I know what it feels like to be surrendered and what it feels like to not be surrendered. It’s a choice to be surrendered (love) or to live in fear (ego). I know I’m surrendered when there is a deep peace in my heart, no matter what’s going on outside of me. It’s when I’ve let go of the illusion of control, trusting God has my back and I don’t have to know what’s coming next. I’m in the FLOW and allowing life and my faith to lead and guide me. I believe that life happens FOR us, not TO us and everything happens for a reason. We will always have BIG things to surrender and small, everyday experiences that disturb our peace.
Here’s what my life looks and feels like when I am surrendered:
*Peaceful,*Trusting, *Letting go, *Grace-filled, *Love, *Calm, *Living in the present moment, *Owning my personal power, *Courageous, *Connected to Source, *Resting and relaxing, *Knowing everything I need is inside of me, *In alignment with universal consciousness, *Detached from the outcome, *Allowing things to come to me, *In touch with feelings, *Accepting “what is”, *Vibrating in love and gratitude, *Asking Spirit for help, Living from the heart, *Everything planned in the mind of God, *Balanced and in harmony, *Feeling safe and protected, *Effortless, *Open to miracles and possibilities, *Knowing and living my purpose.
Here’s how it looks and feels when I’m not surrendered:
*Obsessing, *Worrying, *Living in the past or future, *Analyzing, *What ifs, *Fixing, *Anxiety, *Planning, *Pushing, *Comparing, *Negativity, *Analyzing, *Ego- driven, *Overwhelmed, *Taking things personally, *Paralyzed with fear, *Controlling, *Powerless, *Judging and blaming others, *Not taking responsibility for self.
I had the opportunity this week to practice surrendering and letting go of something that was disturbing me. I was triggered and allowed whatever needed to come up. I welcome triggers and am not threatened anymore because I know it’s an indication that I need more healing and transformation.
What I SEE in others is in me. What I don’t like in others, is in me. What I admire in others is in me. I wouldn’t SEE it if it wasn’t in me. In other words, if I SPOT it, I GOT it. The “other” is me as we are all ONE. When I blame, shame, or judge another, I’m judging myself.
A few weeks ago, I was with a friend and felt an “emptiness” and felt ignored after our time together. She monopolized the conversation and I didn’t feel heard or seen.
I allowed myself to feel all of my feelings. I felt disappointed, angry, and sad. As I journaled and went within, I became aware that being ignored was familiar to me. My mother was an alcoholic and not available emotionally.
Because I didn’t receive the attention and love I needed from my mother, I went “outside” for validation. I became a people pleaser so desperately wanting YOU to love and tell me I was deserving and worthy of love. Of course, that never filled nor sustained me. I was voted most popular in my senior year of high school in a class of 800. That takes a lot of energy to be liked and validated.
As I went deeper in prayer and self-reflection, I asked myself some questions:
· What is my soul trying to reveal to me about what needs healing?
· Where have I monopolized conversations and wanted to be the center of attention?
· Where have I ignored myself?
It was a call to action to give myself the love, compassion, and forgiveness for the times I’ve ignored myself and for the times I’ve monopolized conversations so I would get the attention I craved.
I became aware that it wasn’t about my friend and what she did or didn’t do, but about what was still inside of me that needed transforming and healing. As I surrendered to the truth of who I am, as LOVE, and doing this deep inner work, I felt peaceful and aligned with Spirit. I had SURRENDERED.
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