I share my personal experiences each week to inspire you and give you some tools that have worked for me. I know that we are all one. I believe there is always a gift in my experiences when I am willing to change and see the gift that God is giving me.
Several weeks ago I had the experience of being judged. What do you do when you feel judged? I am sure that we have all had the experience of being judged or wronged by someone. It may be imagined or real, but either way it may be difficult to process and deal with. It is most painful when it’s a family member or friend. Feelings of hurt, anger, disappointment, confusion, fear and being misunderstood may come to the surface. It is important that we allow ourselves to feel our feelings and not do a spiritual bypass. If we push our feelings down and deny them, we will get sick and often they will come out sideways on an innocent bystander. Can you relate?
What I’ve learned is that what other people think of me is none of my business. It is none of my business when other people judge me. Unfortunately, for many years, I made it my business and suffered needlessly. I took things personally and was often defensive. I didn’t have any self-esteem or self-love so it was very important to be liked and well thought of by others.
It is human nature to want to explain ourselves when we feel judged. I am learning when I need to “speak up or shut up.” When I was passive, I didn’t speak up about anything and when I was learning to be assertive, I spoke up about everything and drove some people crazy. Now, I discern when I need to say something and when I can let it go.
I can’t control what people think of me, how they treat me or how they judge me. That’s their stuff, not mine. That doesn’t mean that I am a victim and allow myself to be treated disrespectfully. Today, I have enough love and respect for myself that I have left relationships that weren’t healthy and honoring & nurturing to my spirit. I only have control over what I do, my behaviors, actions and reactions- that is my business.
What I do in my life is none of other people’s business, also. I had a difficult time making my own decisions at one time and went outside for my answers. Not anymore, because I know the answers are within and I am learning to be my own guru. I no longer need to please others and get permission to do what I want to do. What a freedom and relief that is.
What is important is that I keep my side of the street clean when I feel judged or wronged. Here are some tools that I practice (not perfectly) to help me process what I’m going through. You can practice one, two or all of them and they can be used in any stressful situation or relationship.
*I pray, meditate and ask God for wisdom and the truth.
*I allow myself to feel all of my feelings, journal about them and release them.
*I process my feelings with a trusted friend and ask for help.
*I pray for the person.
*I release judgment and send light and love to the person.
*I let go of resentments and hurt.
*I detach from others opinions and judgments.
*I don’t judge myself or beat up on myself (thinking the judgment was true.)
*I don’t get defensive and try to change the person’s mind and see it my way.
*I don’t need to prove myself or have to be right.
*I speak up or shut up when appropriate. And then let go of the outcome.
*I look for the gift and what I am to learn and grow.
*I expect good to come from the situation.
*I reframe it in my favor by saying, “This hasn’t come to hurt me, but to help me.”
*I’m open and willing to see if there is any truth in the judgment and change when appropriate.
*I don’t obsess over it and make it into a drama.
Nobody likes to be judged or wronged. My ego wants to be right and perhaps get back at the person that has hurt me. This only hurts me and I lose my peace. If I want peace in my life, I am willing to do whatever I need to do to keep my vibration high and be in alignment with Spirit. It is also my belief that it is all perfect and that whatever is happening is for my highest good.
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