unfold in my life. It is my belief that everything has already been planned in the mind of God so all I need to do is show up, relax, let go and surrender.
I Not Only Reacted, I Attacked Larry
I experienced something this week that brought me back to my family of origin, if you will. Growing up in an alcoholic/dysfunctional home, I learned certain behaviors that I wasn’t aware I was still exhibiting in my adult life, until now.
For example: If my father confronted my mother about something she did, she would deny it and then turn it around about something she didn’t like in him. They would end up arguing about what he said to her and the problem that was brought up in the beginning was never resolved.
When I confronted my ex-husband (who was not an alcoholic) when he forgot to bring the milk home after he said he would, he would say, “Mrs. Saint, you never forget anything, do you?” I would then defend myself and we didn’t address him not bringing home the milk.
I still get defensive sometimes, especially when I “PERCEIVE” that someone I love is making a judgment about me or they don’t approve of something I‘m doing or not doing. Talk about giving your power away because I know what others think of me is none of my business.
Here is what happened with Larry and I. I love to listen to soft music playing in the background when I am in the house. I feel comforted, relaxed and peaceful.
For the most part, Larry likes quiet. Since we are both living in the same house, I respect his need for quiet and keep the music quite low. I don’t like the sound of the TV playing, but that doesn’t bother him. He loves to eat his lunch in the TV room to unwind and relax. That has not been a problem for us because I like to sit outside on the lanai looking at the ocean.
When he asked me this question, “Do you think you are getting enough”quiet” with the music playing all the time?” I didn’t blink an eye and came at him with a vengeance. I not only REACTED but ATTACKED him and said, “What do you mean by that? What do you think I do when I sit outside every morning? I have plenty of quiet time. I like the music playing in the background because it relaxes me and makes me feel peaceful.”
Instead of not reacting or taking it personally and just listening to his perspective, (which was not right or wrong), when he asked me the question, I turned it around just like the alcoholic turned things around when confronted about a behavior. I said, “I don’t like the TV playing and see you in there for hours at a time. I don’t judge you or complain about that.”
Later that evening, I realized how defensive I was and apologized for my behavior. He accepted it and were both able to let it go. As I thought about it and prayed about it the next morning, I realized that my reaction was so strong not only because I felt judged by him, but because it didn’t appear that he trusted me to know what was good for me That was the bigger issue for me.
I know it shouldn’t make a difference because it was only his perspective and that doesn’t make it right or wrong. Even if I am being judged by another, that doesn’t mean that I have to defend myself or make myself wrong. I can’t tell you how many years I did that to myself
I brought it up to him again because it didn’t feel settled and because communication is so important to the both of us. I said, “Do you think you were being judgmental about me playing the music?” He said, “No, I don’t think it was judgmental, but just an observation.” It is understandable that we both have different needs and perspectives and we are learning to communicate and respect each other in that way.
As we discussed it further, he realized that he sometimes likes the music playing, but not all the time in the house. He wanted me to turn the music off when I was outside or left the house, which I agreed to do. That was very different from, “Do you think you are getting enough “quiet” with the music playing?” Rather than saying what he wanted – to have the music off when I am not in the room, he projected it onto me that I wasn’t getting enough “quiet” time.
I feel like this was an “awakening” for me because I had no idea this behavior that I learned in childhood was still playing out. I want to be open, to listen and not defend myself and take things personally. With God’s grace and my willingness to change, it will happen
Lately I’ve been having trouble discerning what to write about. Usually I have an idea that’s been floating around for a while and the words just start coming. It hasn’t been that way the last couple of weeks. When we decided that I would contribute to Pat’s blog there was an understanding that I would try but I didn’t want to start stressing out if I had nothing to contribute.
Last week I contributed and the week before that I did not. This week my thoughts have been pretty scattered and I felt I had nothing to contribute, so I informed Pat that I wouldn’t be writing. She was fine with that and told me not to worry about it but suggested that I could perhaps share what I was experiencing.
When I decided that I wasn’t going to write the blog, a funny thing happened. My ego started having a ball with this. It started with, “Hey, you have a responsibility to contribute and you are not living up to your responsibility. Pat can’t depend on you. What about the people that look forward to reading your stuff every week? You are letting them down. Is this process too difficult for you? Is there too much soul searching for you? Is it too difficult? Do you just not want to do the work?”
I don’t want this to sound like it’s a “poor me, poor me” because it isn’t but it is very hard work to strip away all the defenses and perhaps knock down some walls and let others see how vulnerable I am. In all honesty, this worlk has to be done week in and week out if someone wants to contribute to a blog like this. In the end it’s worth it because whether anyone reads it or not, I learn a lot about myself, that I didn’t know before.
Pat shared with you her reaction to my comment about having music playing all the time and my inquiry if she had enough quiet in her life. Well, I said it, so I have to do the work to understand why that makes any difference to me. After doing some work on it I realized that what I really wanted to communicate is that from my perspective it is easier to hear the silent voice of God when we have silence. The lesson I learned is “Larry that’s your perspective, keep it to yourself.”
I know you all have had similar experiences in a friendship or relationship, it’s not always easy. If we can learn more each day how important love, compassion, patience and forgiveness is we will have a happier life together.
“I had a PAT DAY and didn’t go to church”
Like most people, I like my routine. I like to do the same things over and over again, until boredom sets in. I don’t usually like it if my daily routine is interrupted. For the past 35 years, it has been my routine to pray and meditate first thing in the morning. That is just what I do, and it works for me. I usually eat the same thing for breakfast until I get sick of it. If I belong to a group, I like to sit in the same chair every time. I guess somehow it makes me feel safe and secure or maybe I just don’t have to think about it.
For some reason the past few days, I have wanted to change my routine. I woke up this morning at 7 a.m. and decided to get dressed and go to the ocean to walk and swim. I live in Maui Meadows, which is a 5 minute drive to the beach. I didn’t eat my breakfast or do my prayer and meditation, as usual. It felt a little awkward, but I wanted to do it anyway. I have been living in my ohana for almost a year and have never gone to the beach this early in the morning. I like to go late afternoon when the sun is down. You may be thinking,“Who cares that you changed your routine, what’s the point.”
My point is that it is important to listen to our inner guide or the “small still voice” within even in the simplest things, like going to the ocean first thing in the morning. Listening to that voice and following through is like a quiet knowing, a gentle “nudge” guiding us in the direction of our highest good. Guidance is always available, we need to just ask, listen and accept. The wisest counselor is our own SELF, our own heart which is the temple in which God Himself eternally dwells.
When I am walking at the ocean, listening to the sound of the waves and feeling the warm breeze, I am in heaven and my vibration is high. I smile at everyone that looks at me and say good morning. I practically skip and dance down the beach, especially today when I had my headphones on and was listening to dance aerobics. I visualize my man walking toward me and saying, “Who are you and where did you come from?” I wrote in the sand, LOVE. After I finished my walk on the beach, I grabbed my noodle and played in the ocean. It was delightful and I feel so blessed and grateful to be living in paradise. This may be my only 7a.m. trek to the ocean, but at least I know I have a choice.
When my daughter Mary called me on Sunday and asked me how I was, I said, “I am having a PAT DAY. She said, “Isn’t everyday a Pat day?” I responded, “No, it’s not. Often I am with others playing and having fun or serving in some way. Today I am spending time just with me.” I have learned to become my own best friend and to enjoy my own company.
I love to attend Unity Church on Sunday mornings. I love the fellowship and the uplifting message I always receive. I woke up on Sunday and had no desire to go to church. My energy felt low because I had been out a lot with friends all week. I knew I wanted to spend time alone and have my PAT DAY so that is exactly what I did. I made myself a special breakfast of French toast and apples. I went to the ocean, swam, prayed and meditated. I came home, had lunch and took a nap. Late afternoon, I went to my favorite place to swim at the Marriott Hotel and walked the beach. I had a glorious day and filled myself up with God. It was exactly what I needed.
It is so important to follow our intuition and not judge and question it. I used to have a hard time making decisions and trusting my intuition. I often asked others for their opinions when making decisions in my life. I looked outside for my answers, rather than within. If I didn’t attend something that I had committed to, I felt guilty and thought I was missing out on something. When I bought something at the store, I would often doubt if I made the right decision and would drive myself crazy. Today, I GO WITHIN and see what feels right and then I do it. There is nothing wrong with seeking counsel from others, but the ultimate decision is what feels right for me.
It is good for us to see how far we have come and celebrate who we have become. It’s so easy to see where we need to change and grow, right? When we focus on what’s good in our lives and appreciate all that is, it increases. When we focus on what’s missing, we attract more of what’s missing. When I think about how far I have come, I amaze myself. There was a time in my life that I wouldn’t go to a restaurant alone because I was afraid people would think I didn’t have any friends and feel sorry for me. Can you relate? Like who cares that I am sitting alone. I remember the first time I went to a restaurant alone and ordered an ice cream. I felt so empowered. To think that I moved 3,000 miles away ALONE is truly a miracle and God’s grace. I would love to celebrate and hear from you where you have grown and changed.
I trust that God’s timing is perfect. When I haven’t gotten my own way in the past, I have complained when I had to wait for something. I may be in the hallway when one door is closed and the other hasn’t opened yet. My minister said, “A delay is God’s way of sending a blessing.” It is usually afterward that I see the wisdom of why I had to wait. Perhaps my consciousness wasn’t ready to receive what God had planned for me. Waiting causes my faith to grow – I trust that God knows what is best for me and when the timing is right to answer my prayer. Are you trusting God’s timing in your life or are you complaining about being in the hallway?
In prayer this week, I received a Goddess Card called Yemanya – Golden Opportunity – Important doors are opening for you right now. Walk through them. Everything you have done to prepare yourself will be with you. Get ready for a big and happy change. Celebrate your success. Your prayers are being answered. Know you are qualified and ready for this new opportunity.
Doors are opening, one door at a time for me. Here is an example. A couple of years ago, when I attended a service at Unity Church, I heard Eve Hogan speak. Eve is an author, speaker and owns the Sacred Garden in Maui. I was immediately drawn to her beautiful energy and strong faith. She had faith stories like I did and I wanted to get to know her. When we hugged after the service, I told her how drawn I was to her. A few months later, I got the courage up and sent her an email, but never heard back from her. I could have followed through, sent another email or tried to call her, but I just dropped it. Was is not God’s timing for us to connect?
This week, a friend of mine sent me an email about a retreat Eve was conducting in Maui. While I was mediating this week, I had a strong “nudge” from Spirit to call her and ask if I could meet with her. I knew it was from Spirit and I agreed to do it. I sent her an email asking to meet with her to see how I could be of service and offer my gifts at the Sacred Garden. Within a few hours, I received an email from her and here is what she wrote, “I’d be happy to meet with you and discuss the possibilities…..
I love it when Spirit Nudges…..LOL. As I said earlier, we need to ask, listen and accept the guidance from Spirit. I will keep you posted on what transpires.
How many opportunities and “nudges” from Spirit have you missed because you didn’t trust yourself, your inner guidance and were afraid to step out in faith? Today is a new day and you don’t have to let the past be your present. Has God been giving you “nudges” to do something but you haven’t done it and have all kinds of excuses why you can’t do it? Don’t let fear rob you of your dreams anymore. It is time for you to let your light shine. Doors will open for you when you take the next right step… and the next and the next. Trust me, if it worked for me, it will work for you.
I had no idea, and in my wildest dreams, that I ever would be living in Maui. I kept saying yes to receiving and releasing my fears and unworthiness. I bought my plane ticket to Maui BEFORE my house was rented and BEFORE I had a place to live when I got here. And as you all know,God provided miraculously.
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