YOU are the ONE you have been waiting for. Stop looking “out there”

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Alan Cohen in his book, “Wisdom of the Heart” writes “You can have it all. The Universe is capable of answering your every prayer. To RECEIVE your blessings, you must be willing to invest in them.  Your most powerful investment is YOURSELF.“

My son, Tim, writes in his online program Finally Finding the ONE “So many of us are looking for The ONE “out there.”  The truth is that YOU are the ONE.  We will always attract what and who we are inside of ourselves. We attract our reflection. We often want to change our external selves believing that will bring The ONE into our lives.  However, it will just bring someone into our lives that will meet out external selves. Our ego-self.  The core of all our challenges is an insufficient amount of self-acceptance, appreciation and love. Truly loving ourselves is what resolves all of our insecurities.  And our insecurities are what create the bulk of challenges in our relationships. We’re either consciously or unconsciously afraid of being hurt so we create barriers and sabotaging patterns that keep us stuck. When we love ourselves unconditionally, we do two things:  1- We stop responding from fear and protection in our relationships. 2- We stop attracting partners who are operating from fear too.”

As I thought about what Tim wrote and my journey of 15 years of trusting and believing that I would meet my soul mate, I realized that indeed I had learned to love, accept and appreciate myself.  I had found the ONE and that ONE was ME. In my book, “Simply a Woman of Faith” I wrote “I have experienced deep inner healing and personal growth in the process of waiting, as well as a deeper relationship with God and a stronger faith. I depend on God for everything and know that He is the source of all of my needs.”

Here is a letter I wrote to myself ( which is in my book) from God before my book was published.

“Dear Patricia, Be at peace, be at peace, trust, trust. Beyond your wildest dreams will your soul mate come into your life. He will come to you. You don’t have to do anything, but just BE. Learn to love yourself compassionately. You are beautiful, cherished and loved. All is well and on time. Practice being in the moment. Let Joy exude from you.  It is your Joy that will draw your soul mate to you. I give you the gift of Joy this day.”

For many years growing up my father’s words to me was FIND YOURSELF.  Of course, as a young girl I had no idea what that meant and I am not sure he knew what it meant either.  I don’t believe he ever found himself, but was probably searching for himself as I searched for myself for so many years.

I have expanded it to FIND YOURSELF, KNOW YOURSELF AND BE YOURSELF.  What a powerful process of discovering, and recovering my true self/ God self/Divine self.  I was willing to do the work of forgiveness and transformation.  It was not always easy and I often felt impatient and discouraged because I wanted it my way. I didn’t want to wait 15 years to attract my soul mate into my life. I had to let go and surrender MY PLAN and trust GOD’S PLAN for my life.  Surrendering and trusting means giving up attachments to RESULTS.  When we have an attachment to results, we have a hard time giving up control and waiting.

I am so grateful that I had the grace to let go, trust and surrender MY PLAN because as Alan Cohen writes,“You can have it all. The Universe is capable of answering your every prayer.” God has truly answered my prayers and I HAVE IT ALL.  I have a relationship with the ONE and that is ME and I have a relationship with my soul mate, LARRY. I continually strive to KNOW and BE myself.

I am sure we have all heard what we see in others is a part of us both the light and the darkness.  I have attracted into my life what was inside of me as Larry is my reflection.  I SEE his kindness, generosity, gentleness, loving, friendliness, caring, sensitivity, honesty, authenticity, faithfulness, openness, flexibility and his desire to be a VESSEL OF LOVE.   After I read the list of qualities to Larry, I asked him, “Do you see these qualities in yourself?”  He said, “Well, I see them in YOU so they must be in ME.”  He laughed and said, “Would you please write them on the wall so I can see them every day to remind myself?”

I asked myself, “Do I see these qualities in myself and am I willing to embrace them as mine?  I can truthfully say YES I see these qualities in myself.  It has taken me years to FIND MYSELF and embrace these qualities.

I am also able to recognize what I don’t like in myself in Larry.  When I recognize something in Larry that I don’t like, it is an opportunity for me to look more deeply into my heart and what I need to love and accept in me.  This is not always easy to do.  For example:  he likes to tell me what to do sometimes and I feel irritated. The truth is that I like to tell him what to do sometimes too when my mouth is ready to give him advice.  We are both learning to respect and honor one another and ourselves one day at a time.


When Pat and I became friends, she noticed early on that I had difficulty accepting praise or compliments.  As we got to know each other better, she recognized that in some ways I had a problem loving myself. She helped me to realize that I had some very good qualities and she has always been free with her compliments and support. She suggested that it was not being conceited or selfish to claim them for myself.  I think I’ve come a long way and I’m in a much better place now than I was then.  When I read those wonderful words she expressed about me in this blog I still feel a bit guilty and wonder how I’m going to live up to them.  I still have work to do in that area and others but I realize it’s not a quick fix and I’m loving myself better all the time. I feel the energy and light of love in my life and my tank is full.  

I was thinking, when our vehicles get low on fuel we go to the gas station and fill our tanks.  When our love tanks are low or empty it could be a sign that we don’t love ourselves enough. Maybe we’ve been under too much stress lately or working long hours or have gone through a difficult experience.  Is it time for a “LOVE CHECK?”  It sounds like your battery is low and your love tank is empty.  It could be time to take some love time for you.  Do something fun, spend some quality time with loved ones or perhaps just get some rest. 

When my love tank is full and I am loving  myself, I am able to share that love with others by offering  acts of kindness and support.   When I am kind or loving to another person, I contribute to filling their love tank and my love tank also benefits from that experience. 

Recently a friend of ours crossed over to the other side to continue his journey via a new adventure.  We attended a beautiful celebration of life in his honor. During the ceremony, guests were given the opportunity to share experiences they had with him.  The contributions consisted of experiences of love and kindness that friends remembered about him that touched their hearts.  These are experiences they will remember whenever his name comes to mind.  

I endeavor (I believe we all do) to be a loving and caring soul.  Many times I know I come up short.  I have a tendency to remember those times more than the times I succeed.  I know my friend was a loving person who touched many souls in a loving way, but like the rest of us, I’m sure he had some regrets. 

What is amazing is that when we think of someone who has left this reality we don’t usually dwell on our disappointments in them.  Instead, we have a tendency to remember and share the kindness and love experiences that touched our lives from knowing them. I think that’s a wonderful human trait.   Many times the memories we have of someone are the little experiences that are remembered.  Isn’t it wonderful  to know how much small kindnesses make a difference in our lives.  In most cases they can brighten our day, lift our spirits and warm our hearts. 

Perhaps it’s time to realize that loving one another reminds us that we are all connected. The one common thread that connects us is the energy and light of love. Yes, we are all different in some ways and sometimes we say and do things that hurt each other.  We are not perfect. I don’t believe perfection is what it’s all about.  Love will show us how to forgive, heal and move on.  I believe life’s purpose is to learn how to love ourselves so we can  become vessels of love. I invite you on this journey and together we can overcome our differences and walk this journey of love together. 

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Pat Hastings

Author, Inspirational Speaker, Spiritual Coach, Retreat Leader & Radio Talk Show Host

Simply A Woman of Faith
621 Laniolu Place Kihei, HI 96753