As I was taking my morning walk, the word maintenance popped into my mind. When I was in my thirties, I went to Weight Watchers. It was accountability every week that enabled me to lose weight. Today, I am accountable to myself and God.
If I wanted to keep the weight off, I needed to exercise and have good nutrition. Although I haven’t been to Weight Watchers in years, I learned a lot about the importance of accountability and maintenance in all areas of my life. We need to maintain our vehicles, garden, home, etc. to keep things in good order.
How about your relationships? How important is maintenance with your partner, children, parents, or work relationships? Our relationships need to be nurtured and supported to stay healthy and vibrant. They don’t just happen. It takes patience, honesty, forgiveness, communication, vulnerability, and commitment to evolve and grow.
I have learned the importance of communicating and asking for what I want, as well as saying what doesn’t feel good, and what I want more of. Larry and I say “ouch” to one another if we say something hurtful, although unintentional. It allows us to listen and be sensitive to our partner’s needs.
I had the opportunity this week to share with Larry how I would like him to respond to me when I am emotionally upset. I know we process differently. I am an empath and feel everything. I was triggered by a remark a friend said to me. Whenever I’m triggered it is because there is something inside of me that needs healing and needs to be released.
I allowed myself to feel and journal my anger and sadness. Feelings are a gift from God and I know how important it is to allow myself to feel. I no longer medicate myself by eating or staying busy to avoid feelings. I needed to release what no longer served me so I could move from blame, anger, and sadness to acceptance and love. How do you medicate your feelings?
As I was getting ready for bed, Larry said, “You look terrible and exhausted. It’s a shame it takes so much out of you to process what happened today.” He was right I was exhausted and it did take a lot out of me to do the deep inner work I needed to do.
The next morning, I thought about what response would have felt more nurturing and supportive from Larry. Instead of saying, “It’s a shame, it takes so much out of you to process what happened today (which felt like a judgment), it would feel better to say, “I appreciate your willingness to feel all of your feelings and how you work through things so quickly.”
He smiled and said, “I’m learning.”
I’m grateful I have learned the importance of speaking my truth and grateful that I have a partner who is willing to listen and change. It’s not always easy to bring things up to one another, but it is better than the “silent treatment” and building resentments.
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